Kindle Countdown – I Confess That I Am Judgmental!
August 21, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Religion & Spirituality, Society & Culture
All too often the Scripture is quoted yet its imperial magnificent brilliance to enhance and enlighten our lives is overlooked. In the case of “judging” we need to ponder this subject and all its facets. It is often said we are not to judge. Whether you realize it or not we all make judgments daily often without thinking. You/we in fact judge when determining if something is so. As we continue on the path of godly spiritual learning we can acquire discernment. We become better equipped to navigate through this “Valley of the Shadow of Death.”
Time is of the essence for much of our world is out of control. We should seek to learn how to better judge with righteous judgment for the benefit of all concerned.
When you call me judgmental are you not being judgmental? After all, you have also just judged me as being judgmental. WOW! Think and ponder upon this for a moment. Just perhaps we can balance things out by first examining our own motives before we reach a conclusion.
Self-examination is an ongoing part of spiritual growth. It is our attitudes that often need adjusting. Keeping in mind to judge means to analyze or evaluate as well as condemn or avenge. However, whenever we do judge one another it should not be done in a retributive manner but done constructively.
This e-book will enable you to broaden your perspective on the subject of judging.
Pick up a copy of “I Confess That I Am Judgmental” during the Kindle Countdown promotion starting 9/23 – 9/30 for
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I am Thankful for my Pastor Husband; the Father of our Children!
June 8, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Featured Articles
I am truly thankful for my Husband. He has been quite wonderful. We have shared many marvelous memories. The Lord has knitted our hearts together in His Love. I daily thank & praise God’s Holy Name for HIS Everlasting Love is priceless.
TRUE BEAUTY COMES FROM WITHIN THE HEART
A Great Father & Wonderful Man of God!
My husband has been a marvelous father. He respectfully nurtured and engaged our children as they were growing up. We worked harmoniously together. He has been a great role model. I am thankful that by the grace of God we raised our children in a great home environment.
Our mountaintop experiences far outweigh the moments in the valley.
I can truly say; GOD has been GOOD to me all of my life! I thank Him for HE has BLESSED me/us in ways that I cannot express in words.
“GOD WILL FIGHT YOUR BATTLES”
The Lord has also brought us through much spiritual warfare. He has taught us invaluable Life Wisdom Lessons. Hold your peace because; “GOD WILL FIGHT YOUR BATTLES.” Daily He continues to grow us in HIS Grace Wisdom & Knowledge as we walk in the TRUTH of HIS WORD! We can always think of something to be thankful for. Regardless of what happens the Lord has taught us when you LOVE HIM; “ALL things work together for the GOOD!” “Where the SPIRIT of the LORD is there is LIBERTY.” II Corinthians 3
“GOD WILL take care of you!” I praise and thank the Lord for the liberty that we have found in HIM. I know that it is only by His grace that HE has instilled within us to know without doubt that HE always has our best interest at heart. “I once was young but now I am old, yet, I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread.” Psalm 37
GOD has thankfully allowed us to: “GO ye therefore into the world…”
I am grateful to know that the Lord is omnipresent & I have “BLESSED ASSURANCE” knowing that everywhere I/we are HE is there. We take seriously GOD’S “CALL” upon our lives as His Elders/ Ministers & Ambassadors. The Lord has allowed us together to see and visit much of this amazing world that was spoken into existence through JESUS CHRIST. There is still so much more to learn & see. One should be ever mindful that everywhere you are GOD is there. “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof. The world and them that dwell therein.” Psalm 24 I am thankful for the Lord allowing us to feel and experience His presence wherever we go.
We can always TRUST the LORD. HIS WORD teaches us; “BLESSED be the GOD & FATHER of our LORD JESUS CHRIST, who has BLESSED us with every SPIRITUAL BLESSING in the Heavenly places in CHRIST.” Ephesians 1 In the Lord you can discover everything that you will ever need for Life & Living & Eternal life. For this I am eternally thankful. We have learned that “true beauty comes from within.
~ Personal Tribute ~
Give honor where honor is due. I thank the Lord for the many gifts & talents that He has given to my husband/Pastor the father of our children. (As well as the many gifts that are inclusive of our family at large.) He has been and outstanding husband & father as well as a compassionate friend. Loving, strong, patient, firm, protective, at times unyielding and yet kind with our children. We together share a loving symbiotic union.
He as an Elder can preach, proclaim, teach and diligently stand upon the Word of God. He is unique in his delivery. Yet, he also embraces what he speaks and teaches. He is cognizant of the responsibility to reach those he is speaking to as he spiritually feeds and ministers to them the Word of God. He patiently, emotionally and aggressively is mindful to leave them with a desire to want to know more about the Lord as the Holy Spirit ministers to their souls.
A Marvelously skilled Master Minister of Music
To the glory of God he has seriously and patiently directed and ministered to many choirs. He has taught them the importance of “harmonic blending” to the degree you can hear a melodic ring when the harmony is on point. Whenever they learn a song they know who and what they are singing about. This is not for show but to put forth an effort to always magnify our Lord in a grand way. For God deserves our best. And He always deserves our sincere praise!
It is his God given gift to skillfully play any genre of music from Gospel to Classical Jazz and make the plethora of crafted key boards dance their own melodic tune. He is not at all boastful about His God given talent. His goal has always been to “GLORIFY our LORD!”
“THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!”
“Your Gift will make room for you…” Proverbs 18 ~
He has also excelled in the world of technology. As an astute business man he has been an overseer and managed and mentored and trained many professional project managers within the corporate world. No doubt he is indeed a natural born leader. His innate temperament is extraordinary, flexible and resilient. This has enabled him to be able to relate to a plethora of cultures, ages and diverse personalities. This is true if you are saved or unsaved. He can engage one on one or to a multitude on a multiplicity of spiritual and intellectual levels. But most important, he is a humble yet very strong Man of God. He can steadfastly exegete, teach, proclaim, expound, rebuke and stand upon GOD’S WORD without compromise. He has indeed accomplished much to make this world a better place to live in for many.
He is the Love of My life!
Together we daily welcome the presence of the Lord within our home and our lives. Our children are now adults. They are now establishing their own homes. Our love continues to grow and flourish. We do not take the Lord for granted. Nor do we take one another for granted. We are thankful for the spiritual “ONESSNESS” we have been given in the Lord! As the WORD says; “PRAISE GOD from whom all BLESSINGS FLOW…” THANK YOU LORD!
Life is so much more precious when you share it with someone you are on one accord with. In a consecrated covenant marriage you love, respect, admire, enjoy & trust one another without question. Precious endless memories abound. Yet, life is full of mountain top and valley experiences. Henceforth we have together learned to major in its joys and minor in its sorrows. To soar and trust God in sickness and in health and the valley or upon the mountaintops.
TRULY GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!
So thankful to the LORD for there has certainly been much less times in the valley… There has been numerous mountain top experiences that we will forever cherish. We are thankful for the life we have in the Lord. I THANK the LORD for teaching us how to work together to bring up our children in a home of love, patience, understanding & peace. Marriage should be unity in action. To also work together in ministry and business. The Lord’s presence is evident for; “Where two or three are gathered together in my name I am in the midst…” Matthew 18
“I always say: ” I LIVE BEFORE AN AUDIENCE OF ONE!”
WHAT GOD KNOWS ABOUT US IS WHAT MATTERS MOST!
WHEN YOU TRULY LIVE FOR THE LORD; YOUR REPUTATION IS ALWAYS SAFE WITH HIM! FOR THERE IS NOTHING EVER HIDDEN TO HIM!
Together we have experienced “PERFECTION in the LORD” which simply means to be COMPLETE in HIM. We are forever growing in HIS grace as long as HE has us on this side of Heaven. The beauty about GOD is HE KNOWS EXACTLY where you are coming from. For in times likes these we need A SAVIOR! I can not imagine life without our LORD to HIM we give the GLORY!
Life with GOD is precious! CHRIST JESUS IS OUR BEST WITNESS
I believe that each & every day is a precious GIFT from the Lord. Know HIS WORD for yourself because; ALL HIS WORD IS TRUE! What is so precious about the Lord is “He is not a respecter of persons…” James 2 Take delight in the Lord be patient because in HIS time, “HE will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37 That are in HIS WILL for you…
The Lord is always there to help us. We in turn need to just reach out, submit and trust HIM! For: “I will look to the hills from which comes my HELP. My HELP comes from the LORD. “ Psalm 121 I am thankful of the Lord’s presence in our lives. He is our Rock, Refuge and strong foundation.
We are to be “As wise as a serpent, yet as harmless as a dove.” Matthew 10
Always keep in mind GOD knows our thoughts motives and intentions. So don’t allow bitterness or regrets to take root. Time is too precious and you do not want to waste a lot of it in regrets. Learn to be content knowing that GOD is omniscient. Take some time daily to draw closer to the LORD for HE WILL teach you how to “guard your heart” with diligence. Psalm 3
In closing I suggest;
Women respect your husbands. Husbands respect your wives. Love one another fervently. Single men & women seek the Lord’s direction if you desire a spouse. Hide the Word of God daily within your hearts. You must learn to give up “Me”ness for “We”ness! A great marriage is possible but it takes, love, dedication, discipline, faithfulness, longsuffering, prayer, sacrifice, unselfishness, work & responsibility. Furthermore marriage is about mutual team work apart or together. Therefore, be willing to give and give in love. Don’t take one another for granted. Learn to be thankful for the time you share with one another. Embrace Love!
Your marriage should be a reflection of Your LOVE for GOD!
Truly the LORD is my/our Forever Good Shepherd. We are living in an ever changing world that continues to move further and further away from God’s principles. Know this; Marriage God’s Way Works! Keep God as the Center of your marriage. Marriage in the eyes of GOd is; “HOLY MATRIMONY!” There are those who will do and say just about anything… Yes, some will try to undermine your integrity. Do not fear or be discouraged, instead TRUST GOD, for HE WILL; “lead you in the Path of Righteousness for HIS Namesake…” Psalm 23 Honor God in your marriage, in your daily life and within your home. PRAY for DISCERNMENT! Stay connected to GOD & “PRAY without ceasing” all throughout your day.
TRULY GOD IS FAITHFUL! THANK YOU LORD for my Pastor husband the father of our Children. I Love You through ETERNITY. ~ Today & everyday; HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! ~
There is HELP; Addiction Relief is Possible! Part 5
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
How drugs affect your body and your mind?
Drug abuse continues to escalate. Addiction is real! It is taking its casualties all over the world. There is help for your addiction! Drugs change the natural chemistry of the human body. For some drugs are necessary therapeutic medicinal healing aids to facilitate improving ones health. For millions of people they help to sustain a certain quality of life.
In cases such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer, infections and viruses drugs are helpful. They help to ease discomfort in broken bones, sprains and the pain of arthritis. These are just a few of the plethora of ailments that are usually controlled by drugs. In these cases they are usually necessary and beneficial. There is HELP for your addiction.
Medical drugs are used everyday
Doctors treat many illnesses, diseases and conditions with medical drugs every day! Drugs may be chewed, swallowed, injected, inhaled or sniffed. There are legitimate as well as illegitimate uses for drugs. One can become addicted in both cases. The use of drugs illegally is far more dangerous. When one has a spouse who engages in drugs and or alcohol it is much harder to establish intimacy. Their need for drugs and drinking is more important than their need to be emotionally available.
It is not wise to use drugs that are not personally prescribed for you nor those purchased illegally. Drugs alter the chemistry of the brain and make you feel different. A physician takes into consideration your current health status, your weight and symptoms when prescribing a prescription. The more you use drugs the more your brain chemistry becomes altered. There is help for your addiction!
You are out of control!
When a person becomes addicted they are out of control. The drug or behavior of choice now has taken over. And the desire is now to “fix” the way they are feeling. How you feel takes priority over everything! They are no doubt self-centered and will quite often do whatever is necessary just to “feel good.” This is why it is prefable to be under the care of a trained physician. They know how to properly prescribe the proper medication. This is necessary to address any physical or mental ailments. f you have no self-control. Even under the care of a qualified doctor one can still become chemically dependent and addicted to drugs.
Pain is real!
The addict is in pain and has lost their ability to cope with reality unless they are under the influence. Drugs and or alcohol have become the priority! They have developed an unhealthy habit and desire to experience a level of pleasure and/or the need to escape from reality. Life can be difficult and often people are thrust into situations and terrible living conditions that are unbearable.
Childhood trauma and cumulative issues not dealt with fester and cause emotional pain. People often carry many unresolved issues into their relationships… This can forbid them from being transparent. This can also hinder them from maturing. The marriage then often suffers from neglect and lack of intimacy. This causes much conflict within he marriage. The spouse with the addiction is often emotionally unavailable. It is important to seek viable help.
Your marriage really should be a priority
To some marriage can be a game rather than a sacred union. Rather than being responsible the addicted spouse is selfish. A secondary marriage addiction example. I was the Sacramento Marriage Examiner for many years… There was a man in the area who was arrested for participating in numerous marriage unions. He also arranged as many as 39 bogus marriages for others.
He profited for a fee at the expense of others unhappiness. This was not good. It was a total disregard for moral principles. This was a terrible selfish abusive pattern in operation. Marriage is supposed to be sacred. It is important to take time to get to know who you are marrying… This man’s selfish deceptive actions hurt many people. He had no intention of making a virtuous commitment. It is evident that he had an unhealthy addiction to the idea of marriage and fulfilling his own desires.
The basis of a good healthy relationship is trust
Trust can be shattered like a glass vase. Leaving one traumatized! It can erode when one is not attentive to the needs of their spouse creating an abyss. Marriage is about coming together and building a great partnership. Affair proof your marriage. Keep God in the center of your marriage! It can be tedious regaining trust again but it is possible. It is always important to be honest about your pain and however you are feeling.
Disillusioned by a break in trust usually leaves the spouse empty and needy. Which also makes them vulnerable… Building or establishing an ongoing relationship with the Lord will build a stronger foundation that will help to keep you anchored. God is available 24/7! The Lord is true to His Word! “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight!” Proverbs 3.
Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction is quite threatening to a marriage. It is an intimacy problem. Millions of people in the US sand all around the world uffer from sexual addictions. The person with a sexual addiction has a hard time connecting to and making a monogamous commitment. They are caught up in a vicious cycle of having their own needs met at any cost. The spouse’s needs are usually ignored and neglected due to the spouses self-indulgence. It is important to keep and maintain healthy boundaries in your marriage.
Respect your marriage as well as the marriages of others. Stop giving yourself away. This should NOT be. Don’t just connect to anything or anybody. You should learn to be happy by yourself before you think that you can be happy with your spouse. Revisit your vows don’t let them become mere words. Remember; You both committed not only to your one another but to GOD! There is HELP for your addiction.
There is HELP for your Addiction!
Addiction that is not addressed will not just go away. REPENT! Commit or recommit to God and your spouse. Tell them you need HELP! Tell them you are sincerely sorry. If you are not truly sorry you will repeatedly fall into a pattern of addiction. Restoration is a choice; it takes a lot of work but it is possible. You will have to build a new relationship with a strong foundation of transparency and trust. With the HELP of the Lord; You can come forth from the fire of addiction like pure gold!
You Really NEED HELP!
Godly counsel and much time spent in fervent prayer are needed along with a necessary redemptive confrontation. The confrontation means I care enough to “Speak the Truth in Love.” Confrontation brings the issues to the forefront. You must be willing to face your demons. Demons meaning the supernatural malevolent influences that have held you captive to do harm to your mind-body and soul. They keep you in a daily battle to control your destiny. This does not have to be. There is NO power stronger than GOD!
This has caused you to hurt those around you as well. They have suffered greatly. Although through a lot of it you were somewhat unconscious; start by apologizing for your behavior. Yes you were under the influence. It is important that the issues are then addressed immediately. Keep it real! There is HELP for your addiction.
Deal with your issues
If you or your spouse has an addiction of any kind; Please DO NOT delay seeking help. The longer you wait the harder it is to make the necessary lifestyle and environment changes. You can be delivered! You must want to break free! A couple that has a strong healthy marriage bond can be a great mentor and a source of encouragement. The TRUTH always prevails!
You have vowed to be there for one another for better or for worse? Begin to take care of yourself and make it a point to look your best. Not just in a superficial way. But to discipline yourself to take better care of your body that houses your soul. Don’t just look good but be or get in a good place emotionally… Embrace moral principles. There is HELP for your addiction.
If you are reading this and you are single. Start dealing with your issues now before you commit to marry. Have a transparent conversation about addiction prior to marriage. When you marry someone with an addiction you have married their addiction. You get a somewhat superficial façade of who they really are. Such as how they cope when not under the influence. Well usually they don’t. They usually become annoying, impatient and cantankerous It is important to know that a good strong marriage is built on TRUST! If necessary recommit to your vows and start anew.
GOD CAN HEAL Any Addiction!
The road to recovery and healing will be tedious. There are some who make up their mind and are done with the dysfunctional cycle. They readily hold fast to their dedication to take back control of their life. Others vary some taking longer than others yet, dedicated to changing. Stop making excuses and make it a goal to recapture your self-respect dignity and integrity. You can change but it is your choice. Reach daily for self-control!
Congratulations you are on the right road now! It is called “Straight and Narrow!” There is HELP for your addiction.
Now let’s get busy moving forward building better, stronger, satisfying, trusting enduring relationships and marriages! Be encouraged to become the “Best You!” Stay on the straight and narrow. “PRAY without ceasing” all throughout your day. This is what keeps us connected to the Lord! This is also how you build a “Solid Rock” intimate relationship with the Lord! Know that Great Healthy Relationships and Great Marriages (without addiction) are truly still possible! GOD IS MORE THAN ABLE!
There is HOPE; Addiction Relief is Possible Part 4
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
Marriage & Addiction
Part 4
Causes of Addiction
Addiction makes you want to feel good. The limbic system is the center where our feelings originate. It is activated by our brains. When you feel good your brain releases a neurotransmitter that reaches a receptor. This is what tells you to feel good. Drugs that affect the brain are called psycho active because they are mood altering. This is why one refers to being under the influence as being “high!”
However after prolonged use the brain chemistry becomes altered and adjusts. It gradually takes more in order to achieve a “high!” The more one uses, the more they begin to crave, the more they use. Guess what? This begins the perilous road to addiction. So now we have a vicious self-destructive cycle that needs to be broken!
Addiction affects not only the mind but the body and spirit as well. There are many forms of addiction. When addiction involves, overeating, nicotine and caffeine having a heathy diet is often noticably neglected. Gambling, promiscuity, shopping, workaholic, cultish religion, exercise and hobbies are more camoflouged addicitons. However, all indicate it is very important to seek resolve.
Society has a tendency to accept the above addictions a tad more. An addiction can also be of a sexual nature. You should make it a goal to learn how to train your impulsiveness. Seek to let nothing or no one control you. There are serious consequences when one becomes addicted! The addiction itself is a symptom of an underlying unresolved issue. Which is really “A plea for help!”
Take ownership of your behavior
Emotional pain that is suppressed and has not been properly addressed is often the root cause. One who has low self-esteem lacking coping skill will sometimes turn to drugs. Someone who has been abused or molested will turn to drugs. Domestic violence can cause someone to turn to drugs. Someone who has been abandoned will turn to drugs. Someone who is grieving a loss or grieving may turn to drugs. One who may have been injured in a fall or accident and is prescribed pain medication can also become addicted! They often use the injury to rationalize the addiction. There is a plethora of reasons for addiction…
Finding better ways to cope is crucial. One must come out of denial and take ownership of their behavior. When an addiction becomes full-blown it affects everyone involved. Finding better ways to cope is crucial. One must come out of denial and take ownership of their behavior. When an addiction becomes full-blown it affects everyone involved.
For instance cigarette smoke impacts others as they breathe in the secondary smoke. It also results in low birth weight in babies whose mother’s continue to smoke. It has now become clear that cigarette smoking causes cancer therefore smoking has been banned in many public buildings, restaurants and places… After many years of smoking cigarettes it can result in health complications as well as cancer that can eventually cause death.
What is so very interesting the number of people who continue to smoke anyway. They know that smoking is not good for their health! But cigarettes have been a long time companion. This is also due to the fact that smoking has been socially accepted to a large degree making it easier for the addiction to persist!
How to improve your self-control
Drugs usually makes one feel good. This in itself makes it hard for the addict to simply just say “NO!” Their feelings dictate their behavior and mental acuity. Due to their lack of self-discipline they usually succumb! The addictive drug user seeks the euphoria that the drugs or smoking provides over all else at the expense of their health and wellbeing. Momentarily they are able to escape and numb their inner pain.
You can actually feel good or learn how to feel good without the use of any substance. This is another reason an intimate personal close relationship with the Lord is so very important. God is our Creator. He really does know what is best for each of us. He wants to manifest and multiply the Fruit of His Spirit within us. Self control is part of His Fruit. God can Heal your mind, body & soul.
Addiction affects, mind, body and soul. The multiplicity of reasons why people become addicted are complex, vast and each individual is different. Addiction is being out of control and accompanied with compulsive behaviors. Addiction does not mean that the person is bad. It is important to separate their behavior from who they are. It is important to not make them feel comfortable in their addiction. Next we will discuss; some of the ways drugs affect you body!
There is HOPE: Addiction Relief is Possible! Part 3
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
Step 3 Regular Usage
When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!” The substance abuser will now use others in an attempt to satisfy their addiction. This often leads to a multiplicity of dysfunction on many levels. Satisfying the addiction is often done in secrecy as well as with others. The frequency in which they do so has now escalated and impedes on their day-to-day life.
The addiction can still go undetected because they cleverly camouflage or conceal their addiction of choice! As one looks closely the signs are all there. A spouse may not be aware because they can appear normal to a degree. A multiplicity of excuses is rendered when they are questioned? A user will cleverly find ways to satisfy the addiction. Deception comes along with addiction it can greatly hinder or destroy your marriage and other relationships as well.
Truth, intimacy and trust are important components in building a good strong marriage, and healthy relationships or a family!
Step 4 full-blown
Day in and day out the addiction has now taken over. The addict will now do whatever to satisfy his or her obsession. When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!” It has completely taken control. Their life cycle is getting, using, doing drugs, alcohol or whatever the addiction is… They are now compulsively spiraling increasingly downhill… Denial and selfishness has become their companion. For many it takes hitting rock bottom before they will admit they need help!
They have indulged themselves to the point that their brain chemistry has changed drastically! Their spiritual aptitude has been suppressed. To attempt to stop means that they will go through a period of painful withdrawal! The high that they used to receive is now an insatiable voracious uncontrollable craving. A mere ferocious “monkey is on their back!” They cannot feel normal unless they are under the influence or indulging in the activity.
What really needs to be “Fixed?”
Not realizing that normal is now far from them. They are consumed by their need to do whatever is necessary to satisfy their addiction. Their family, friends, job, talents, resources are all being destroyed by their inability to control their compulsive need for a fix!
How interesting that they so paradoxically “Need a fix!” What really needs to be fixed is their deep cavernous inner pain… Addiction is a vicious cycle. When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!” If your spouse, friend or coworker is in any of these stages it is important to confront them in love. Redemptive confrontation is a way to begin to address whatever the addiction is. Don’t be an enabler. Love does not mean making someone feel comfortable in sin and self indulgence. If not confronted your love one’s life will spiral out of control if in fact that is not the case already.
Addiction impacts your marriage and relationships
Marriage is a wonderful relationship. God has created for us to learn how to properly relate to our spouses in every way. It is the ultimate monogamous sacred partner/co-worker relationship! It is through a committed marriage with God as the center one can learn how to overcome their weaknesses. A good marriage can or will keep you from addiction. When addiciton progresses it requires a “FIX!” Truly GOD is OMNISCIENT! He is the ultimate source of Godly Wisdom. He knew when we were created that we would need Him in all areas of our lives.
In a God Centered Marriage He keeps man and woman joined together for life. Ever growing in His wisdom as they both stay connected to Him. A strong marriage takes to whole people. Yet; both realizing with the Lord that “we together become one.” “What God has joined together let not man put asunder.” Within the context of a committed marriage there is power and unity! With the Help of the Lord you can whether the storms of life and emerge Victoriously. MARRIAGE to GOD IS SACRED! It is in fact; HOLY MATRIMONY!
Building healthier boundaries
Addiction is a weakness. Drugs, alcohol, cannabis, vaping, illicit sex, pornography or whatever; are all used to help one to feel good! However as an addict they have no boundaries and they are constantly seeking more ways to alleviate their uncontrollable desires. When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!” This only drives them deeper into despair and uncertainty. With the help of the Lord you can overcome addiction. For with God “All things are possible!”
When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!”
Marriage was wonderfully designed by God so we could get some of our needs met. There are some needs that can only be met by God! It is important to respect your marriage as well as the marriages of others. God honors marriage. When you honor your marriage you honor God!
A spouse can be a great facilitator in helping the cycle of the dysfunction of addiction being broken! It is difficult because it requires exercising good boundaries. Praying and interceding for your spouse is key as well as seeking and taking direction from the Lord!
An Intervention is Really Necessary
An intervention is necessary! Once the addiction has been confronted it is important to seek healthier ways to cope. Remember there are many forms of addiction. It can be an addiction to just about anything. Not everyone has a tendency towards addiction. Yet keep in mind that we all are forever becoming. Therefore we all need to work on improving and increasing our own personal disciplines.
Be compassionate and have empathy but not to the point you further enable them. Be firm and set boundaries. Encourage them to take responsibility for overcoming their addition. They need to own their problem! They need to be active in seeking ways to resolve their addiction. Help by being their and remembering; addiction is a plea for help! Encourage them to discover healthier ways to fill their deep inner void.
There is absolutely nothing in your life that God is not aware of. He Loves you! He wants you to reach out to Him! You can do this wherever you are. Learning to surrender to HIM is very important!
How’s Your Relationship with the Lord?
Developing a genuine intimate personal relationship with the Lord will help you begin to better cope! Your need to be under the influence will dissipate. You will become better able to face life and situations soberly. God wants an up close personal relationship with us. Here one must be careful as well. There are those who develop an addiction to religion. When addiciton progresses it requires a “FIX!” They become very religious which also creates a void… It becomes just another escape. This is not the same thing as having a healthy personal intimate relationship with the Lord.
It is important to spend time in His Word getting to know Him through His Word. You embrace and implement His Word in your daily life. You do not just merely wrotely learn how to quote it. God’s word becomes embedded within your heart. You begin to grow spiritually. Your inner peace increases. You desire to walk in the Light more. His Holy Spirit brings the Word to the forefront of your mind to HELP you sin less. Here you can discover what life is really all about. Here you can discover your purpose and the Freedom God wants for you.
Your indentity without the Addiction
One must seek to discover who they are without the addiction. To nurture the inner child that wants it’s way at all cost. To learn to better exercise self-control! Now that this is out in the open the addiction is exposed! This is what the road to recovery is all about. One must begin to monitor their feelings to see what triggers their desires. What is the root cause of them losing themselves into addiction? How do I begin to move from the addiction being the center of my life? God does have a better way!
There is a way out of addiction. When addiction progresses it requires a “FIX!” Focusing now on your spouse’s strengths is very important. Give them encouragement without being controlling or manipulating. Pray for them and give them to the Lord. No you don’t abandon them. However you no longer do for them what they should be doing for themselves. This helps them find their way back to becoming responsible and reliable! Encouraging them to allow the “JOY of the LORD to be their strength”. God wants to be the center of your life. “Jesus came that you might have life and has it to the full.” John 10.
Next we will discuss some of the causes of addiction!
See Part 4
There is Hope; Addiction Relief is Possible! Part 2
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
Part 2
Steps To Drug Addiction
There is Hope; Addiction relief is possible! Addiction is a compulsive behavior. There are steps to drug addiction. Know this; addiction is not a behavior or goal a person usually sets out to acquire. It is rarely if ever intentionally. Whenever, addiction happens there is an unhealthy dependency formed. The addiction can be upon a substance. Or an activity or habit which is gradually developed over a period of time. This time period varies for each individual.
Did you now; addiction is considered a disease by many in the medical profession. Some have a predisposition to being addicted that makes them more susceptible. One then usually seeks to cope with their inner pain erroneously. Depending heavily upon an external source eventually results in a dependency on it for an unhealthy comfort. Unknowingly user compulsively indulges themselves without restraint and becomes seduced. More and more they gradually enter a world of escape!
Step 1 Experimentation
Their are steps to drug addiction. The first step into addiction is when someone experiments and there becomes a gradual progression. For some it becomes a beloved affair. They readily fall into dependence upon a particular substance or activity. Alcohol and Cannabis (pot) are usually where they start? It has been said that cocaine is quite deceptive and after one try many become “hooked!” One will never quite experience that first climactic high! However they will incessantly try again and again to achieve the euphoric exhilarating high! Some have even declared that they have “fallen in love” with rock cocaine only after the very first use!
Addiction can happen faster for a teenager or tweeny because they have not yet developed strong restraints. Their brain and nervous system is still developing. Therefore they can fall into alcoholism, pot smoking, drugs or pornography easier than an adult. Many have now been seduced into vaping! Many children have become hooked due to the appealing flavors. At first vaping was thought of as somewhat harmless. Please if you have not don’t ever vape! There is Hope; Addiction relief is possible!
If you don’t experiment; Guess what? You won’t get hooked! Often when someone tries drugs and don’t like them they will not continue. They don’t like how they feel when under the influence.
Food is a very hard addiction to overcome because it is vitally necessary to sustain one’s life. Therefore they must learn how to get their addiction under control and live with it daily. It is important to learn to relate to food properly. Food is essential. So, seek to find a balance in all areas of your life. Be encouraged! It is possible to master any addiction with the HELP of the LORD! There is Hope; Addiction relief is possible!
Step 2 Occasional recreational usage
This is when drugs or alcohol are used in social settings! They are used recreationally. This is another; NO! Many allow themselves to be influenced by their peers and opt to go along with the group. There are some users who stay here and do not go on to daily use drugs. They simply do not like them. Then there are some, who only use alcohol and drugs on the weekend and don’t consider themselves to have an addiction. They claim to use it for recreational purposes only.
Addiction is so widespread in this 21st century that just about everyone has been impacted to some degree. It crosses all socioeconomic boundaries. And is prevalent within all colors, races and cultures. This is true both inside and outside of God’s Church. Addiction within marriage can go undetected when you are not close to your spouse.
It really is important to be transparent with your spouse in order to build a safe intimate marriage. It is also important to educate yourself about addiction. It is important to pray for your spouse, relatives, friends, coworkers or and love ones. There is Hope; Addiction relief is possible!
A treatment program can be very expensive. Check your health insurance and see what options or health benefits are available to you. Later on we will discuss outpatient, in patient, and residential programs. Know that having a personal relationship with the Lord makes or can make all the difference in the world! He can work through Christian and non Christians to help you through the recovery process… Keep in mind doctors and therapist treat and practice; GOD HEALS!
Next we will discuss advanced steps in addiction
There is Hope; Addiction Relief is Possible Part 1
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Marriage & Relationships
Part 1
Addiction relief is possible. Few want to readily openly discuss addiction. But since there has been such an overwhelming influx of problems worldwide related to addiction it warrants the spotlight. But, there are reasons for alarm when an addiction is apparent. This needs to be addressed. It will not just go away. If not it will at some point impede upon your relationship.
Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Your addiction will inhibit intimacy developing within your marriage. The addiction also prohibits you from being transparent. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy safe satisfying marriage.
Your Addiction says you are hurting
A clear indicator that you are hurting is addiction. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be to alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana. Uppers, downers, prescription drugs, gambling, caffeine, pornography and or illicit sex. People food and even shopping. Yes and there are more… Even wanting approval from others can be addicting. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve. Addiction relief is possible.
I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns whenever you are alone. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Having an addiction of any kind is serious. Many can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate contol. The ability to genuinely love is questionable. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!”
The misuse and dependency upon opiates has become of great concern worlwide. Not everyone becomes addicted from illegal drugs. Many have become addicted through the use of prescriptions medications. This should not be. This will greatly impact your spouse, children, home, work and career.
How does this impact my marriage?
Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. Well, the spouse that is unaware is often kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold. Know, addiction relief is possible.
Your addiction creates undo tension. You need to learn to communicate openly and honeestly with your spouse. Afterall you are supposed to be one. Your addiction is robbinh you of building a beter relationship.
Causes or addiction triggers
A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.
We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better. Look how the dinner hour has become the prime time for what I call commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!
Commitment in marriage is important
Keeping your commitments are important. Embracing your vows is important. Did you not commit to Him as well? One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. Did you know marriage was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. A strong marraige can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective. Your marriage can help you develop a healthier living environment as you work together
Building trust is an important part of marriage. Addiction relief is possible.
As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. Not everyone has addiction issues. In some addictions have unconsciously been passed down through generations. A safe home environment does not always exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are there. If this has been the case the possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable. You can change this! Yes, addiction relief is possible.
Develping a Healthy Support System
It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop an ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. No this does not mean you support the addiction. Neither do you allow it to become the white elephant in the room no one notices. However, you must confront the addiction. You can also find healthy ways to make them feel uncomfortable. Also learn to separate the behavior from the person. Encourage them to be the best they can be. Find ways to help them become who they were created to be without the addiction.
Working together
God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill some of those voids with a committed partner… There are some voids that can only be filled by God.
Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”
In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. This does not have to be. God’s Holy Spirit His Comforter is more than able.
Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Your addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps… So remember; theis help. Addiction relief is possible!
Next we will discuss some of those steps;
Food For Thought Before You Say I DO- Kindle Edition Countdown Promotion
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?
How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage. Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple. The lessons are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.
A Kindle Countdown promotion will run on Amazon from 1/2/2016 – 1/9/2016. During this period you can get a limited-time discount on this premarital book.
Starting 1/2/2016 you can download a copy of the book starting at $ .99. Click on the book to visit Amazon and pick up your copy. The sooner you purchase, the larger the discount.
WHY AM I “CUTTING MYSELF” ?
July 14, 2012 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Teen Culture
We are living within a pressure driven society! There is a myriad of social pressures that are imposed on one to make them feel the need to fit in. This can at times cause undue stress and result in unfavorable behavior. These behaviors are not readily discussed but are becoming more prevalent! Fitting in is not easy and makes it harder to transition through the stages of youth and early adulthood development. For some it is much more difficult than others. As a matter of fact we have a growing number of individuals that are self mutilating themselves in order to relieve intense inner pressure. Self injury is on the rise!
What? Yes, they harm themselves; they are a part of the growing number that leans towards cutting themselves. Growing up can be painful and difficult! Did you know that not being like everyone else really is okay! Once you accept this you won’t have to cut yourself to feel okay! Everyone still on this side of Heaven is here to learn and grow… You are like a beautiful flower waiting to bloom!
What is cutting?
Cutting is when someone takes a blunt object, pin, paper clip, scissors or a razor blade and proceeds to make cuts on their wrists, arms, legs, thighs or torso to the point that they bleed. Some will even burn themselves or harm themselves in some other way. This is usually done in a place that is less noticeable! It is becoming an increasing reoccurring behavior that can become addicting. It often goes unnoticed because the self mutilator will make excuses for the cuts and bruises or try very hard to keep them hidden by making excuses. Oh the cat scratched me, or I fell in the bushes, i slipped, or I scraped myself on the… Cutting is considered an impulse – control behavior reaction!
Who cuts themselves?
Cutting is something that is done by both genders. It appears that female teens and younger women are primarily the predominate participators. However there are a growing number of guys who cut themselves as well. There are a number of reasons why they result to such drastic measures. Some cut because they know that their friends cut themselves. One viable cause that jumps out is the need for inner, “relief!” They are tormented and driven by thier pain. These individuals feel and enormous amount of pressure!
Books on Cutting
Someone who is cutting can’t always freely express themselves and they often feel as though they are emotionally knotted up. The need for a release is why they begin cutting. Some like the way the cuts look and when they begin to heal will reopen the cuts. You can’t really force someone to stop cutting. So what do you do? Lend a listening ear and let them know that you care! Yelling at someone who is cutting is not very helpful. Approaching them with patience and concern is a much better method if you really want to help them. Be firm in letting them know that they need to get some relief; but in a healthier way. Allow them some time to vent… Encourage them to seek help!
Signs of Cutting
There are a few signs that you might notice such as …………Continue Reading
Music for Healing – “Balm In Gilead”
Learn How To Overcome Bitterness Part 1
October 2, 2009 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Featured Articles
What’s been eating you?
Is there something that is bothering you? Are you bitter? Something that you can’t talk about? Has someone hurt you that you can’t forgive? Did someone say something to you that you can’t shake loose? Has someone taken something away from you; or wronged you in some way? Do you crave acceptance? Do you feel rejected? Are you, impatient, frustrated, fed up, and just plain angry? Does the slightest little thing set you off?
What’s eating you now?
Whatever the case don’t let it continue to hold you a prisoner. If you don’t do something about it, you will only allow the seed of bitterness to become rooted and develop deep within. Slowly but surely it will cultivate and grow. Think for a moment the chances are great that whomever has wronged you has probably moved on and not even given the matter a second thought. However you are stuck.
Time to let bitterness it go!
Each time you dwell on whatever it is without letting go, it grows. The longer you hold on to it, it will slowly but surely begin to eat at you from the inside out. Unattended it will cause you to become depressed, physically ill, have much anxiety, depression, panic attacks, cancer, high blood pressure or migraine headaches. The end of possibilities goes on…
When you allow whatever it is that is bothering you to grow, fester and internally aggravate you, it will eventually make you bitter. It will continue to impact you, your marriage, your friendships as well as your working relationships.
Stop Reacting!
Although you have tucked it away for no one to see. Pushed it to the back of your mind only to silently gnaw away at your joy. As each year passes it is still there. The bitterness surfacing from time to time like a virus. The slightest little thing will trigger it. Someone will be able to push your button like pushing a remote control and set you off! You in turn loose control and impulsively react.
Learn how to responsively respond.
Did you know how the worm gets into the apple?
Did you think it gets in from the outside in? Well it doesn’t. It has scientifically been proven. What happens is an insect actually lays an egg on the apple’s blossom. At some point the egg then hatches within the apple. As it grows, it eats away the apple and burrows its way to the outside. When you allow bitterness to nest, it like the worm begins to grow and erode the fiber of your being. It will eat away your happiness. Inside it will grow and tunnel its way out and manifest itself as sin.
TRULY GOD IS GOOD!
How do you stop what’s eating you from eating away at the core of your being? Periodically take a personal inventory. First keep in mind you cannot undo what has been done. Second, allow whatever bitterness that has been sitting in the warehouse of your mind, to come to the forefront. As anything resurfaces hold it up to the Light of God’s Word. Third, Meditate upon the Word of God. For it is a marvelous Library of Essential Spiritual Wisdom.
By the way you can read all day long but if you don’t implement it, then its just mere words.
Ask the Lord to help you and to open up your understanding. Begin to acknowledge any ill will or bad feelings you are having. Move towards letting go of the pain by; forgiving the offense, the offender, and forgiving the deed. By the way forgiving does not mean forgetting unless you have amnesia.
What does it mean to forgive?
Forgiving does not mean that you have to overlook what has happened. Christ Jesus forgave those who crucified Him. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do…” But we must never forget the penalty He paid. Nor do we have to continue to allow anyone to crucify us, nor disrespect us!
GOD says; REPENT!
Forgiving means that you give up the resentment. Resentment means to feel the pain of the action over and over again. When you hold on to the resentment it turns to bitterness, that only continues to further hurt you. So, learn to become ” Strong in the Lord! ” Daily nurture your heart with the WORD of GOD!
Don’t allow anyone to lay eggs on your blossoms!
God can teach you how to properly guard your heart. However; You must also surrender your right to get even. Each day is a day to grow in God’s grace. Give it, your issues, her, him or them to the Lord! Life and time is precious. God can handle them all a lot better than you can… He says; “Vengeance is mine I will repay…” Allowing any anger to slowly come to the surface helps you gain self control, you can then rise above it. Focus and reset!
God’s Holy Spirit; His Comforter is more than able to help you…
