Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 1

Marriage and addiction

Part 1

Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. There is reason for alarm when an addiction is apparent. It needs to be addressed. It will at some point impede upon your relationship. Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Addiction will inhibit intimacy within the marriage. Addiction also prohibits you from being transparent. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy satisfying marriage.

Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, prescription drugs, gambling, caffeine, illicit sex, people, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Even approval from others. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve.

I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns whenever you are alone. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate genuine love. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!

How does this impact my marriage? Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. The spouse that is unaware is kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold.

A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.

We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better! Notice how the dinner hour has become the prime time for commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!

Keeping your commitments are important. One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. It was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. It can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective, it can help you develop a healthier living environment.

Building trust is an important part of marriage. As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. A safe home environment does not exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are… The possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable.

It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop and ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. This does not mean you support the addiction. No! You separate the behavior from the person. You encourage them to be the best they can be and find ways to help them become who they were created to be.

God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill some of those voids with a committed partner… There are some voids that can only be filled by God.

Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”

In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. This does not have to be. God’s Holy Spirit His Comforter is more than able.

Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps…

Next we will discuss some of those steps;

Part 2

How To Overcome Bitterness – WHAT’s EATING YOU?

WHAT’S EATING YOU?

Is there something that is bothering you? Something that you can’t talk about? Has someone hurt you that you can’t forgive? Have someone said something to you that you can’t shake loose? Has someone taken something away from you; or wronged you in some way? Do you crave acceptance? Do you feel rejected? Are you, impatient, frustrated, fed up, and just plain angry? Does the slightest little thing set you off? What’s eating you? Whatever the case don’t let it continue to hold you a prisoner. If you don’t do something about it, you will only allow the seed of bitterness to become rooted and develop deep within. Slowly but surely it will cultivate and grow! Think for a moment the chances are great that whoever has wronged you has probably moved on and not even given the matter a second thought. However you are stuck.

Each time you dwell on whatever it is without letting go, it grows. The longer you hold on to it, it will slowly but surely begin to eat you from the inside out. Unattended it will cause you to become depressed, physically ill, have much anxiety, panic attacks or migraine headaches! The end of possibilities goes on… When you allow whatever it is that is bothering you to grow, fester and internally aggravate you, it will eventually make you bitter. It will continue to impact you, your marriage, your friendships as well as your working relationships. What’s eating you? Although you have tucked it away for no one to see. Pushed it to the back of your mind only to silently gnaw away at your joy. As each year passes it is still there. The bitterness surfacing from time to time like a virus. The slightest little thing will trigger it. Someone will be able to push your button like pushing a remote control and set you off! You in turn loose control and react.

 Did you know how the worm gets into the apple? Did you think it gets in from the outside in? Well it doesn’t! It has scientifically been proven. What happens is an insect actually lays an egg on the apple’s blossom. At some point the egg then hatches within the apple. As it grows, it eat eats away the apple and burrows its way to the outside! When you allow bitterness to nest, it like the worm begins to grow and erode the fiber of your being; it will eat away your happiness and inside it will grow and tunnel its way out and manifest itself as sin!

TRULY GOD IS GOOD!

How do you stop what’s eating you from eating away at the core of your being? Periodically take a personal inventory. First keep in mind you cannot undo what has been done! Allow whatever has been sitting in the warehouse of your mind, to come to the forefront. As anything resurfaces hold it up to the Light of God’s Word! Meditate on the Word of God it is a Library of Wisdom. By the way you can read all day long but if you don’t implement it, then its just mere words. Ask the Lord to help you and open up your understanding. Begin to acknowledge any ill will or bad feelings you are having. Move towards letting go of the pain by; forgiving the offense, the offender, and forgiving the deed. By the way forgiving does not mean forgetting unless you have amnesia. It does mean that you give up the resentment. Resentment means to feel the pain of the action over and over again. When you hold on to the resentment it too turns to bitterness, that only continues to further hurt you. You must surrender your right to get even. Allowing any anger to slowly come to the surface helps you gain self control, you can then rise above it.

GOD REALLY WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY!

By letting go of what’s eating you, you begin to strengthen and discipline yourself from continuing to let it hurt you, now you are beginning to move towards healing. Confess and admit it. Your feelings need to be validated. Accept responsibility for whatever it is by acknowledging it for whatever it is. Check yourself. Police yourself. When you find yourself going in the wrong direction or acting out in a way that is not right, don’t allow pride keep you in bondage. God does have a purpose and a path for your life. Now allow yourself to be put on the potter’s wheel to mold you and shape you into a usable “vessel of honor” for His Glory. God really does have a better way. The Word of God is so powerful! You can be “transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

YOU REALLY CAN BE HAPPY IT’S YOUR CHOICE!

Once you admit that life is difficult it becomes easier. Sin is pervasive and has taken root in this world we live. So many things have become greatly impacted. This only further nurtures any bitterness you are harboring. Don’t be deceived! Yes! Anything goes. Acceptance often becoming an Enabler; Tolerance often has been labeled Unconditional Love. TRUTH more and more has been pushed to the background. The LOVE of GOD misconstrued. Lord Help Us! Sin is anything that separates you from God. Like the worm in the apple sin begins to grow and works its way out.

All too often only part of the truth is told to receive sympathy or to be accepted. Some will literally help you to death. It is sad that many do not seek to really want to resolve inner or outer conflict. But seek a support to justify irresponsibility. It is important to know that this will not to lead to freedom. These last days the Word talks about is now. This is why we have some of everything happening inside and outside of God’s Church.

Jesus said that this would happen. But don’t be alarmed. Praise God, this only further proves His Word is TRUE. You can not really transform your mind apart from the Lord. Remember if you give credit where it is due. Then you know He made the mind. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God’s Word can renew and wash your mind when you sincerely embrace His principles and hold them dear to your heart.

What’s eating You? Do you want to experience the transforming power of His Word? Believing, knowing and implementing His Word is key. Bitterness, will not be able to stay rooted or if it has it will have to go. Ask the Lord to “Create in you a clean heart and renew the right Spirit within you.” As the Holy Spirit within you is activated it will cleanse you from the inside out. Each day as you invite His infilling PRESENCE within you to fill you, you can become transformed from the inside out!

This is not a manufactured peace that is displayed just for others. It is a genuine inner contentment that is from the Lord. The reassurance of His omnipresence brings much comfort. You are inwardly provoked to be inwardly transformed rather than to outwardly conform.

The Fruit of His Spirit then begins to take root instead. “But the Fruit of HIS SPIRIT is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control!” Your actions, words, thoughts and emotions can be transformed.

It is important that you regularly spend time with the Lord in His Word. Attending Bible Study is a good idea, especially if you don’t regularly spend time on your own in the Word. It is important to know that the Word of God is necessary Spiritual Food for your soul and you need to eat often. It is just or more so important than your regular meals. You should really make a point to daily spend time with the Lord in His Word. His Word is Alive and it imparts life. Don’t just read for quantity but to actually yield a greater spiritual understanding of who the Lord is. You should strive to learn how to embrace and implement what you are learning within your daily life. You will become spiritually strengthened and better able to release any bitterness as you actually digest His Word. God wants to be a part of every area of your life. It is true; “He will never leave nor forsake You!”

Life becomes a marvelous journey when you allow the Lord to lead you. You really can overcome anything with the Lord when you make happiness your choice. “GREATER IS HE that is in you than he that is in the world.” Believe God and His Word! Make happiness your goal. This transformation process is lifelong. But with Jesus Christ as your personal Savior & Lord you have all the time you need. God is everywhere that we are. He has given us His comforter to lead you to ALL TRUTH. He wants you to have a joyful, fulfilling, happy contented God centered life in every way. Always remember; You can call upon the Lord anywhere at anytime, in any and every situation. Worry, less and PRAY more release any bitterness and embrace your happiness!