WHAT I LEARNED FROM MICHAEL JACKSON
I attentively and assiduously watched the Memorial services for Michael Jackson, along with my husband. It has been reported that over more than (1) one billion people collectively watched from all around the world from more than (160) one hundred & sixty or more countries. It was both inspiring and enlightening. I experienced a torrent of emotions. It brought tears to my eyes many times. I could relate to a degree, because over the last several years we together have seen so many close relatives pass on to the other side. Of those many both of our mothers passed on just seven months apart, from one another. This made the Memorial even more so thought provoking. I have much PEACE knowing without a doubt that both our Mother’s are now again with the Lord!
I conscientiously listened and engaged with each of those who really knew Michael Jackson as they shared their poignant expressions of him. They shared how Michael was a loving, kind, gentle, giving man, talented and such a funny person. This was deeply embedded in their many heartfelt as well as amusing expressions. Magic Johnson even shared a humorous moment of when he found out how Michael liked Kentucky fried chicken. I was glad that they showed the personable private side of his life. He was presented an honored by a government representative officially praising him for his many “Deeds” and exonerating him of his innocence… This is the reason why we have Memorials? We the viewers & fans really only know about Michael from afar. A lot of the news, accusations and innuendos we hear are nested in a slew of propaganda.
I have gradually acquired much more compassion for Michael because he was a mere child that had to grow up in the limelight, center stage, in front of the world. Children have a great need to develop an inner healthy homeostasis. This is what helps them have a balanced sense of self. They can usually read our emotions. Children have a basic need to be loved, accepted and understood. Michael unselfishly relinquished the majority if not all of his own childhood for the sake and financial gain of many. By doing so he took care of and provided for his family, friends, business associates, doctors, lawyers, household staff and many, many others as well as supporting numerous charities. This is an enormous responsibility for such a young boy to shoulder.
I realize that Michael was a victim of much emotional, verbal and physical abuse. This explains his shyness and insecurity… Michael has been said to have lived an isolated life. I believe he needed to be protected from some of those who should have protected him. Those who were on his payroll……. Due to his multiplicity of talents people naturally drew to him. I am sure that there were those who were genuinely concerned for his wellbeing. No doubt His mother for one… But I also believe that he was greatly taken advantage of by those who saw him as a resource or reservoir for their own wealth rather than a person.
I truly believe that Michael was intuitive and realized this; this is one of the reasons why he surrounded himself with
children. He made it possible for a lot of those children to realize their dreams. It is through his brilliant, ingenuous technique, smooth showmanship, graceful agility, and ponderous of the wonderful myriad of breathtaking performances, his childlike freedom would shine through. It is during this time I believe he could momentarily rise above his haunting inner pain. There is no doubt that He gave us his all; whenever he performed it was magnificently magical.
Michael generously shared his multiplicity of gifts and talents with the world at large! This opened a whole new dimension for the entertainment world; that crossed all racial, economic, social, color and age barriers. Giving credit where it is due; this current generation and those to come as well have and will continue to greatly benefit from those doors Michael opened. He created and carved out a space of his own on this side of heaven. Michael took entertaining to an innovatively new level! He gave of his life sustaining essence. I personally think he is truly worthy of the title “All Time Best Entertainer!”
I do not condone wrong behavior in anyone, myself included. The TRUTH is told Michael was acquitted by a jury of any and all charges that were ever filed against him. He was declared “INNOCENT”! Yet, those accusations will always hover like a latent virus. Is this why he is treated as guilty? He still had to live under public scrutiny, an ambivalent shadow of enormous criticism, mockery and continual harassment… No doubt there were those who took advantage of him. There were also those who surrounded him lurking, who wanted to seize any opportunity to elevate themselves at his expense. All of this came along with the fame, notoriety and celebrity status he attained.
Prior to the actual Memorial’s commencement Smokey Robinson shared telegrams from Nelson Mandela & Diana Ross. This was followed by a noted quiet silence throughout the arena. Even the News media was silent!
This was a rare moment, A TRIBUTE in itself!
During Michael’s Memorial those who knew him gave us a very insightful, lingering perspective. It was a once in a lifetime Star studded Memorial an A-List of professional participants, yet, they too momentarily were succumbed by their emotions; Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, Usher, John Mayer and Stevie Wonder. All were emotionally arrested, causing a softening of their tributes and renditions in song, yet powerfully emitting the sensitivity of how they truly were in awe and how much respect they felt. Michael indeed is a Legend in his own right.
Queen Latifah spoke candidly and boldly as she fondly reminisced and read a powerful poetic tribute from Maya Angelou. Michael’s abrupt passing has greatly impacted as well as caught many off guard!
Smokey Robinson and Berry Gordy shared their respect, love and appreciation of Michael as well as humorous moments. Jermaine his older brother’s rendition of Michael’s favorite song “Smile” was ironically expressed in a harlequinly manner that so touched the hearts of many. No doubt he was overwhelmed by the passing of his brother yet rose to the occasion. It was said to be he was Michael’s support and somewhat backbone…
It was Brooke Shields, Al Sharpton and his brokenhearted, loving daughter Paris that gave us a true inside glimpse of who he REALLY was… A most memorable touching moment as the family surrounded daughter Paris as she gave honor to her father Michael as the “Best father Ever!” and was willingly, readily and humbly comforted by Janet Jackson her aunt. Who is a STAR in her own right! During the finale as a TRIBUTE, all Michael’s siblings gathered on stage in unison with many others… No family exists without disagreements from time to time. I solicit the prayers of the Christian Community for Michaels’s family that is so much in the public view! Many pressures abound during their days of mourning. I learned that Michael Jackson loved his children and family, esteems and holds his Mother Katherine dearly and they love him and he lives on in their hearts… Yes of course his fans love him too, but from a distance, to them he is really an “Icon.”
One must know that there was little or no room for alone time, privacy or a sense of normalcy for Michael Jackson as a celebrity for security purposes. He could not go out to the grocery store, drive freely about, come and go as he pleased, take a walk publicly or perhaps even attend to his personal needs without someone abreast … So how could he without the assistance of someone, do some or any of the things that he was accused of ? Therefore if you must, one should also condemn his security agents, those who were around him constantly and those who brought, gave and anesthetized and or administered the alleged plethora of “prescription medications” as well. Who are they? Were they not aware of the consequences and side effects … Michael was not a doctor. He was a son, a brother, a friend, a father and a world class entertainer. In fact, my opinion “The Best Entertainer Ever!”
I learned from Michael Jackson’s death that no matter how much you do, for some people it will never be enough. No matter whom you are, nor how much you give. Some people would remember the negative things. Michael not only gave of himself, his time and resources; I learned that Michael Jackson is in the Guinness Book of World Records for giving more than any other Pop Star. Those who really know you will remain faithful. Love continues through eternity.
I BELIEVE, the most important relationship that any of us can have is to know and be connected to our Creator, Maker and Lord through a relationship with His Son Jesus Christ. It is so important to know Him personally as well as His WORD! Jesus was that WORD wrapped in flesh! The beauty about His plan of SALVATION; that it is not contingent on who we are! But because of what He has done! Once we accept JESUS CHRIST as our SAVIOR and LORD, we are given the gift of ETERNAL LIFE! Romans 11 says “That if YOU CONFESS with your mouth, JESUS is LORD, and BELIEVE in your HEART that GOD raised HIM from the dead, thou shat be SAVED…” This is where our true security and significance lies.
God knows all about each one of us from the moment of conception and has a unique purpose for each one of us to fulfill and when that time is over we who are His children return to Him. You just never know how short or long that time may be? So live life to its fullest in His presence! The most important audience is an audience of ONE; meaning in front of Him! ”GOD is LOVE”, It is through Him we learn what is really most important! I know even more so NOW that how so very important it is to live your life to please GOD rather than man! Because no matter what you have or don’t have when it is all said and done that is what really matters most. Michael no longer has to … But I am sure there is much more to come. My thoughts, concerns, well wishes and prayers are with Michael’s children, his Mother and family. May YOU Rest in Peace Michael Jackson!
For the co-dependent it is necessary to realize that God is really not a respecter of persons. We are equal yet different as His children. Although scripture tells us “it is not by works that we are saved” a codependent can be manipulated into many activities. This is fueled by their need of approval. This often causes them to develop a surface relationship with God. Their busyness leaves little time to “be still” and find the freedom and rest only God can provide.
What is happening to our Christian families? Codependency has become a major dysfunction. Families are experiencing a famine in the area of healthy nurturing. Let’s begin to break generational cycles of codependency. Why is this necessary? A person who is co-dependent is trapped in a compulsive cycle of control. They are usually over achievers who are virtually motivated by their desire to be loved. They often have been subject to major rejection in their early childhood. In order to feel a sense of security they will over extend themselves in many activities in order to gain the approval of others. It is very difficult for a co-dependent to deal with someone who they can not control. They will often even appear submissive in order to gain control of someone. This behavior is really manipulation in order to dominate.
The boundaries of a co-dependent are usually blurred. The hurts of childhood abandonment and rejection fuel their need to control. They have a great need as well to be the center of attention. Unable to let go of the past they really feel empty and unloved. They are usually high maintenance people. Their constant need of approval is countered by resentment when not satisfied since they suffer from low self-esteem. As I have said before and will say again and again “your true security and significance can only be found in God”.
For the co-dependent it is necessary to realize that God is really not a respecter of persons. We are equal yet different as His children. Although scripture tells us “it is not by works that we are saved” a codependent can be manipulated into many activities. This is fueled by their need of approval. This often causes them to develop a surface relationship with God. Their busyness leaves little time to “be still” and find the freedom and rest only God can provide. Contrary to popular belief you are not required by God to participate in most man ordained auxiliaries especially at the expense of neglecting your family. Pastors as well as Christian workers who suffer from co-dependency must be careful not to be pre-occupied at the expense of not having some time for their own families. Your works should display your faith not someone else’s. Creating healthy boundaries are necessary. Spend some time developing your personal intimate relationship with God. Begin to implement His principles in your life. Grace and peace is multiplied when you increase your knowledge of GOD!
Consciously allow what God desires and requires of you to override your need to control and/ or gain the approval of others. Don’t be a people pleaser! God is not impressed by manipulation. Always examine your motives in the light of His WORD. Take charge by letting go, which is the opposite of controlling. Remember scripture says it is “the meek that will inherit the earth.” Meekness is not weakness it is power under control. Cycles are hard to break but with God even the impossible is possible.
The family system of a co-dependent usually has a powerful effect on their behavior dynamics. Often there is a scapegoat, a martyr and a hero in the co-dependent family. The scapegoat gives everyone something to focus on rather than deal with the real problem. The martyr sacrifices for everyone and feels sorry for themselves. The hero makes the family look good to outsiders. A multigenerational pattern of faulty unhealthy dynamics can appear as normal. Do you notice any generational patterns? Unconsciously the family will fight to keep these dynamics operating.
All families have an element of dysfunction. Destructive family dynamics have been in operation since the beginning of time. The story of Joseph tells how his Dad favored him over his brothers. Joseph’s father gave him a beautiful coat. This caused so much jealously between them that they designed a plan to destroy Joseph. His brothers called him a dreamer. Little did they know that the Lord had His hand on Joseph. God being in control worked this to good although their plans were evil. In the final analysis Joseph became the chief provider for his family as well as country. Eli was a priest. Although a servant of the Lord he had two sons who were outwardly rebellious. They disrespected not only the offerings but the people of God as well. I wonder how much time Eli spent nurturing his own sons?
Family secrets such as mental illness, incest, abuse and alcohol or drug addictions often go unaddressed in the co-dependent family. Denial becomes a survival dynamic for the family. This fosters an unhealthy physical as well as spiritual environment. Family secrets are often described as though one has a white elephant in the living room. Everyone just walks around it as though it doesn’t exist. Or they just avoid it altogether. Thinking it will just go away. It won’t! Christians need to take a stand and move to a higher level of functioning. We must learn to address the sin issues in our families and not continue to make excuses. Sin is anything that separates us from the Lord. God has promised to direct our paths when we put our trust in Him. We must learn to responsibly take responsibility.
God in His Omniscience is well aware of the shortcomings of all of us. We must look at the unhealthy dynamics in our family of origin and consciously find ways to abandon the generational cycles. Don’t continue to sweep things under the rug. Learn to confront issues as they arise. It’s never to late! Start by not supporting or reinforcing any unfavorable behavior. The truth must be faced to break free and enjoy the present.
Sometimes it is necessary to pursue professional assistance to resolve family conflict. A conscientious therapist should be well informed about inappropriate behavior. They objectively are able to recognize that the faulty behavior presented is really a mask for an underlying unmet need. The co-dependent needs to find a positive channel to release inner tensions. A family intervention is useful in most situations. Then proceeding to establishing a way in which their unmet needs can be satisfied is recommended.
In a Therapy environment a healthy atmosphere is crucial. The equal safety of the client and the safety of the therapist should always be a priority. A committed Christian therapist knows the importance of establishing healthy boundaries. A congruent environment implies that the therapist is trustworthy, genuine, integrated, and openly honest. There are many cultural differences that can inhibit a fluent understanding of the client. Stereotype thinking must be abandoned. Each client must be viewed as an individual. Labeling often changes peoples perceptions of others. There is a substantial diversity among any given group of people.
Christian therapy although not new is often unwelcomed from anyone other than the pastor in some instances. Many pastors who may be well-versed in scripture may not be equipped in some areas of counseling. Many on the other hand or overwhelmed by their ministerial duties. There are some pastors who should not counsel, especailly if there is a history of infidelity… The sincere efforts of a Christian therapist although well meaning may be often misconstrued as out of line and unwelcomed.
The use of small cell groups can often be quite therapeutic and beneficial for the co-dependent as well as for managing other interpersonal problems. A conscientious facilitator will maintain order and model control. Confidentiality and free expression should be encouraged. Conflict arises when individuals become resistant to someone’s insight or opinions that have been communicated. Uncontrolled anger is not welcomed in a cell group. Establish boundaries. Keep the group spiritually based. Making use of regular Bible study and prayer are key elements for success.
Emerging from codependency is painful. The compulsion to rescue dependent people is really a form of bondage. God never intended for any of us to be slaves to sin. Self-control is a fruit of His Spirit. His resources are unlimited. The co-dependent person first must acknowledge their compulsion to control. They must work towards redirecting their inclination towards other control to self-control. To seek healthy ways to have their unmet needs fulfilled. To process dispelling dysfunctional cycles this is a must. Don’t allow pride to hinder your progress. It is an obstacle to your well-being. God also hates pride it is an abomination to Him. Confess any known sin and press forward. It takes courage and a lot of hard work. It is in our weakness that we can become strong through God’s awesome power. God has left the Comforter which is His Holy Spirit to lead teach and direct you. Never forget God loves you! Take control by taking control of yourself. Learn the benefits of meekness. Know that your body is the Temple where God’s Holy Spirit resides. It is so very important to learn how to trust God, daily embrace HIS principles and know that everywhere you are GOD is always a prayer away. The truth really will set you FREE!!!