Why most marriages don’t last! Part 3

February 11, 2016 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Why most marriages don’t last?

What Is Love ?

Part 3

Make building a compassionate strong loving marriage a priority

You are considering getting married. Wow how exciting! Many marriages in this 21st century don’t last. A few things to think about.

Please don’t go into the marriage thinking that you will be able to change each other. There are many resources available when planning your big day. For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married. Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. You have not really made a total commitment and you realize that you can opt out at any time…

 

After the honeymoon period is remain patient.  When you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level. It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart. MAKE it a point to keep you marriage exciting.

A great marriage takes two committed spouses
 

If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship. If you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship. You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together. You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage. Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?

 

It is a good to find out more about what each other likes and dislikes. Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and cuss to get your way? Do you rant and rave or manipulate? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and inexpressive? Do you think that you should have everything that you want when you want it? Do you want your spouse to do everything for you and be waited on hand and foot and you do very little in return yourself? Or do you like to talk things through… Do you quit when the going gets tough?

 

It is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments. It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry. Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling. Don’t make sorry a sorry word. Chill out and warm up to one another. It really is better to say “I am hurting.” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage. How else will you settle your disputes if you do not take the time to responsibly communicate with each other? Wait until you have cooled off or can talk without being hostile. Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!

A great marriage will last for a lifetime
 

Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage. You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way! It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so! Why? Because you say you love this person!

You love them enough to get to know them better. You like them enough to care about their well-being. You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage. Make sure to have a weekly marriage date. This does not mean you have to always go somewhere. It could just be a quiet relaxed evening committed to spending quality time together It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities.

Make your marriage a priority
 

Life is about priorities. Take time out to tend to the people and things that are important to you! Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman. If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it.  Keep the embers of love burning to keep it exciting.  Do interesting and adventurous things together!

 

You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well. Coming together physically as one should be a special . This is a time of sharing and caring.  A time to experience a time of euphoria together. You can experience unity when you freely give of yourselves to one another.   Create  a loving environment.  You keep the embers burning by being affectionate and caring towards one another.

 

Each couple is different so together build what works for you. It is okay to have your physical needs met so there’s no reason to be ashamed.  Take time to focus on one another s physical needs. How often or few or when is between the two of you. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the Lord.

Take care of your marriage
 

Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well kept garden.  Make your marriage a top priority. Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. Take a look around your home it is a reflection of how you feel.  For example; If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? If you are selfish and insensitive and don’t really care what happens, guess what? Be attentive, respectful and thoughtful towards one another.

 

Preventive maintenance is the key. Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you both make it. If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you! Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work, go out or attend worship. Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; no! Still no excuse. Age like a fine antique. Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! You should take care of your self to the degree you did when you came together or better. Strive to become the “BEST YOU” at any age.

 

Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love it can lasts for a lifetime. When you truly invest yourself in your marriage it becomes a priority. Keep GOD as the CENTER of your marriage. After all you did make a vow to HIM as well. Make it a point to get better not bitter. You truly can continually refine your relationship.

True Love lasts throughforever
 

Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority. You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Again, I cannot say this enough; Keep one another and your marriage a priority.

True Love lasts through forever. You both desire what is best for one another and you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side. This is true when God is in the center of your marriage. You want and desire your marriage to last. Happiness is a choice. You can’t make them happy but you can contribute to creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, mutually inviting environment where both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!

Food For Thought Before You Say I DO- Kindle Edition Countdown Promotion

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage. Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple. The lessons are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

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Starting 1/2/2016 you can download a copy of the book starting at $ .99. Click on the book to visit Amazon and pick up your copy. The sooner you purchase, the larger the discount.

How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say I DO” – Amazon Book Giveaway 9/1/15 – 9/5/15

May 27, 2015 by  
Filed under Archives

How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?

Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.

Now available is the Kindle Edition of my premarital book “How Do I Love Thee: Food For Thought Before You Say I DO”.

>How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage. Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple, which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.

For a limited time (September 1, 2015 – September 5, 2015) you can download a copy of this book for FREE!

Click on the book cover below to visit Amazon and pick up your copy, and/or a copy for family members and friends.

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Excellent and Resourceful
By Lady Monica Kaye on February 13, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
My sister has broken down each step of preparation needed before saying ” I Do”. I appreciate your straightforwardness to doing what is right in the sight of God.

This is a MUST read for anyone longing to be married or currently engaged.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
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I LOVE THIS BOOK
By Dr. Kitty Bickford on May 16, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I LOVE THIS BOOK! Wish I could get all my 20-something nieces and nephews and grandchildren to read it BEFORE they made bad choices. Thanks for writing it.

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The Beauty Of Sex!

February 25, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives, Marriage & Relationships

What Is Love ?

Many seek ways outside the boundaries of the traditional marriage as we know it in order to fulfill their sexual desires! Many as well are in favor of redefining and changing what constitutes marriage. It is your choice but it is important to know that the only sex that God sanctions is within marriage between a man and a woman! Today we have a myriad of problems that are systemically rooted from improper sexual relationships! What do we do?

We continue to encourage healthier sexual boundaries! There is an exchange that takes places during sexual intercourse that goes much deeper than the physical! Coitus, the technical term for sexual intercourse, was meant to be a time of mutual pleasuring without being ashamed! You are making an emotional and physical deposit! You are giving and sharing the essence of you! At this time within the confines of marriage you become one and strengthen your union! It is at this time you can build physical intimacy! Take time to nurture one another during foreplay! You can share, build, strengthen and fortify one another as you both give from your heart! You reinforce your marriage vows!

Sex is so serious that it is a time that when a man and woman come together they can create a new life! WOW! Now that is really profoundly deep! The human body is amazing! There are healthy benefits available during sexual intimacy! Your stress and blood pressure reduces, it helps in decreasing the chances of prostate cancer, and it also increases the love hormone “oxytocin” which helps to bond and build trust! *“A long-term study of 3,500 people between 30 and 101 by clinical neuropsychologist David Weeks, MD, head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, found that “sex helps you look between four and seven years younger…”

Don’t just go through the motions and allow sex to become mundane or just a physical exercise. Create a welcoming environment where both of you can experience warmth and satisfaction. Make it a goal to please one another by being cognizant of how one another is feeling! Remember, intercourse has a significant role in bonding! It is like epoxy! When the two sticky resin components come together they generate heat and the two polymers form a permanent bond! They fuse together as the fluids are released and come together! Sexual intercourse is a spiritual moment where the union “Holy Matrimony” is reinforced! You actually enter into the physical depth of your spouse! You give them the essence of who you are… This is also why it is important to not just have sex with just anyone!

If you have allowed your marriage to become commonplace and unexciting make some changes! Begin by enjoying one another daily, hold hands, welcome laughter, have fun by being affectionate, freely give hugs, affirmations and complement one another regularly and appropriately! Caring, gentle expressions of affection do not always mean you want to have intercourse! Recapture the tender moments that brought you together or create some! Don’t waste time, let it pass you by or live in regrets! Each day is a precious gift from the Lord!

If you are single please seriously think about waiting until…! You are valuable and deserve to be loved and respected by someone who is totally committed to you! Please make sure that you take the time to nurture yourself and deal with any unresolved issues! It is natural to desire and want a spouse! To want someone to grow with you! Compromising who you are is not necessary! Trust and emotional intimacy play a major role in a great marriage!

No need to fret over what has already happened! It is important to be mindful if you have been used or abused! Take some time to regenerate and emotionally restore and strengthen yourself! Set some guidelines and goals keeping in mind that you merit a good relationship! Take this time to grow closer to the Lord! Spend some time in His Word! After all He created you! Know that all His Word is true! He has promised to “supply all your needs…” Communication and transparency is a major component of a great marriage! It is important that you share common core values with your potential spouse! Be discerning and in the meantime guard your heart! It may take some time but it will be well worth waiting for your lover and spouse!

If you are already married ENJOY! Celebrate your marriage!

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 10 – Till Death Do Us Part

February 1, 2012 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! Making a sincere commitment to your marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. When God made Adam He made him both male and female. He took Eve out of Adam to be by his side. God is so wonderfully awesome! It was His intention to provide Adam with a compatible helpmeet to satisfy together their desires for companionship. Marriage is the ultimate partnership where two together can spiritually, physically and emotionally have there needs mutually met.

Marriage is a unique covenant agreement. Marriage is ordained by God. God intends for your marriage to last for a lifetime.

Purchase a copy of “Holy Matrimony: Now That We’re Married” to read more!!

HOLY MATRIMONY

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 7 – The Down Side Of Life And Marriage

January 31, 2012 by  
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holymatrimony

God can direct you in your marital relationship. The adversity He allows is to help us build integrity. From this day forward make a sincere attempt to improve your relationship with your spouse. Take a moment and see where you are. Is your relationship headed in the right direction? Ask your self do you really want your relationship to improve?

HOLY MATRIMONY

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny. In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage. Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself saying “what have I done?”

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 5 – What About Sex and Intimacy ?

January 31, 2012 by  
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holymatrimony

Intimacy is an important ingredient in a strong fulfilling marriage. Intimacy involves transparency. There is no true intimacy without being truthful with one another. It involves growing to the point you can allow your intimate personal defenses to rest. You are able to allow your spouse to inhabit the depth of your being. Together you intimately caress the intangible you. You together grow to the point you are freely able to become vulnerable. The walls come down. A pathway to the heart is established.

Marriage should consist of an ever increasing, warm endearing closeness. After all your spouse should be closer to you than anyone else. Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Many people have sexual relationships and never experience intimacy. Life’s lessons can be…..

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more….

NEXT: Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 4 – That’s Your Responsibility

January 31, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

holymatrimony

Marriage is a partnership. It is meant to be a relationship where two imperfect individuals come together that share a common bond of love. This bond is ideally meant to last “to death us do part”, for a lifetime. Many people never anticipate what it’s really like to live with someone.

Marriage is more than spending a few days together or a week or two. It should last a lifetime. Often initially the infatuation is so strong the two of you almost feel invincible. Often the couple is oblivious to the reality of it all. Thinking that their feelings will make up for their differences. Yes, differences you will have, but that’s normal. It is how you decide to resolve those differences that are important. When reality sets in they realize “I didn’t think about this or that”. Who does what? When and how often?

You wake up one morning and wonder……..

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more…..

NEXT: Chapter 5 – What About Sex And Intimacy

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