Proverbs has many warnings against the perils of having sex outside of marriage! Today in this 21st century sex outside of marriage is widely practiced and encouraged! Adultery is when someone is married and has sex outside of marriage. Adultery was considered a crime punishable by death at the time of this Proverb. Some countries are still adamant about adultery being a crime. Here in the United States the moral principles are constantly being relaxed and redefined, many are being desensitized to what is morally right in the eyes of God…
I ask that you listen attentively to what Solomon is saying in this wonderful Proverb! Remember we are talking about someone who had many wives and concubines! Here he candidly shares the many pitfalls of adultery. Sexual immorality can be dangerous! Pornography is a growing form of adultery it too is destroying many marriages! Extramarital relationships for many is a chosen lifestyle, many consent to open marriages… The multitude of people with STD’s = sexually transmitted diseases and HIV are rising! Adultery destroys trust in the marriage, hinders intimacy and erodes the stability of the family. Sexual immorality goes against the laws of God!
Learning about the pitfalls of sex outside of marriage can be helpful! Knowing and keeping in mind the consequences before it is at your doorstep can be a powerful deterrent and a dose of preventive therapy. Know that adultery is a sign of weakness. You are not able for whatever reason to keep your commitment, that you made to your spouse as well as to God! Sad but true adultery is practiced by many within the body of the Church! When someone is indulging in adultery they have set aside their Christian Principles and are “walking in the flesh.” According to Galatians 5; “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries…”
Did you know that whomever you join yourself to becomes a part of you? Please think long and hard before you go here. Or if you are here or have been here; please seriously think about repentance and not repeating this! There are lasting consequences. I often use the illustration of “epoxy!” It is a formidable thermosetting polymer! Notice how the two components are packaged separately. There is an almost unbreakable convalent bond that takes place once the two cohesive components join together! They are known as structure adhesives! Once they come together it is almost impossible to separate one from the other without some type of damage… Sex outside of marriage creates an emotional bond to someone other than your spouse. There is something much deeper that takes place during the exchange of bodily fluids… So much so it can result in the beginning of a new life! This is another reason why God does not sanction sex outside of marriage!
Solomon is relentless in his quest to relay the message of not getting involved with an adulteress! He goes so far to say “Keep to a path far from her; do not go near the door of her house.” The Scripture is clear that adultery is a sin! I find it interesting in John 8 the story of the woman who participated in adultery! Jesus is greeted by a group while teaching in the Temple! A group of religious leaders come to Him with a woman that is “caught” in adultery! “they said to Him. Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery the very act…” The Law of Moses commands that this woman be put to death… Deut 22. Why was the woman alone? Surely she was caught with someone? The leaders were really only interested in condemning only the woman? Jesus with all His unlimited Wisdom knew their thoughts… As He begins to write down on the ground all the men leave! Makes one wonder what He wrote? One by one from the oldest to the last they disperse until Jesus is left alone with only the woman! He then asks her “Woman where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you? She said “ No one, Lord” And Jesus said to her “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more…”
Many conclusions can be drawn from this story! Jesus did not condemn the woman but nor did He let her off the hook! The guilty leaders all left when Jesus asked “He who is without sin among you, let him throw the stone at her first.” Adultery is a sin that not only impacts those who physically take part in it, but those who they are associated to them as well. It weakens the marital bond and allows deception, insecurity and mistrust to become components of the relationship. Adultery weaves a wicked web around those involved, spiritually blinding them. This is true whether the adultery is real or emotional! One should ask is it worth the price? Or are you so weak that you cannot resist its temptation? The Word says “if you resist the devil he will flee…” Jesus can give you the strength to resist! But one must repent and be willing to turn away then as Jesus said: “GO and send no more!”
Key Verse: “Let your fountain be blessed, And REJOICE with the wife of your youth!” If you have ever read the Song of Solomon you will discover here how Love, physical and emotional intimacy between a husband and wife are encouraged and honored! Here in this Proverb much is said to discourage adultery. So much so that it tells you to RUN from it! There are many who live to seduce and entrap one into the snare of adultery! Only because of their own insecurity there is a need to cause others to stumble> Then justify their own inability to commit! It is not wise to risk what you have built in a marriage for an illicit affair! Many families, homes, ministries, honor, respect, integrity and working relationships have been destroyed due to adultery! Be careful not to be overtaken by this overwhelming temptation…
One can take heed to the wisdom of Solomon to avoid the numerous consequences! Please start by reading this Proverbs through slowly and absorbing the “spiritual nuggets.” Build an affair proof marriage! Sexual fulfillment is an attainable goal in marriage. The “fresh water” in Proverbs is a metaphor that describes the beauty of fidelity, commitment and trust in marriage! In the eyes of God the “marriage bed is undefiled!” There is nothing shameful about sex within the context of marriage. There should be a desire to seek comfort in the arms of one another! Each spouse has a responsibility to each other to come together and lovingly create a mutually satisfying sexual environment! Remember to keep in mind what God’s description of love is in I Corinthians 13!
Love, transparency, commitment, good open and honest communication and sexual fulfillment are key ingredients in a strong happy marriage! They are also good deterrents to safeguard against adultery! It is important to keep the embers of love burning in your marriage! A nice warm toasty fire within a fireplace is relaxing and inviting. Sex outside of married is like fire outside of a fireplace. It’s dangerous it will burn your house down! Those who have been faced with adultery must struggle with some very painful issues. Anger, Abandonment, Emotional Pain, mistrust and betrayal are results of adultery. If you have repented of adultery this is not to open up old wounds. Use this as an opportunity to solidify trust, cling to the Lord and embrace God’s Grace! Praise Him for restoration Victory!
Healthy boundaries are important in the work place, and yes within the Church! Adultery does not have to be! God truly is able “to Keep you from falling!” But in the event that it does happen it takes an enormous amount of work to rebuild a new trusting relationship with healthy boundaries! In order for restoration to take place the couple must seek to find out what caused the infidelity? What patterns need to be broken? What emotions need to be healed? What steps need to be taken in order to move forward! Avoiding discussion about what has happened will not serve to heal. Sad but true, By not confronting what has happened, it is almost certain it is highly possible it will happen again. Denial is a big NO here! To move forward towards “affair proofing” your relationship by spending quality time together, working through the issues and gradually building trust is necessary!
Adultery unfortunately is also a big headliner in today’s news! Many celebrities engage in adultery as well! Late night host, David Letterman is going through the pains of adultery… Tiger Woods the famous pro golfer is currently under the microscope for his alleged multiple liaisons. It is ever unfolding the multiple cast of participants that continue to surface and claim having had an affair with him… In this case wading through the perils of adultery are even harder. Tiger and his wife’s personal lives are magnified and examined in and on the news worldwide. All of this further creates even more pressure and continues to inflict pain on the two hurting hearts. Each spouse needs to evaluate and focus on their related issues. Can forgiveness override their pain? It is possible to restore trust and intimacy but it is a tedious journey. A solid biblical foundation makes all the difference in the world.
Solomon encourages husbands and wives to delight in one another rather than participate in adultery! Marriage is a beautiful life enriching union designed by God. Sex is a wonderful gift from God to be enjoyed! Plan a weekly date with one another and make sure you continue to “keep the fire burning, light the embers of Love! Try reading and enjoying the “Song of Solomon” together! The Bible is clear on the importance of keeping and honoring your marriage vows and remaining committed to one another! With God “All things are possible!” Adultery is about false love and is so very destructive, everyone who is involved ultimately gets hurt in some way or another… Adultery is an illusion of greener pastures! “What GOD has joined together let NO man put asunder!”
Solomon concludes this Proverbs: “His own iniquities trap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instructions, And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
Marriage is so much more than just an idea! A high-quality satisfying marriage requires Love, Commitment and good open Communication! Make it a point to understand what your spouse is relaying to you. Repeat back to them what they are saying if you are not sure what they mean! You can either build or tear down with your words! Take the time to listen and understand one another. This does not mean that you will always agree! The goal is to understand where they are coming from and what their perspective is and how do you continue to go forward together! Marriage is about continually refining and improving your relationship!
It is important to build good healthy secure marriage boundaries! Pray for and with your spouse! Be careful from whom you seek counsel! Many marriages have failed due to poor communication and unwise counsel! When seeking an objective opinion or wise counsel to resolve conflict it is important that you present the facts… or distinguish that this is how you feel! It is important for each of you to take responsibility for your part in the marriage! Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate partnership of love between a man and a woman! “HIS LOVE endures Forever!”
Whoever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you more than you might know! If you have had multiple partners take some time and allow the Lord to heal and restore you before rushing into another relationship! Take some time to recollect yourself and think on a deeper level as to what you really want out of a relationship! It is easier to continue to just change partners rather than develop a deep monogamous lasting relationship! Many instead opt to maintain a surface, superficial relationship. This usually leaves one unsatisfied and never really allows true intimacy to develop… STOP GIVING YOURSELF AWAY! GOD CAN refresh and renew you!
Be careful and selective who you join yourself together with! A man deposits his DNA into the woman that can possibly linger for a lifetime! You actually bond together… There really is nothing casual at all about sex! Many don’t consider what is really happening beyond just getting their sexual needs satisfied! A surge of oxytocin from the brain makes a woman want to have sex and bond. A surge of testosterone from the brain makes a man want to have sex but possibly be done with you once its over! Again, Stop giving away parts of yourself and begin to respect yourself! Save yourself until you want to make a total commitment! (Please be sure to see video below!)
Spend quality time in the Word of God discovering firsthand what He has said about marriage! I personally am in favor of God’s Design for Marriage! It really can work!
Many today engage in physical and or emotional affairs… This does not have to be! Many do not think about how hazardous this is for their marriage! Open marriages breed insecurity! Infidelity is very dangerous in marriage! It bonds you with someone other than your spouse! This actually weakens your marital bond! It also fosters an unhealthy unstable marriage environment of doubt, distrust and insecurity…
Due to the fact that the societal expectation for marriage has substantially lowered the moral standards, this now renders infidelity as more acceptable! Make it a priority to tenderly and sincerely fulfill one another’s physical needs so there is not a need to go outside of your marriage to just have sex! You are not only cheating your spouse, your so called lover, but yourself as well! Someone will be hurt! Affairs are rampart today but can be avoided when you are sensitive to one another’s needs! You also honor The Lord and the vows you made! Continue to flame the embers of love in your marriage! Rekindle the initial attraction or build a new one! Set aside some time and openly discuss ways to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, build transparency and enhance your love making rather than look outside of your marriage to get your physical needs met… Now each time you come together and give of yourself to one another you reinforce the marital bond! So please “Think Before Sex Outside of Marriage!”
Previously married partners have a tendency to fall back into sexual relationships because they have bonded before! They are familiar with one another and have connected physically and often have unfinished issues between them. This is also why it is important to think before you give yourself to someone because they become a part of you! Momentarily they set aside their differences to have sex. However the commitment is no longer there! As adults you can always choose to do whatever you want but remember there are always consequences for those choices!
If you are single and seeking to marry it is important to know that once you have become physically intimate outside of marriage it is harder to be objective! It is quite common today but so is divorce! For many it doesn’t matter because after all we are adults… Not really realizing that it can cause inner conflict as you prematurely bond without being committed to one another… There is a magnetic sexual attraction that occurs that often yields you powerless. Remember what I said earlier about bonding! I suggest putting off the physical relationship until you have married and have truly committed to one another… If things don’t work out you have not given more of yourself away! This also exercises discipline! First really take this time to get to know one another better before you plunge into another relationship… Consider waiting and take the time to build a physically satisfying physical relationship once you have made your vows!
Since you are single you are in a good position because you can look forward to finding a spouse that you are compatible with! Don’t just settle for anyone out of loneliness! You no longer have to compromise yourself! Find healthier ways to fill your void! While you are waiting and anticipating that right someone, present your requests to The Lord! He has promised to meet your needs! You cannot change anything that has happened but you can move forward! Work on strengthening and improving yourself… In the meantime begin to release any guilt or shame! So you can enter a new relationship fresh and with less baggage! You must be realistic and be wiling to grow along with this spouse you desire! Spend time with The Lord and allow Him to guide you in this area! Stay open to His leading and be patient! “And my GOD WILL meet ALL your needs according to HIS glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS” Philippians 4.
Right now you want to make sure that you find out more about this person that you want to commit to! You both need to share many facets of your lives with one another… Actually you should do this before you give yourself to someone anyway! It can be devastating when you find yourself committed to someone who is not committed to you! Too many become unequally yoked! They often hastily marry and find out after the fact that they are not on the same page about most things and share very few of the same values… This could prevent a lot of divorces if you posed certain questions before you say “I DO!” Don’t just hold out on sex to entrap someone… This is a part of divorce proofing your marriage and building a firmer foundation! A high quality marriage is built on much more than just physical attraction! After all you will have the rest of your life to learn how to physically enjoy one another…
You will need to take some time and have a “spiritual cleansing” if you have been physical outside of marriage!” Together out of respect for the Lord seek His face and ask Him to bestow His Blessings upon your marriage! Start anew! “Having sex outside of marriage is like fire outside of the fireplace! “But if we walk in The LIGHT, as HE is in The LIGHT, we have FELLOWSHIP with one another, and The BLOOD of JESUS HIS SON PURIFIES us from ALL sin…” I JOHN 1. There is WONDER working POWER in The BLOOD of JESUS! He CAN transform your life and BLESS your marriage! When you are married it’s different The WORD teaches us that the “Marriage Bed is undefiled!” HEBREWS 13. Marriage is honorable in the eyes of The LORD!
Sin is rampart throughout this world! It also separates us from God! As we grow in His Grace we should sin less…. The world says it doesn’t matter if you are married or not? You can choose to marry whomever you want male or female? Those of us who believe in “Marriage God’s Way” are becoming fewer and fewer! The world is desensitizing many more to God’s Design for Marriage and seducing them to compromise in order to be accepted! It is important to know that the spiritual warfare wants to continually separate us all from God our Creator & Maker and His purpose He created each of us for! Marriage between man and woman is considered to be “Holy Matrimony” in the eyes of God! To many marriage is no longer holy!
Now look! Think about it! It is not by coincidence that marriages and families are breaking up left and right! Splitting and splitting again and again… As I mentioned earlier currently an excess of 55% of marriages end in divorce! What’s the problem? Many are bailing out because they want to try something different… Many have married without really getting to know the person they have married! Please do not get involved with someone on the rebound! The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages! No wonder the world at large is experiencing so many natural catastrophes and economic trade devastation this world is going backwards…
Having affairs has become glamorized and many are continually lowering their standards and have been seduced and don’t even know it! Having sex is no big deal… Hollywood has now become the standard model for marriage for many. It is possible that you are considered old fashioned and somewhat narrow minded when you do not go with the current flow! There is nothing outdated about loyalty & commitment! Be committed to what you know is right even if it means for a season you must stand alone!
Although the Recession has passed and we are somewhat recovering, it is an indication that the world is going backwards! Things will never be the same. Bur yet we have been here before! History repeats itself… All the signs are continuously becoming apparent again! New era same relational dynamics! Many are restless, tired, lonely, dissatisfied, discontented and seeking fulfillment in life! Looking in all the wrong places… “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, There is nothing new under the sun…” Ecclesiastes 1. We can learn a lot from The Word of God! Right before the flood everyone was doing what was “right in their own eyes!”They too did not want to do things God’s Way! You listen to the news and everyone else so please take some time and personally ponder upon what God says about marriage! After all He is The Creator of marriage! So why not check out His Word! Don’ just take second hand information when making such serious decisions! Here you can discover who really is the true source of life and living! Believe it or not God is The Creator of man and woman and I think He knows what is best for us! He sees way down the road! As a matter of fact He sees everything! ”
Build healthy personal boundaries and respect your marriage vows as well as the marriages of others! If you are not sure please don’t make them… If you are married, it is not too late to make it a point to water your marriage with love, caring, peace, tenderness, loyalty, fun, respect, understanding and yes excitement! When you sincerely pray together, embrace godly principles you can stay together! Invite God into the center of your Marriage! Together you can give your marriage an overhaul if needed! You have the POWER to together design and write your own script, then proceed to make it happen… You can’t help but see that way too many marriages are in trouble! Too many marriages and families are breaking up… Make your marriage a priority! “What GOD has joined together let NO man or woman put asunder…” So please; THINK Before Sex Outside of Marriage!