Why most marriages don’t last! Part 3

February 11, 2016 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Why most marriages don’t last?

What Is Love ?

Part 3

You can build a strong loving marriage. Working together is key to your happiness. You both have the power to make a fulfilling union. Compassion will help you mutually bond immensely. For your marriage to last it must remain a top priority to both of you.

You are considering getting married? Wow how exciting! You want to make sure you start by building a strong solid foundation. Love, trust, respect and loyalty are a must. They will solidify your union. Your marriage will be what you both make it. It is important to know; many marriages in this 21st century don’t last.

A few things to think about.

Please don’t go into the marriage thinking that you will be able to change each other. There are many resources available when planning your big day. But few think about resources to maintain and build your marriage. For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married. Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. The difference is you have not really made a total commitment to one another. You both realize that you can simply opt out at any time…


Commit to always treat one another with respect. After the honeymoon period is over remain patient.  Whenever you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level. Don’t allow issues that crop up to fester and become sour. Think before you fly of the handle and say something you will regret. It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart. Don’t take one another for granted. Make it a point to keep you marriage exciting.

A great marriage takes two committed spouses

If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship. If you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship. You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together. You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage. Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?


It is a good to take time and find out more about what each other likes and dislikes. Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and cuss to get your way? Do you rant and rave or manipulate? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and unexpressive? Do you think that you should have everything that you want when you want it? Do you want your spouse to do everything for you and be waited on hand and foot and you do very little in return yourself? Or do you like to talk things through… Are you patient kind and loving. If you are you will be able to keep a balance. Or do you quit when the going gets tough?


It is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments. It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry. Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling. Don’t make sorry a sorry word. Chill out and warm up to one another. It really is better to say “I am hurting.” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage. How else will you settle your disputes if you do not take the time to responsibly communicate with each other? Wait until you have cooled off or can talk without being hostile. Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!

A great marriage will last for a lifetime

Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage. You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way. Or if you attend worship you volunteer to do whatever. But when you are at home you are cantankerous? If so this is not good. It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so. Why? Because you say you love this person!

You love them enough to get to know them better. You like them enough to care about their well-being. You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage. Make sure to have a weekly marriage date. This does not mean you have to always go somewhere. It could just be a quiet relaxed evening committed to spending quality time together. Spend time in the Word together it is a wonderful time to bond. Remember keep your marriage exciting. Life is precious and each day is a gift from the Lord. It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities.

Make your marriage a priority

Life is about priorities. Take time out to tend to the people and things that are important to you. This is called being responsible. Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman. If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it.  Keep the embers of love burning to keep it exciting.  Do interesting and adventurous things together!


You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well. Coming together physically as one should be a special time. This is a time of sharing and caring.  A time to experience a time of euphoria together. Marriage is when two can be totally physically one with God’s Blessings. Pray and ask the Lord to help you make this a special time of nurturing, care, love and fulfillment together. It is also a time to be “fruitful and multiply” which is another Blessing from the Lord. You can experience unity when you freely give of yourselves to one another.   Create  a loving environment.  You keep the embers burning by being affectionate and caring towards one another.


Each couple is different so together build what works for you. It is okay to have your physical needs met so there’s no reason to be ashamed.  When you have not had sexual relations before, it takes a while to feel relaxed, and become free. It can be quite odd not really knowing what to expect or how to respond. This is natural so be patient with one another. You will have to release some of the things you have heard or thought. Share how you are feeling with you spouse. It will eventually work out. Take time to focus on fulfilling one another’s physical needs. Each couple is different. How often or few or when is between the two of you. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the Lord.

See Part 4

Why most marriages don’t last! Part 1

February 10, 2016 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

picture of pit

Why most marriages don’t last Part 1

It is important to make your marriage a top priority!

Marriage statistics ending in divorce continue to rise! Why is that? Spouses listen to everyone else except one another. Their marriage is no longer the top priority it once was. They desire to please their friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and sometimes congregations rather than one another or GOD!


You do not have to live on an island.  You must continue to strive to  improve and refine your marriage!



Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having good friends. Just don’t try to be like your friends. Especially if they are not married. Be original! If you notice you look different because you are different. Your temperaments are different and you like different things. So why is it when it comes to your spouse you listen to them rather than to one another. When you decided to get married you became a team. Or rather you should learn to commit to be partners in life. Build a great marriage and encourage those who are married to do the same. Encourage those who are single to cleave to the Lord as they seek to be married….


Hopefully you did not get married to make each others’ life difficult. Or to get someone to take care of you.  You can do badly all by yourself.  Or because you felt you were getting older and the clock was winding down or simply because everyone else was married? Or just because! Hopefully you got married because you want to give and share of yourself within the sanctity of a committed monogamous growing relationship. To experience the greatest partnership between one man and one woman designed by God.


Think about it for a moment. Why did you get married? Was there a goal to accomplish something? You have two eyes, two ears, two lips, two hands, two arms, two legs and two feet. They actually work together in pairs better! If one can’t do something the other one will… Well when it comes to marriage you should work together with your spouse as well. Two working together can accomplish much and often much more than  one! If you do not desire to work together then don’t get married.  Or perhaps that is why you no longer want to be unmarried? You want to try something else or someone else? You want to give of yourself in a relationship were you both have the same basic principles and morals; here you are on one accord….


Many change partners like they are changing a pair of shoes! Fearful of being transparent and taking the time to really get to know your spouse you flee. Or you simply don’t open up to them and you two just coexist as strangers! Or listen to unwise, ungodly counsel or advice… Quite often everyone else knows what is going on before either of you. Your friends have become your confidants and you wouldn’t dare share TRUTH with your spouse. Well! That’s part of the problem!


Help for marriages

Marriage is not about keeping secrets from your spouse.  It’s about sharing who you are and growing and improving yourself as well as encouraging your spouse… To remain committed when there is turbulence and then together learn to soar above it! In a good marriage when you truly like one another you become friends as well as partners! It is better to be open and honest up front rather than waste time year after year dodging the Truth.


If you have been married before please take some time in between marriages and get rid of the extra baggage. If you don’t it will soon become part of your current marriage and you will recycle the same ole junk! You can’t change what has happened but you can go forward and do some things differently…


What is so interesting marriage was really designed by God to be the ultimate relationship between one man and one woman. Two become one! Being together is a desired choice and you vow and commit to grow together and become partners for life. You made a commitment to honor God within your marriage? Or did you? Or until… Well nowadays people stay married as long or as short as they can tolerate one another and something better comes along? So they think? The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence! It must be tended, fertilized and cared for to stay green and healthy! The grass is greener where it is watered, fed and taken care of’


Few really understand what true love is!  “GOD IS LOVE” God is eternal and so is   His love!



Love becomes optional to some in marriage and  it  is no longer the key adhesive that keeps the marriage together.  This really is not  love at  all.  Respect and commitment are secondary as well!   This is “Intoxicating affections” that simply  mimic God’s love. They don’t last!

See Part 2

Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 3

Marriage & Addiction


Part 3

Marriage & Addiction

Step 3 Regular Usage

When addiction progresses it requires a regular fix. The substance abuser will now use others in their attempt to satisfy their addiction. This often leads to a multiplicity of dysfunction on many levels. Satisfying the addiction is often done in secrecy as well as with others. The frequency in which they do so has now escalated and impedes on their day-to-day life. The addiction can still go undetected because they cleverly camouflage or conceal their addiction of choice! As one looks closely the signs are all there. A spouse may not be aware because they can appear normal to a degree. A multiplicity of excuses is rendered when they are questioned? Deception comes along with addiction it can destroy your marriage and other relationships as well

Truth and intimacy are important components in building a good strong marriage!

Step 4 full-blown

Day in and day out the addiction has now taken over. The addict will now do whatever to satisfy his or her obsession that has completely taken control. Their life cycle is getting, using, doing drugs, alcohol or whatever the addiction is… They are now compulsively spiraling increasingly downhill… For many it takes hitting rock bottom before they will admit they need help!

They have indulged themselves to the point that their brain chemistry has changed! To attempt to stop means that they will go through a period of painful withdrawal! The high that they used to receive is now an insatiable voracious uncontrollable craving! A mere ferocious “monkey on their back!” They cannot feel normal unless they are under the influence or indulging in the activity! Their family, friends, job, talents, resources are all being destroyed by their inability to control their compulsive need for a fix!

How interesting that they so paradoxically “Need a fix!” What really needs to be fixed is their deep cavernous inner pain… Addiction is a vicious cycle. If your spouse is in any of these stages it is important to confront them in love. Redemptive confrontation is a way to begin to address whatever the addiction is. If not confronted your love one’s life will spiral out of control if in fact that is not the case already.

Marriage is a wonderful relationship God has created for us to learn how to properly relate to our spouses. It is the ultimate monogamous sacred partner/co-worker relationship! It is through a committed marriage with God as the center one can learn how to overcome their weaknesses. Truly GOD is OMNISCIENT! He is the ultimate source of Godly Wisdom. He knew when we were created that we would need Him in all areas of our lives. In a God Centered Marriage He keeps man and woman joined together for life. Ever growing in His wisdom as they both stay connected to Him. realizing that “we together become one.” “What God has joined together let not man put asunder.” Within the context of a committed marriage there is power and unity! With the Help o the Lord you can whether the storms of life and emerge Victoriously. Marriage to GOD IS SACRED!

Addiction is a weakness. Drugs, alcohol, illicit sex, pornography or whatever; are all used to help one to feel good! However as an addict they have no boundaries and they are constantly seeking more ways to alleviate their uncontrollable desires. This only drives them deeper into despair and uncertainty. With the help of the Lord you can overcome addiction. For with God “All things are possible!”

Marriage was wonderfully designed by God so we could get some of our needs met. There are some needs that can only be met by God! It is important to respect your marriage as well as the marriages of others. God honors marriage. When you honor your marriage you honor God!

A spouse can be a great facilitator in helping the cycle of the dysfunction of addiction being broken! It is difficult because it requires exercising good boundaries. Praying and interceding for your spouse is key.

An intervention is necessary! Once the addiction has been confronted it is important to seek healthier ways to cope. Remember there are many forms of addiction. It can be an addiction to just about anything. Not everyone has a tendency towards addiction. Yet keep in mind that we all are forever becoming. Therefore we all need to work on improving and increasing our own personal disciplines. Be compassionate and have empathy but not to the point you further enable them. Help remembering; addiction is a plea for help! There are healthier ways to fill that inner void.

There is absolutely nothing in your life that God is not aware of! He Loves you! He wants you to reach out to Him! Learning to surrender to HIM is important!

Developing a genuine intimate personal relationship with the Lord will help you begin to better cope! Here one must be careful as well There are those who develop an addiction to religion. They become very religious which also creates a void… It becomes just another escape. This is not the same thing as having a healthy personal relationship with the Lord. It is important to spend time in His Word getting to know Him through His Word. Here you can discover what life is really all about. Here you can discover your purpose and the Freedom God wants for you.

One must seek to discover who they are without the addiction. To nurture the inner child that wants it way at all cost. To learn to better exercise self-control! Now that this is out in the open the addiction is exposed! This is what the road to recovery is all about. One must begin to monitor their feelings to see what triggers their desires. What is the root cause of them losing themselves into addiction? How do I begin to move from the addiction being the center of my life? God does have a better way! There is a way out of addiction. Focusing now on your spouse’s strengths is very important! Giving them encouragement without being controlling or manipulating. Giving them to the Lord. Encouraging them to allow the “JOY of the LORD to be their strength. God wants to be the center of your life. “Jesus came that you might have life and has it to the full.” John 10.

Next we will discuss some of the causes of addiction!
See Part 4


Always pray sincerely! God knows your thoughts, motives, desires and intentions. He even knows why and what you are praying for before you make your request known! God’s omniscience is often overlooked. Omniscience means God has universal awareness, understanding and insight. There is nothing that is said, thought about or done, anywhere or any place that He is not aware of. Omnipotent means God virtually has infinite unlimited authority or influence. He in fact is the Ultimate Power above Him is no other! Omnipresence is another attribute that solely belongs to God. God is everywhere at all times.

How do I access the Father? By humbling ourselves in earnest genuine prayer. Remember; He is amazingly everywhere we all are all around the world; 24/7. WOW! Christ Jesus is the door to Heaven. Jesus is the way to the Father! It is through prayer we communicate with Him. Once you truly commit your life to Christ Jesus you are adopted into the family of God. His Holy Spirit; the Comforter comes and abides within us. He is the one and only Almighty Sovereign God! Miraculously we know by Faith that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are One and the same!

Did you know that prayer is the key to your relationship with the Lord? Prayer is simply communication with God. Prayer is a supplication or expression that should be expressed earnestly and sincerely. Prayer is often sometimes inaudible. God tells us in His Word that we should “pray without ceasing.” Prayer in this circumstance is essentially a state of mind. God even tells us to go into your closet and close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen. “Then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” He can open doors no man can close. Truly GOD is always GOOD! Prayer time with God will give you a healthy and clear conscience. Prayer is not always asking God for something. We should readily thank God regularly and consistently for all He has done when we pray. “It is in HIM we move and live and have our being!? God is truly worthy of our thanks and praise!

If you are a child of GOD you should relish your personal prayer time with your Father. God is aware of what we need as well as what we do not need. Having and ongoing growing intimately relationship must be a top priority! This is why it is so important that we are honest and sincere when we call upon His name. Remember prayer is not always asking God for something! It is not something we just do in the presence of others to get their attention. But when others are in attendance you should include them in prayer. Prayer is not just mere words we utter repetitively. Prayer is not a time to just let those who are present know how you feel. The effectiveness is not determined by the cadence, tone or volume of your voice. It is not just a time to just emotionally charge others.

It really is the content and posture of your heart that concerns God. To humbly and sincerely usher oneself into the presence of the Lord one must relinquish self. Any unconfessed sin hinders your prayer encounter. With God you must be real! When you truly enter into the presence of the Lord it can change the unchangeable. Prayer can heal a broken heart, mind, body, soul, life, home or relationship. The things that are impossible with man are absolutely possible with God! This way He gets all the credit. “Oh give thanks unto the Lord for He is GOOD and His mercy endureth forever!” It is important when we pray, that we pray, God’s will be done in our lives.

We must yield to His Will and His Way!

The prophet Jeremiah kept in constant prayer with the Lord. Jeremiah was called to remind Israel of the consequences of disobedience. Jeremiah fervently reminded them of their immoral behavior. The religious establishment plotted to silence Jeremiah. Jeremiah was discouraged and in much despair. So much so, to the point he began to wonder why he was not allowed to just die in his mother’s womb. In his despair Jeremiah cries out to the Lord. He tries to keep quiet since he is constantly mocked for proclaiming God’s Truth. The Word of the Lord is so vehement in his soul that he can not contain it. This is when he says “His Word is in my heart like fire. A fire shut up in my bones.” Jeremiah knew that they were waiting for him to slip.

Jeremiah was maturing as a prophet. He knew that the Lord wanted him to continue. He even went so far to tell them if they put him to death that his innocent blood would be on their hands. We can be encouraged by Jeremiah! When the Lord gives you an assignment it is very important that you keep in constant communication with Him. Remain attentive and discerning as the unction of His Holy Spirit moves upon you. Whenever pressured to conform it is important to be transformed by the renewing of your mind by the Word of God. God in His time will bring everything to the light. God will never lead you to do anything that goes against his principles. Jeremiah’s life demonstrates how important it is to remain faithful to God. Sometimes we must forego the support of others rather than disobey God. Prayer is the key to help you stay focused if you are ever faced with such a situation.

Did you know God can not be manipulated? There is a big difference between uniformity and unity! It is not necessary to manipulate situations or people to get your way. This is why it is important to pray and ask God if something is in His will for you. God allows many things. He did not create us to be robots. Proverbs tell us that there is a way that seems right to man? But the end will eventually lead to destruction. Did you know sometimes your way may be out of the will of God? You only hinder the ultimate plan that God has for your life. God wants us to be disciplined. Daily worship and prayer is crucial. This will strengthen your daily spiritual walk. It will also sharpen your ability to discern!

The Scriptures clearly tells us that the prayers of the righteous are powerful! Life is full of snares for the believer. Wide road travelers are plentiful. Fewer desire to travel the narrow way. When we lift Holy hands to Him we acknowledge and invite His presence! We serve an all knowing and wise God! Denial will keep you in the dark. Honesty really is the best policy! God’s angels encamp around those who have committed themselves to His will and His way. This is why His Word is so marvelous! God will direct you through His Word! He will even warn you. God is faithful! He is the ultimate Father He will provide a way out of no way. Personal as well as corporate “Prayer Time” are essential to the body of Christ. We must learn to relinquish our will and strive to choose God’s way.

Did you know that Jesus withstood great persecution and mistreatment? They even called Him a devil. The enemy is the father of lies. He always cloaks or distorts the truth! He always mixes Truth and error. That is when you know that something is not of God! But don’t be dismayed it will only last for a season. Oh! But remember “What a Friend we have in Jesus!” We are to carry everything to Him in prayer. Remember Jeremiah? Sometimes not responding at all is a good idea. Exercising your spiritual muscles will strengthen your walk. God never tempts us to do anything. As you take time daily for your personal worship you will begin to respond differently. Practice “praying without ceasing!” To be a disciple means you actually learn how to discipline yourself to respond in a way that pleases God. You embrace repentance in lieu of accepting denial.

You must begin to exercise self control! You cannot please God and man! God’s way is always the best way. God’s weapons are not carnal. God tells us to “pray for them that despitefully use you!” You see it is really not about how things appear to others. What is important is what God knows! He knows the posture of our hearts. Remember He knows the TRUTH! He also knows when something is not true! He knows everything!

The time we spend here on earth is relatively short in comparison to the time we spend in eternity with God! There is no need to be afraid. But you must be aware evil is about us. God can and will protect you from all evil. Remember the disciples sample prayer? God can and will deliver you from evil! You can genuinely smile or not respond improperly in the midst of trials and persecution. This does not mean that you are in a delusionary frame of mind. Quite the contrary. It just means your focus is on God rather than the situation. Your character will be strengthened and your Faith and Trust will be renewed.

Remember with Jesus as the conductor life becomes a symphony! God will free you! Jesus really did die for us to live differently. This is why His Word tells us “Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the SPIRIT! Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

The majority of the work of God’s Church is “Beyond The Walls.” Yes, the work within the walls is important. Many work within the walls. Many live to please those within the walls rather than live to please God. I want to share something with you it is a lot easier to please God. God positions His children in different places. “The earth really is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof the world and them that dwell therein.” It is not necessary to jockey for a position when you know that God has a place in the body for you. We must continue to pray for those who are shackled by sin within and without the walls. Who really do not know that the gates of Hell will not prevail against God’s True Church. This scripture is not talking about the physical structure. There is not one iota of doubt in my mind that I am God’s child. If you really know Him you should feel the same way. It is an inexpressible comfort when you have a real personal encounter with the Lord. God is so great! Praise God for His Word.

Did you know that there is only one true Church? If He came to your home would He be welcomed? If He came to your job or your place of business would you acknowledge Him? Honestly ask yourself if Jesus came to your church service would He really be welcomed? Perhaps, only if He were to tithe? Perhaps if he dressed how you think he should? Are you sure of what kind of heart you have? Perhaps if he would conform to your order of service? Only if He sits where you think He should sit? Would you betray Him like Judas? Remember when he threw the money changers out? Jesus said that His Church should be a house of prayer! Did you know that Jesus can provide and will provide for everything you need without manipulating others to give out of guilt? I believe He did say that “HE WOULD SUPPLY ALL OF OUR NEEDS….” Not some but all!
God welcomes repentance! Repent means to change. To turn your mind, heart, body and soul in the direction God is leading. To abandon the prideful direction of having to do things your way and humbly move towards God. You must be willing to admit it when you are wrong. To embrace Truth pleases God! God really wants us to live victoriously. Remember He is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. God is there for you. God has a plan for the lives of each of His children. So there is really no need to be jealous. Your position in the body is the capacity in which you function. Who you are is God’s child. By the way “He is not a respecter of persons”. God really does know and see what we do. It is much better to just want the things that God wants you to have, to desire to live out HIS WILL in your life!

There is much peace when you really know you are walking in the path of RIGHTEOUSNESS! How will you know when God is leading you? This is why it is so important to pray and obey! This will help you not get sidetracked by what others say or do! Know that God has power over darkness. Again it is during your prayer time you can be refueled and prepared for the fiery darts. God let’s nothing come our way that He is not aware of. It is our responsibility to respond in a manner that pleases Him! This will give you a clear conscious. Remember God’s weapons are not carnal. If you don’t stand for God you will fall for anything! When you are adorned with God’s full spiritual armor the shield of faith with extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one! Just exercise patience and pray. God is the author and finisher of our faith. He has given each of His children a measure of faith. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.

Click to listen to “Somebody Somewhere Was Praying For Me”


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