Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 1

Marriage and addiction

Monkeys

Part 1

Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. There is reason for alarm when an addiction is apparent. It needs to be addressed. It will at some point impede upon your relationship. Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Addiction will inhibit intimacy within the marriage. Addiction also prohibits you from being transparent. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy satisfying marriage.

Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, prescription drugs, gambling, caffeine, illicit sex, people, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Even approval from others. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve.

I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns whenever you are alone. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate genuine love. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!

How does this impact my marriage? Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. The spouse that is unaware is kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold.

A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.

We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better! Notice how the dinner hour has become the prime time for commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!

Keeping your commitments are important. One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. It was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. It can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective, it can help you develop a healthier living environment.

Building trust is an important part of marriage. As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. A safe home environment does not exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are… The possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable.

It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop and ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. This does not mean you support the addiction. No! You separate the behavior from the person. You encourage them to be the best they can be and find ways to help them become who they were created to be.

God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill some of those voids with a committed partner… There are some voids that can only be filled by God.

Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”

In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. This does not have to be. God’s Holy Spirit His Comforter is more than able.

Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps…

Next we will discuss some of those steps;

Part 2

Every woman does not want to have children Part 3

Every woman does not want to have children

What Is Love ?
Part 3

Having children is a choice as well as being married is a choice. Being single is a choice as well as not having children is a choice. We are all unique individuals with varying temperaments some of us more complex than others. Keep in mind for one reason or another we make different decisions to have or not have children that may not be readily apparent.

Motherhood can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. It is one of the most hardest jobs that requires an inordinate amount of patience and the ability to multitask. To do so effectively one must be willing to be flexible, resilient, firm and consistent as well as make many personal sacrifices all at the same time.

If you decide that you do not want to have children there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as well. You may opt to extend yourself in other ways. As a matter of fact if you are sure that you do not want to have children you are being very responsible not to have children. Remember that there is always an exception to the rule.

There is nothing worse than a woman becoming pregnant who does not want children. If you do become pregnant; remember you laid down to enjoy one another for a moment to have intercourse; so taking their life because of that decision is selfish. There are extenuating situations that present themselves when possibility of motherhood has been forced upon a woman due to rape. Weigh your choices and please get some personal counseling to help you through your decision… If you decide to have the child you could always give it up for adoption? There are plenty of great couples who want children who will make great parents. If you do want children but not immediately; then you need to keep in mind that whenever you have sex there is a possibility that you could become pregnant even if you use a form of birth control.

Abortion should not be used just for birth control purposes. If you have had an abortion take some time to heal from your choice. You cannot change what has happened but you can reconcile with your choice if you are experiencing anxiety. This will help you make better choices in the future.

God really designed sexual intimacy to be between man and woman within the confines of a committed marriage. If you are not married please think for a moment, is this the person you would actually want to father your child or children? If so where are the two of you in the area of commitment?

You might want to think about having sex without being married? Especially if you do not want to be a parent. Think about it; do you know that you are actually giving a part of yourself away that is invaluable? There is something mystical that happens in the physical sexual exchange. There really is nothing “casual” about sex its serious. Under adverse circumstances you can encounter some serious consequences… Keep in mind that STD’s are rampart within this 21st century.

If you are single keep in mind that there is a likely possibility that you can become a single parent whenever you decide to have sex. Children are not mistakes. They deserve to have a father and a mother. If you are a single parent you really will need to build a healthy support system. Lord knows it’s hard enough when there are two parents; so make it your goal to be a good one even if you are alone!

Being responsible is always good. The world is becoming an increasing difficult place to live and establish a healthy home environment. This generation is seeing a host of confusing relationship scenarios happen before them all throughout the world. I think we all should commit or at least consider being better consistent examples for all children whether if you have children or not and are married or single.

I have thoroughly enjoyed raising my children and I have learned some invaluable life lessons. Personally I believe that raising children is one of, if not the hardest job on the planet. You have to wear many hats to do it effectively. Each child is unique and their temperaments vary. Becoming a parent single or married also requires putting aside doing some things that you would like to do for a season. The more time you invest in your children that you bring into this world or adopt the fewer problems you will have in the long run.

I also believe that you have a right to focus your gifts and talents in other areas of life if becoming a parent is not your desire. You still have a lot to contribute to making our society better as a whole.

Ladies I respect your personal responsible decision to not have children. Thank You for sharing your concerns. I really do realize that not every woman wants to have children.

Lord Bless You!

WP Like Button Plugin by Free WordPress Templates