Marriage and addiction
Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. Having an addiction will inhibit intimacy within the marriage. Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy strong satisfying marriage. Addiction prohibits you from being transparent.
Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, prescription drugs, caffeine, illicit sex, people, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Even approval from others. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve.
I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate genuine love. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!
How does this impact my marriage? Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. The spouse that is unaware is kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold.
A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.
We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better! Notice how the dinner hour has become the prime time for commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!
Keeping your commitments are important. One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. It was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. It can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective, it can help you develop a healthier living environment.
Building trust is an important part of marriage! As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. A safe home environment does not exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are… The possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable.
It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop and ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. This does not mean you support the addiction. No! You separate the behavior from the person. You encourage them to be the best they can be and find ways to help them become who they were created to be!
God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill those voids with a committed partner…
Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”
In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps…
Next we will discuss some of those steps;
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Today I was reminded of a story about a family on the East Coast. They held a party to celebrate Christmas. As the guests arrived, they all threw their coats on a bed. They proceeded to celebrate, eating, drinking and opening gifts, etc. It was later discovered that the guests had actually thrown their coats on top of a baby. The baby was asleep on the bed and was smothered by the coats and died. They overlooked, or didn’t actually see the baby. They had gotten caught up in their partying.
This was a very sad situation. It was also an eye opener as to how Jesus can get “smothered.” It often happens during Christmas celebrations, ignorantly or deliberately. Our world is moving more and more in the direction of trying to remove Him from being the center of this holiday. Have you noticed that many, particularly in our work places, are afraid. They will hesitate in saying have a “Merry Christmas?” Instead they will say “Happy Holidays.” Some will call Christmas trees “holiday trees.” In many neighborhoods, instead of Nativity Scenes on front lawns of houses, we see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and other cartoon or fictitious characters.
Christmas seems to be the only holiday where many don’t want to call it by it’s name. This is also true particularly in our work places. In the United States, we seem to have no problem saying any other holiday’s name. They will say; Independence Day, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, President’s Day, etc. But when it comes to saying have a “Merry Christmas”, some of us stutter.
Jesus is the reason for this season, and every other season. For all things were made by HIM and for HIM. This holiday is a Christian holiday, set aside to acknowledge the birth of Jesus Christ. “FOR unto us a CHILD is born, unto us a SON is given: and the government shall be upon HIS shoulder: and HIS name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9
Many of the things we own, from dresses to spare rooms, from cars to coats, we rarely or never use. Meanwhile, other people want to buy the very things that clutter our closets. When you look into your closet, you will realize it may be full of things you never use. Clothes you’ve only worn once or no longer fit, a once-worn wedding dress, shoes that pinch your feet, etc. There is someone who would treasure the things you no longer want.
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Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. Addiction inhibits intimacy in the marriage! Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Transparency and intimacy are essential components in building a strong satisfying marriage. Addiction prohibits you from being transparent!
Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting! You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, caffeine, illicit sex, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there!
I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity you are able to somewhat escape. However the cause still remains because the pain returns. Often more vehement than ever causing you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to! Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires