Every woman does not want to have children Part 2

Every woman does not want to have children.
Not having children does not necessarily  mean that  you are selfish.

Part 2

A family for one woman may mean that  she desires to  have a host of children. A family for another woman may mean that she wants  to have only one or two children. Yet, another woman may altogether choose to not have any children at all. Does this make her any less than another  woman because she decided to not have children? No!

I had the opportunity to have a lovely insightful heart to heart talk with a group of women who decided that they did not want to have any children. They were open and quite frank with me. They felt that there is often a stereotyped stigma when you decide not to have children. It was important for them that they share these general concerns. These were intelligent, pleasant, compassionate, fastidious, loving, well rounded professional women who loved their husbands and had great caring empathetic relationships with children within their extended families.

Not having children does not mean that you do not like or care for children. Nor does it mean that you are self centered or selfish. For their own personal reasons they had responsibly made a conscious decision that this was  what was best for them.

A few things to think about!

What is important as a woman is that you take responsibility for the well being of the children you do bring into this world. Children do not belong to us as our property. They are entrusted to us by God to love and nurture them and prepare them for life. We are to give them healthy boundaries that make them feel safe. We are to be sensitive to the unique needs and dispositions of their particular temperament. It is imperative that you are firm and consistent. This helps them to feel safe secure.

When you raise them as your possession you raise them selfishly. They are more like an attachment to you and are usually unable to grow up and become autonomous and secure in who they are. They will have a tendency to follow the crowd and lack healthy self esteem.

Children who are raised to be accountable for their actions tend to become responsible adults.

Whatever you do please ladies do not have children to try and hold on to a man. If you do, just know that you do not have him anyway. You have his child and children should not be used to keep a relationship temporarily glued or to try to control or manipulate your spouse. On the other hand if you decide that you do not want to be married anymore. Please do not use your children to get back at your ex. Try to keep your problems between the two of you as much as possible.

Whenever you talk down to your children about their father or mother you risk impairing their emotional development. You cause them to doubt who they are. They will find it hard to trust others as well. Do not project your own insecurities upon your children; if you have; please put yourself in check and begin anew right where you are. You can’t change what has happened but you can move forward making better decisions. Disengage yourself from any destructive behavior. Get help if necessary. It is your responsibility to help your children to become whole! If you did not have a father or mother, if you had poor relationships with your parent or parents all the more reason to help them build one with theirs!

See Part 3

Every woman does not want to have children Part 1

Every woman does not want children!

Part 1

What does it mean to be a woman? Does it mean that you want to have a career, get married, buy a home and have children? Or does it mean that you want to get married, get an apartment and have children? Perhaps it means that you want to get a job, stay single, purchase a home or a condo, or just get an apartment and don’t want to have any children? Or maybe you will just have pets instead? You also have an option to not get married at all nor have pets? Oh my we have so many options! The point is we all are so very different!

I realize that every woman does not want to have children.

Women are anatomically different from their male counterpart and usually are feminine in their demeanor. Women have marvelous innate intrinsic abilities and the possible potential to do or become almost anything.

To be a woman means that you are a one of a kind unique female. Your characteristics are generally lady like? However there are some women who tend to be a bit more masculine.

Depending on how you have been socialized you may have a tendency to have more dominant masculine traits than normal. If you have been raised mostly with brothers, or by your Dad, or predominately in the company of males this tends to make you a bit stronger emotionally as well. Just because you don’t cry about the least little things or wear your emotions on your sleeve does not mean that you do not care or don’t have feelings. Just because you are stronger this still does not make you the same as a man.

By the way what is normal?

God made Adam from the dust of the ground. God then made and formed Eve from the rib bone that He took out of Adam’s side. Biblically speaking this is the normal origins of mankind! It helps to know about our origins. If you believe otherwise: oh well! We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures and ethniciities. God made women to be distinctly different from men. Our bodies are even endowed differently. Women have curves and breasts of all sizes and shapes. Men have a chest which is usually flat and often hairy. Our sexual organs are made differently as well. We are equal in our intellectual potential, academic abilities and yes there is a tendency for women to be more emotional in general.

As long as I can remember back in the day, for the most part it was a life goal for girls to want to get married to a husband and have a family. Remember “Leave it to Beaver,” “Happy Days,” “The Donna Reed Show,” or “Bill Cosby Show?” What about “Julia” she was a nurse and a single mom.

Today they often portray a new normal family alternative lifestyle or is it really?

My how family life has changed! Today we have a lot more single parent homes and divorced parents trying to co parent. A lot of their unresolved issues continue to take the forefront.. Life can and will present many challenges. It is really essentially important to keep God in the center of your marriage and family; married or single.

The reality is having a family with children is not a goal for every woman today. There are many options and not every woman wants children. Remember we are all different.

In this 21st century it is becoming increasingly difficult to be in favor of God’s natural design exclusively for man and woman without being considered condemnatory. I have no problem with “free choice?” But when you claim to be a believer your choices should differ. We are supposed to subscribe to biblical principles for life & living married or single. We who believe the Word of God have rights too and should be able to freely say thus says the Lord!

Yes, you can just choose to do however you please but there are always consequences.

If you decide that you want another woman for a spouse or if you are a man and want another man for a husband; I must tell you that you are going against godly principles. This is not about hate but about loving the Truth of God’s Word. Remember the original design? I am simply Pro Marriage God’s Way. At some point we all will have to answer to God for our choices.

You have the freedom to not have children. Just because you decide that you do not want to have children does not mean that you are wrong or less than a woman. This is your personal choice and it is your right.

See Part 2

WHAT I LEARNED FROM MICHAEL JACKSON

WHAT I LEARNED FROM MICHAEL JACKSON

 

I   attentively   and assiduously watched the Memorial services for Michael Jackson, along with my husband.  It has been reported that over more  than  (1) one billion people   collectively watched from all around the world from more  than  (160)  one hundred & sixty  or more countries.   It was both inspiring and   enlightening.  I experienced a torrent of emotions. It brought tears to my eyes many times.  I could relate to a degree, because over the last several years we together have seen so many close relatives pass on to the other side.  Of those many both of our mothers passed on just seven months apart, from one another. This made the Memorial even more so thought provoking.  I have much PEACE knowing without a doubt that both our Mother’s are now again with the Lord!   

 

I conscientiously   listened and engaged with each of those who really knew Michael Jackson as they shared their poignant expressions of him. They shared    how Michael was a loving, kind, gentle, giving man, talented and such a funny person. This was deeply embedded in their many heartfelt as well as amusing expressions.  Magic  Johnson  even shared  a humorous moment  of  when he found out how Michael  liked Kentucky fried chicken.  I was glad that they showed the personable private side of his life.  He was  presented an honored by a government representative officially praising him for his many “Deeds” and exonerating  him of his innocence…  This is the reason why we have Memorials?  We   the viewers & fans really only know about   Michael from afar.  A lot of the news, accusations and innuendos we hear are nested in a slew of propaganda.

 

 I  have  gradually  acquired  much  more compassion for Michael because he was a mere child that had to  grow up in  the limelight,  center stage,  in front of the world. Children have a great need to develop an inner healthy homeostasis.   This is what helps them have a balanced sense of self.  They can usually read our emotions. Children have a basic need to be loved, accepted and understood.  Michael unselfishly relinquished the majority if not all of his own childhood for the sake and financial gain of many.  By doing so he took care of and provided for his family, friends, business associates, doctors, lawyers, household staff and many, many others as well as supporting numerous charities.  This is an enormous responsibility for such a young boy to shoulder.   

 

I realize that Michael was a victim of much emotional, verbal and physical abuse. This explains his shyness and insecurity… Michael    has been said to have lived an isolated life. I believe he needed to be protected from some of those who should have protected him.  Those who were on his payroll……. Due to his multiplicity of talents people naturally drew to him.  I am sure that there were those who were genuinely concerned for his wellbeing.  No doubt His mother for one…  But I also believe that  he was greatly taken advantage of by those who saw him as a resource  or reservoir  for their own wealth rather than a person.  

 

I truly believe that Michael was intuitive and   realized this; this is one of the reasons why he surrounded himself with

 children. He made it possible for a lot of those children to realize their dreams.  It is through his brilliant, ingenuous technique, smooth showmanship, graceful agility,   and ponderous of the wonderful myriad of breathtaking performances, his childlike freedom would shine through.  It is during this time I believe he could momentarily rise above his haunting inner pain. There is no doubt that He gave us his all; whenever he performed it was magnificently magical.  

 

Michael generously shared his multiplicity of gifts and talents with the world at large!  This opened a whole new dimension for the entertainment world; that crossed all racial, economic, social, color and age barriers.  Giving credit where it is due; this current generation and those to come as well have and will continue to greatly benefit from those doors Michael opened.  He created and carved out a space of his own on this side of heaven.   Michael took entertaining to an innovatively new level!  He gave of his life sustaining essence.   I personally think he is truly worthy of the title “All Time Best Entertainer!” 

 

I do not condone wrong behavior in anyone, myself included.  The TRUTH is told Michael was acquitted by a jury of any and all charges that were ever filed against him.  He was declared “INNOCENT”!  Yet,   those accusations will always hover like a latent virus.   Is this why he is treated as guilty?  He   still had to live under public scrutiny,   an ambivalent shadow of enormous criticism, mockery and continual harassment…  No doubt   there were those who took advantage of him. There were also those who surrounded him lurking, who wanted to seize any opportunity to elevate themselves at his expense.   All of this came along with the fame,   notoriety   and celebrity status he attained. 

 

 

Prior to the actual Memorial’s  commencement  Smokey Robinson shared telegrams from Nelson Mandela & Diana Ross.  This was followed by a noted quiet silence throughout the arena. Even the News media was silent! 

This was a rare moment, A TRIBUTE in itself!

During Michael’s Memorial those who knew him gave us a very insightful, lingering perspective.  It was a once in a lifetime  Star studded Memorial an A-List of professional participants,  yet, they too momentarily were  succumbed by their emotions;  Mariah Carey,  Jennifer Hudson,  Usher,  John Mayer and Stevie Wonder.   All  were emotionally arrested, causing a  softening  of  their tributes and renditions in song,   yet  powerfully emitting the sensitivity of  how they truly were in awe  and how much respect they  felt.  Michael indeed is a Legend in his own right.

 

  Queen   Latifah  spoke candidly and boldly as she fondly reminisced and read a powerful poetic tribute from Maya Angelou.  Michael’s abrupt passing has greatly impacted as well as caught many off guard!  

 

Smokey Robinson and Berry Gordy shared   their respect, love and appreciation of   Michael as well as humorous moments.   Jermaine his older brother’s rendition of Michael’s favorite song “Smile”   was ironically expressed in a harlequinly manner that so touched the hearts of many.  No doubt he was overwhelmed by the passing of his brother yet rose to the occasion.  It was said to be he was Michael’s support and somewhat backbone…

 

 It was Brooke Shields, Al   Sharpton and his brokenhearted, loving daughter Paris that gave us a true inside glimpse of who he REALLY was…  A most memorable  touching moment as the family surrounded  daughter Paris as she gave honor to her father Michael as the “Best father Ever!” and was willingly, readily and humbly  comforted by Janet Jackson her aunt.  Who is a STAR in her own right!  During the finale as a TRIBUTE,   all Michael’s siblings gathered on stage in unison with many others…   No family exists without disagreements from time to time.  I solicit the prayers of the Christian Community for Michaels’s  family that is so much in the public view!  Many pressures abound during their days of mourning.  I learned that Michael Jackson loved his children  and family,   esteems and holds his Mother Katherine dearly and they love him and he lives on in their hearts…  Yes of course his fans love him too, but from a distance, to them he is really an “Icon.” 

 

One must know that there was little or no room for alone time, privacy or a sense of normalcy for Michael Jackson as a celebrity for security purposes.  He could not go out to the grocery store,  drive freely about,  come and go as he pleased,  take a walk publicly or perhaps even attend to his personal needs without someone abreast …  So how could he without  the assistance  of someone, do some or any of the things that he was accused of ?   Therefore if you must,  one should  also condemn  his security agents, those who were around him constantly  and  those who brought, gave and  anesthetized and or  administered the alleged  plethora of “prescription medications” as well.    Who are they?  Were they not aware of the consequences and side effects … Michael was not a doctor.  He was a son, a brother, a friend, a father and a world class entertainer.  In fact, my opinion “The Best Entertainer Ever!”

 

I learned from Michael Jackson’s death that no matter how much you do, for some people it will never be enough.  No matter whom you are,   nor how much you give.  Some people would  remember  the negative things.  Michael not only gave of himself, his time and resources;  I learned that Michael Jackson is in  the  Guinness  Book of  World Records for giving more than any other Pop Star.   Those who really know you will remain faithful.  Love  continues through eternity. 

 

I BELIEVE,  the most important relationship that any of  us can have is to know and be connected to our  Creator,  Maker and Lord through a relationship with His Son Jesus Christ. It is so important  to know Him personally as well as  His WORD!    Jesus was  that  WORD wrapped in flesh!   The beauty about  His plan of SALVATION;  that it is not contingent on who we are!  But because of what He has done!  Once we accept  JESUS CHRIST as our SAVIOR  and  LORD, we are given the gift of ETERNAL LIFE!   Romans 11 says  “That if  YOU  CONFESS  with your mouth,  JESUS is  LORD,  and BELIEVE in your HEART that GOD   raised HIM from the dead, thou shat be SAVED…”  This is where our true security and significance lies.  

 

God  knows  all about each one of us from the moment of conception  and has a unique purpose for each one of us to fulfill and when that time is over we who are His children return to Him.   You just never know how short or long that time may be?  So live life to its fullest in His presence!  The most important  audience  is an audience of  ONE; meaning in front of Him!  ”GOD is LOVE”,  It is through Him we learn what is really  most important!  I know even more so NOW that how so very   important it is to live your life to please GOD rather than man!  Because no matter what you have or don’t have when it is all said and done that is what really matters most.  Michael no longer has to … But I am sure there is much more to come.  My thoughts, concerns, well wishes and prayers are with Michael’s children, his Mother and family.  May YOU Rest in Peace Michael Jackson!

PAINT ON THE CANVAS

PAINT ON THE CANVAS 

God not only knows the very hairs that are on our heads. He determines how long we inhabit the earth. He is the ultimate Master Creator and Designer who weaves everything together in His magnificent canvas of life. When we grow in His grace, truth and knowledge He gives us the ability to spiritually discern. Spiritual discernment lights the foreground of our canvas as we venture out in life.

Quite often many adapt to the world and employ its principles for traveling   through this valley of the shadow of death. However, it is GOD’S wisdom that ultimately grooms our being. As children of Light our life’s canvas commences to reflect the light of His presence whenever we embrace HIS principles within our daily lives. Personality traits that are in general socially acceptable tend to make us conform in order to be accepted. God has created each of us as individuals with varying temperaments & personality traits. Personality is used in typical dictionary definition to distinguish behavioral, emotional and attitudinal tendencies, character traits and habits. It is by these traits that one is uniquely recognized. We as people are fundamentally a complex integration of physical and non-physical dimensions and attributes.

The spiritual facet of us should reflect the God like qualities within our nature. Interpersonal dynamics and environmental influences are primary, but not exclusive to developmental determinants of our personalities. As human beings we are living, learning and growing organisms. When parents have properly nourished us by providing sufficient freedom and are generous in positive reinforcement, children will achieve a sense of personal autonomy. On the other hand if parents have modeled much faulty behavior themselves, were too overprotective, demanding, too permissive or critical, children will learn to have doubts about themselves. They will become harnessed with feelings of shame. In God’s eyes we are all ageless children. His Holy Spirit’s presence in one’s life is able to override any inappropriate learning experiences which we all have to a certain degree. God who is the ultimate Sovereign Creator can paint new life onto our life’s canvas. There is miraculous cleansing & healing POWER in the BLOOD of JESUS CHRIST! HIS Holy Spirit HIS Comforter works within believers to give us a new nature.

When I studied “Art Appreciation” in school I acquired a respect for the various art forms. When I saw an original Picasso Abstract, my first reaction was “I don’t like it. After studying Picasso’s work I learned he was able to paint with a childlike simplicity. He was able to go inside, vicariously share and interpret on canvas the depth of his feelings. From an exterior posture for one to understand his work, a surface summation would not properly render what he was trying to relay. Despite the possibility of no one understanding he did not allow that to hinder His work. Whether he was aware of it or not He was given a God-given talent. It was largely after his death that the world really began to appreciate and understand his unique gift.

Our life can be quite like an abstract painting. Especially by those who really don’t know us. People usually fear what they don’t understand, or tend to label it negatively. Webster defines Abstract as; difficult to understand. Insufficiently factual. Expressing a quality considered apart from an object. Impersonal having only a generalized form with little or no attempt at precise representation. Quite often as Christians we too must risk being misunderstood. We must learn to tenaciously pursue our God given talent(s) with a steadfast devotion.

Each day that passes what we say and do and how we respond paints an array of events on our personal canvas of life. Much of our life’s paint is applied erroneously when we wander aimlessly about. When we stray from the narrow path that God has designed. God’s world is awesomely vast. A marvelous abstract spiritual venture awaits those who are obedient. Faith and Trust in Him are required companions that confidently paint the unseen path before us! It is easy to deter from our course because God allows us so much freedom. He has given us the power to choose. Other wise each individual canvas would yield a duplicate reproduction!

But once we really discover that life has purpose the strokes on our life’s canvas should be guided by our Creator. There is nothing in our life that has transpired that we can unpaint. When we find ourselves somewhere we don’t want to be or saying or doing something we don’t want to do what do we do? Do we continue to allow pride to lead us anyway? No, it will only lead us somewhere we don’t really want to go.

The hues of pride darken the spiritual path. It keeps the light of our direction deep in the background. So do we just waste precious time and continue to stumble around? Do we employ passages of scriptures to justify our sometimes wrong position? Do we erroneously mislead and gather others to support us in our wrong position? Ask yourself, do you hear a faint unspoken voice beckoning you to change your direction? Although painful, it is far better to move towards the Light. God knows your true motives. Do you know it is more important what God knows rather than what people think!

God our Creator knows all of our faults, shortcomings, misunderstandings and insecurities. His arms are wide open. But too often, pride, guilt and shame keeps us at His arm distance. It keeps us in the dark away from His marvelous Light! Too often we just don’t want to admit that we are possibly wrong or were wrong to ourselves especially not someone else! We are so reluctant to tint our canvas with the magnificent brilliance of humility! We would rather allow pride to paint our canvas and take us to a place that we will eventually dread!

If you are at a point in your life you don’t want to be, or if your life seems to be headed in a direction of uncertainty; If you have done something or said something you should not have (and we do from time to time) seek God’s direction. Really dedicate some time to being still and sincerely do some deep soul searching. Have your self a Gethsemane experience. Get quiet enough so you can actually hear what God is saying. Now that you have gotten His attention. Sincerely render to Him what is on your mind and in your heart. Remember He knows anyway. Once you have lightened your load. Ask Him for direction. Admit and repent (not repeat) of anything that is hindering your spiritual path.

Allow God’s yoke to be spiritually connected to lighten your burdens. I assure you He will direct you! Just know it may not be in a direction you want to go. You may just have to apply some humility to your life’s canvas. Humility can harness anger and impulsive rage will have to flee! Instead each painful step in His direction will be accompanied by His unexplainable peace! Did you know that when we are at our weakest point it gives God the opportunity to create a great work in us? Proceed cautiously knowing that anger and pride wants to darken disobedience. They only want to suppress and cover up the Light that wants to shine on your life’s canvas!

Once we humbly admit to God we are wrong, a flood of Light appears. It opens the door for the cleansing power of His Word to wash us thoroughly. God in His infinite wisdom is totally aware of the minutest speck of sin on each of our individual canvases. “All of us have sinned and fallen short of His glory”. But this does not give us the right to continue in sin. Christ did not die for us to be slaves to any sin in our lives. He even told us except we become as children we will not enter into His kingdom! He is the only Sovereign Master Designer! He can make each stroke of circumstances whatever they may be; mold and shape us into a vessel of beauty and honor in His sight. Commence to allow His Holy Spirit to guide you as you paint your personal canvas. Our life truly is “A work of art in progress.”