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Chapter 1 – Marriage Who’s Idea Is It anyway?

Marriage is for two mature responsible adults. One male and one female. Or one man and one woman created by God. It was God’s idea from the beginning of time that man and woman co-habit in a loving monogamous relationship. God formed Adam out of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. He placed man in the Garden of Eden to work and care for it. He even gave man instructions. “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die”. Genesis 1: 16-17 NIV

It was God who decided that the man He created should not be alone. “The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2: 18 NIV. God decided that Adam needed a companion. He caused Adam to sleep deeply and extracted one of his rib bones. From this he made woman. She became bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. Woman came out of man. She came from his side. Someone for him to love and cherish to be close to his side.

Why all the historical religious stuff? Remember anything can be religious. This is a profound spiritual truth! God is the exclusive Creator of mankind. Man and Woman came from God. Not apes. No big bang! Not evolution! Who made the first car? Who made the first stoplight? Who made the first TV? Who invented computers? Give credit where it is due! GOD made man and woman. God’s design for marriage has not …..

Chapter 2 – Why Should I Submit To You?

When we submit we yield to the power or will of another. Submission is a humble compliant act. It is not an inferior position. It is a position in which we can learn integrity. What is integrity? Webster defines integrity as; an unimpaired condition; soundness. Adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. Completeness.

It is only with God can one ultimately find completeness. The marital relationship is when two become one. When they leave and cleave spiritually the two should become one flesh. Notice that our physical body has two arms, two hands, two eyes, two ears, two legs and two feet. These body parts are designed to work as a team.

For example; to advance forward one foot has to step out first (unless you want to hop). Does this mean one is more important than the other? No! A symphonic cadence develops when two walk together in love.

The Bible tells us that the wife should submit to the husband in all things. This establishes our walking order. But don’t just stop there. It also tells the husband to love the wife as ……

Chapter 3 – Why Don’t You Listen?

Did you know listening is an art? We must learn to value what each other has to say. When your partner is talking don’t mentally construct your response or rebuttal. Consciously attempt to clear your mind. Sincerely, actively and tentatively listen to what your partner is saying. Let it be your goal to attentively comprehend what they are trying to relate to you. Make it a goal to be intimately interested in what your spouse says to you.

Few people really listen to one another. Why? Because we are often so busy trying to relay our own inner self. Instead of actually listening we are often mentally constructing what we want to relay. Learn to really value what the other is trying to transmit. Even when we think we know what they are going to say. Even if it seems trivially unimportant. Allow them the freedom to express themselves. Think of it as a time to exercise patience.

To love means to hear. When we attentively listen we’re saying you matter. I value what you are saying. You are important to me! The next time you engage in a conversation with your spouse…

Chapter 4 – That’s Your Responsibility

Marriage is a partnership. It is meant to be a relationship where two imperfect individuals come together that share a common bond of love. This bond is ideally meant to last “to death us do part”, for a lifetime. Many people never anticipate what it’s really like to live with someone.

Marriage is more than spending a few days together or a week or two. It should last a lifetime. Often initially the infatuation is so strong the two of you almost feel invincible. Often the couple is oblivious to the reality of it all. Thinking that their feelings will make up for their differences. Yes, differences you will have, but that’s normal. It is how you decide to resolve those differences that are important. When reality sets in they realize “I didn’t think about this or that”. Who does what? When and how often?
You wake up one morning and wonder……..

Chapter 5 – What About Sex and Intimacy ?

Intimacy is an important ingredient in a strong fulfilling marriage. Intimacy involves transparency. There is no true intimacy without being truthful with one another. It involves growing to the point you can allow your intimate personal defenses to rest. You are able to allow your spouse to inhabit the depth of your being. Together you intimately caress the intangible you. You together grow to the point you are freely able to become vulnerable. The walls come down. A pathway to the heart is established.

Marriage should consist of an ever increasing, warm endearing closeness. After all your spouse should be closer to you than anyone else. Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Many people have sexual relationships and never experience intimacy. Life’s lessons can be…..

Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny.

In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage.

Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself …….

Chapter 7 – The Down Side Of Life And Marriage

God can direct you in your marital relationship. The adversity He allows is to help us build integrity. From this day forward make a sincere attempt to improve your relationship with your spouse. Take a moment and see where you are. Is your relationship headed in the right direction? Ask your self do you really want your relationship to ……

Chapter 8 – Do You Have A Temperature?

Each of us has a unique inborn Temperament. Our temperament determines how we react to people places and things. It is given to us by God. It is also the determining factor in how well we handle stresses and the pressures of life. I would like to share with you some information in regards to temperament. I have personally experienced the benefits of understanding temperament. Just know that each of us has a part in the puzzle of life. Spiritually speaking we are all members of the body of Christ and each of us has a place within the body. Yet we are all uniquely different. “God is not a respecter of persons.”

The idea of temperament is not new. GOD has placed in each one of us a unique temperament. Our environment is made up of the things we smell, see, hear and learn. Our mind is similar to a computer. It keeps a detailed record of all our life events. We are a by product of the things we take in. They help shape our personality. Our personality is a mask we develop to protect us in the world.

There are there basic components to our temperament. Inclusion; to the degree we like or do not like to relate to others. Control; how we establish a satisfactory relationship with others in respect to control and power. Affection; the need to maintain a level of love and affection with others.
There are many variations of temperaments. No two are alike. But ….

Chapter 9 – Two Is A Couple Three Is A Crowd

Each and every marriage is different. I have said before the formula that works for me may not work for you. Just like what looks good on you may not be well suited for me. We were not created as I always say to be “Cookie Cutter Christians”. Life would we be quite boring if we were all alike. We need to learn to respect our unique differences. Sharing our life experiences shines light on the darkness.

The foundational principles we should apply in marriage are ordained by God. Love, truth, mutual respect, fidelity, and commitment should be woven into the fabric of your marital relationship.

A God given soul mate is a precious jewel. Since 55-60% of marriages end in divorce it’s important that you don’t let anything or anyone come between you. After 33 years of marriage I still remember our late Pastor Rev. Ruth Johnson telling us that marriage was a circle. That we should not let any one come between us.

God must be in the center of your marriage! Your committed relationship with Him will fill the void in the center of the circle. The Holy Spirit will teach, lead and guide you how to love your partner. Begin to divorce proof your marriage. In order for your marriage to weather the storms of life God must be at the helm. Think of marriage as an unending circle with God invisibly and ever present in the center.

I vividly remember our pastor explaining the significance of the wedding ring. How it represented a circle. How we should not let anyone else in the circle. You see a circle is complete it has no …..

Chapter 10 – Till Death Do Us Part

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! Making a sincere commitment to your marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. When God made Adam He made him both male and female. He took Eve out of Adam to be by his side. God is so wonderfully awesome! It was His intention to provide Adam with a compatible helpmeet to satisfy together their desires for companionship.

Marriage is the ultimate partnership where two together can spiritually, physically and emotionally have there needs mutually met.

God has ordained marriage. Each marriage is a unique covenant agreement. God intends for your marriage to…

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Be sure to enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway for Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married 4/11 – 5/11/16

Why most marriages don’t last! Part 1

February 10, 2016 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

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Why most marriages don’t last Part 1

It is important to make your marriage a top priority!

Marriage statistics ending in divorce continue to rise! Why is that? Spouses listen to everyone else except one another. Their marriage is no longer the top priority it once was. They desire to please their friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and sometimes congregations rather than one another or GOD!

You do not have to live on an island.  You must continue to strive to  improve and refine your marriage!

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having good friends. Just don’t try to be like your friends. Especially if they are not married. Be original! If you notice you look different because you are different. Your temperaments are different and you like different things. So why is it when it comes to your spouse you listen to them rather than to one another. When you decided to get married you became a team. Or rather you should learn to commit to be partners in life. Build a great marriage and encourage those who are married to do the same. Encourage those who are single to cleave to the Lord as they seek to be married….

Hopefully you did not get married to make each others’ life difficult. Or to get someone to take care of you.  You can do badly all by yourself.  Or because you felt you were getting older and the clock was winding down or simply because everyone else was married? Or just because! Hopefully you got married because you want to give and share of yourself within the sanctity of a committed monogamous growing relationship. To experience the greatest partnership between one man and one woman designed by God.

Think about it for a moment. Why did you get married? Was there a goal to accomplish something? You have two eyes, two ears, two lips, two hands, two arms, two legs and two feet. They actually work together in pairs better! If one can’t do something the other one will… Well when it comes to marriage you should work together with your spouse as well. Two working together can accomplish much and often much more than  one! If you do not desire to work together then don’t get married.  This will  result in an endless void within your marriage.  Or perhaps that is why you now no longer want to be unmarried? You want to try something else or someone else?

In a Good marriage; You both  want to give of yourself in a relationship were you both have the same basic principles and morals; here you are actually  on one accord…

Many change partners like they are changing a pair of shoes! Fearful of being transparent and taking the time to really get to know your spouse you flee.  You emotionally detach yourself and shut down.  Or you simply don’t open up to them and the two of you unhappily  just coexist as strangers.  Unfaithfulness is a place where you don’t want to go. In building a good marriage it is not an option. Neither should you  listen to unwise, ungodly counsel or advice…  Quite often everyone else knows what is going on before either of you. Your friends have become your confidants and you wouldn’t dare share TRUTH with your spouse. Well! That’s part of the problem!

Help for marriages

Marriage is not about keeping secrets from your spouse.  It’s about sharing who you are and growing and improving yourself as well as encouraging your spouse… To instead  remain committed when there is any turbulence and then together learn to soar above it!  The closer you are the less turbulence.  Why is this?  The less time you waste in building mole hills. In a good marriage when you truly like one another you become friends as well as partners. It is better to be open and honest up front rather than waste time year after year dodging the Truth.

If this is not the case now is the time to work on building intimacy. Have you really put forth a good effort to improve your marriage? Have you been able to open up emotionally?  Have you become transparent? Or have you actually emotionally  abandoned your spouse within  the marriage. This is why it is important to embrace your marriage vows from the beginning. Think about you committed to.   They were not just words or were they?

If you have been married before please take some time in between marriages and get rid of the extra baggage. If you don’t it will soon become part of your current marriage and you will recycle the same ole junk! You can’t change what has happened but you can go forward and do some things differently…

Why most marriages don’t last

What is so interesting marriage was really designed by God to be the ultimate relationship between one man and one woman. Two become one! Being together is a desired choice and you vowed and  made a commitment to grow together and become partners for life. You made a commitment to honor God within your marriage?  You also  made a commitment to honor your spouse. Or did you? Or only until…

Well nowadays people stay married as long or as short as they can tolerate one another and something better comes along? So they think? The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence! Don’t covet someone else’s marriage or stuff.  What works for them may not work for you.  You have no idea to the sacrifices they have made to build their marriage. Commit to building up your own marriage.   Like a healthy lawn;  A good marriage  must be tended, fertilized and cared for to stay green and healthy. The grass is greener where it is watered, fed and  well taken care of. Say I DO and mean it!

Marriage is much more than an idea.

Few really understand what true love is!  This is why most marriages don’t last.   They want what they want  when they want it. Not realizing that they give very little of themselves.  Nor do they commit to their marital vows.  They have not vested themselves within their marriage. Instead they seek to get all they can get and move on to the next person leaving a lot of  residual collateral damage behind them.  Or, they have not made a genuine effort to connect on a deeper level that allows healthy bonding.   Nor  have they  really committed to learn to love one another.

GOD IS LOVE” God is eternal and so is   His love!

Love becomes optional to some in marriage and  it  is no longer the key adhesive that keeps the marriage together.  know that this really is not  love at  all.  Respect and commitment are secondary as well.   This is  what I call “Intoxicating affections” that simply  mimic God’s love. They don’t last!

See Part 2

Fewer Lasting Marriages – Part 1 “L I M I T S”

Building a lasting marriage is very important. Honoring one another is important. Honoring God in your marriage is important as well. Marriage is sacred in the eyes of God.

God wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to live well-rounded lives. He wants us to have healthy marriages & families. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives. The Lord is available 24/7 to help us!

Entertainment for recreation and amusement purposes are a wonderful part of life. It helps to balance out the seriousness of life and living! Our minds are given the opportunity to rest and journey into the land of imagination and creativity. Entertainment is healthy when experienced in good taste… Always keep in mind good moral boundaries.

Marriage on the other hand is not meant merely for entertainment purposes. It is one of the most serious relationships one can have. It is meant to be an ever-growing beautiful lifetime relationship between one man and one woman. Together you learn “Oneness!” In a good marriage you do not desire to drain one another. You have mutual desire to want what is best for one another as well as the marriage. You seek to build one another up. You together seek to find a balance in life. You have a mutual desire to honor the Lord in your marriage.

A great marriage should be built upon Love, Intimacy, Mutual respect, Integrity, Trust & Security in GOD! These marvelous attributes for marriage make up the great helpful acronym which = “L I M I T S!” Sexual intercourse is a part of marriage. It is a time to express yourselves to one another in a physical way that is only appropriate in marriage. Each couple should seek to work together for mutual fulfillment. When you both are fulfilled you remain faithful because you respect the bond between one another. You take your commitment to your marital vows seriously. You also respect the marriages of others. These are healthy virtuous ingredients that are an important part of building a good safe healthy marriage.

Life is serious and time is so very precious! How you spend the majority of your time is important! In marriage one should not become carried away into an unconscious state of oblivion and become out of touch with what is happening around them. Your marriage should be a priority! Your marriage should be tended like you would care for a well taken care of garden. Marriage is not something to escape into because you are bored, or you need somewhere to escape until you find something better to do… Many turn to marriage in order to just be entertained. Or to try something different. Marriage is about learning how to give yourself to one another. To build a loyal relationship. To learn how to unselfishly share and care for one another. Each spouse should become increasingly aware and sensitive as to how their spouse is feeling.

Although there will be valley experiences and moments of difficulty; when you TRUST GOD there will be many more mountaintop experiences! Always invite the presence of the Lord into all situations… Never underestimate HIS OMNIPOTENT POWER!

“L I M I T S” is a good acronym to remember for a lasting marriage! The desire to grow together and develop character is very important.

When You Marry Someone Who Does Not Understand Love – Part 1

March 18, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

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Marriage is for an emotionally mature man and woman who desire to grow together with a spouse as a life partner. The age in which one embarks upon marriage maturity varies greatly. You can be young and ready for marriage. You can also be older and still not be ready for marriage. Marriage is about working together to build the ultimate partnership. It is the ultimate relationship of “oneness.” Marriage is about growing and learning how to love.

Love is one of the most misunderstood emotions, feelings and or state of being. Love does not always feel good nor does it mean that things will always go well. At times you will have to say and do some things that may not be well received by one another because you love them. Yes, at times you will have to chastise one another. When you love one another you should want what is best for the marriage. Love is encouraging healthy boundaries and sharing transparently to build an intimate partnership. Love encompasses being disciplined and making sacrifices. When you truly Love someone you love them for who they are. According to the Word of God, “Love is patient, Love is kind.”

Marriage is wonderful but at times it can be difficult. You are two different individuals who have agreed to learn how to grow together as you share life. At times you will clash. This is why you want to marry someone who will be there for you through the thick and thin. Someone to weather the storms of life with you as well as celebrate the good times. Someone who loves you for you and not for what you do, or for what you have, or what you can do for them.

Continue reading “When You Marry Someone Who Does Not Understand Love! Part 1”

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 10 – Till Death Do Us Part

February 1, 2012 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! Making a sincere commitment to your marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. When God made Adam He made him both male and female. He took Eve out of Adam to be by his side. God is so wonderfully awesome! It was His intention to provide Adam with a compatible helpmeet to satisfy together their desires for companionship. Marriage is the ultimate partnership where two together can spiritually, physically and emotionally have there needs mutually met.

Marriage is a unique covenant agreement. Marriage is ordained by God. God intends for your marriage to last for a lifetime.

Purchase a copy of “Holy Matrimony: Now That We’re Married” to read more!!

HOLY MATRIMONY

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 7 – The Down Side Of Life And Marriage

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

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God can direct you in your marital relationship. The adversity He allows is to help us build integrity. From this day forward make a sincere attempt to improve your relationship with your spouse. Take a moment and see where you are. Is your relationship headed in the right direction? Ask your self do you really want your relationship to improve?

HOLY MATRIMONY

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny. In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage. Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself saying “what have I done?”

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 5 – What About Sex and Intimacy ?

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

holymatrimony

Intimacy is an important ingredient in a strong fulfilling marriage. Intimacy involves transparency. There is no true intimacy without being truthful with one another. It involves growing to the point you can allow your intimate personal defenses to rest. You are able to allow your spouse to inhabit the depth of your being. Together you intimately caress the intangible you. You together grow to the point you are freely able to become vulnerable. The walls come down. A pathway to the heart is established.

Marriage should consist of an ever increasing, warm endearing closeness. After all your spouse should be closer to you than anyone else. Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Many people have sexual relationships and never experience intimacy. Life’s lessons can be…..

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….

NEXT: Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 4 – That’s Your Responsibility

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

holymatrimony

Marriage is a partnership. It is meant to be a relationship where two imperfect individuals come together that share a common bond of love. This bond is ideally meant to last “to death us do part”, for a lifetime. Many people never anticipate what it’s really like to live with someone.

Marriage is more than spending a few days together or a week or two. It should last a lifetime. Often initially the infatuation is so strong the two of you almost feel invincible. Often the couple is oblivious to the reality of it all. Thinking that their feelings will make up for their differences. Yes, differences you will have, but that’s normal. It is how you decide to resolve those differences that are important. When reality sets in they realize “I didn’t think about this or that”. Who does what? When and how often?

You wake up one morning and wonder……..

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more…..

NEXT: Chapter 5 – What About Sex And Intimacy

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 3 – Why Don’t You Listen ?

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

holymatrimony
Did you know listening is an art? We must learn to value what each other has to say. When your partner is talking don’t mentally construct your response or rebuttal. Consciously attempt to clear your mind. Sincerely, actively and tentatively listen to what your partner is saying. Let it be your goal to attentively comprehend what they are trying to relate to you. Make it a goal to be intimately interested in what your spouse says to you.

Few people really listen to one another. Why? Because we are often so busy trying to relay our own inner self. Instead of actually listening we are often mentally constructing what we want to relay. Learn to really value what the other is trying to transmit. Even when we think we know what they are going to say. Even if it seems trivially unimportant. Allow them the freedom to express themselves. Think of it as a time to exercise patience. To love means to hear. When we attentively listen we’re saying you matter. I value what you are saying. You are important to me!

The next time you engage in a conversation with your spouse…

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….

NEXT:Chapter 4 – That’s Your Responsibility

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