Why most marriages don’t last?
Make building a compassionate strong loving marriage a priority
You are considering getting married. Wow how exciting! Many marriages in this 21st century don’t last. A few things to think about.
Please don’t go into the marriage thinking that you will be able to change each other. There are many resources available when planning your big day. For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married. Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. You have not really made a total commitment and you realize that you can opt out at any time…
After the honeymoon period is remain patient. When you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level. It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart. MAKE it a point to keep you marriage exciting.
A great marriage takes two committed spouses
If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship. If you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship. You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together. You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage. Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?
It is a good to find out more about what each other likes and dislikes. Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and cuss to get your way? Do you rant and rave or manipulate? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and inexpressive? Do you think that you should have everything that you want when you want it? Do you want your spouse to do everything for you and be waited on hand and foot and you do very little in return yourself? Or do you like to talk things through… Do you quit when the going gets tough?
It is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments. It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry. Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling. Don’t make sorry a sorry word. Chill out and warm up to one another. It really is better to say “I am hurting.” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage. How else will you settle your disputes if you do not take the time to responsibly communicate with each other? Wait until you have cooled off or can talk without being hostile. Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!
A great marriage will last for a lifetime
Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage. You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way! It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so! Why? Because you say you love this person!
You love them enough to get to know them better. You like them enough to care about their well-being. You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage. Make sure to have a weekly marriage date. This does not mean you have to always go somewhere. It could just be a quiet relaxed evening committed to spending quality time together It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities.
Make your marriage a priority
Life is about priorities. Take time out to tend to the people and things that are important to you! Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman. If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it. Keep the embers of love burning to keep it exciting. Do interesting and adventurous things together!
You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well. Coming together physically as one should be a special . This is a time of sharing and caring. A time to experience a time of euphoria together. You can experience unity when you freely give of yourselves to one another. Create a loving environment. You keep the embers burning by being affectionate and caring towards one another.
Each couple is different so together build what works for you. It is okay to have your physical needs met so there’s no reason to be ashamed. Take time to focus on one another s physical needs. How often or few or when is between the two of you. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the Lord.
Take care of your marriage
Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well kept garden. Make your marriage a top priority. Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. Take a look around your home it is a reflection of how you feel. For example; If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? If you are selfish and insensitive and don’t really care what happens, guess what? Be attentive, respectful and thoughtful towards one another.
Preventive maintenance is the key. Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you both make it. If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you! Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work, go out or attend worship. Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; no! Still no excuse. Age like a fine antique. Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! You should take care of your self to the degree you did when you came together or better. Strive to become the “BEST YOU” at any age.
Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love it can lasts for a lifetime. When you truly invest yourself in your marriage it becomes a priority. Keep GOD as the CENTER of your marriage. After all you did make a vow to HIM as well. Make it a point to get better not bitter. You truly can continually refine your relationship.
True Love lasts throughforever
Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority. You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Again, I cannot say this enough; Keep one another and your marriage a priority.
True Love lasts through forever. You both desire what is best for one another and you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side. This is true when God is in the center of your marriage. You want and desire your marriage to last. Happiness is a choice. You can’t make them happy but you can contribute to creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, mutually inviting environment where both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!
Marriage & Addiction
Steps To Drug Addiction
Addiction is not a behavior or goal that a person usually sets out to acquire intentionally. Addiction happens when there is an unhealthy dependency formed upon a substance, activity or habit which is gradually developed over a period of time. This time varies for each individual. Addiction is considered a disease by many in the medical profession. Some have a predisposition to being addicted that makes them more susceptible! One then usually seeks to cope with their inner pain depending upon an eternal source, eventually resulting in a dependency on it for an unhealthy comfort. Unknowingly they often compulsively indulge themselves without restraint and become seduced! More and more they gradually enter a world of escape!
Step 1 Experimentation
The first step into addiction is when someone experiments and there becomes a gradual progression. For some it becomes a beloved affair and they readily fall into dependence upon a particular substance or activity! Alcohol and pot are usually where they start? It has been said that cocaine is quite deceptive and after one try many become “hooked!” One will never quite experience that first climactic high! However they will incessantly try again and again to achieve the euphoric exhilarating high! Some have even declared that they have “fallen in love” with rock cocaine only after the very first use!
Addiction can happen faster for a teen because they have not yet developed strong restraints. Their brain and nervous system is still developing. Therefore they can fall into alcoholism, pot smoking, drugs or pornography easier than an adult!
If you don’t experiment; Guess what? You won’t get hooked! Often when someone tries drugs and don’t like them they will not continue. They don’t like how they feel when under the influence.
Food is a hard addiction to overcome because it is vitally necessary to sustain one’s
life. Therefore they must learn how to get their addiction under control and live with it daily! Be encouraged! It is possible to master any addiction!
Step 2 Occasional usage
This is when drugs or alcohol are used in social settings! They allow themselves to be influenced by their peers and opt to go along with the group. There are some users who stay here and do not go on to daily use. There are some who only use alcohol and drugs on the weekend and don’t consider themselves to have an addiction.
Addiction is so widespread in this 21st century that just about everyone has been impacted to some degree. It crosses all socioeconomic boundaries and is in all colors, races and cultures! This is true both inside and outside of God’s Church! Addiction within marriage can go undetected. It really is important to be transparent with your spouse in order to build a safe intimate marriage. It is also important to educate yourself about addiction. It is important to pray for your spouse relative, friend, coworker or love one!
A treatment program can be very expensive. Later on we will discuss outpatient, in patient, and residential programs. Know that having a personal relationship with the Lord makes or can make all the difference in the world! He can work through Christian and non Christians to help you through the recovery process… Keep in mind doctors and therapist treat and practice; God heals!
Next we will discuss advanced steps in addiction
It is quite true! There is nothing new under the sun according to the Word of God.
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; There is nothing new under the sun! Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.” Ecclesiastes 1.
Solomon is recorded as a brilliant man of great spiritual wisdom who became King of Israel! He also built the first grandest majestic Temple that was ever constructed to worship the Lord in. It was built in Jerusalem on Mt. Moriah using the finest quality furnishings and materials.
Solomon had everything that anyone could ever want or ever imagine and more! He denied himself nothing and indulged himself in a host of pleasures. He had wealth, riches, honor, prestige, power, affluent status as well as God’s favor. He is recorded in the Word to be the richest man that ever lived; or will live! What more could one possibly ask for? Yet he discovered that it was all meaningless especially when you are not right with God!
It is in the latter days of his life when he recorded the practical wisdom that we find in Ecclesiastes! One might find it a bit disconcerting, pessimistic and or negative because it exudes such an abrasive uncompromising Truth! Solomon wants to get our attention as he shouts to us vociferously that life without God is futile! In actuality he is not trying to discourage us but to get us back on track! To point us to the straight and Narrow Path that leads to the Lord! He ardently and passionately encourages us to first seek happiness in the Lord rather than people, places or things!
Disillusionment, despair, disappointment and chaos are the foreboding ominous consequences when we place anything above God! Seeking God first will result with an invaluable, priceless, abiding tranquil inner peace that is only found in Him!
Whatever is going on about us is in this world is temporal. It will only last for but a few moments in the summation totality of time! Life in actuality is quite diminutively short on this side of heaven. What is of the utmost importance is where each of us will spend eternity! Time is of the essence, Solomon warns us to commit to our Creator now rather than later!
Quintessentially there is nothing more important than time! The Scriptures record what has been and what will be! Everything that is happening now has happened before and will happen again… History continually repeats itself! At some point life as we know it will all come to an end. It is at that time we all will have to stand before God the Father our Creator.
We are living in some interesting times. Unexpected tragedy laden climatic weather conditions are prevalent throughout the world. There is a profuse abundance of heinous crimes being committed daily. Throughout the world as well as foreign and domestic terrorism steadily is on the rise. Diseases, sickness and famines of all sorts abound worldwide! Morality pushed aside and relationships of all sorts begin to emerge. Marriage between a man and a woman is no longer considered sacred by many. Marriage now has alternative options… We have been here before!
Notice how there is an undisclosed movement towards trying to establish a new normal! There is an unstated subtle attempt to desensitize us towards extinguishing traditional morality. One must only flip a switch and tune in to the television or their hand held hi-tech gadget of choice momentarily to see what’s happening!
All throughout the Word of God we can see how devastated the people as well as the land became due to immorality and disobedience. A proliferation of food shortages and famines began to abound! A once productive and fruitful land region abruptly interrupted by drought resulting in scarcity, starvation and barrenness! Life becomes futile and desolate when we ignore God’s principles time after time. Lord help us!
God has always had a solution for past, present and future problems. WE can always have hope in the Lord! Each day is a precious gift from the Lord! Absolutely NO one but GOD can make a day! There is no greater power, principality or authority, nor will there ever be. God is infinitely Supreme! He is Omniscient, Omnipotent & Omnipresent! He is King of kings and Lord of lords! The world gives us many options that lead us away from the Lord’s principles.
There is a plethora of philosophies, beliefs, religions and endless opinions and varied lifestyles… We can learn much from God’s Word. Solomon is a prime example. He provides us with a wealth of wise sage antidotes for life and living in Ecclesiastes.
We are to enjoy life but not ignore, disrespect or disregard the Lord. He is the Giver and Sustainer of life. Life will spring forth a varied abundance of ups and downs. Things come and go! Seasons change… It is how we respond and relate to whomever or whatever we encounter in life that matters most! It is what determines our character… God has created each of us for a purpose! Life is about discovering that purpose.
Human effort apart from God is futile! Without the breath from God’s Spirit we are nothing more than mere decaying dust living in vain. We should reverently respect God and honor His principles for life and living! He is the Potter and we are the clay, with Him we can do or conquer the impossible. Pray for spiritual discernment! Take time out to spend some time with the Lord each day! We all benefit when we seek God above all else! Now is the time to do just that!
In this 21st century there is still nothing new! If you are searching for some answers camp in Ecclesiastes for a while! Here you will find some stern wise warnings! Wisdom often goes unheeded. In Ecclesiastes we can learn about life!
Absolutely nothing is hidden from the Lord anywhere in this entire universe! Let us commence to welcome and receive the precious gift of spiritual wisdom from the Lord! The wisdom from above is pure and yields peace. It is precious and incalculable. “The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools. Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.” Ecclesiastes 9. Open our spiritual eyes Lord!
“The conclusion of the matter!”
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, included the hidden thing, whether it is GOOD or evil.” Ecclesiastes 12.
In this day and age it is becoming increasingly difficult to find reliable people. This is an interesting, fascinating 21st century indeed! Commitment to promises have become vague or they either are thrown into the sea of temporary amnesia. Did I say that? But I thought that you were supposed to… You have heard the saying *“When the going gets rough, the tough gets going.” These no doubt(s) are some difficult times. But God knew way back when from the very beginning what would be happening now! This is why GOD is so AWESOME! In spite of what is going on if we just continue to look to Him, He will and can see you through whatever comes your way. For sure one thing remains the same; GOD STILL is, was and always WILL be RELIABLE!
Remember,* “When the going gets rough, the tough gets going.”
Those who you thought were reliable, quite often; you have now found out that was only in the moment. In order to keep your head above water you have to stay focused. It is so easy to agree to something when you are on the receiving end. But when the rubber meets the road and things are not turning out the way they thought. Be prepared. When a person has not really invested themselves into something it is easy for them to just walk away. You know and they know that you have put yourself out for them. You have invested time and money in them and they did not do their part. But things just have not worked out like they thought …. So what do you do? How about having a pity party? Do you bury your head in the sand like an ostrich?
No, instead you must look inward and upward. God really does know all and sees all! You realize that they are much more concerned about how things appear rather than how they really are. Commitment has become a fleeting virtue. Nowadays people commit and say “I DO” until death us to do part. But they “don’t.” Actually they initially mean “I DO”; but it’s really until we do not feel the same way about one another anymore! Then it’s time to move on… In order to survive in these tuff times you are going to have to develop some tough skin to guard your heart! Remember *”when the going gets rough, the tough gets going”… So now is the time to really get to going…
A good strong committed marriage is possible! But you must allow GOD HIS place! GOD is LOVE and HE wants HIS LOVE to continue to flourish within your marriage!
One must become resilient! This will help you to “bounce back” from, protect and cushion you from any future unforeseen bruises, bumps, disappointments and burns ahead. Some days may be harder than others but regardless of what is going on it is important to know; God still has everything under His control! Life is a test; with God there is no failure. This is why it is so very important to seek Him above any and everything else. Nourish your inner self with the delightful Fruit of HIS SPIRIT! His Fruit is always ripe for the picking. Self control, love and patience are a part of His viable life sustaining Fruit. These are dependable quality attributes to nurture in oneself. They also are reliable traits that will help you weather any unforeseen pandemonium that’s ahead!
Life has a way of presenting challenges. When this happens many readily abandon Godly principles, selfishly regress and result to doing what is best for them. They lay aside what God has to say and do “what is right in their own eyes.” This has been true from the very beginning. There has been an ever increasing shift away from God’s principles for life and living. Now, high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and or impatience rules instead, they begin to operate in a survival mode.
Many have resorted to simply compartmentalizing their spiritual life to a weekend pastime. During the week they proceed living life and engulfing themselves in a secular worldly lifestyle where just about anything goes. Laying aside “thus says the Lord” and embracing whatever feels right in the moment. Operating in a survival mode embraces, anesthetizing and indulging in any type of self satisfying pleasure, fantasy or recreation that suits their fancy. Come Sunday they “go to Church” not really realizing that we the people are the Church…
The world has lost the lid and “Pandora’s box” is wide open. Denial has clouded and shrouded discretion and deceived many. Caught up in a seductive whirlwind of curiosity, many have found their place dipping and dabbling in all its self gratifying pleasures. Many of which are quite often addicting pleasures. Reliability and valor abandoned. Have you ever heard the term “Pandora’s Box has lost its lid”? Greek Mythology has taken on somewhat of a reality in this 21st century. Ponder this for a moment, according to Wikipedia;
“After Prometheus theft of the secret of fire Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create the woman Pandora as part of the punishment for mankind. Pandora was given many seductive gifts from Aphrodite, Hermes, Hera, Charites, and Horae (according to Works and Days). For fear of additional reprisals, Prometheus warned his brother Epimetheus not to accept any gifts from Zeus, but Epimetheus did not listen, and married Pandora. Pandora had been given a large jar and instruction by Zeus to keep it closed, but she had also been given the gift of curiosity, and ultimately opened it. When she opened it, all of the evils, ills, diseases, and burdensome labor that mankind had not known previously, escaped from the jar, but it is said, that at the very bottom of her box, there lay hope.”
There is no reason to think Pandora acted out of malice in opening the jar, for she was exercising her curiosity, and when she saw what was let out of it, she quickly closed it.
God never meant that life as “His child” to become drudgery. Nor did He intend for us to be unhappy dissatisfied or wanting. He did mean for us to be responsible and reliable and keep our commitments. As Hid children we should “forever becoming.” Meaning continuously growing spiritually, emotionally, responsibly and… Jesus came to point us to a better Way. He came to clear the path to the “Narrow path” that leads to Him. Although life takes its turns with Jesus Christ as your personal Savior you have an ever present Guide and Comforter. His promise to “never leave or forsake you/us” is TRUE!
Due to the lingering aftermath from the global recession many are still impacted directly or indirectly on many levels. The rich, middle class, poor and in between… The secure reliable future “nest egg” that was stored and supposedly safely tucked away in many cases was drastically dwindled. That cash reserved for emergencies that has helped to offset the climbing monthly budget, or taxes is gone. The cost of gas, food, clothing and living expenses have skyrocketed. Although the price for gas has begun to decrease; it will never be as cheap as it once was! Have you noticed how the portions or content sizes as well as the amount of ingredients have changed in a lot of items? We get less for more. Bargains are fewer. Who would have ever thought? It is very important to put or begin putting your TRUST in GOD. In HIM is where true security and significance lies. For sure, one thing that remains the same GOD Still is, was and always WILL be RELIABLE! Draw closer to the HIM! Know that ultimately GOD has everything & everyone under HIS CONTROL!
* It was Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969), the father of (U.S.) President John F. Kennedy who said it originally. It was however popularized by Billy Ocean’s song