Marriage is so much more than just an idea! A high-quality satisfying marriage requires Love, Commitment and good open Communication! Make it a point to understand what your spouse is relaying to you. Repeat back to them what they are saying if you are not sure what they mean! You can either build or tear down with your words! Take the time to listen and understand one another. This does not mean that you will always agree! The goal is to understand where they are coming from and what their perspective is and how do you continue to go forward together! Marriage is about continually refining and improving your relationship!
It is important to build good healthy secure marriage boundaries! Pray for and with your spouse! Be careful from whom you seek counsel! Many marriages have failed due to poor communication and unwise counsel! When seeking an objective opinion or wise counsel to resolve conflict it is important that you present the facts… or distinguish that this is how you feel! It is important for each of you to take responsibility for your part in the marriage! Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate partnership of love between a man and a woman! “HIS LOVE endures Forever!”
Whoever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you more than you might know! If you have had multiple partners take some time and allow the Lord to heal and restore you before rushing into another relationship! Take some time to recollect yourself and think on a deeper level as to what you really want out of a relationship! It is easier to continue to just change partners rather than develop a deep monogamous lasting relationship! Many instead opt to maintain a surface, superficial relationship. This usually leaves one unsatisfied and never really allows true intimacy to develop… STOP GIVING YOURSELF AWAY! GOD CAN refresh and renew you!
Be careful and selective who you join yourself together with! A man deposits his DNA into the woman that can possibly linger for a lifetime! You actually bond together… There really is nothing casual at all about sex! Many don’t consider what is really happening beyond just getting their sexual needs satisfied! A surge of oxytocin from the brain makes a woman want to have sex and bond. A surge of testosterone from the brain makes a man want to have sex but possibly be done with you once its over! Again, Stop giving away parts of yourself and begin to respect yourself! Save yourself until you want to make a total commitment! (Please be sure to see video below!)
Spend quality time in the Word of God discovering firsthand what He has said about marriage! I personally am in favor of God’s Design for Marriage! It really can work!
Many today engage in physical and or emotional affairs… This does not have to be! Many do not think about how hazardous this is for their marriage! Open marriages breed insecurity! Infidelity is very dangerous in marriage! It bonds you with someone other than your spouse! This actually weakens your marital bond! It also fosters an unhealthy unstable marriage environment of doubt, distrust and insecurity…
Due to the fact that the societal expectation for marriage has substantially lowered the moral standards, this now renders infidelity as more acceptable! Make it a priority to tenderly and sincerely fulfill one another’s physical needs so there is not a need to go outside of your marriage to just have sex! You are not only cheating your spouse, your so called lover, but yourself as well! Someone will be hurt! Affairs are rampart today but can be avoided when you are sensitive to one another’s needs! You also honor The Lord and the vows you made! Continue to flame the embers of love in your marriage! Rekindle the initial attraction or build a new one! Set aside some time and openly discuss ways to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, build transparency and enhance your love making rather than look outside of your marriage to get your physical needs met… Now each time you come together and give of yourself to one another you reinforce the marital bond! So please “Think Before Sex Outside of Marriage!”
Previously married partners have a tendency to fall back into sexual relationships because they have bonded before! They are familiar with one another and have connected physically and often have unfinished issues between them. This is also why it is important to think before you give yourself to someone because they become a part of you! Momentarily they set aside their differences to have sex. However the commitment is no longer there! As adults you can always choose to do whatever you want but remember there are always consequences for those choices!
If you are single and seeking to marry it is important to know that once you have become physically intimate outside of marriage it is harder to be objective! It is quite common today but so is divorce! For many it doesn’t matter because after all we are adults… Not really realizing that it can cause inner conflict as you prematurely bond without being committed to one another… There is a magnetic sexual attraction that occurs that often yields you powerless. Remember what I said earlier about bonding! I suggest putting off the physical relationship until you have married and have truly committed to one another… If things don’t work out you have not given more of yourself away! This also exercises discipline! First really take this time to get to know one another better before you plunge into another relationship… Consider waiting and take the time to build a physically satisfying physical relationship once you have made your vows!
Since you are single you are in a good position because you can look forward to finding a spouse that you are compatible with! Don’t just settle for anyone out of loneliness! You no longer have to compromise yourself! Find healthier ways to fill your void! While you are waiting and anticipating that right someone, present your requests to The Lord! He has promised to meet your needs! You cannot change anything that has happened but you can move forward! Work on strengthening and improving yourself… In the meantime begin to release any guilt or shame! So you can enter a new relationship fresh and with less baggage! You must be realistic and be wiling to grow along with this spouse you desire! Spend time with The Lord and allow Him to guide you in this area! Stay open to His leading and be patient! “And my GOD WILL meet ALL your needs according to HIS glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS” Philippians 4.
Right now you want to make sure that you find out more about this person that you want to commit to! You both need to share many facets of your lives with one another… Actually you should do this before you give yourself to someone anyway! It can be devastating when you find yourself committed to someone who is not committed to you! Too many become unequally yoked! They often hastily marry and find out after the fact that they are not on the same page about most things and share very few of the same values… This could prevent a lot of divorces if you posed certain questions before you say “I DO!” Don’t just hold out on sex to entrap someone… This is a part of divorce proofing your marriage and building a firmer foundation! A high quality marriage is built on much more than just physical attraction! After all you will have the rest of your life to learn how to physically enjoy one another…
You will need to take some time and have a “spiritual cleansing” if you have been physical outside of marriage!” Together out of respect for the Lord seek His face and ask Him to bestow His Blessings upon your marriage! Start anew! “Having sex outside of marriage is like fire outside of the fireplace! “But if we walk in The LIGHT, as HE is in The LIGHT, we have FELLOWSHIP with one another, and The BLOOD of JESUS HIS SON PURIFIES us from ALL sin…” I JOHN 1. There is WONDER working POWER in The BLOOD of JESUS! He CAN transform your life and BLESS your marriage! When you are married it’s different The WORD teaches us that the “Marriage Bed is undefiled!” HEBREWS 13. Marriage is honorable in the eyes of The LORD!
Sin is rampart throughout this world! It also separates us from God! As we grow in His Grace we should sin less…. The world says it doesn’t matter if you are married or not? You can choose to marry whomever you want male or female? Those of us who believe in “Marriage God’s Way” are becoming fewer and fewer! The world is desensitizing many more to God’s Design for Marriage and seducing them to compromise in order to be accepted! It is important to know that the spiritual warfare wants to continually separate us all from God our Creator & Maker and His purpose He created each of us for! Marriage between man and woman is considered to be “Holy Matrimony” in the eyes of God! To many marriage is no longer holy!
Now look! Think about it! It is not by coincidence that marriages and families are breaking up left and right! Splitting and splitting again and again… As I mentioned earlier currently an excess of 55% of marriages end in divorce! What’s the problem? Many are bailing out because they want to try something different… Many have married without really getting to know the person they have married! Please do not get involved with someone on the rebound! The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages! No wonder the world at large is experiencing so many natural catastrophes and economic trade devastation this world is going backwards…
Having affairs has become glamorized and many are continually lowering their standards and have been seduced and don’t even know it! Having sex is no big deal… Hollywood has now become the standard model for marriage for many. It is possible that you are considered old fashioned and somewhat narrow minded when you do not go with the current flow! There is nothing outdated about loyalty & commitment! Be committed to what you know is right even if it means for a season you must stand alone!
Although the Recession has passed and we are somewhat recovering, it is an indication that the world is going backwards! Things will never be the same. Bur yet we have been here before! History repeats itself… All the signs are continuously becoming apparent again! New era same relational dynamics! Many are restless, tired, lonely, dissatisfied, discontented and seeking fulfillment in life! Looking in all the wrong places… “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, There is nothing new under the sun…” Ecclesiastes 1. We can learn a lot from The Word of God! Right before the flood everyone was doing what was “right in their own eyes!”They too did not want to do things God’s Way! You listen to the news and everyone else so please take some time and personally ponder upon what God says about marriage! After all He is The Creator of marriage! So why not check out His Word! Don’ just take second hand information when making such serious decisions! Here you can discover who really is the true source of life and living! Believe it or not God is The Creator of man and woman and I think He knows what is best for us! He sees way down the road! As a matter of fact He sees everything! ”
Build healthy personal boundaries and respect your marriage vows as well as the marriages of others! If you are not sure please don’t make them… If you are married, it is not too late to make it a point to water your marriage with love, caring, peace, tenderness, loyalty, fun, respect, understanding and yes excitement! When you sincerely pray together, embrace godly principles you can stay together! Invite God into the center of your Marriage! Together you can give your marriage an overhaul if needed! You have the POWER to together design and write your own script, then proceed to make it happen… You can’t help but see that way too many marriages are in trouble! Too many marriages and families are breaking up… Make your marriage a priority! “What GOD has joined together let NO man or woman put asunder…” So please; THINK Before Sex Outside of Marriage!
In a healthy marriage you are friends as well as lovers
SONG of SOLOMON Case study in PURITY & PASSION
This is one of the most loving, romantic and poetic Books found in the Old Testament of the Bible! Did you know that some of the most passionate “Love Songs” dating back to ancient Hebrew times were written by King Solomon? It was originally called and still is at times known as ” Song Of Songs”! Well after all he had (700) seven hundred wives and (300) three hundred concubines! If you ever want to hear some passionate love songs or romantic poetry look no more; The Song of Solomon is the perfect venue! The Key verse: “I am my Lover’s and my Lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.”
God who is LOVE is amazingly AWESOME! If you want some “Sweet Some Things” to read to each other this is the place! Now whoever said that The Word could not be sung? This Book is indeed filled with melodic romantic prose! In The Song of Solomon, King Solomon candidly speaks of love between a bridegroom and a bride! The sanctity of marriage is affirmed as well as a brilliant illustration of the Love God has for His people!
The world in which we live is saturated by the news media with tales of sexual escapades, sexual freedom, extramarital affairs, homosexuality and secret rendezvous of the rich and famous celebrities as well as politicians! Divorce is raging a battle against marriage! Any and just about everything goes … This is also attempting to take a stronghold on God’s Church! Many say you have to accept me as I am regardless of my sexual preferences because unconditional love says so? We are to love people not the sin! Sin is anything that separates us from God! God determines what is or is not sinful!
Did you know that sex originated in the Bible? Yes, It was created by God! How did sex ever become such a dirty word? Man tends to always pervert what God has made for good! The world tries to redefine marriage to suit whomever… It has been twisted and turned upside down by too many! Sex for some is a no strings attached, or just a wild activity of lust void of commitment and a mere wild expressed bodily exercise! In this case you are just giving away a part of you to an uncommitted partner…
It was really meant to be a holy union celebrating the “two becoming one”It is the closest form of body language that one can physically express to another; I Love you! The Word says; “And Adam said : This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become ONE flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed.” Everything God made is good! It is when sex is practiced outside of the boundaries of marriage, not as He intended things begin to get complicated… Having sex is not bad or dirty. Sex was made for mutuality between husband and wife, each has a responsibility to one another! Celebrating love, experiencing one another in a pleasurable way, producing children and bonding together is all sanctioned by God within HOLY MATRIMONY!
If you did not know it, there is a lot going on regarding sex in the Bible! The Word talks explicitly about the consequences of “sex outside of marriage.” The world says no problem! “Go for it.” Remember; “Think fire out of the fireplace!” It’s possible but dangerous! The Song of Solomon is a poignant, emotional, moving poetic drama about love. In intimate details King Solomon bears his soul to his lover and she to him. Here is a wonderful illustration that is often over looked putting sex and marriage in its proper place.
Although some even say it is a story of God’s love for the children of Israel being expressed in an Allegory? Others say it is a story of married love. But really it is both! God Loves us! He wants what is best for us! He does not want us ignorant in anyway. It is so good to know that we are saved by His GRACE! As you read consider thinking on this fact that GOD IS LOVE! You cannot turn back the hands of time. But you can go forward in the Lord! It is never too late to start living His way! “All have sinned and fallen short of the GLORY of GOD!”
As you stroll through the corridors of “The Song of Solomon” remember GOD LOVES YOU! Seriously think about committing or recommitting to living your life His way? Think about inviting Him into the messiness and allowing Him to show you and guide you. Through the gift of His Holy Spirit He can show you how to bring order, peace, patience, kindness, self control, happiness, joy and so much more to your marriage! You also have His Blessings on your marriage bed!
Love physically expressed is powerful between a husband and wife! It can be a conscious time to solidify your marriage and honor your vows! This allows your inner beauty to glow and shine forth, sensitivity and sincerity encompasses mutual fulfillment! Keep the romance going by adding embers to the flame of your marriage! Although it began at the altar it should continue on day by day! This helps to keep emotional walls from erecting that can become barriers in your marriage! Time is so precious. Tomorrow is not promised! Make sure you take time to nurture one another! The Song of Solomon honors marriage!
Let us sample a taste of what Solomon shares. This is from The Beloved!
“Let him Kiss me with the Kisses of his mouth
For your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
Your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens Love you!
Take me away with you, let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers…”
Solomon was the son of King David, he was chosen by God to build the Temple in Jerusalem. Solomon had bestowed upon him an extraordinary gift of wisdom. He wrote over (3,000) three thousand proverbs and (1,000) one thousand songs! The Song Of Solomon itself contains (7) seven poems! It gives a descriptive account about how they met. The engagement, the wedding and the procession, the actual wedding night as well as the marriage itself!
This refreshing romantic Book describes Solomon’s love for his bride in a way that captivates the refreshing and invigorating qualities that love brings forth! Although life can become very difficult at times; Marriage was meant to provide a committed partner to weather the storms of life! Your marriage should not consist of only major complaints, sorrows and problems. Nor should there be any physical, mental or emotional abuse! This is not what God intended! If your marriage needs to be refreshed, I pray this inspires you! Marriage should be a place where ultimate transparency, physical mutually satisfying intimacy between husband and wife can be shared! Coming together should be a time to lock all the trappings and disappointments of life out and invite in refreshing, excitement and reinforcing the cherished memories that brought you together!
The Song of Solomon says: “How beautiful are your sandaled feet, O princes daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Hesborn by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking towards Damascus. Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses. How beautiful you are and how pleasing. O LOVE with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit …”
As you mature your marriage should as well. It should age gracefully like a fine antique; they become more cherished and valuable with age. Cultures vary in their perceptions of lovemaking. There are some cultures that teach and encourage enhancing the physical lovemaking within marriage. There is a freedom that emerges when the couple together make their physical intimacy a priority. You become like “Epoxy” glue. Once the two components come together it is virtually impossible to separate! Love between a man and woman is priceless. Remember “GOD IS LOVE” and true love was meant to last through forever! It is not the same as what I call “Intoxicating Affections” that only mimic true love they do not last; but at some point will leave a residue of resentment! The key components of a great marriage is love, trust, mutual respect, understanding, devotion and commitment. When you say “I DO!” Remember, Loving committed marriages reflect God not domination and control! Your marriage should be a reflection of “How much you Love the Lord!” Remember no longer two but ONE. “What GOD has joined together let not man put asunder!” I hope you enjoy “THE SONG OF SOLOMON”!!!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DeBorrah K. Ogans is a Marriage Educator, licensed Christian Counselor, Life Coach and ordained Minister. She is certified through the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling in Creation Therapy and holds a Master’s Degree in Biblical Clinical Counseling. She is the author of a pre-marital guide “How Do I Love Thee: Things You Need To Know Before You Say I Do,” her second book is “Holy Matrimony: Now That You’re Married” DeBorrah is eager to share and encourage all ages, her third book and first Christian Fiction Novel is appropriate for ages 10 – 110. It is “The Enchanting Legends of Shiloh Mansion: The Young King. DeBorrah has written extensively and has a plethora of columns and commentaries on life subjects that are widely published.