Welcome Love in Marriage Part 4

Welcome Love!

Part 4

Preventive maintenance is a great principle to embrace within marriage! Maintain a point of excellence by making your marriage a priority! Plan and do exciting things together you both enjoy! Continue to nurture an environment where love and respect flourish! Appreciate the time you have together!

Check your attitude often! Instead of letting your marriage become a constant battle ground, really embrace the principles of God’s love! Instead of embracing the old cliché “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me…” Know that they do! Please, don’t just haphazardly say any and everything… Be considerate. Be open, transparent and honest! Having a good argument from time to time is good for both of you! But remain sensitive to one another! Disagreeing does not mean that you disapprove of the person! You just don’t see eye to eye on a particular point!

Life is not always positive in the sense that everything goes just how you or I may want it to go! There are and will be some times when saying what may be considered as negative can be very beneficial! It is how, when and why you say it that matters most! All too often denial is welcomed and no one wants to address the obvious! Many allow years to pass and not address important issues… Sweeping issues under the rug results in ineffective communication! The issues instead become part of the current relational dynamics when they linger in the background unaddressed! An honest constructive disagreement gives you time to vent your opinions…

We need to become open to having healthy dialogue! Saying what each other might not want to hear is not often received as edifying! Guess what if there were no negative there would be no positive! Your spouse may not feel good about hearing the Truth! However it is important to share how you are feeling! When your intent is to build them up so you both can grow and mature it reinforces a healthy bond! You entrust who you are to one another! Dealing with the Truth is imperative! Each spouse should want the other to continuously move towards maturity! So learn to “Speak the Truth in Love!”

What happens when you do not agree? Be willing to take responsibility for your actions! Surrender your ego… Never let pride stop you from saying you are sorry when wrong! Balance is always key to building a healthy marriage!

The Word teaches us “that death and life are in the power of the tongue and he that eats of it will eat its fruit!” Proverbs 18. Keep in mind that you can emotionally damage a person with your tongue! So begin to be a better steward of your mouth! There are millions of words to choose from to express yourself so please begin to think before you speak! Learn to discipline yourself and choose your words wisely! Some say it doesn’t matter because he or she is my spouse and… I think because it is your spouse it should matter even moreso. Learn to welcome and embrace true LOVE!

Welcome Love in Marriage Part 3

Welcome love!

Part 3

Love is the key ingredient in building a great marriage. True love is unselfish. If you ever so briefly take a stroll down memory lane to the not so distance past you will find that “commitment” to the traditional marriage has dwindled tremendously! Many now opt to just do their own thing! This is also why divorce statistics continue to rise… So many alternate life styles have grayed the waters and provided options that are not necessarily good…

Fewer and fewer marriages are composed of very unhealthy boundaries and this is resulting in more affairs… The residual aftermath is insecurity! Trust has now been broken and there are numerous casualties! Significant declines in the overall breakdown in the quantity of lasting, loving, principled “Quality Marriages” are on the rise. It is distressing to know that there are even many more long term marriages that are resulting in divorce as well!

Remember the spiritual warfare I talked about earlier? This does not have to be!

Please, don’t wait until things get so bad and you feel that your marriage is hopeless! Don’t just wait to the beginning of the year and make another “New Year Resolution!” Do something NOW! Don’t let love, caring, romance and tenderness only be a part of the movies on the screen. Please as well don’t pattern your marriage after Hollywood! Actually it teaches us what not to do! Marriage is so much more than a contract! It is a covenant where you both have made vows! Embrace your vows! Renew them if necessary! Set some time aside and plan some quality time together enjoying your spouse to “welcome love!”

We are living in some serious times! Too many marriages and families suffering! The repercussions are endless. The lines of communication are gradually breaking down in a plethora of relationships! But this does not have to be. Somewhere along the line there is a glitch and the communication is faulty. You have allowed something or someone to come between you! Fewer good role models for the next and future generations! Too many have been looking at the grass on the other side of the fence instead of building healthier boundaries to protect their own marriage. It is too easy to take one another for granted! So get busy creating better moments and precious memories!

Make a point to set some time aside and tell your spouse “You need to talk!” Don’t put them on the spot allow them some time to think before you talk things over. Let them know that you want to make some changes for the better and you need their help! This is why you married them? Right!

If necessary plan a marriage date, weekend retreat or short vacation and get back on the right track! Ignite the flame of love or rekindle it! Make it a point to spend regular quality time together! Your marriage is important! Marriage is what you both together make it!

Did you know that marriages and families are important to God? With Him in the center you really can build a great marriage! A great marriage makes both of you stronger and helps build character! There is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom in The Word of God! Marriage is the oldest institution designed by God! Many talk a good game; but when it comes down to practical application of His principles within marriage that’s another whole story! Remember earlier when I told you that pride can get in the way! The Word teaches us “that pride comes before the fall… “ Proverbs 16.

See Part 4

Welcome Love in Marriage Part 2

Welcome Love!

Part 2

Love is an important element of a great marriage. Marriage is the ultimate covenant relationship for a couple to learn how to grow together! It is a sacred union between a husband and wife! You both come together to build a lasting committed bond! When you both are dedicated to the Lord know that there will be a continuing barrage of spiritual warfare launched against your marriage! It often comes from the least expected places… It wants to undermine your credibility, destroy trust, infringe on your union and is designed to get you to respond in a carnal mode that will only divide you.

 

 

Disagreeing is a part of any strong marriage! You both are different and do not always see eye to eye.  Why is it when you disagree you somehow forget what your spouse means to you! Or somehow you manage to push it in the background! Instead you often pull out the emotional boxing gloves and erect a mental boxing ring and come out punching! Often piercing the heart with deadly emotional punches that crush the soul! Or either you flip the script and make it about you! Bear in mind that there is always exceptions! This is not to point the finger but to put a halt to the staggering overabundance of marriages ending in divorce! To instead encourage you to “welcome love!”

 

 

There are those who use the word “Love!” so very loosely! They see love as something that makes them feel good! They feel you love them because you tell them what they want to hear and give them what they want when they want it… This is really not love at all! What you are really dealing with is the neglected “child” in them that has not grown up and always wants its way! They often hold on to “Me ness” instead of embracing “We ness” It becomes clear when you do not agree or tell them “No!”

 

 

Please don’t feed this monstrous bad habit! I say habit because it is a pattern that can be changed…! “Practice makes permanent! If not it will eventually manipulate you and everyone around them to appease their seemingly endless need to be cared for! Unresolved emotional issues have all too often become the scapegoat to fuel and appease their desires! On the surface it merely and at times cleverly mimics love in order to have its way! What often happens with someone of this nature; instead of growing beyond their childhood trauma it becomes a blanket excuse for any inappropriate behavior that may be confronted! It will drain you, your emotions, your resources as well as your finances! It is important to have compassion… To avidly seek to understand the deeper need! However, good boundaries are necessary and you must learn how to “guard your heart!”

 

Love is talked about but impatience, anger, insecurity, irresponsibility and immediate self-gratification are usually the behavior most often displayed… This does not have to be.

 

They simply justify having whatever it is they want! When you do not comply they feel rejected! They themselves are emotionally starved because they have never really truly experienced true love! They really do not know what love is really all about! Many in our society today confuse love with “lust” or what I call “intoxicating affections” that last for only a season! This is also the reason for a lot of divorces! It is important to begin to address any unresolved issues… In a warm loving, caring environment trust and security can flourish! One can grow beyond their issues!

 

 

True love is not selfish! It fills the void properly when sincerely embraced! Love is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! “God is love!” He is eternal and so is His love! Enlist the principles of true love described in I Corinthians 13! They work! Use this as an effective barometer to measure love over lust, and or intoxicating affections! “Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in Truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails…”

 

If many truly learn how to love each other there would be a lot less marriages dissolving.   Less families being divided and fewer divorces! We would instead see a lot more long term marriages continue to flourish! God never intended for your marriage to grow stale!

 

 

Begin to embrace redemptive confrontation and meet head-on in love! Just because it is your spouse you do not have to become “raw…” After so many unkind insults are continually inflicted upon one another it leaves debilitating emotional scars. This means together making a conscientious effort learning to face and embrace constructively resolving any conflict! Learn not to or stop taking one another for granted! This can deplete your marriage of comfort and security! Respect should be intricately woven into your marriage! Your feelings matter…Together you learn to deal with difficult situations as they arise! It is not wise to avoid confrontation, because this can build resentment… Addressing the issues at hand is important as well as healthy! If left undone, quite often the next step is; I’m out of here! On to the next person!

See part 3

There is HELP; Addiction Relief is Possible! Part 5

 

How drugs affect your body and your mind?

Drug abuse continues to escalate. Addiction is real! It is taking its casualties all over the world.  There is help for your addiction! Drugs change the natural chemistry of the human body. For some drugs  are necessary therapeutic medicinal healing aids to facilitate improving ones health. For millions of people they help to sustain a certain quality of life. 

 

In cases such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer, infections and  viruses drugs are helpful.  They help to  ease discomfort in broken bones, sprains and the pain of arthritis. These are just a few of the plethora of ailments that are usually controlled by drugs. In these cases they are usually necessary and beneficial. There is HELP for your addiction.

 

Medical drugs are used everyday

Doctors treat many illnesses, diseases and conditions with medical drugs every day! Drugs may be chewed, swallowed, injected, inhaled or sniffed. There are legitimate as well as illegitimate uses for drugs. One can become addicted in both cases. The use of drugs illegally is far more dangerous. When one has a spouse who engages in drugs and or alcohol it is much harder to establish intimacy. Their need for drugs and drinking is more important than their need to be emotionally available.

 

It is not wise to use drugs that are not personally prescribed for you nor those purchased illegally. Drugs alter the chemistry of the brain and make you feel different. A physician takes into consideration your current health status, your weight and symptoms when prescribing a prescription. The more you use drugs the more your brain chemistry becomes altered. There is help for your addiction!

 

You are out of control!

When a person becomes addicted they are out of control. The drug or behavior of choice now has taken over.  And the desire is now to “fix” the way they are feeling. How you feel  takes priority over everything! They are no doubt self-centered and will quite often do whatever is necessary just to “feel good.” This is why it is prefable  to be under the care of a trained physician. They  know how to properly prescribe the proper medication. This is necessary  to address any physical or mental ailments. f you have no self-control. Even under the care of a qualified doctor one can still become chemically dependent and addicted to drugs.

 

Pain is real!

The addict is in pain and has lost their ability to cope with reality unless they are under the influence. Drugs and or alcohol have become the priority! They have developed an unhealthy habit and desire to experience a level of pleasure and/or the need to escape from reality. Life can be difficult and often people are thrust into situations and terrible living conditions that are unbearable.

 

Childhood trauma and cumulative issues not dealt with fester and cause emotional pain. People often carry many unresolved issues into their relationships… This can forbid them from being transparent. This can also hinder them from maturing. The marriage then often suffers from neglect and lack of intimacy. This causes much conflict within he marriage. The spouse with the addiction is often emotionally unavailable. It is important to seek viable help.

 

Your marriage really  should be a priority

To some marriage can be a game rather than a sacred union. Rather than being responsible the addicted spouse is selfish. A secondary marriage addiction example. I was the Sacramento Marriage Examiner for many years… There was a man in the area who was arrested for participating in numerous marriage unions. He also arranged as many as 39 bogus marriages for others. 

 

He profited for a fee at the expense of others unhappiness. This was not good.   It was a total disregard for moral principles. This was a terrible selfish abusive pattern in operation. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. It is important to take time to get to know who you are marrying… This man’s selfish deceptive actions hurt many people. He had no intention of making a virtuous commitment. It is evident that he had an unhealthy addiction to the idea of marriage and fulfilling his own desires.

 

The basis of a good healthy relationship is trust

Trust can be shattered like a glass vase. Leaving one traumatized! It can erode when one is not attentive to the needs of their spouse creating an abyss. Marriage is about coming together and building a great partnership. Affair proof your marriage. Keep God in the center of your marriage! It can be tedious regaining trust again but it is possible. It is always important to be honest about your pain and however you are feeling.

 

Disillusioned by a break in trust usually leaves the spouse empty and needy. Which also makes them vulnerable… Building or establishing an ongoing relationship with the Lord will build a stronger foundation that will help to keep you anchored. God is available 24/7! The Lord is true to His Word! “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight!” Proverbs 3.

 

Sexual Addiction

Sexual addiction is quite threatening to a marriage. It is an intimacy problem. Millions of people in the US sand all around the world uffer from sexual addictions. The person with a sexual addiction has a hard time connecting to and making a monogamous commitment. They are caught up in a vicious cycle of having their own needs met at any cost. The spouse’s needs are usually ignored and neglected due to the spouses self-indulgence. It is important to keep and maintain healthy boundaries in your marriage.

 

Respect your marriage as well as the marriages of others. Stop giving yourself away. This should NOT be. Don’t just connect to anything or anybody. You should learn to be happy by yourself before you think that you can be happy with your spouse. Revisit your vows don’t let them become mere words. Remember; You both committed not only to your one another but to GOD! There is HELP for your addiction.

 

There is HELP for your Addiction!

Addiction that is not addressed will not just go away. REPENT! Commit or recommit to God and your spouse. Tell them you need HELP! Tell them you are sincerely sorry. If you are not truly sorry you will repeatedly fall into a pattern of addiction. Restoration is a choice; it takes a lot of work but it is possible. You will have to build a new relationship with a strong foundation of transparency and trust. With the HELP of the Lord; You can come forth from the fire of addiction like pure gold!

 

You  Really NEED HELP!

Godly counsel and much time spent in fervent prayer are needed along with a necessary redemptive confrontation. The confrontation means I care enough to “Speak the Truth in Love.” Confrontation brings the issues to the forefront. You must be willing to face your demons. Demons meaning the supernatural malevolent influences that have held you captive to do harm to your mind-body and soul. They keep you in a daily battle to control your destiny. This does not have to be. There is NO power stronger than GOD!

 

This has caused you to hurt those around you as well. They have suffered greatly. Although through a lot of it you were somewhat unconscious; start by apologizing for your behavior. Yes you were under the influence. It is important that the issues are then addressed immediately. Keep it real! There is HELP for your addiction.

 

Deal with your issues

If you or your spouse has an addiction of any kind; Please DO NOT delay seeking help. The longer you wait the harder it is to make the necessary lifestyle and environment changes. You can be delivered! You must want to break free! A couple that has a strong healthy marriage bond can be a great mentor and a source of encouragement. The TRUTH always prevails!

 

You have vowed to be there for one another for better or for worse? Begin to take care of yourself and make it a point to look your best. Not just in a superficial way. But to discipline yourself to take better care of your body that houses your soul. Don’t just look good but be or get in a good place emotionally… Embrace moral principles. There is HELP for your addiction.

 

If you are reading this and you are single. Start dealing with your issues now before you commit to marry.  Have a  transparent conversation about addiction prior to marriage. When you marry someone with an addiction you have married their addiction. You get a somewhat superficial façade of who they really are. Such as how they cope when not under the influence. Well usually they don’t. They usually become annoying, impatient and cantankerous It is important to know that a good strong marriage is built on TRUST! If necessary recommit to your vows and start anew.

 

 

GOD CAN HEAL Any Addiction!

The road to recovery and healing will be tedious. There are some who make up their mind and are done with the dysfunctional cycle. They readily hold fast to their dedication to take back control of their life. Others vary some taking longer than others yet, dedicated to changing. Stop making excuses and make it a goal to recapture your self-respect dignity and integrity. You can change but it is your choice. Reach daily for self-control!

Congratulations you are on the right road now! It is called “Straight and Narrow!”  There is HELP for your addiction.

Now let’s get busy moving forward building better, stronger, satisfying, trusting enduring relationships and marriages! Be encouraged to become the “Best You!” Stay on the straight and narrow. “PRAY without ceasing” all throughout your day. This is what keeps us connected to the Lord! This is also how you build a “Solid Rock” intimate relationship with the Lord! Know that Great Healthy Relationships and Great Marriages (without addiction) are truly still possible! GOD IS MORE THAN ABLE!