Why Most Marriages Don’t Last! Part 4
July 25, 2017 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health
God created marriage to last for a lifetime. It was designed to be the ultimate relationship for oneness between a man and a woman. Here you both can physically and spiritually become one. Strive to enhance and improve every aspect of your lives together. It is important to create a nurturing living environment. Take care to affectionately tend your marriage consistently. Keep your marriage as you would a lovely well-kept garden. Always make your marriage a top priority.
Take care of your marriage
Take a look around your home it is a reflection of how you feel. Now take a look at your bedroom. What does it say to you? For example; If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? You tend to be selfish and insensitive and don’t really care about your shared environment. You are also being inconsiderate to your spouse when this becomes a habit. Guess what? If you had guests would you treat them differently. Start being more attentive, considerate, respectful and thoughtful towards one another.
Preventative maintenance is the key to keeping order. For example. I like everything in its place. it saves times and you know where to find things. I also like organization. This works for us because we both like things organized.
You may like just letting things be. Then on the weekend or once a month you scramble to get everything in order. Or you just push everything aside and deal with it whenever you feel like it. Or do you leave it all to your spouse to do whenever. This makes for a real comfortable no hassle environment for you & yours. No big deal I will get to it when I get to it. The point is what works for your household is what is best.
As your family grows you will have to make adjustments. Once or if you have children you want to model good behavior. Color coordinating things really helps. When you have a lot of children it makes things easier. Structure helps children to feel secure. So I say; “when you play put away.” You do have to learn to be flexible and reasonable. You can also solicit a house keeper. Being to rigid is not good. It is your home and your environment so do whatever works for you and yours.
What is most important that you seek to create a balance. Your living environment should be a place you all feel comfortable.
Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you both make it. If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving yourself. Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work, go out or attend worship. Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Make a covenant with your eyes and always remain faithful to your spouse. Keep healthy boundaries and stay committed to honor your marriage. Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older now; NO! Still no excuse. Age like a fine antique. Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what? You should take care of your self to the degree you did when you came together or better. Strive to become the “BEST YOU” at any age.
Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love it truly can last for a lifetime. Keep an exciting synergy between you. Being happy is a choice! When you truly invest yourself in your marriage it will always remain a priority. You can always look forward to going home.
Keeping GOD as the CENTER of your marriage is important. PRAY, read and study the WORD together. This will really enhance your marriage and your life. After all you did make a vow to HIM as well. Life is precious. Make it a point to get better not bitter. You truly can continually refine your relationship. You really can have a beautiful realistic marriage. You, your spouse, your children and everyone else benefits. You actually give others HOPE!
True Love lasts through forever
Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority. You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Share with one another intimately. Have some fun activities together. Allow one another their space and freedom to breath. Don’t suffocate one another. When you don’t you will actually enjoy one another whenever you are together. Plan to have a marriage date weekly. Keep your marriage exciting. Again, I cannot say this enough; Keep one another and your marriage a priority.
Continually Invite love into your marriage and actually love on one another.
True Love lasts through forever. Be kindly affectionate towards one another. Unexpected hugs go a long way. Every touch does not have to lead to intercourse. Kiss one another whenever you are parting. Encourage one another. Take time to let one another in on what is going on in your life. How you feel, how you hurt and how you together want to keep love alive. Major in the Victories of life and minor in the disappointments. Life is Precious! CELEBRATE your marriage often. Be friends, lovers and partners. You both should desire what is best for one another. In a good healthy marriage you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side. You increasingly become One! This is true when GOD IS in the center of your marriage. You want and desire your marriage to last “until death do part.” Your vows remain important.
Happiness is a conscious choice. Commitment & fidelity is a choice. You can’t make them happy. However, you surely can greatly contribute to them becoming happier. Creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, secure and mutually inviting environment together helps tremendously. Here both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!
ENJOY one another and KEEP Your “I DO” real! True LOVE lasts through ETERNITY!
Book Release: “A HOUSE of PRAYER (Not a Hospital)”
June 2, 2017 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Religion & Spirituality
In this 21st century it is believed by many that the Church is a hospital. It is often said that it is a place for the sick. Does this mean that no one ever gets well?
The Lord did not come to build hospitals. He came to restore us back to the Father and for us to have an abundant life in every way. The House of the Lord is a House of Prayer.
What is your place of worship? Is it a place of worship or a place of hospitality? What is its main objective? Is it a social place where many simply seek to find refuge with those they have much in common? Is it a place where you can come to take part in the activities and have a good time? A place to simply feel comfortable and accepted? A place where you can feel good, but not necessarily become transformed by the renewing of your mind by the Word of God!
THINK and ponder for a moment. Is your place of worship simply a hospital for sinners or a museum for saints? Is it here you can simply remain sick sinners for a lifetime?
The next time you are in an actual hospital look around and see all the hurting people. Take notice and see how crowded it is in the emergency room. How long the lines are, waiting for prescriptions to be filled. How long do you have to wait. Notice the many specialists, doctors, nurses and technicians scurrying about. Yes, it is serious business, how sad so many are ailing. They are all there for a multiplicity of reasons.
All things considered, is this really how you think “A House of Prayer” should really be?
All of these questions and more are addressed in my new book. Pick up a copy and go with me to my Father’s House, “A HOUSE of PRAYER (Not a Hospital).”
Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 1
January 1, 2016 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Marriage & Relationships
Marriage and addiction
Part 1
Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. There is reason for alarm when an addiction is apparent. It needs to be addressed. It will at some point impede upon your relationship. Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Addiction will inhibit intimacy within the marriage. Addiction also prohibits you from being transparent. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy satisfying marriage.
Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, prescription drugs, gambling, caffeine, illicit sex, people, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Even approval from others. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve.
I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns whenever you are alone. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate genuine love. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!
How does this impact my marriage? Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. The spouse that is unaware is kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold.
A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.
We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better! Notice how the dinner hour has become the prime time for commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!
Keeping your commitments are important. One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. It was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. It can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective, it can help you develop a healthier living environment.
Building trust is an important part of marriage. As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. A safe home environment does not exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are… The possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable.
It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop and ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. This does not mean you support the addiction. No! You separate the behavior from the person. You encourage them to be the best they can be and find ways to help them become who they were created to be.
God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill some of those voids with a committed partner… There are some voids that can only be filled by God.
Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”
In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. This does not have to be. God’s Holy Spirit His Comforter is more than able.
Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps…
Next we will discuss some of those steps;
How To Overcome Bitterness – WHAT’s EATING YOU?
October 2, 2009 by DeBorrah K. Ogans
Filed under Behavioral,Emotional, and Spiritual Health, Featured Articles
WHAT’S EATING YOU?
Is there something that is bothering you? Something that you can’t talk about? Has someone hurt you that you can’t forgive? Have someone said something to you that you can’t shake loose? Has someone taken something away from you; or wronged you in some way? Do you crave acceptance? Do you feel rejected? Are you, impatient, frustrated, fed up, and just plain angry? Does the slightest little thing set you off? What’s eating you? Whatever the case don’t let it continue to hold you a prisoner. If you don’t do something about it, you will only allow the seed of bitterness to become rooted and develop deep within. Slowly but surely it will cultivate and grow! Think for a moment the chances are great that whoever has wronged you has probably moved on and not even given the matter a second thought. However you are stuck.
Each time you dwell on whatever it is without letting go, it grows. The longer you hold on to it, it will slowly but surely begin to eat you from the inside out. Unattended it will cause you to become depressed, physically ill, have much anxiety, panic attacks or migraine headaches! The end of possibilities goes on… When you allow whatever it is that is bothering you to grow, fester and internally aggravate you, it will eventually make you bitter. It will continue to impact you, your marriage, your friendships as well as your working relationships. What’s eating you? Although you have tucked it away for no one to see. Pushed it to the back of your mind only to silently gnaw away at your joy. As each year passes it is still there. The bitterness surfacing from time to time like a virus. The slightest little thing will trigger it. Someone will be able to push your button like pushing a remote control and set you off! You in turn loose control and react.
Did you know how the worm gets into the apple? Did you think it gets in from the outside in? Well it doesn’t! It has scientifically been proven. What happens is an insect actually lays an egg on the apple’s blossom. At some point the egg then hatches within the apple. As it grows, it eat eats away the apple and burrows its way to the outside! When you allow bitterness to nest, it like the worm begins to grow and erode the fiber of your being; it will eat away your happiness and inside it will grow and tunnel its way out and manifest itself as sin!
TRULY GOD IS GOOD!
How do you stop what’s eating you from eating away at the core of your being? Periodically take a personal inventory. First keep in mind you cannot undo what has been done! Allow whatever has been sitting in the warehouse of your mind, to come to the forefront. As anything resurfaces hold it up to the Light of God’s Word! Meditate on the Word of God it is a Library of Wisdom. By the way you can read all day long but if you don’t implement it, then its just mere words. Ask the Lord to help you and open up your understanding. Begin to acknowledge any ill will or bad feelings you are having. Move towards letting go of the pain by; forgiving the offense, the offender, and forgiving the deed. By the way forgiving does not mean forgetting unless you have amnesia. It does mean that you give up the resentment. Resentment means to feel the pain of the action over and over again. When you hold on to the resentment it too turns to bitterness, that only continues to further hurt you. You must surrender your right to get even. Allowing any anger to slowly come to the surface helps you gain self control, you can then rise above it.
GOD REALLY WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY!
By letting go of what’s eating you, you begin to strengthen and discipline yourself from continuing to let it hurt you, now you are beginning to move towards healing. Confess and admit it. Your feelings need to be validated. Accept responsibility for whatever it is by acknowledging it for whatever it is. Check yourself. Police yourself. When you find yourself going in the wrong direction or acting out in a way that is not right, don’t allow pride keep you in bondage. God does have a purpose and a path for your life. Now allow yourself to be put on the potter’s wheel to mold you and shape you into a usable “vessel of honor” for His Glory. God really does have a better way. The Word of God is so powerful! You can be “transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
YOU REALLY CAN BE HAPPY IT’S YOUR CHOICE!
Once you admit that life is difficult it becomes easier. Sin is pervasive and has taken root in this world we live. So many things have become greatly impacted. This only further nurtures any bitterness you are harboring. Don’t be deceived! Yes! Anything goes. Acceptance often becoming an Enabler; Tolerance often has been labeled Unconditional Love. TRUTH more and more has been pushed to the background. The LOVE of GOD misconstrued. Lord Help Us! Sin is anything that separates you from God. Like the worm in the apple sin begins to grow and works its way out.
All too often only part of the truth is told to receive sympathy or to be accepted. Some will literally help you to death. It is sad that many do not seek to really want to resolve inner or outer conflict. But seek a support to justify irresponsibility. It is important to know that this will not to lead to freedom. These last days the Word talks about is now. This is why we have some of everything happening inside and outside of God’s Church.
Jesus said that this would happen. But don’t be alarmed. Praise God, this only further proves His Word is TRUE. You can not really transform your mind apart from the Lord. Remember if you give credit where it is due. Then you know He made the mind. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God’s Word can renew and wash your mind when you sincerely embrace His principles and hold them dear to your heart.
What’s eating You? Do you want to experience the transforming power of His Word? Believing, knowing and implementing His Word is key. Bitterness, will not be able to stay rooted or if it has it will have to go. Ask the Lord to “Create in you a clean heart and renew the right Spirit within you.” As the Holy Spirit within you is activated it will cleanse you from the inside out. Each day as you invite His infilling PRESENCE within you to fill you, you can become transformed from the inside out!
This is not a manufactured peace that is displayed just for others. It is a genuine inner contentment that is from the Lord. The reassurance of His omnipresence brings much comfort. You are inwardly provoked to be inwardly transformed rather than to outwardly conform.
The Fruit of His Spirit then begins to take root instead. “But the Fruit of HIS SPIRIT is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control!” Your actions, words, thoughts and emotions can be transformed.
It is important that you regularly spend time with the Lord in His Word. Attending Bible Study is a good idea, especially if you don’t regularly spend time on your own in the Word. It is important to know that the Word of God is necessary Spiritual Food for your soul and you need to eat often. It is just or more so important than your regular meals. You should really make a point to daily spend time with the Lord in His Word. His Word is Alive and it imparts life. Don’t just read for quantity but to actually yield a greater spiritual understanding of who the Lord is. You should strive to learn how to embrace and implement what you are learning within your daily life. You will become spiritually strengthened and better able to release any bitterness as you actually digest His Word. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. It is true; “He will never leave nor forsake You!”
Life becomes a marvelous journey when you allow the Lord to lead you. You really can overcome anything with the Lord when you make happiness your choice. “GREATER IS HE that is in you than he that is in the world.” Believe God and His Word! Make happiness your goal. This transformation process is lifelong. But with Jesus Christ as your personal Savior & Lord you have all the time you need. God is everywhere that we are. He has given us His comforter to lead you to ALL TRUTH. He wants you to have a joyful, fulfilling, happy contented God centered life in every way. Always remember; You can call upon the Lord anywhere at anytime, in any and every situation. Worry, less and PRAY more release any bitterness and embrace your happiness!
