Welcome Love in Marriage Part 4

Welcome Love!

Part 4

Preventive maintenance is a great principle to embrace within marriage! Maintain a point of excellence by making your marriage a priority! Plan and do exciting things together you both enjoy! Continue to nurture an environment where love and respect flourish! Appreciate the time you have together!

Check your attitude often! Instead of letting your marriage become a constant battle ground, really embrace the principles of God’s love! Instead of embracing the old cliché “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me…” Know that they do! Please, don’t just haphazardly say any and everything… Be considerate. Be open, transparent and honest! Having a good argument from time to time is good for both of you! But remain sensitive to one another! Disagreeing does not mean that you disapprove of the person! You just don’t see eye to eye on a particular point!

Life is not always positive in the sense that everything goes just how you or I may want it to go! There are and will be some times when saying what may be considered as negative can be very beneficial! It is how, when and why you say it that matters most! All too often denial is welcomed and no one wants to address the obvious! Many allow years to pass and not address important issues… Sweeping issues under the rug results in ineffective communication! The issues instead become part of the current relational dynamics when they linger in the background unaddressed! An honest constructive disagreement gives you time to vent your opinions…

We need to become open to having healthy dialogue! Saying what each other might not want to hear is not often received as edifying! Guess what if there were no negative there would be no positive! Your spouse may not feel good about hearing the Truth! However it is important to share how you are feeling! When your intent is to build them up so you both can grow and mature it reinforces a healthy bond! You entrust who you are to one another! Dealing with the Truth is imperative! Each spouse should want the other to continuously move towards maturity! So learn to “Speak the Truth in Love!”

What happens when you do not agree? Be willing to take responsibility for your actions! Surrender your ego… Never let pride stop you from saying you are sorry when wrong! Balance is always key to building a healthy marriage!

The Word teaches us “that death and life are in the power of the tongue and he that eats of it will eat its fruit!” Proverbs 18. Keep in mind that you can emotionally damage a person with your tongue! So begin to be a better steward of your mouth! There are millions of words to choose from to express yourself so please begin to think before you speak! Learn to discipline yourself and choose your words wisely! Some say it doesn’t matter because he or she is my spouse and… I think because it is your spouse it should matter even moreso. Learn to welcome and embrace true LOVE!

Welcome Love in Marriage Part 3

Welcome love!

Part 3

Love is the key ingredient in building a great marriage. True love is unselfish. If you ever so briefly take a stroll down memory lane to the not so distance past you will find that “commitment” to the traditional marriage has dwindled tremendously! Many now opt to just do their own thing! This is also why divorce statistics continue to rise… So many alternate life styles have grayed the waters and provided options that are not necessarily good…

Fewer and fewer marriages are composed of very unhealthy boundaries and this is resulting in more affairs… The residual aftermath is insecurity! Trust has now been broken and there are numerous casualties! Significant declines in the overall breakdown in the quantity of lasting, loving, principled “Quality Marriages” are on the rise. It is distressing to know that there are even many more long term marriages that are resulting in divorce as well!

Remember the spiritual warfare I talked about earlier? This does not have to be!

Please, don’t wait until things get so bad and you feel that your marriage is hopeless! Don’t just wait to the beginning of the year and make another “New Year Resolution!” Do something NOW! Don’t let love, caring, romance and tenderness only be a part of the movies on the screen. Please as well don’t pattern your marriage after Hollywood! Actually it teaches us what not to do! Marriage is so much more than a contract! It is a covenant where you both have made vows! Embrace your vows! Renew them if necessary! Set some time aside and plan some quality time together enjoying your spouse to “welcome love!”

We are living in some serious times! Too many marriages and families suffering! The repercussions are endless. The lines of communication are gradually breaking down in a plethora of relationships! But this does not have to be. Somewhere along the line there is a glitch and the communication is faulty. You have allowed something or someone to come between you! Fewer good role models for the next and future generations! Too many have been looking at the grass on the other side of the fence instead of building healthier boundaries to protect their own marriage. It is too easy to take one another for granted! So get busy creating better moments and precious memories!

Make a point to set some time aside and tell your spouse “You need to talk!” Don’t put them on the spot allow them some time to think before you talk things over. Let them know that you want to make some changes for the better and you need their help! This is why you married them? Right!

If necessary plan a marriage date, weekend retreat or short vacation and get back on the right track! Ignite the flame of love or rekindle it! Make it a point to spend regular quality time together! Your marriage is important! Marriage is what you both together make it!

Did you know that marriages and families are important to God? With Him in the center you really can build a great marriage! A great marriage makes both of you stronger and helps build character! There is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom in The Word of God! Marriage is the oldest institution designed by God! Many talk a good game; but when it comes down to practical application of His principles within marriage that’s another whole story! Remember earlier when I told you that pride can get in the way! The Word teaches us “that pride comes before the fall… “ Proverbs 16.

See Part 4

Welcome Love in Marriage Part 2

Welcome Love!

Part 2

Love is an important element of a great marriage. Marriage is the ultimate covenant relationship for a couple to learn how to grow together! It is a sacred union between a husband and wife! You both come together to build a lasting committed bond! When you both are dedicated to the Lord know that there will be a continuing barrage of spiritual warfare launched against your marriage! It often comes from the least expected places… It wants to undermine your credibility, destroy trust, infringe on your union and is designed to get you to respond in a carnal mode that will only divide you.

 

 

Disagreeing is a part of any strong marriage! You both are different and do not always see eye to eye.  Why is it when you disagree you somehow forget what your spouse means to you! Or somehow you manage to push it in the background! Instead you often pull out the emotional boxing gloves and erect a mental boxing ring and come out punching! Often piercing the heart with deadly emotional punches that crush the soul! Or either you flip the script and make it about you! Bear in mind that there is always exceptions! This is not to point the finger but to put a halt to the staggering overabundance of marriages ending in divorce! To instead encourage you to “welcome love!”

 

 

There are those who use the word “Love!” so very loosely! They see love as something that makes them feel good! They feel you love them because you tell them what they want to hear and give them what they want when they want it… This is really not love at all! What you are really dealing with is the neglected “child” in them that has not grown up and always wants its way! They often hold on to “Me ness” instead of embracing “We ness” It becomes clear when you do not agree or tell them “No!”

 

 

Please don’t feed this monstrous bad habit! I say habit because it is a pattern that can be changed…! “Practice makes permanent! If not it will eventually manipulate you and everyone around them to appease their seemingly endless need to be cared for! Unresolved emotional issues have all too often become the scapegoat to fuel and appease their desires! On the surface it merely and at times cleverly mimics love in order to have its way! What often happens with someone of this nature; instead of growing beyond their childhood trauma it becomes a blanket excuse for any inappropriate behavior that may be confronted! It will drain you, your emotions, your resources as well as your finances! It is important to have compassion… To avidly seek to understand the deeper need! However, good boundaries are necessary and you must learn how to “guard your heart!”

 

Love is talked about but impatience, anger, insecurity, irresponsibility and immediate self-gratification are usually the behavior most often displayed… This does not have to be.

 

They simply justify having whatever it is they want! When you do not comply they feel rejected! They themselves are emotionally starved because they have never really truly experienced true love! They really do not know what love is really all about! Many in our society today confuse love with “lust” or what I call “intoxicating affections” that last for only a season! This is also the reason for a lot of divorces! It is important to begin to address any unresolved issues… In a warm loving, caring environment trust and security can flourish! One can grow beyond their issues!

 

 

True love is not selfish! It fills the void properly when sincerely embraced! Love is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! “God is love!” He is eternal and so is His love! Enlist the principles of true love described in I Corinthians 13! They work! Use this as an effective barometer to measure love over lust, and or intoxicating affections! “Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails…”

 

If many truly learn how to love each other there would be a lot less marriages dissolving.   Less families being divided and fewer divorces! We would instead see a lot more long term marriages continue to flourish! God never intended for your marriage to grow stale!

 

 

Begin to embrace redemptive confrontation and meet head-on in love! Just because it is your spouse you do not have to become “raw…” After so many unkind insults are continually inflicted upon one another it leaves debilitating emotional scars. This means together making a conscientious effort learning to face and embrace constructively resolving any conflict! Learn not to or stop taking one another for granted! This can deplete your marriage of comfort and security! Respect should be intricately woven into your marriage! Your feelings matter…Together you learn to deal with difficult situations as they arise! It is not wise to avoid confrontation, because this can build resentment… Addressing the issues at hand is important as well as healthy! If left undone, quite often the next step is; I’m out of here! On to the next person!

See part 3

Fewer Lasting Marriages – Part 1 “L I M I T S”

Building a lasting marriage is very important. Honoring one another is important. Honoring God in your marriage is important as well. Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God.

God wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to live well-rounded lives. He wants us to have healthy marriages & families. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives. The Lord is available 24/7 to help us!

Entertainment for recreation and amusement purposes are a wonderful part of life. It helps to balance out the seriousness of life and living! Our minds are given the opportunity to rest and journey into the land of imagination and creativity. Entertainment is healthy when experienced in good taste… Always keep in mind good moral boundaries.

Marriage on the other hand is not meant merely for entertainment purposes. It is one of the most serious relationships one can have. It is meant to be an ever-growing beautiful lifetime relationship between one man and one woman. Together you learn “Oneness!” In a good marriage you do not desire to drain one another. You have mutual desire to want what is best for one another as well as the marriage. You seek to build one another up. You together seek to find a balance in life. You have a mutual desire to honor the Lord in your marriage.

A great marriage should be built upon Love, Intimacy, Mutual respect, Integrity, Trust & Security in GOD! These marvelous attributes for marriage make up the great helpful acronym which = “L I M I T S!” Sexual intercourse is a part of marriage. It is a time to express yourselves to one another in a physical way that is only appropriate in marriage. Each couple should seek to work together for mutual fulfillment. When you both are fulfilled you remain faithful because you respect the bond between one another. You take your commitment to your marital vows seriously. You also respect the marriages of others. These are healthy virtuous ingredients that are an important part of building a good safe healthy marriage.

Life is serious and time is so very precious! How you spend the majority of your time is important! In marriage one should not become carried away into an unconscious state of oblivion and become out of touch with what is happening around them. Your marriage should be a priority! Your marriage should be tended like you would care for a well taken care of garden. Marriage is not something to escape into because you are bored, or you need somewhere to escape until you find something better to do… Many turn to marriage in order to just be entertained. Or to try something different. Marriage is about learning how to give yourself to one another. To build a loyal relationship. To learn how to unselfishly share and care for one another. Each spouse should become increasingly aware and sensitive as to how their spouse is feeling.

Although there will be valley experiences and moments of difficulty; when you TRUST GOD there will be many more mountaintop experiences! Always invite the presence of the Lord into all situations… Never underestimate HIS OMNIPOTENT POWER!

“L I M I T S” is a good acronym to remember for a lasting marriage! The desire to grow together and develop character is very important.

When You Marry Someone Who Does Not Understand Love – Part 1

Marriage is for an emotionally mature man and woman who desire to grow together with a spouse as a life partner. The age in which one embarks upon marriage maturity varies greatly. You can be young and ready for marriage. You can also be older and still not be ready for marriage. Marriage is about working together to build the ultimate partnership. It is the ultimate relationship of “oneness.” Marriage is about growing and learning how to love.

Love is one of the most misunderstood emotions, feelings and or state of being. Love does not always feel good nor does it mean that things will always go well. At times you will have to say and do some things that may not be well received by one another because you love them. Yes, at times you will have to chastise one another. When you love one another you should want what is best for the marriage. Love is encouraging healthy boundaries and sharing transparently to build an intimate partnership. Love encompasses being disciplined and making sacrifices. When you truly Love someone you love them for who they are. According to the Word of God, “Love is patient, Love is kind.”

Marriage is wonderful but at times it can be difficult. You are two different individuals who have agreed to learn how to grow together as you share life. At times you will clash. This is why you want to marry someone who will be there for you through the thick and thin. Someone to weather the storms of life with you as well as celebrate the good times. Someone who loves you for you and not for what you do, or for what you have, or what you can do for them.

Continue reading “When You Marry Someone Who Does Not Understand Love! Part 1”

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 9 – Two Is A Couple Three Is A Crowd

Each and every marriage is different. I have said before the formula that works for me may not work for you.
Just like what looks good on you may not be well suited for me. We were not created as I always say to be
“Cookie Cutter Christians”. Life would we be quite boring if we were all alike. We need to learn to respect our unique differences. Sharing our life experiences shines light on the darkness. The foundational principles we should apply in marriage are ordained by God. Love, truth, mutual respect, fidelity, and commitment should be woven into the fabric of your marital relationship. A God given soul mate is a precious jewel. Since 55-60% of marriages end in divorce it’s important that you don’t let anything or anyone come between you. After 33 years of marriage I still remember our late Pastor Rev. Ruth Johnson telling us that marriage was a circle. That we should not let any one come between us. God must be in the center of your marriage! Your committed relationship with Him will fill the void in the center of the circle. The Holy Spirit will teach, lead and guide you how to love your partner. Begin to divorce proof your marriage. In order for your marriage to weather the
storms of life God must be at the helm. Think of marriage as and unending circle with God invisibly and ever present in the center.

I vividly remember our pastor explaining the significance of the wedding ring. How it represented a circle. How we should not let anyone else in the circle. You see a circle is complete it has no end.

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more!

Why Most Marriages Don’t Last – Part 3

Today in this 21st century when considering getting married please don’t go into the relationship thinking that you will be able to change each other. When planning your big day; The Sacramento Bride & Groom can help you plan out your wedding! For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married! Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. You have not really made a total commitment and you realize that you can opt out at any time…

After the honeymoon period is over and you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level! It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart!

If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship; because if you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship! You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together! You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage! Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?

For those of you in the Sacramento Area, The Healthy Marriage Project teaches a class that helps builds couple and family strengths! It is called “Smart Steps!”

It is a good thing to find out more about what each other likes and dislikes! Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and curse to get your way? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and unexpressive? Or do you like to talk things through… Do you quit when the going gets tuff?

It really is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments! It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry! Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling… Don’t make sorry a sorry word! Chill out and warm up to one another! It really is better to say “I am hurt!” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage! How else will you settle disputes? Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!

Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage! You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way! It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so! Why? Because you say you love this person! You love them enough to get to know them better! You like them enough to care about their wellbeing! You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage! Make sure to have a weekly marriage date! It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities!

Life is about priorities and taking the time out to do or tend to the people and things that are important to you! Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman! If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it and keep the embers of love burning! To keep it exciting! To do interesting and adventurous things together still! You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well! Coming together physically as one should be a special time of sharing… To experience a time of euphoria that can be experienced when you freely give of yourselves to one another in a loving environment. Keep the embers burning and be affectionate and caring towards one another! Each couple is different so together build what works for you…. It is okay to have your physical needs met, no reason to be ashamed. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the LORD! Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well kept garden! Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? If you are selfish and insensitive and don’t really care what happens, guess what? Be attentive, respectful and thoughtul towards one another!

Preventive maintenance is the key! Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you make it! If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you! Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work or attend worship…! Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; no! Still no excuse! Age like a fine antique… Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! Be the BEST YOU at any age!

Your marriage can last! Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love! Make it a point to get better not bitter! You truly can continually refine your relationship!

Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority! You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Keep one another and your marriage a priority! True Love lasts through forever! You both desire what is best for one another and you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side! This is true when God is in the center of your marriage! You want and desire your marriage to last! You can’t make them happy but you can contribute to creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, mutually inviting environment where both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!

HOLY MATRIMONY

Why Most Marriages Don’t Last – Part 2

In the Sacramento Area as well you can find many interesting stories about couples that are indicative of what is happening everywhere throughout the world! I refer to the Sacramento area because it is the area I am most familiar with as a marriage examiner & educator. Many couples are going through everywhere! But don’t be discouraged! God is always available, willing and able to help you. However you must be willing to submit to His Will & His Way!

A great marriage really is definitely possible! Marriage requires love, commitment, patience and lots of work! Counseling is an alternative that helps and it can enhance your marriage. But your goal must be to work through the kinks in the marriage rather than let them persist. If you wait until your problems are seemingly insurmountable it will take some time to plow through your relationship dynamics!

There are times when counseling is sought just as a last resort. You simply attempt to appease one another and are trying to buy some time… When this is the case; by the time the couple goes to counseling the problem is so bad that they just want to find out which spouse is responsible for their marriage problems? They do not always want to admit that they entered into marriage without resolving a load of baggage they were carrying prior to marriage. The unresolved baggage serves to compound what is currently going on in the marriage until it is addressed and released. They are quite often just seeking support and approval to justify why they act or behave in the manner in which they do?

The fact of the matter is your communication skills are lacking to the point you have lost some of your objectivity. Step back and look at the issues at hand and seek to break the strongholds that persist.

You may now need or desire a neutral third party to help you see if you can revive the marriage and get it back on track?

You can and should also incorporate the Bible as wise counsel in your marriage. Not in a rigid legalistic manner but in a way to enhance your marriage! It is important that you marry someone who values the same life principles. However if this is not the case you can still consult the Lord’s Word! There is some superb, really great “stuff” in the Bible that many are not aware of! I mean this in a complimentary way. There are some great love stories as well as excellent examples of tests and trials. The Lord never intended for any of us to be unhappy and disappointed all the time… I suggest that you to go to Galatians 5 and learn the differences between the works of the flesh and the Fruit of His Spirit!

Please, don’t just read the Bible you must actually implement the principles into your own personal life and marriage. It is not wise to use the Word to manipulate or hurl insults upon your spouse. After all the Lord KNOWS what He is talking about.

If you have a friend that is having marital conflict encourage them to seek helpful ways to resolve it. It is important to respect your marriage as well as the marriage of others! When asked for advice make it a point to be objective. Don’t experiment on their marriage and suggest things that are harmful rather than constructive! Help them look at the situation from all angle. Sometimes a listening ear is all that is necessary to sort through the problem. Never support abuse on any level in anyone… Learn to be a better friend by encouraging them to do what is right!

What is so interesting is that as adults you can do as you please! That is, unless you simply have no self control yourself and are rather compulsive. In that case you just cannot restrain or discipline yourself and you freak out at the slightest little thing If this is the case you need to put yourself in check and seek out getting some professional help. By the way prayer really does work!

Please if you know that your spouse has a short fuse don’t try to purposefully set them off! This does not mean that you are to be a doormat. Choose your battles wisely don’t encourage abuse or dysfunction in yourself or anyone else. Don’t be an enabler!

So why can’t you make a decision to work out your problems? It’s because you have opted to go the way of the majority or just “do your own thing!” You can simply do what makes you feel good instead at the expense of your spouse? Live together and really be miles apart! But is it really good for you or your marriage? No! That’s called being selfish! At this point, the marriage has become more about “you” rather than about “us!” It’s my house, my car, my money, my furniture my name my, my, my… Somebody has a bad case of “Me”ness! No wonder you are in such a quandary! You have now or will be joining the not happily ever after club soon. That is unless you decide to make your marriage a priority. So get busy!

The first step for getting your marriage back on track is taking responsibility for your own actions! Stop behaving as though you are in the relationship by yourself! Its not all about you. It is about the commitment you made to your spouse and to GOD! It is about being considerate. Your spouse is neither your servant nor your parent although you should learn to lovingly serve one another. What if you knew that today would be your last day here on earth what would you do differently? Remember your spouse is supposed to be your partner. Start treating your spouse the way you would like to be treated for starters. Share this article with him or her. Then Think about the vows you made to one another, now begin to really commit to Celebrate your marriage and recapture those feelings that you had in the beginning! Encourage one another and if necessary encourage yourself like King David. Don’t let anyone steal your JOY! If you have get busy getting it back!

See PART 3

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PRAYER For MARRIAGE RESTORATION

PRAYER FOR MARRIAGE RESTORATION”
Give Up “Me-ness” for “We-ness”

Marriage is ordained by God! It was meant to be a Covenant relationship sanctioned by a Covenant God! A Covenant is a sacred vow witnessed by God! For Christians it is the most solemn agreement that one can make between a man and woman! A Covenant requires sacrifice it represents the merging of two lives. The “two becoming one.” This does not mean one gives up their own personal identity. Two strong hearts join together as One! They cleave together not out of neediness, but because of an undying Love & Commitment and the desire to have a loving complimenting companion!

Many marriages are dissolving for a plethora of reasons! Many are and have been “unequally yoked” from the very beginning. Many have embraced worldly concepts and the idea of “what is good for me” takes precedent. Many have allowed manipulation and deception to embed itself in the relationship that only smothers intimacy! Many have behaved so repulsively towards one another that respect and sensitivity have been cast into the sea of unforgiveness! Many have allowed domestic violence and abuse! Many are bound by compulsion and ambivalence that only serves to vamp the very life out of one another… Instead of building a healthy home environment. They build a marital nest of confusion, pain and unhappiness. Marriage was never meant to be a competition of wills nor a degrading of one another’s character. Divorce comes about because of the hardness of the heart. Divorce is leaving many casualties!

Life presents many challenges as well as Celebrations! Marriage is about learning how to commit to someone who you can learn to be transparent with. To build and share an ongoing growing, loving, lasting mutually satisfying physical, emotional and spiritual relationship. To nurture, one another and give each other healthy space as well. To have one another’s best interest at heart. To celebrate and encourage each other through the challenges that life presents from time to time. To together live your lives to please God an allow him to use you to spread that love to others! Just think how life would be if this was really the case! God really has a marvelous workable plan for marriage! Instead, God’s design for marriage is constantly being pushed to the background! Too many instead embrace infidelity and alternative sexual relationships…..

If you are at a place in life and you know that your marriage is not all that it is meant to be… Or if you are having an affair either emotional or physical … Or if you never really thought about the vows you made or the seriousness of marriage…. Or if you have let anything and everyone come between you… Know it will not just get better on its own. Marriage like anything else of value takes work! You must do something , don’t continue to live in a mystic haze of unhappiness! Repent! Which simply means to CHANGE it! Keep in mind you can only change yourself! Think about it! Had you ever really thought about God knows what’s up? You are not fooling Him! Start by giving the courtesy that you extend to your friends, coworkers, acquaintances, lover, strangers or whoever to the one who you supposedly committed to Love, Honor, Trust and……

Again and I think it is worth repeating that divorce comes about because the hardening of the heart. Here is what the WORD of God says: “And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said , “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” And JESUS answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote this precept. But from the beginning of the Creation, GOD made them male and female . For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are not longer two, but one flesh. There fore what GOD has joined together, let Not man separate…” Mark 10

Take some time and really think about where you are going in your marriage? Have you taken a detour? Pray this prayer or pray your own prayer if you are seeking restoration for your marriage! It is your heart that the Lord is concerned with. Not how you make things appear to others. Embrace the powerfulness of TRUTH! It is here you will discover the TRUE LOVE that can only come from being connected to God! Life is precious! You can never ever really be happy when you jump from relationship to relationship without dissolving the former conflict. It just builds up and gains momentum and at some point those issues will appear again. Give yourself the gift of breaking the cycle of dysfunctional and sometimes generational unhappy relationships. It’s never too late! Commence to commit to discover and learn healthier relational dynamics then implement them in your marriage NOW! Pledge to committing to the building of a lasting, secure, committed, satisfying, realistic, rewarding, marriage where Love, Respect and mutual concern take the helm. And let “Jesus take the Wheel!” Begin to give up “Me-ness for We-ness!

Father,

We first want Thank to say You for being our God and our Father! We Thank You Lord, that we have You to come to at anytime, anywhere and in any and every situation. Lord we Thank You for Your precious Son Jesus Christ who sacrificed His life that we may live life to its fullest. Lord, we come in the name of Jesus asking that you would open the pathway for healing for ________ (name of spouse and his wife ( husband) and restore their marriage. As your servant Lord I come realizing that you know what the needs are here. Without saying Lord you alone know what is going on, and all that has ever happened!

Lord, I pray that you will allow healing and reconciliation to take place. That whatever hurts or disappointments they have experienced can be mended through the power of your undying eternal Love. We realize Father that they cannot change anything that has happened. But, they can go forth together keeping, renewing and once again honoring their vows. Father we realize that much spiritual warfare is about them. We realize that it wants to divide and separate them. We ask Lord that they invite you into the messiness to bring about order! Lord we realize that ALL of your promises are true. We ask that you endow them with the necessary strength and wisdom to endure.

Father we ask that you would knit their hearts closely together and allow nothing else to come between them. Lord we ask that they both take personal inventory, repent and seek forgiveness for any wrong doing. We pray that they extend love and patience to one another and that the lines of communication, sensitivity as well as understanding are once again opened. We ask that you will allow all the pain, hurt and disappointment to begin to subside. Lord we ask that forgiveness is welcomed by each of them. Lord we ask that you would allow your JOY to flow once again from heart to heart between them. Father we ask that you direct them as they seek you first in building trust, transparency and intimacy. Father we pray peace over their household. Lord we Thank You for being who You are and we realize that all the power, honor and glory belongs to You now and forever, and for this we give you the PRAISE. In the WONDERFUL name of JESUS ….…

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Marriage: On the rocks or on “The ROCK” ?

 

Marriage on the rocks or on “The ROCK”

 Is your marriage on the rocks?  Have you done,  or did  all that you think that you could do and you still are not happy?   Do  you   live under the same roof  and barely speak or to say the least,  your communication is just not happening? 
 
Is your physical  relationship  few, far and in between or basically  just  nonexistent?   Or on the other hand is your  physical  relationship  all you have going on?  But you both are just going through the motions?  Do you jump at the opportunity to spend time apart and  or enjoy the company of everyone else accept one another?  
 
When  you  get angry do you often resort to  disrespectful  name calling , foul language and go as far as far as  physical blows?  Are  you so  tired of fussing and fighting and now you just want to go your separate ways?   Do either or both of   you just drink  yourself  under the table because you just can not take life without being under the influence of something in order to function?   If yes to two or more  of these questions your marriage is on the rocks!  You are not just having a bad day,  you are relating in a very bad way.

Did you get up early on Sunday morning,  get all decked up or dressed down depending where you are going or what Sunday it is and go to Church?  Once you got there did you teach Sunday School,  sing in the choir,  participate on the praise or dance team, serve on the Deacon Board, Ushers  Board, Mother’s Board, serve on the welcoming committee, lead the morning  altar prayer,  give an offering  or pay your tithes or sit in the pulpit or the front row or any other row?  (I know that was a run on sentence.)  But just be patient.  Did you listen to a  great sermon,  a good sermon, a so so sermon or was  it just rhetoric or just disguised gossip or plain messy?  Or did you just  stay at home and turn on your television  and  flip through the wide assortment of religious selections and pick someone?    Yet you cannot take the time to have a decent conversation with your own spouse?
 
I am sure that I left out some scenarios.  My point is to get you thinking?  You do not have to confirm any of the above to anyone else.  I just want you to consider making some changes.  If you don’t  your relationship will just get worst.  The number of marriages ending in divorce is constantly rising.  Did you know that 55-60% of marriages end in divorce?  Each time you remarry the percentage of it working out rises as well.   It almost  sounds like a disease  now,  when you say you  are a  monogamous  “ heterosexual  couple.”   We are becoming a rare breed. This should not be!

Take some time and think about  where you are.  Call a truce momentarily and say “time out.”   Don’t wait  until someone gets sick, dies, or has an affair.  Remember those vows you made to one another!  At what point did they just become words? If you look around  you will see that the  overall quality factor in relationships is constantly dwindling.  Don’t let your relationship just be one big roller coaster ride.  This does not have to be. Nor is it healthy.  Keeping the lines of  communication  open is very important in relationships  Couples are changing partners as if they were a new pair of shoes.  They try on this one and that one and….  It does not matter if you are rich or poor, what color you are, where you live or if you are a star or unknown….

This is ironically interesting because there are so many gadgets to communicate and stay in touch now than ever before .  You can  call or text anyone just about anywhere in the world 24/7.   But  still many live right  under the same roof and cannot even talk to one another.  Don’t let pride continue to widen the gap in your relationship.  Don’t keep living in an unhealthy environment.   Things won’t just get better.  You must make your relationship a priority.  Take some time when you are not angry and  set aside a block of time  to spend some quality time with your spouse and get your relationship  off the rocks and move it to “The ROCK”.

 What has happened ?  When did things begin to shift?  Where  is all the love that brought you together?    True  Love  lasts forever.  People use the word love so loosely.  Since the world offers so many alternatives and loop holes it is easy to just say.  “I’m  done.”    Next person please.  If that is the case perhaps it was just what I call   “intoxicating affections!”  A good marriage takes work.  At  the heart of a good marriage is compassion, care and communication!   A good marriage in time continues to improve and  becomes  refined. You work at everything else so why not start with your marriage?

Start  by asking your spouse to write down 5-7 things that they would like to see different in your relationship.    You do the same.  Set a time  frame  maybe 30 minutes or so, for  a little discussion.   Then   exchange   your list with one another.   See if you can immediately cross off  any of  those things listed immediately.  For  the next 5-7 days see if you can implement one of those changes each day?   Just think you can rise to the occasion at work and do whatever is necessary?   Yet your marriage has become an option?   After a  week  see if your communication is beginning to improve?
 

Do you want your home to be a boxing ring and each spouse just stays in the corner?  Or do you want it to be a place of gratification and contentment?  It is possible.  But is won’t just happen.  Life is too short to live the majority of it unhappy.  This may seem like a simple exercise;  but it really is the little things that go unattended  that  begins to build the walls that eventually come between you.  My point is to become conscious of  your spouse’s feelings.  Becoming more sensitive and thoughtful will help to shift some of the tension and break down the walls that have begun to come between you.  Think about it?  Can you think of a simple way to show them you love them  “just because?”    You don’t  have to wait until a birthday or a holiday or …  Do something totally unexpected, today! 

 

Pray for your spouse and also ask the Lord to show you where you need to change.  When you got married you made a vow to the Lord as well.  But all too often God is left out of the equation.   This  really is  what gets your marriage on the rocks.  You  slowly  begin to set aside His principles.  The proper way to point the finger is when more fingers are pointing  back  at you…  In order to move your relationship from on the rocks to The ROCK you must begin to embrace God’s principles.  He is a solid foundation.  There is a wonderful illustration that teaches us that when you build your house on The ROCK  it can withstand the pressures of  life.   Mathew 7 tells us “There fore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built His house on The ROCK.  The rain came down , the streams  arose, and the winds blew and beat against that house , but it did not fall,  because it has its foundation on The ROCK.”     

 Marriage was meant to bring one man and one woman  together who are committed to one another.    Begin  now, to allow the Lord and His principles back   in your relationship.  This will also help restore or build trust and  intimacy.  Don’t  continue to allow conflict, pride, guilt, unhappiness  and shame to be the bridge between you and your spouse.  Remember, at the heart of any good relationship is compassion, care and communication!  To move towards building a lasting relationship it is important to connect emotionally, intimately and physically with one another.    In a marriage that is built upon The ROCK   you can  become stronger,  loving, responsible,  mutually satisfied, secure   individuals that encourage one another to be the best they can be!

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