How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?
How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage. Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple. The lessons are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.
A Kindle Countdown promotion will run on Amazon from 1/2/2016 – 1/9/2016. During this period you can get a limited-time discount on this premarital book.
Starting 1/2/2016 you can download a copy of the book starting at $ .99. Click on the book to visit Amazon and pick up your copy. The sooner you purchase, the larger the discount.
How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?
Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.
Now available is the Kindle Edition of my premarital book “How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought Before You Say I DO”.
>How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage. Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple, which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.
For a limited time (September 1, 2015 – September 5, 2015) you can download a copy of this book for FREE!
Click on the book cover below to visit Amazon and pick up your copy, and/or a copy for family members and friends.
**********************************Customer Reviews From Amazon***********************************
Excellent and Resourceful
By Lady Monica Kaye on February 13, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
My sister has broken down each step of preparation needed before saying ” I Do”. I appreciate your straightforwardness to doing what is right in the sight of God.
This is a MUST read for anyone longing to be married or currently engaged.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
I LOVE THIS BOOK
By Dr. Kitty Bickford on May 16, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I LOVE THIS BOOK! Wish I could get all my 20-something nieces and nephews and grandchildren to read it BEFORE they made bad choices. Thanks for writing it.
Proverbs has many warnings against the perils of having sex outside of marriage! Today in this 21st century sex outside of marriage is widely practiced and encouraged! Adultery is when someone is married and has sex outside of marriage. Adultery was considered a crime punishable by death at the time of this Proverb. Some countries are still adamant about adultery being a crime. Here in the United States the moral principles are constantly being relaxed and redefined, many are being desensitized to what is morally right in the eyes of God…
I ask that you listen attentively to what Solomon is saying in this wonderful Proverb! Remember we are talking about someone who had many wives and concubines! Here he candidly shares the many pitfalls of adultery. Sexual immorality can be dangerous! Pornography is a growing form of adultery it too is destroying many marriages! Extramarital relationships for many is a chosen lifestyle, many consent to open marriages… The multitude of people with STD’s = sexually transmitted diseases and HIV are rising! Adultery destroys trust in the marriage, hinders intimacy and erodes the stability of the family. Sexual immorality goes against the laws of God!
Learning about the pitfalls of sex outside of marriage can be helpful! Knowing and keeping in mind the consequences before it is at your doorstep can be a powerful deterrent and a dose of preventive therapy. Know that adultery is a sign of weakness. You are not able for whatever reason to keep your commitment, that you made to your spouse as well as to God! Sad but true adultery is practiced by many within the body of the Church! When someone is indulging in adultery they have set aside their Christian Principles and are “walking in the flesh.” According to Galatians 5; “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries…”
Did you know that whomever you join yourself to becomes a part of you? Please think long and hard before you go here. Or if you are here or have been here; please seriously think about repentance and not repeating this! There are lasting consequences. I often use the illustration of “epoxy!” It is a formidable thermosetting polymer! Notice how the two components are packaged separately. There is an almost unbreakable convalent bond that takes place once the two cohesive components join together! They are known as structure adhesives! Once they come together it is almost impossible to separate one from the other without some type of damage… Sex outside of marriage creates an emotional bond to someone other than your spouse. There is something much deeper that takes place during the exchange of bodily fluids… So much so it can result in the beginning of a new life! This is another reason why God does not sanction sex outside of marriage!
Solomon is relentless in his quest to relay the message of not getting involved with an adulteress! He goes so far to say “Keep to a path far from her; do not go near the door of her house.” The Scripture is clear that adultery is a sin! I find it interesting in John 8 the story of the woman who participated in adultery! Jesus is greeted by a group while teaching in the Temple! A group of religious leaders come to Him with a woman that is “caught” in adultery! “they said to Him. Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery the very act…” The Law of Moses commands that this woman be put to death… Deut 22. Why was the woman alone? Surely she was caught with someone? The leaders were really only interested in condemning only the woman? Jesus with all His unlimited Wisdom knew their thoughts… As He begins to write down on the ground all the men leave! Makes one wonder what He wrote? One by one from the oldest to the last they disperse until Jesus is left alone with only the woman! He then asks her “Woman where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you? She said “ No one, Lord” And Jesus said to her “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more…”
Many conclusions can be drawn from this story! Jesus did not condemn the woman but nor did He let her off the hook! The guilty leaders all left when Jesus asked “He who is without sin among you, let him throw the stone at her first.” Adultery is a sin that not only impacts those who physically take part in it, but those who they are associated to them as well. It weakens the marital bond and allows deception, insecurity and mistrust to become components of the relationship. Adultery weaves a wicked web around those involved, spiritually blinding them. This is true whether the adultery is real or emotional! One should ask is it worth the price? Or are you so weak that you cannot resist its temptation? The Word says “if you resist the devil he will flee…” Jesus can give you the strength to resist! But one must repent and be willing to turn away then as Jesus said: “GO and send no more!”
Key Verse: “Let your fountain be blessed, And REJOICE with the wife of your youth!” If you have ever read the Song of Solomon you will discover here how Love, physical and emotional intimacy between a husband and wife are encouraged and honored! Here in this Proverb much is said to discourage adultery. So much so that it tells you to RUN from it! There are many who live to seduce and entrap one into the snare of adultery! Only because of their own insecurity there is a need to cause others to stumble> Then justify their own inability to commit! It is not wise to risk what you have built in a marriage for an illicit affair! Many families, homes, ministries, honor, respect, integrity and working relationships have been destroyed due to adultery! Be careful not to be overtaken by this overwhelming temptation…
One can take heed to the wisdom of Solomon to avoid the numerous consequences! Please start by reading this Proverbs through slowly and absorbing the “spiritual nuggets.” Build an affair proof marriage! Sexual fulfillment is an attainable goal in marriage. The “fresh water” in Proverbs is a metaphor that describes the beauty of fidelity, commitment and trust in marriage! In the eyes of God the “marriage bed is undefiled!” There is nothing shameful about sex within the context of marriage. There should be a desire to seek comfort in the arms of one another! Each spouse has a responsibility to each other to come together and lovingly create a mutually satisfying sexual environment! Remember to keep in mind what God’s description of love is in I Corinthians 13!
Love, transparency, commitment, good open and honest communication and sexual fulfillment are key ingredients in a strong happy marriage! They are also good deterrents to safeguard against adultery! It is important to keep the embers of love burning in your marriage! A nice warm toasty fire within a fireplace is relaxing and inviting. Sex outside of married is like fire outside of a fireplace. It’s dangerous it will burn your house down! Those who have been faced with adultery must struggle with some very painful issues. Anger, Abandonment, Emotional Pain, mistrust and betrayal are results of adultery. If you have repented of adultery this is not to open up old wounds. Use this as an opportunity to solidify trust, cling to the Lord and embrace God’s Grace! Praise Him for restoration Victory!
Healthy boundaries are important in the work place, and yes within the Church! Adultery does not have to be! God truly is able “to Keep you from falling!” But in the event that it does happen it takes an enormous amount of work to rebuild a new trusting relationship with healthy boundaries! In order for restoration to take place the couple must seek to find out what caused the infidelity? What patterns need to be broken? What emotions need to be healed? What steps need to be taken in order to move forward! Avoiding discussion about what has happened will not serve to heal. Sad but true, By not confronting what has happened, it is almost certain it is highly possible it will happen again. Denial is a big NO here! To move forward towards “affair proofing” your relationship by spending quality time together, working through the issues and gradually building trust is necessary!
Adultery unfortunately is also a big headliner in today’s news! Many celebrities engage in adultery as well! Late night host, David Letterman is going through the pains of adultery… Tiger Woods the famous pro golfer is currently under the microscope for his alleged multiple liaisons. It is ever unfolding the multiple cast of participants that continue to surface and claim having had an affair with him… In this case wading through the perils of adultery are even harder. Tiger and his wife’s personal lives are magnified and examined in and on the news worldwide. All of this further creates even more pressure and continues to inflict pain on the two hurting hearts. Each spouse needs to evaluate and focus on their related issues. Can forgiveness override their pain? It is possible to restore trust and intimacy but it is a tedious journey. A solid biblical foundation makes all the difference in the world.
Solomon encourages husbands and wives to delight in one another rather than participate in adultery! Marriage is a beautiful life enriching union designed by God. Sex is a wonderful gift from God to be enjoyed! Plan a weekly date with one another and make sure you continue to “keep the fire burning, light the embers of Love! Try reading and enjoying the “Song of Solomon” together! The Bible is clear on the importance of keeping and honoring your marriage vows and remaining committed to one another! With God “All things are possible!” Adultery is about false love and is so very destructive, everyone who is involved ultimately gets hurt in some way or another… Adultery is an illusion of greener pastures! “What GOD has joined together let NO man put asunder!”
Solomon concludes this Proverbs: “His own iniquities trap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instructions, And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
GOD wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to live well rounded lives. He wants us to have healthy marriages & families. He wants to be a part of every area of our lives.
Entertainment for recreation and amusement purposes are a wonderful part of life. It balances out the seriousness of life and living! Our minds are given the opportunity to rest and journey into the land of imagination and creativity. Entertainment is healthy when done in good taste… Marriage on the other hand is not meant merely for entertainment purposes. It is one of the most serious relationships one can have. It is meant to be a ever growing beautiful lifetime relationship between a man and a woman. A great marriage should be built upon Love, Intimacy, Mutual respect, Integrity, Trust, and yes Sex. These marvelous attributes for marriage make up the great helpful acronym which = “L I M I T S!” These are healthy virtuous ingredients that are an important part of building a good marriage.
Life is serious and time is so very precious! How you spend the majority of your time is important! In marriage one should not become carried away into an unconscious state of oblivion and become out of touch with what is happening around them. It is not something to escape into because you are bored, are need somewhere to escape until you find something better to do… Many turn to marriage in order to just be entertained. Marriage is about learning how to give yourself to one another. Each spouse should become increasingly aware and sensitive as to how their spouse is feeling.
“L I M I T S”is a good acronym to remember for a lasting marriage! The desire to grow together and develop character is very important.
Many seek ways outside the boundaries of the traditional marriage as we know it in order to fulfill their sexual desires! Many as well are in favor of redefining and changing what constitutes marriage. It is your choice but it is important to know that the only sex that God sanctions is within marriage between a man and a woman! Today we have a myriad of problems that are systemically rooted from improper sexual relationships! What do we do?
We continue to encourage healthier sexual boundaries! There is an exchange that takes places during sexual intercourse that goes much deeper than the physical! Coitus, the technical term for sexual intercourse, was meant to be a time of mutual pleasuring without being ashamed! You are making an emotional and physical deposit! You are giving and sharing the essence of you! At this time within the confines of marriage you become one and strengthen your union! It is at this time you can build physical intimacy! Take time to nurture one another during foreplay! You can share, build, strengthen and fortify one another as you both give from your heart! You reinforce your marriage vows!
Sex is so serious that it is a time that when a man and woman come together they can create a new life! WOW! Now that is really profoundly deep! The human body is amazing! There are healthy benefits available during sexual intimacy! Your stress and blood pressure reduces, it helps in decreasing the chances of prostate cancer, and it also increases the love hormone “oxytocin” which helps to bond and build trust! *“A long-term study of 3,500 people between 30 and 101 by clinical neuropsychologist David Weeks, MD, head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, found that “sex helps you look between four and seven years younger…”
Don’t just go through the motions and allow sex to become mundane or just a physical exercise. Create a welcoming environment where both of you can experience warmth and satisfaction. Make it a goal to please one another by being cognizant of how one another is feeling! Remember, intercourse has a significant role in bonding! It is like epoxy! When the two sticky resin components come together they generate heat and the two polymers form a permanent bond! They fuse together as the fluids are released and come together! Sexual intercourse is a spiritual moment where the union “Holy Matrimony” is reinforced! You actually enter into the physical depth of your spouse! You give them the essence of who you are… This is also why it is important to not just have sex with just anyone!
If you have allowed your marriage to become commonplace and unexciting make some changes! Begin by enjoying one another daily, hold hands, welcome laughter, have fun by being affectionate, freely give hugs, affirmations and complement one another regularly and appropriately! Caring, gentle expressions of affection do not always mean you want to have intercourse! Recapture the tender moments that brought you together or create some! Don’t waste time, let it pass you by or live in regrets! Each day is a precious gift from the Lord!
If you are single please seriously think about waiting until…! You are valuable and deserve to be loved and respected by someone who is totally committed to you! Please make sure that you take the time to nurture yourself and deal with any unresolved issues! It is natural to desire and want a spouse! To want someone to grow with you! Compromising who you are is not necessary! Trust and emotional intimacy play a major role in a great marriage!
No need to fret over what has already happened! It is important to be mindful if you have been used or abused! Take some time to regenerate and emotionally restore and strengthen yourself! Set some guidelines and goals keeping in mind that you merit a good relationship! Take this time to grow closer to the Lord! Spend some time in His Word! After all He created you! Know that all His Word is true! He has promised to “supply all your needs…” Communication and transparency is a major component of a great marriage! It is important that you share common core values with your potential spouse! Be discerning and in the meantime guard your heart! It may take some time but it will be well worth waiting for your lover and spouse!
If you are already married ENJOY! Celebrate your marriage!
Marriage is the first institution that God designed! Making a sincere commitment to your marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. When God made Adam He made him both male and female. He took Eve out of Adam to be by his side. God is so wonderfully awesome! It was His intention to provide Adam with a compatible helpmeet to satisfy together their desires for companionship. Marriage is the ultimate partnership where two together can spiritually, physically and emotionally have there needs mutually met.
Marriage is a unique covenant agreement. Marriage is ordained by God. God intends for your marriage to last for a lifetime.
Purchase a copy of “Holy Matrimony: Now That We’re Married” to read more!!
God can direct you in your marital relationship. The adversity He allows is to help us build integrity. From this day forward make a sincere attempt to improve your relationship with your spouse. Take a moment and see where you are. Is your relationship headed in the right direction? Ask your self do you really want your relationship to improve?
God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny. In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage. Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself saying “what have I done?”
Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….
Intimacy is an important ingredient in a strong fulfilling marriage. Intimacy involves transparency. There is no true intimacy without being truthful with one another. It involves growing to the point you can allow your intimate personal defenses to rest. You are able to allow your spouse to inhabit the depth of your being. Together you intimately caress the intangible you. You together grow to the point you are freely able to become vulnerable. The walls come down. A pathway to the heart is established.
Marriage should consist of an ever increasing, warm endearing closeness. After all your spouse should be closer to you than anyone else. Remember the two shall be one flesh.
Don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Many people have sexual relationships and never experience intimacy. Life’s lessons can be…..
Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….
NEXT: Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before
Marriage is a partnership. It is meant to be a relationship where two imperfect individuals come together that share a common bond of love. This bond is ideally meant to last “to death us do part”, for a lifetime. Many people never anticipate what it’s really like to live with someone.
Marriage is more than spending a few days together or a week or two. It should last a lifetime. Often initially the infatuation is so strong the two of you almost feel invincible. Often the couple is oblivious to the reality of it all. Thinking that their feelings will make up for their differences. Yes, differences you will have, but that’s normal. It is how you decide to resolve those differences that are important. When reality sets in they realize “I didn’t think about this or that”. Who does what? When and how often?
You wake up one morning and wonder……..
Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more…..
NEXT: Chapter 5 – What About Sex And Intimacy