Fewer Lasting Marriages – Part 1 “L I M I T S”

July 9, 2012 by  
Filed under Archives

GOD wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to live well rounded lives. He wants us to have healthy marriages & families. He wants to be a part of every area of our lives.

Entertainment for recreation and amusement purposes are a wonderful part of life. It balances out the seriousness of life and living! Our minds are given the opportunity to rest and journey into the land of imagination and creativity. Entertainment is healthy when done in good taste… Marriage on the other hand is not meant merely for entertainment purposes. It is one of the most serious relationships one can have. It is meant to be a ever growing beautiful lifetime relationship between a man and a woman. A great marriage should be built upon Love, Intimacy, Mutual respect, Integrity, Trust, and yes Sex. These marvelous attributes for marriage make up the great helpful acronym which = “L I M I T S!” These are healthy virtuous ingredients that are an important part of building a good marriage.

Life is serious and time is so very precious! How you spend the majority of your time is important! In marriage one should not become carried away into an unconscious state of oblivion and become out of touch with what is happening around them. It is not something to escape into because you are bored, are need somewhere to escape until you find something better to do… Many turn to marriage in order to just be entertained. Marriage is about learning how to give yourself to one another. Each spouse should become increasingly aware and sensitive as to how their spouse is feeling.

“L I M I T S”is a good acronym to remember for a lasting marriage! The desire to grow together and develop character is very important.

Holy Matrimony – Chapter 9 – Two Is A Couple Three Is A Crowd

January 31, 2012 by  
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Each and every marriage is different. I have said before the formula that works for me may not work for you.
Just like what looks good on you may not be well suited for me. We were not created as I always say to be
“Cookie Cutter Christians”. Life would we be quite boring if we were all alike. We need to learn to respect our unique differences. Sharing our life experiences shines light on the darkness. The foundational principles we should apply in marriage are ordained by God. Love, truth, mutual respect, fidelity, and commitment should be woven into the fabric of your marital relationship. A God given soul mate is a precious jewel. Since 55-60% of marriages end in divorce it’s important that you don’t let anything or anyone come between you. After 33 years of marriage I still remember our late Pastor Rev. Ruth Johnson telling us that marriage was a circle. That we should not let any one come between us. God must be in the center of your marriage! Your committed relationship with Him will fill the void in the center of the circle. The Holy Spirit will teach, lead and guide you how to love your partner. Begin to divorce proof your marriage. In order for your marriage to weather the
storms of life God must be at the helm. Think of marriage as and unending circle with God invisibly and ever present in the center.

I vividly remember our pastor explaining the significance of the wedding ring. How it represented a circle. How we should not let anyone else in the circle. You see a circle is complete it has no end.

Purchase your copy of “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” to read more!

Why Most Marriages Don’t Last – Part 3

December 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Today in this 21st century when considering getting married please don’t go into the relationship thinking that you will be able to change each other. When planning your big day; The Sacramento Bride & Groom can help you plan out your wedding! For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married! Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. You have not really made a total commitment and you realize that you can opt out at any time…

After the honeymoon period is over and you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level! It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart!

If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship; because if you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship! You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together! You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage! Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?

For those of you in the Sacramento Area, The Healthy Marriage Project teaches a class that helps builds couple and family strengths! It is called “Smart Steps!”

It is a good thing to find out more about what each other likes and dislikes! Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and curse to get your way? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and unexpressive? Or do you like to talk things through… Do you quit when the going gets tuff?

It really is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments! It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry! Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling… Don’t make sorry a sorry word! Chill out and warm up to one another! It really is better to say “I am hurt!” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage! How else will you settle disputes? Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!

Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage! You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way! It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so! Why? Because you say you love this person! You love them enough to get to know them better! You like them enough to care about their wellbeing! You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage! Make sure to have a weekly marriage date! It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities!

Life is about priorities and taking the time out to do or tend to the people and things that are important to you! Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman! If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it and keep the embers of love burning! To keep it exciting! To do interesting and adventurous things together still! You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well! Coming together physically as one should be a special time of sharing… To experience a time of euphoria that can be experienced when you freely give of yourselves to one another in a loving environment. Keep the embers burning and be affectionate and caring towards one another! Each couple is different so together build what works for you…. It is okay to have your physical needs met, no reason to be ashamed. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the LORD! Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well kept garden! Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? If you are selfish and insensitive and don’t really care what happens, guess what? Be attentive, respectful and thoughtul towards one another!

Preventive maintenance is the key! Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you make it! If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you! Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work or attend worship…! Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; no! Still no excuse! Age like a fine antique… Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! Be the BEST YOU at any age!

Your marriage can last! Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love! Make it a point to get better not bitter! You truly can continually refine your relationship!

Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority! You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Keep one another and your marriage a priority! True Love lasts through forever! You both desire what is best for one another and you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side! This is true when God is in the center of your marriage! You want and desire your marriage to last! You can’t make them happy but you can contribute to creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, mutually inviting environment where both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!

HOLY MATRIMONY

Why Most Marriages Don’t Last – Part 2

December 18, 2011 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

mom1In the Sacramento Area as well you can find many interesting stories about couples that are indicative of what is happening everywhere throughout the world! I refer to the Sacramento area because it is the area I am most familiar with as a marriage examiner & educator. Many couples are going through everywhere! But don’t be discouraged! God is always available, willing and able to help you. However you must be willing to submit to His Will & His Way!

A great marriage really is definitely possible! Marriage requires love, commitment, patience and lots of work! Counseling is an alternative that helps and it can enhance your marriage. But your goal must be to work through the kinks in the marriage rather than let them persist. If you wait until your problems are seemingly insurmountable it will take some time to plow through your relationship dynamics!

There are times when counseling is sought just as a last resort. You simply attempt to appease one another and are trying to buy some time… When this is the case; by the time the couple goes to counseling the problem is so bad that they just want to find out which spouse is responsible for their marriage problems? They do not always want to admit that they entered into marriage without resolving a load of baggage they were carrying prior to marriage. The unresolved baggage serves to compound what is currently going on in the marriage until it is addressed and released. They are quite often just seeking support and approval to justify why they act or behave in the manner in which they do?

The fact of the matter is your communication skills are lacking to the point you have lost some of your objectivity. Step back and look at the issues at hand and seek to break the strongholds that persist.

You may now need or desire a neutral third party to help you see if you can revive the marriage and get it back on track?

You can and should also incorporate the Bible as wise counsel in your marriage. Not in a rigid legalistic manner but in a way to enhance your marriage! It is important that you marry someone who values the same life principles. However if this is not the case you can still consult the Lord’s Word! There is some superb, really great “stuff” in the Bible that many are not aware of! I mean this in a complimentary way. There are some great love stories as well as excellent examples of tests and trials. The Lord never intended for any of us to be unhappy and disappointed all the time… I suggest that you to go to Galatians 5 and learn the differences between the works of the flesh and the Fruit of His Spirit!

Please, don’t just read the Bible you must actually implement the principles into your own personal life and marriage. It is not wise to use the Word to manipulate or hurl insults upon your spouse. After all the Lord KNOWS what He is talking about.

If you have a friend that is having marital conflict encourage them to seek helpful ways to resolve it. It is important to respect your marriage as well as the marriage of others! When asked for advice make it a point to be objective. Don’t experiment on their marriage and suggest things that are harmful rather than constructive! Help them look at the situation from all angle. Sometimes a listening ear is all that is necessary to sort through the problem. Never support abuse on any level in anyone… Learn to be a better friend by encouraging them to do what is right!

What is so interesting is that as adults you can do as you please! That is, unless you simply have no self control yourself and are rather compulsive. In that case you just cannot restrain or discipline yourself and you freak out at the slightest little thing If this is the case you need to put yourself in check and seek out getting some professional help. By the way prayer really does work!

Please if you know that your spouse has a short fuse don’t try to purposefully set them off! This does not mean that you are to be a doormat. Choose your battles wisely don’t encourage abuse or dysfunction in yourself or anyone else. Don’t be an enabler!

So why can’t you make a decision to work out your problems? It’s because you have opted to go the way of the majority or just “do your own thing!” You can simply do what makes you feel good instead at the expense of your spouse? Live together and really be miles apart! But is it really good for you or your marriage? No! That’s called being selfish! At this point, the marriage has become more about “you” rather than about “us!” It’s my house, my car, my money, my furniture my name my, my, my… Somebody has a bad case of “Me”ness! No wonder you are in such a quandary! You have now or will be joining the not happily ever after club soon. That is unless you decide to make your marriage a priority. So get busy!

The first step for getting your marriage back on track is taking responsibility for your own actions! Stop behaving as though you are in the relationship by yourself! Its not all about you. It is about the commitment you made to your spouse and to GOD! It is about being considerate. Your spouse is neither your servant nor your parent although you should learn to lovingly serve one another. What if you knew that today would be your last day here on earth what would you do differently? Remember your spouse is supposed to be your partner. Start treating your spouse the way you would like to be treated for starters. Share this article with him or her. Then Think about the vows you made to one another, now begin to really commit to Celebrate your marriage and recapture those feelings that you had in the beginning! Encourage one another and if necessary encourage yourself like King David. Don’t let anyone steal your JOY! If you have get busy getting it back!

See PART 3

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Why Most Marriages Don’t Last – Part 1

October 31, 2011 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

The statistics for marriages ending in divorce continue to rise! Why is that? It is simply because the spouses listen to everyone else except one another. Their marriage is no longer the top priority it was! They desire to please their friends, relatives and coworkers rather than one another or God!

No you do not have to live on an island! But you must continue to improve and refine your marriage!
Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having good friends! Just don’t try to be like your friends! Especially if they are not married! Be original! If you notice you look different because you are different! Your temperaments are different and you like different things! So why is it when it comes to your spouse you listen to them rather than to one another! When you decided to get married you became a team! Or rather you should learn to commit to be partners in life. Build a great marriage and encourage those who are married to do the same. Encourage those who are single to cleave to the Lord as they seek to be married….

Hopefully you did not get married to make each other’s life difficult. Or to get someone to take care of you! You can do badly all by yourself! Or because you felt you were getting older and the clock was winding down or simply because everyone else was married? Or just because! Hopefully you got married because you want to give and share of yourself within the sanctity of a committed monogamous growing relationship! To experience the greatest partnership between one man and one woman!

Think about it for a moment! Why did you get married? Was there a goal to accomplish something? You have two eyes, two ears, two lips, two hands, two arms, two legs and two feet. They actually work together in pairs better! If one can’t do something the other one will… Well when it comes to marriage you should work together with your spouse as well! Two working together can accomplish much and often much more! If you do not desire to work together then don’t get married! Or perhaps that is why you no longer want to be unmarried? You want to try something else or someone else? You want to give of yourself in a relationship were you both have the same basic principles and morrals; here you are on one accord….

Many change partners like they are changing a pair of shoes! Fearful of being transparent and taking the time to really get to know your spouse you flee. Or you simply don’t open up to them and you two just coexist as strangers! Or listen to unwise, ungodly counsel or advice… Quite often everyone else knows what is going on before either of you! Your friends have become your confidants and you wouldn’t dare share TRUTH with your spouse! Well! That’s part of the problem!

Marriage is not about keeping secrets from your spouse! It’s about sharing who you are and growing and improving yourself as well as encouraging your spouse… To remain committed when there is turbulence and then together learn to soar above it! In a good marriage when you truly like one another you become friends as well as partners! It is better to be open and honest up front rather than waste time year after year dodging the Truth!

If you have been married before please take some time in between marriages and get rid of the extra baggage. If you don’t it will soon become part of your current marriage and you will recycle the same ole junk! You can’t change what has happened but you can go forward and do some things differently…

What is so interesting marriage was really designed by God to be the ultimate relationship between one man and one woman! Two become one! Being together is a desired choice and you vow and commit to grow together and become partners for life. Or did you? Or until… Well nowadays people stay married as long or as short as they can tolerate one another and something better comes along? So they think? The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence! It must be tended, fertilized and cared for to stay green and healthy!

Love becomes optional to some in marriage and is no longer the key adhesive that keeps the marriage together. Respect and commitment are secondary as well! “Intoxicating affections” mimic marriage. They don’t last!

SEE Part 2

Think Before You Have Sex Outside Of Marriage

Marriage is so much more than just an idea! A high-quality satisfying marriage requires Love, Commitment and good open Communication! Make it a point to understand what your spouse is relaying to you. Repeat back to them what they are saying if you are not sure what they mean! You can either build or tear down with your words! Take the time to listen and understand one another. This does not mean that you will always agree! The goal is to understand where they are coming from and what their perspective is and how do you continue to go forward together! Marriage is about continually refining and improving your relationship!

It is important to build good healthy secure marriage boundaries! Pray for and with your spouse! Be careful from whom you seek counsel! Many marriages have failed due to poor communication and unwise counsel! When seeking an objective opinion or wise counsel to resolve conflict it is important that you present the facts… or distinguish that this is how you feel! It is important for each of you to take responsibility for your part in the marriage! Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate partnership of love between a man and a woman! “HIS LOVE endures Forever!”

Whoever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you more than you might know! If you have had multiple partners take some time and allow the Lord to heal and restore you before rushing into another relationship! Take some time to recollect yourself and think on a deeper level as to what you really want out of a relationship! It is easier to continue to just change partners rather than develop a deep monogamous lasting relationship! Many instead opt to maintain a surface, superficial relationship. This usually leaves one unsatisfied and never really allows true intimacy to develop… STOP GIVING YOURSELF AWAY! GOD CAN refresh and renew you!

Be careful and selective who you join yourself together with! A man deposits his DNA into the woman that can possibly linger for a lifetime! You actually bond together… There really is nothing casual at all about sex! Many don’t consider what is really happening beyond just getting their sexual needs satisfied! A surge of oxytocin from the brain makes a woman want to have sex and bond. A surge of testosterone from the brain makes a man want to have sex but possibly be done with you once its over! Again, Stop giving away parts of yourself and begin to respect yourself! Save yourself until you want to make a total commitment! (Please be sure to see video below!)
Spend quality time in the Word of God discovering firsthand what He has said about marriage! I personally am in favor of God’s Design for Marriage! It really can work!

Many today engage in physical and or emotional affairs… This does not have to be! Many do not think about how hazardous this is for their marriage! Open marriages breed insecurity! Infidelity is very dangerous in marriage! It bonds you with someone other than your spouse! This actually weakens your marital bond! It also fosters an unhealthy unstable marriage environment of doubt, distrust and insecurity…

Due to the fact that the societal expectation for marriage has substantially lowered the moral standards, this now renders infidelity as more acceptable! Make it a priority to tenderly and sincerely fulfill one another’s physical needs so there is not a need to go outside of your marriage to just have sex! You are not only cheating your spouse, your so called lover, but yourself as well! Someone will be hurt! Affairs are rampart today but can be avoided when you are sensitive to one another’s needs! You also honor The Lord and the vows you made! Continue to flame the embers of love in your marriage! Rekindle the initial attraction or build a new one! Set aside some time and openly discuss ways to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, build transparency and enhance your love making rather than look outside of your marriage to get your physical needs met… Now each time you come together and give of yourself to one another you reinforce the marital bond! So please “Think Before Sex Outside of Marriage!”

Previously married partners have a tendency to fall back into sexual relationships because they have bonded before! They are familiar with one another and have connected physically and often have unfinished issues between them. This is also why it is important to think before you give yourself to someone because they become a part of you! Momentarily they set aside their differences to have sex. However the commitment is no longer there! As adults you can always choose to do whatever you want but remember there are always consequences for those choices!

If you are single and seeking to marry it is important to know that once you have become physically intimate outside of marriage it is harder to be objective! It is quite common today but so is divorce! For many it doesn’t matter because after all we are adults… Not really realizing that it can cause inner conflict as you prematurely bond without being committed to one another… There is a magnetic sexual attraction that occurs that often yields you powerless. Remember what I said earlier about bonding! I suggest putting off the physical relationship until you have married and have truly committed to one another… If things don’t work out you have not given more of yourself away! This also exercises discipline! First really take this time to get to know one another better before you plunge into another relationship… Consider waiting and take the time to build a physically satisfying physical relationship once you have made your vows!

Since you are single you are in a good position because you can look forward to finding a spouse that you are compatible with! Don’t just settle for anyone out of loneliness! You no longer have to compromise yourself! Find healthier ways to fill your void! While you are waiting and anticipating that right someone, present your requests to The Lord! He has promised to meet your needs! You cannot change anything that has happened but you can move forward! Work on strengthening and improving yourself… In the meantime begin to release any guilt or shame! So you can enter a new relationship fresh and with less baggage! You must be realistic and be wiling to grow along with this spouse you desire! Spend time with The Lord and allow Him to guide you in this area! Stay open to His leading and be patient! “And my GOD WILL meet ALL your needs according to HIS glorious riches in CHRIST JESUS” Philippians 4.

Right now you want to make sure that you find out more about this person that you want to commit to! You both need to share many facets of your lives with one another… Actually you should do this before you give yourself to someone anyway! It can be devastating when you find yourself committed to someone who is not committed to you! Too many become unequally yoked! They often hastily marry and find out after the fact that they are not on the same page about most things and share very few of the same values… This could prevent a lot of divorces if you posed certain questions before you say “I DO!” Don’t just hold out on sex to entrap someone… This is a part of divorce proofing your marriage and building a firmer foundation! A high quality marriage is built on much more than just physical attraction! After all you will have the rest of your life to learn how to physically enjoy one another…

You will need to take some time and have a “spiritual cleansing” if you have been physical outside of marriage!” Together out of respect for the Lord seek His face and ask Him to bestow His Blessings upon your marriage! Start anew! “Having sex outside of marriage is like fire outside of the fireplace! “But if we walk in The LIGHT, as HE is in The LIGHT, we have FELLOWSHIP with one another, and The BLOOD of JESUS HIS SON PURIFIES us from ALL sin…” I JOHN 1. There is WONDER working POWER in The BLOOD of JESUS! He CAN transform your life and BLESS your marriage! When you are married it’s different The WORD teaches us that the “Marriage Bed is undefiled!” HEBREWS 13. Marriage is honorable in the eyes of The LORD!

Sin is rampart throughout this world! It also separates us from God! As we grow in His Grace we should sin less…. The world says it doesn’t matter if you are married or not? You can choose to marry whomever you want male or female? Those of us who believe in “Marriage God’s Way” are becoming fewer and fewer! The world is desensitizing many more to God’s Design for Marriage and seducing them to compromise in order to be accepted! It is important to know that the spiritual warfare wants to continually separate us all from God our Creator & Maker and His purpose He created each of us for! Marriage between man and woman is considered to be “Holy Matrimony” in the eyes of God! To many marriage is no longer holy!

Now look! Think about it! It is not by coincidence that marriages and families are breaking up left and right! Splitting and splitting again and again… As I mentioned earlier currently an excess of 55% of marriages end in divorce! What’s the problem? Many are bailing out because they want to try something different… Many have married without really getting to know the person they have married! Please do not get involved with someone on the rebound! The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages! No wonder the world at large is experiencing so many natural catastrophes and economic trade devastation this world is going backwards…

Having affairs has become glamorized and many are continually lowering their standards and have been seduced and don’t even know it! Having sex is no big deal… Hollywood has now become the standard model for marriage for many. It is possible that you are considered old fashioned and somewhat narrow minded when you do not go with the current flow! There is nothing outdated about loyalty & commitment! Be committed to what you know is right even if it means for a season you must stand alone!

Although the Recession has passed and we are somewhat recovering, it is an indication that the world is going backwards! Things will never be the same. Bur yet we have been here before! History repeats itself… All the signs are continuously becoming apparent again! New era same relational dynamics! Many are restless, tired, lonely, dissatisfied, discontented and seeking fulfillment in life! Looking in all the wrong places… “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again, There is nothing new under the sun…” Ecclesiastes 1. We can learn a lot from The Word of God! Right before the flood everyone was doing what was “right in their own eyes!”They too did not want to do things God’s Way! You listen to the news and everyone else so please take some time and personally ponder upon what God says about marriage! After all He is The Creator of marriage! So why not check out His Word! Don’ just take second hand information when making such serious decisions! Here you can discover who really is the true source of life and living! Believe it or not God is The Creator of man and woman and I think He knows what is best for us! He sees way down the road! As a matter of fact He sees everything! ”

Build healthy personal boundaries and respect your marriage vows as well as the marriages of others! If you are not sure please don’t make them… If you are married, it is not too late to make it a point to water your marriage with love, caring, peace, tenderness, loyalty, fun, respect, understanding and yes excitement! When you sincerely pray together, embrace godly principles you can stay together! Invite God into the center of your Marriage! Together you can give your marriage an overhaul if needed! You have the POWER to together design and write your own script, then proceed to make it happen… You can’t help but see that way too many marriages are in trouble! Too many marriages and families are breaking up… Make your marriage a priority! “What GOD has joined together let NO man or woman put asunder…” So please; THINK Before Sex Outside of Marriage!

MARRIAGES & Affairs Part II

January 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

It takes a lot of hard diligent serious work for restoration of a marriage! One needs to humbly confess, submit to God’s priniciples for marriage and sincerely repent! Don’t use the blame game! Take responsibility for your actions. Affairs signify a betrayal of trust! Your spouse’s feelings need to be acknowledged and validated. Accept blame for your part! It is important to allow your spouse time to heal and reconcile their hurt! Allow forgiveness to do its work. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting… it means acknowledging the action and moving forward past the pain and letting go of the resentment! This is what frees the offended one of the hurt and or shame… Although difficult; each spouse is responsible for handling the forgiveness process in a godly manner

The Word of God is powerful! It is “ALIVE”! “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of evil behavior. But NOW He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you Holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation – IF you continue in your FAITH, established and firm, not moved from the hope of the Gospel. This is the Gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature…” Colossians 1.

Before accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior we are alienated from God and His way of thinking. God has designed marriage as a committed monogamous union between a man and a woman to have their marital needs fulfilled. There is power when two are united in mind, body and Spirit for the Lord! Marriage is honored by God! “Let this mind be in you! That was also in Christ Jesus!” Philippians 2. We are to sincerely strive to have the attitude of Jesus! Marriage is symbolic of His dedication to His Church!

Wrong thinking leads us away from God and His principles. Sin is anything that separates us from God! We never get to the point that we can do without the Lord! This is why we all need a Savior to help us from allowing sin to reign in our lives. God wants to be a part of every area of our lives! God can help us in our marriages! This is why it is so very important to know His Word for yourself! To build an ongoing personal intimate relationship with the Lord through Jesus Christ!

Sex was created as the ultimate way for a man and woman to physically express themselves to the one you love and commit to marry! So the two can again become united as one; you actually made a vow that included God! To become one flesh in a way that is not possible like no other! Or did you? There is an unexplainable oneness that takes place… Many believers separate the Lord from their sex life as though He is not aware of what is happening…in some instances satan decieves them into thinking their gift is enough and overides the sin. Not knowing they are in a carnal seducing mode rather than in a spiritual drawing mode by the Holy Spirit. This is the case when they participate in sex outside of marriage. There is a difference. No wonder we have so much chaos and confusion going on all about us! Adopting God’s principles in regards to sex can result in a fulfilling rewarding healthy secure marriage and a closer walk with the Lord!

God’s design is for one man and one woman was not only for procreation but for unity and pleasure! “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth… Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured by her love.” Proverbs 5. Desire is natural and God has provided the proper way that your natural desires can be met! As a matter of fact marriage comes with a spiritual BLESSING. God sanctions the marital bed! Many are unfulfilled because they do not acknowledge the Lord’s Word in this area! Did you know? “The marriage bed is undefiled.” Hebrew 14.

God never intended for sex to be an emotionless, prudish, unfulfilling experience or mere duty. There is an entire book in the Old Testament: “The Song of Solomon” it is a wonderful candidly expressive book! It is full of poetic prose expressing the beauty of sexual expression between man and wife! There is much here for one to ponder. Pray and meditate on it and ask the Lord to lead you! God looks on the heart and knows your heart! All His promises are true! All means ALL! This is not a forbidden area where He is not concerned! We can TRUST HIM in every area of our lives!

Many married couples have not allowed God into this area of their lives. An affair is a clear indication that someone is not listening to the Lord! There are consequences for sexual sins. Therefore one must readily confess and repent! If you are here: know this greatly impedes and hinders your ability to minister effectively… Take some time and allow the Lord to “spiritually cleanse you.” God’s Word is powerful! His Holy Spirit is ever present. You just really need to sincerely repent, invite Him in and ask to be cleansed and filled with His Holy Spirit! Repent means to turn to Him! Not to repeat!

*Repeated incidences of infidelity strongly infer you are electing to practice sexual sin and is blatant disobedience! You are in fact living outside the will of the Lord!

*REPENTANCE is an important step in marriage restoration! If you have faltered in this area cleave to the Lord! Keep looking up and go forward in the Lord…

It is important to know you are never alone! God is Omnipresent and everywhere you are! “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path….” Proverbs 3. Leaning not to your own understanding means to do things GOD’s way not to fulfill the lusts of the flesh! Again, to acknowledge HIM in all your ways means ALL!!! Wherever you are GOD knows! He is the Giver and sustainer of life. He knows what has happened, what is happening and what will be! Begin to be transparent with Him. He can strengthen you wherever you are weak! This is why we need Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord! You must “Confess and repent!” He can take any hurt, pain and sin and heal you from the inside out!

Transparency and intimacy brings trust, security and passion to your marriage! By working as a united team you both mutually seek to fulfill the responsibility of having your emotional and physical needs met within the boundaries of marriage! You embrace God’s principles and are open to Him. He fulfills the void in you that is only meant for HIM! Here is where True “oneness” in marriage can be developed. God honors your marriage and commitment! A loving, committed caring marriage yields stability! When your physical needs are met you have healthier boundaries! You respect your marriage and the marriages of others as well by doing so you honor God!

This world is satiated with sex and many men and woman as well as youth are confused! In developing a strong healthy marriage it is here in the light of transparency your strengths and weaknesses surface. Together you can seek to learn how to help one another grow and rise above your weaknesses! Focusing on your strengths rather than your weaknesses yields personal growth and self empowerment! This allows your strengths to eventually overshadow them and spiritual growth becomes possible. This is what growing towards the ongoing process of maturity is all about; and results in a securer improved marriage relationship and closer walk with the Lord. Our teens even moreso today need committed marriage role models!

Don’t be fooled! The world encourages sex outside of marriage! “Do you own thing,” Sleep with as many people as you want… No big deal! Spiritually we know that something much deeper than “just sex” is taking place. Don’t continue to give parts of you away…You cannot undo what has been done. But you can now “Press forward towards the mark…” God knows when you are truly sincere! A commitment to God, His principles, Honesty and Respect are crucial! Seeking ways to build a bridge rather than embrace destructive ways that serve to destroy and tear down your relationship as well as your character is far better. Here is what the WORD of GOD teaches us about marriage! Take some time to read, ponder, meditate and digest !

“Wives submit to your OWN husbands, as to the LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also “Christ is The Head of the CHURCH” and He is The Savior of the body. Therefore just as the CHURCH is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the CHURCH and gave Himself for her, that HE might sanctify and cleanse Her with the washing of Water by the WORD, that HE might present her to Himself a glorious CHURCH, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be Holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to LOVE their OWN wives as their OWN bodies; he who LOVES his wife LOVES himself…” Ephesians 5.

This is easier said than done. There is much spiritual warfare to separate marriages and families… Each spouse must pray fervently and seek the Lord for direction! Submission in marriage should be mutual! A husband that truly honors God will not take advantage of his wife. A wife that truly honors God will not take advantage of her husband. Manipulation will destroy your marriage! The key ingredient that is missing in most marriages today is the absence of submitting to God’s will and way for marriage! Too many have embraced worldly ways and standards for marriage! It is through Jesus Christ the Fruit of His Spirit can flourish in our hearts, marriages and homes! True success is submitting to God’s will and way!

A “Covenant Marriage” is an invaluable spiritual treasure! it is a sacred solemn agreement between one man and one woman. The only person you can change is you! Help is always available! God truly is able! His Holy Spirit is dear and near! Give up “Me-ness for We-ness!” The Christian marriage is a Spiritual Triangle sanctioned by God! It takes three to become one spiritually! “What God has joined together let not man put asunder!” To GOD Be The GLORY!


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