Why most marriages don’t last?
Make building a compassionate strong loving marriage a priority
You are considering getting married. Wow how exciting! Many marriages in this 21st century don’t last. A few things to think about.
Please don’t go into the marriage thinking that you will be able to change each other. There are many resources available when planning your big day. For those of you who have never been married before, you must allow for a period of adjustment once married. Living with someone is not the same as dating or being married. You have not really made a total commitment and you realize that you can opt out at any time…
After the honeymoon period is remain patient. When you hit a kink see this as an opportunity to take your marriage to a deeper level. It is during this time you need to work together rather than pull farther apart. MAKE it a point to keep you marriage exciting.
A great marriage takes two committed spouses
If you have not married; please do not manipulate your potential spouse into a relationship. If you do it will be an ongoing dynamic in your relationship. You should genuinely care for this person and desire to grow together. You want to encourage transparency in order to build a strong secure marriage. Before marrying really have some candid and open discussion as to how you would like things to be in order to see if you are on the same page! Don’t just assume?
It is a good to find out more about what each other likes and dislikes. Are you a morning person? Do you sleep with socks on? Do you snore? Are you patient? Do you yell scream and cuss to get your way? Do you rant and rave or manipulate? Or do you sulk and stay quiet, remote cold and inexpressive? Do you think that you should have everything that you want when you want it? Do you want your spouse to do everything for you and be waited on hand and foot and you do very little in return yourself? Or do you like to talk things through… Do you quit when the going gets tough?
It is the seemingly little things that add up and lead to arguments. It is easier for some to say how they feel when they are angry. Learn to be open and honestly discuss how you are feeling. Don’t make sorry a sorry word. Chill out and warm up to one another. It really is better to say “I am hurting.” Don’t let pride and insecurity dominate your marriage. How else will you settle your disputes if you do not take the time to responsibly communicate with each other? Wait until you have cooled off or can talk without being hostile. Please do not think that by not talking about issues they will go away; they won’t!
A great marriage will last for a lifetime
Now that we have discussed some of the not so good things we can move towards what it takes to build a better marriage. You sit down at work and discuss whatever the problem is, right! Why? Because work is a priority and you do not just opt out of your job when things are not going your way! It is important that you like and respect one another in marriage even more so! Why? Because you say you love this person!
You love them enough to get to know them better. You like them enough to care about their well-being. You care enough to develop loyalty in your marriage. Make sure to have a weekly marriage date. This does not mean you have to always go somewhere. It could just be a quiet relaxed evening committed to spending quality time together It is important not to lose sight of this or you will just take one another for granted and improving the marriage will no longer be a one of your top priorities.
Make your marriage a priority
Life is about priorities. Take time out to tend to the people and things that are important to you! Marriage is the ultimate relationship between a man and a woman. If your marriage is going to last you have to make a conscious effort to work at it. Keep the embers of love burning to keep it exciting. Do interesting and adventurous things together!
You want to build a mutually satisfying sexual relationship between you as well. Coming together physically as one should be a special . This is a time of sharing and caring. A time to experience a time of euphoria together. You can experience unity when you freely give of yourselves to one another. Create a loving environment. You keep the embers burning by being affectionate and caring towards one another.
Each couple is different so together build what works for you. It is okay to have your physical needs met so there’s no reason to be ashamed. Take time to focus on one another s physical needs. How often or few or when is between the two of you. The marriage bed is honorable in the eyes of the Lord.
Take care of your marriage
Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well kept garden. Make your marriage a top priority. Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. Take a look around your home it is a reflection of how you feel. For example; If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? If you are selfish and insensitive and don’t really care what happens, guess what? Be attentive, respectful and thoughtful towards one another.
Preventive maintenance is the key. Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you both make it. If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you! Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work, go out or attend worship. Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; no! Still no excuse. Age like a fine antique. Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! You should take care of your self to the degree you did when you came together or better. Strive to become the “BEST YOU” at any age.
Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love it can lasts for a lifetime. When you truly invest yourself in your marriage it becomes a priority. Keep GOD as the CENTER of your marriage. After all you did make a vow to HIM as well. Make it a point to get better not bitter. You truly can continually refine your relationship.
True Love lasts throughforever
Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority. You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Again, I cannot say this enough; Keep one another and your marriage a priority.
True Love lasts through forever. You both desire what is best for one another and you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side. This is true when God is in the center of your marriage. You want and desire your marriage to last. Happiness is a choice. You can’t make them happy but you can contribute to creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, mutually inviting environment where both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!
Why Most Marriages Don’t Last!
In the Sacramento Area you can find many interesting stories about couples that are indicative of what is happening everywhere all over the globe! Many couples are going through! But don’t be discouraged. Help is on the way!
A great marriage really is definitely possible. Marriage requires love, commitment, patience and lots of work! Counseling is an alternative that helps and it can enhance your marriage. But your goal must be to work through the kinks in the marriage rather than let them persist. If you wait until your problems are seemingly insurmountable it will take some time to plow through your relationship dynamics!
There are times when counseling is sought just as a last resort! You simply attempt to appease one another and are trying to buy some time… When this is the case; by the time the couple goes to counseling the problem is so bad that they just want to find out which spouse is responsible for their marriage problems? They are often just seeking support and approval to justify why they act or behave in the manner in which they do? The fact of the matter is your communication skills are lacking to the point you have lost some of your objectivity.
You now need or desire a neutral third-party to help you see if you can revive the marriage and get it back on track?
You can and should also incorporate the Bible as wise counsel in your marriage. Not in a rigid legalistic manner but in a way to enhance your marriage! It is important that you marry someone who values the same life principles! However if this is not the case you can still consult the Lord’s Word! There is some superb, really great “stuff” in the Bible that many are not aware of! I mean this in a complimentary way! There are some great love stories as well as excellent examples of tests and trials. The Lord never intended for any of us to be unhappy and disappointed all the time… I suggest that you to go to Galatians 5 and learn the differences between the works of the flesh and the Fruit of His Spirit!
Please, don’t just read the Bible you must actually implement the principles into your own personal life and marriage. It is not wise to use the Word to manipulate or hurl insults upon your spouse! After all the Lord KNOWS what He is talking about!
If you have a friend that is having marital conflict encourage them to seek helpful ways to resolve it! It is important to respect your marriage as well as the marriage of others! When asked for advice make it a point to be objective! Don’t experiment on their marriage and suggest things that are harmful rather than constructive! Help them look at the situation from all angles! Sometimes a listening ear is all that is necessary to sort through the problem. Never support abuse on any level in anyone… Learn to be a better friend by encouraging them to do what is right!
What is so interesting is that as adults you can do as you please! That is, unless you simply have no self-control yourself and are rather compulsive. In that case you just cannot restrain or discipline yourself and you freak out at the slightest little thing! If this is the case you need to put yourself in check and seek out getting some professional help! By the way prayer really does work!
Please if you know that your spouse has a short fuse don’t try to purposefully set them off! This does not mean that you are to be a doormat! Choose your battles wisely don’t encourage abuse or dysfunction in yourself or anyone else. Don’t be an enabler!
So why can’t you make a decision to work out your problems? It’s because you have opted to go the way of the majority or just “do your own thing!” You can simply do what makes you feel good instead at the expense of your spouse? Live together and really be miles apart! But is it really good for you or your marriage! No! That’s called being selfish! At this point, the marriage has become more about “you” rather than about “us!” It’s my house, my car, my money, my furniture my name my, my, my… Somebody has a bad case of “Me”ness! No wonder you are in such a quandary! You have now or will be joining the not happily ever after club soon! That is unless you decide to make your marriage a priority! So get busy!
The first step for getting your marriage back on track is taking responsibility for your own actions! Stop behaving as though you are in the relationship by yourself! It is called being considerate! Your spouse is neither your servant nor parent! They are supposed to be your partner… Start treating your spouse the way you would like to be treated for starters! Celebrate your marriage! Encourage one another and if necessary encourage yourself like King David! Don’t let anyone steal your JOY! If you have get busy getting it back!
Why most marriages don’t last Part 1
It is important to make your marriage a top priority!
Marriage statistics ending in divorce continue to rise! Why is that? Spouses listen to everyone else except one another. Their marriage is no longer the top priority it once was. They desire to please their friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers and sometimes congregations rather than one another or GOD!
You do not have to live on an island. You must continue to strive to improve and refine your marriage!
Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having good friends. Just don’t try to be like your friends. Especially if they are not married. Be original! If you notice you look different because you are different. Your temperaments are different and you like different things. So why is it when it comes to your spouse you listen to them rather than to one another. When you decided to get married you became a team. Or rather you should learn to commit to be partners in life. Build a great marriage and encourage those who are married to do the same. Encourage those who are single to cleave to the Lord as they seek to be married….
Hopefully you did not get married to make each others’ life difficult. Or to get someone to take care of you. You can do badly all by yourself. Or because you felt you were getting older and the clock was winding down or simply because everyone else was married? Or just because! Hopefully you got married because you want to give and share of yourself within the sanctity of a committed monogamous growing relationship. To experience the greatest partnership between one man and one woman designed by God.
Think about it for a moment. Why did you get married? Was there a goal to accomplish something? You have two eyes, two ears, two lips, two hands, two arms, two legs and two feet. They actually work together in pairs better! If one can’t do something the other one will… Well when it comes to marriage you should work together with your spouse as well. Two working together can accomplish much and often much more than one! If you do not desire to work together then don’t get married. Or perhaps that is why you no longer want to be unmarried? You want to try something else or someone else? You want to give of yourself in a relationship were you both have the same basic principles and morals; here you are on one accord….
Many change partners like they are changing a pair of shoes! Fearful of being transparent and taking the time to really get to know your spouse you flee. Or you simply don’t open up to them and you two just coexist as strangers! Or listen to unwise, ungodly counsel or advice… Quite often everyone else knows what is going on before either of you. Your friends have become your confidants and you wouldn’t dare share TRUTH with your spouse. Well! That’s part of the problem!
Help for marriages
Marriage is not about keeping secrets from your spouse. It’s about sharing who you are and growing and improving yourself as well as encouraging your spouse… To remain committed when there is turbulence and then together learn to soar above it! In a good marriage when you truly like one another you become friends as well as partners! It is better to be open and honest up front rather than waste time year after year dodging the Truth.
If you have been married before please take some time in between marriages and get rid of the extra baggage. If you don’t it will soon become part of your current marriage and you will recycle the same ole junk! You can’t change what has happened but you can go forward and do some things differently…
What is so interesting marriage was really designed by God to be the ultimate relationship between one man and one woman. Two become one! Being together is a desired choice and you vow and commit to grow together and become partners for life. You made a commitment to honor God within your marriage? Or did you? Or until… Well nowadays people stay married as long or as short as they can tolerate one another and something better comes along? So they think? The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence! It must be tended, fertilized and cared for to stay green and healthy! The grass is greener where it is watered, fed and taken care of’
Few really understand what true love is! “GOD IS LOVE” God is eternal and so is His love!
Love becomes optional to some in marriage and it is no longer the key adhesive that keeps the marriage together. This really is not love at all. Respect and commitment are secondary as well! This is “Intoxicating affections” that simply mimic God’s love. They don’t last!
How Compatible are We? Ready for Intimacy? Commitment? The Marriage Bed? In-laws or Out-laws?
Food for thought Before You Say; I DO
Let’s ponder and delve into ways to improve your upcoming or current marriage!
Many couples spend a great deal of time planning their wedding, but little time planning their marriage. They have not taken the time to have candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. Planning your wedding is important, but so is planning your marriage.
How Do I Love Thee:Food For Thought Before You Say “I DO” is a mini-premarital guide to be used by couples, counselors, and clergy. It addresses many of the major subjects couples should discuss prior to marriage.
Included are interactive lessons and assignments for the couple which are designed to motivate serious thought about love, compatibility, commitment, finances, accountability, responsibility, dealing with the in-laws, the marriage bed, and more.
Enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway below for a chance to win a FREE autographed copy.
Marriage and addiction
Addiction is something few want to readily discuss. Having an addiction will inhibit intimacy within the marriage. Transparency is necessary in order to build intimacy. Love, transparency, trust and intimacy are essential components in building a healthy strong satisfying marriage. Addiction prohibits you from being transparent.
Addiction is a clear indicator that you are hurting. You have simply found an unhealthy way to cope with your deep pain. Your addiction can be alcohol, cocaine, heroin, marijuana, uppers, downers, prescription drugs, caffeine, illicit sex, people, pornography, food and even shopping! Yes and there are more… Even approval from others. Guess what? You have only found a way to momentarily relieve or somewhat ease your infuriating inner pain; it is still there. The addiction is a flag that something is wrong. You need to seek a healthy resolve.
I say momentarily because while under the influence or indulging in the activity of choice you are able to somewhat escape. However the systemic cause remains because the pain returns. Often more vehement than ever before. This causes you to each time pursue passionately that which you are addicted to. Addiction of any kind can be life threatening because you are out of control. Your desires consume you and disables your ability to be responsible or demonstrate genuine love. Instead the activity controls you and you will do whatever it takes to get a “quick fix!
How does this impact my marriage? Good question. Marriage is a partnership and when one has an addiction they are not able to fully commit because the addiction is often their main priority. The spouse that is unaware is kept in the dark. Secrets, lies and deception accompany addiction. The addiction is used to fill the insatiable void in the addicted partner’s heart. It instead becomes their companion. This leaves their spouse out in the cold.
A disordered family, peer pressure, cultural influences, abuse, incest, rape, molestation, lack of self-esteem and a weakness to experiment can all contribute to one developing an addiction.
We live in a drug friendly worldly environment. Daily we are bombarded with the invitation to take this pill or that pill. Notice how many television commercials attempt to sell you something to feel better! Notice how the dinner hour has become the prime time for commercial pushers. There are a multiplicity of pushers of all sort. Doctors also oblige patients with tranquilizers, stimulants, pain pills, sleeping pills even pills to wake you up!
Keeping your commitments are important. One thing that needs to be promoted more is a personal relationship with the Lord! Marriage is ordained by God. It was designed to be the ultimate sacred relationship between a man and a woman. It can also help you prioritize life and put all your other relationships into their proper perspective, it can help you develop a healthier living environment.
Building trust is an important part of marriage! As we commit to building healthier home environments we contribute to lessening the number of addictions continuing to escalate. A safe home environment does not exclude addiction; but it does serve to nurture those who are… The possibility to break the generational cycle of dysfunction becomes attainable.
It is important to seek ways to validate one another. To develop and ongoing healthy support system that says I love and sincerely care. This does not mean you support the addiction. No! You separate the behavior from the person. You encourage them to be the best they can be and find ways to help them become who they were created to be!
God created each of us uniquely and we have varying temperaments. Our needs are different when these needs are not met a void is created and therefore one seeks to often erroneously fill that void. Marriage is about working together to find healthier ways to fill those voids with a committed partner…
Your partner is not responsible for your addiction you are. Both must hold one another accountable for their actions! You both are accountable to God for the vows you made… Remember, “for better or for worse…”
In this 21st century emotional gasoline has flamed the fires of addiction. Pain, grief and stress not dealt with properly are great contributors that drive unhealthy desires. Addiction is big business therefore it is often rationalized and one can easily find access and support. Addiction does not usually happen overnight it is a gradual process that begins with a series of steps…
Next we will discuss some of those steps;
Every woman does not want to have children
Having children is a choice as well as being married is a choice. Being single is a choice as well as not having children is a choice. We are all unique individuals with varying temperaments some of us more complex than others. Keep in mind for one reason or another we make different decisions to have or not have children that may not be readily apparent.
Motherhood can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. It is one of the most hardest jobs that requires an inordinate amount of patience and the ability to multitask. To do so effectively one must be willing to be flexible, resilient, firm and consistent as well as make many personal sacrifices all at the same time.
If you decide that you do not want to have children there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as well. You may opt to extend yourself in other ways. As a matter of fact if you are sure that you do not want to have children you are being very responsible not to have children. Remember that there is always an exception to the rule.
There is nothing worse than a woman becoming pregnant who does not want children. If you do become pregnant; remember you laid down to enjoy one another for a moment to have intercourse; so taking their life because of that decision is selfish. There are extenuating situations that present themselves when possibility of motherhood has been forced upon a woman due to rape. Weigh your choices and please get some personal counseling to help you through your decision… If you decide to have the child you could always give it up for adoption? There are plenty of great couples who want children who will make great parents. If you do want children but not immediately; then you need to keep in mind that whenever you have sex there is a possibility that you could become pregnant even if you use a form of birth control.
Abortion should not be used just for birth control purposes. If you have had an abortion take some time to heal from your choice. You cannot change what has happened but you can reconcile with your choice if you are experiencing anxiety. This will help you make better choices in the future.
God really designed sexual intimacy to be between man and woman within the confines of a committed marriage. If you are not married please think for a moment, is this the person you would actually want to father your child or children? If so where are the two of you in the area of commitment?
You might want to think about having sex without being married? Especially if you do not want to be a parent. Think about it; do you know that you are actually giving a part of yourself away that is invaluable? There is something mystical that happens in the physical sexual exchange. There really is nothing “casual” about sex its serious. Under adverse circumstances you can encounter some serious consequences… Keep in mind that STD’s are rampart within this 21st century.
If you are single keep in mind that there is a likely possibility that you can become a single parent whenever you decide to have sex. Children are not mistakes. They deserve to have a father and a mother. If you are a single parent you really will need to build a healthy support system. Lord knows it’s hard enough when there are two parents; so make it your goal to be a good one even if you are alone!
Being responsible is always good. The world is becoming an increasing difficult place to live and establish a healthy home environment. This generation is seeing a host of confusing relationship scenarios happen before them all throughout the world. I think we all should commit or at least consider being better consistent examples for all children whether if you have children or not and are married or single.
I have thoroughly enjoyed raising my children and I have learned some invaluable life lessons. Personally I believe that raising children is one of, if not the hardest job on the planet. You have to wear many hats to do it effectively. Each child is unique and their temperaments vary. Becoming a parent single or married also requires putting aside doing some things that you would like to do for a season. The more time you invest in your children that you bring into this world or adopt the fewer problems you will have in the long run.
I also believe that you have a right to focus your gifts and talents in other areas of life if becoming a parent is not your desire. You still have a lot to contribute to making our society better as a whole.
Ladies I respect your personal responsible decision to not have children. Thank You for sharing your concerns. I really do realize that not every woman wants to have children.
Lord Bless You!
Every woman does not want children
Not having children does not mean you are selfish
Family for one woman may mean to have a host of children. Family for another woman may be to have one or two children. Yet, another woman may choose to not have any children at all. Does this make her any less than a woman because she decided to not have children? No!
I had the opportunity to have a lovely insightful heart to heart talk with a group of women who decided that they did not want to have children. They were open and quite frank with me. They felt that there is often a stereotyped stigma when you decide not to have children. It was important that they share these general concerns. These were intelligent, pleasant, compassionate, fastidious, loving, well rounded professional women who loved their husbands and had great caring empathetic relationships with children within their extended families.
Not having children does not mean that you do not like or care for children. Nor does it mean that you are self centered or selfish. For their own personal reasons they had responsibly made a conscious decision that was best for them.
A few things to think about!
What is important as a woman is that you take responsibility for the well being of the children you do bring into this world. Children do not belong to us as our property. They are entrusted to us by God to love and nurture them and prepare them for life. We are to give them healthy boundaries that make them feel safe. We are to be sensitive to the unique needs and dispositions of their particular temperament. It is imperative that you are firm and consistent. This helps them to feel safe secure.
When you raise them as your possession you raise them selfishly. They are more like an attachment to you and are usually unable to grow up and become autonomous and secure in who they are. They will have a tendency to follow the crowd and lack healthy self esteem.
Children who are raised to be accountable for their actions tend to become responsible adults.
Whatever you do please ladies do not have children to try and hold on to a man. If you do, just know that you do not have him anyway. You have his child and children should not be used to keep a relationship temporarily glued or to try to control or manipulate your spouse. On the other hand if you decide that you do not want to be married anymore. Please do not use your children to get back at your ex. Try to keep your problems between the two of you as much as possible.
Whenever you talk down to your children about their father or mother you risk impairing their emotional development. You cause them to doubt who they are. They will find it hard to trust others as well. Do not project your own insecurities upon your children; if you have; please put yourself in check and begin anew right where you are. You can’t change what has happened but you can move forward making better decisions. Disengage yourself from any destructive behavior. Get help if necessary. It is your responsibility to help your children to become whole! If you did not have a father or mother, if you had poor relationships with your parent or parents all the more reason to help them build one with theirs!
Every woman does not want children!
What does it mean to be a woman? Does it mean that you want to have a career, get married, buy a home and have children? Or does it mean that you want to get married, get an apartment and have children? Perhaps it means that you want to get a job, stay single, purchase a home or a condo, or just get an apartment and don’t want to have any children? Or maybe you will just have pets instead? You also have an option to not get married at all nor have pets? Oh my we have so many options! The point is we all are so very different!
I realize that every woman does not want to have children.
Women are anatomically different from their male counterpart and usually are feminine in their demeanor. Women have marvelous innate intrinsic abilities and the possible potential to do or become almost anything.
To be a woman means that you are a one of a kind unique female. Your characteristics are generally lady like? However there are some women who tend to be a bit more masculine.
Depending on how you have been socialized you may have a tendency to have more dominant masculine traits than normal. If you have been raised mostly with brothers, or by your Dad, or predominately in the company of males this tends to make you a bit stronger emotionally as well. Just because you don’t cry about the least little things or wear your emotions on your sleeve does not mean that you do not care or don’t have feelings. Just because you are stronger this still does not make you the same as a man.
By the way what is normal?
God made Adam from the dust of the ground. God then made and formed Eve from the rib bone that He took out of Adam’s side. Biblically speaking this is the normal origins of mankind! It helps to know about our origins. If you believe otherwise: oh well! We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures and ethniciities. God made women to be distinctly different from men. Our bodies are even endowed differently. Women have curves and breasts of all sizes and shapes. Men have a chest which is usually flat and often hairy. Our sexual organs are made differently as well. We are equal in our intellectual potential, academic abilities and yes there is a tendency for women to be more emotional in general.
As long as I can remember back in the day, for the most part it was a life goal for girls to want to get married to a husband and have a family. Remember “Leave it to Beaver,” “Happy Days,” “The Donna Reed Show,” or “Bill Cosby Show?” What about “Julia” she was a nurse and a single mom.
Today they often portray a new normal family alternative lifestyle or is it really?
My how family life has changed! Today we have a lot more single parent homes and divorced parents trying to co parent. A lot of their unresolved issues continue to take the forefront.. Life can and will present many challenges. It is really essentially important to keep God in the center of your marriage and family; married or single.
The reality is having a family with children is not a goal for every woman today. There are many options and not every woman wants children. Remember we are all different.
In this 21st century it is becoming increasingly difficult to be in favor of God’s natural design exclusively for man and woman without being considered condemnatory. I have no problem with “free choice?” But when you claim to be a believer your choices should differ. We are supposed to subscribe to biblical principles for life & living married or single. We who believe the Word of God have rights too and should be able to freely say thus says the Lord!
Yes, you can just choose to do however you please but there are always consequences.
If you decide that you want another woman for a spouse or if you are a man and want another man for a husband; I must tell you that you are going against godly principles. This is not about hate but about loving the Truth of God’s Word. Remember the original design? I am simply Pro Marriage God’s Way. At some point we all will have to answer to God for our choices.
You have the freedom to not have children. Just because you decide that you do not want to have children does not mean that you are wrong or less than a woman. This is your personal choice and it is your right.
Planning your wedding is one of the most important events of your life. It is a day that you both will forever remember. It will be etched in yor mind! Your wedding should consist of all the things that reflect you. The friends, relatives and love ones who participate are instrumental in making this a great, wonderful festive occasion. The theme, music, invitations, color palate, gown, bridal wear, grooms wear, flowers, decorations, and time of the venue all reflect the ambiance that you want to create as you together celebrate your special day. Regardless as to however large or small it should be a grand, marvelous memorable occasion.
Today weddings vary and are quite different and sometimes diverse. Some elect to have a large reception immediately after the ceremony; some have a small private wedding and then a large or small reception. Going to a remote place, a tropical island, beach side, seashore, valley, garden, and winery or on a mountaintop, or some unusual place, or just having a traditional church wedding is your choice. Others decide to just keep it very quaint private and personal and just have a few close friends and family in attendance. Whatever you do, please do not get so caught up in the wedding plans that you do not take the time to be mindful of one another. Yes it is a special day! A good photographer will capture the essence of your day! Yes it is all important; but so is your relationship!
The point here is whatever you choose to do make sure that your main focus is the marriage itself.
Many marry and have not really taken any time to plan the marriage. What do you mean? They have not taken the time to have a candid open discussion as to what happens after the wedding. It is important to set some priorities! I know that you know this but as you plan the wedding really keep in mind that after the wedding there is a marriage. Where do we go from here…?
Agree upon a budget and exercise some discipline! Picking a theme, a color scheme and a menu that you both like can be a fun adventure! During the course of planning your wedding there will be some moments when you are not on the same page! Some moments when you will disagree as well. This also gives you both the opportunity to see how you respond to pressure as a couple. There will be a time when you will get a lot of suggestions as to what or what not to do! This gives you the opportunity to begin to make the transition into becoming a couple. You are open to discussion but you want to do what makes the both of you happy! This is a great time to help others learn how to respect your wishes and accept you as a couple. I also believe it is a wonderful time to allow the “Bride & Groom” to shine!
There are a lot of resources to help you plan your “Special Day!” I suggest attending some bridal fairs. Be mindful as well when you attend any weddings together. If you have not already started, begin now clipping out suggestions in magazines etc, and having some open discussion as to what you both want ! This gives you the opportunity to gather some ideas as to how and what you would like to see within your wedding to reflect you! I suggest premarital counseling as well! This helps to give you some incite as to what expect once you are actually married!
It is important to build a strong foundation in your marriage. Who, when and how you marry are important! How you plan your apartment, condo or home is a part of marriage. How will you furnish it? What is your style(s)? What is your budget? What career and job decisions you make will be a part of marriage. What are your religious beliefs and convictions? What size or type of family do you both want or do not want will be an important role in your marriage? All the above factor into building a great strong, long lasting fulfilling marriage. All the love, and planning that goes into planning that “Special Day!” Should continue on even more so into the actual marriage itself. So think ahead and plan wisely!
Many seek ways outside the boundaries of the traditional marriage as we know it in order to fulfill their sexual desires! Many as well are in favor of redefining and changing what constitutes marriage. It is your choice but it is important to know that the only sex that God sanctions is within marriage between a man and a woman! Today we have a myriad of problems that are systemically rooted from improper sexual relationships! What do we do?
We continue to encourage healthier sexual boundaries! There is an exchange that takes places during sexual intercourse that goes much deeper than the physical! Coitus, the technical term for sexual intercourse, was meant to be a time of mutual pleasuring without being ashamed! You are making an emotional and physical deposit! You are giving and sharing the essence of you! At this time within the confines of marriage you become one and strengthen your union! It is at this time you can build physical intimacy! Take time to nurture one another during foreplay! You can share, build, strengthen and fortify one another as you both give from your heart! You reinforce your marriage vows!
Sex is so serious that it is a time that when a man and woman come together they can create a new life! WOW! Now that is really profoundly deep! The human body is amazing! There are healthy benefits available during sexual intimacy! Your stress and blood pressure reduces, it helps in decreasing the chances of prostate cancer, and it also increases the love hormone “oxytocin” which helps to bond and build trust! *“A long-term study of 3,500 people between 30 and 101 by clinical neuropsychologist David Weeks, MD, head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, found that “sex helps you look between four and seven years younger…”
Don’t just go through the motions and allow sex to become mundane or just a physical exercise. Create a welcoming environment where both of you can experience warmth and satisfaction. Make it a goal to please one another by being cognizant of how one another is feeling! Remember, intercourse has a significant role in bonding! It is like epoxy! When the two sticky resin components come together they generate heat and the two polymers form a permanent bond! They fuse together as the fluids are released and come together! Sexual intercourse is a spiritual moment where the union “Holy Matrimony” is reinforced! You actually enter into the physical depth of your spouse! You give them the essence of who you are… This is also why it is important to not just have sex with just anyone!
If you have allowed your marriage to become commonplace and unexciting make some changes! Begin by enjoying one another daily, hold hands, welcome laughter, have fun by being affectionate, freely give hugs, affirmations and complement one another regularly and appropriately! Caring, gentle expressions of affection do not always mean you want to have intercourse! Recapture the tender moments that brought you together or create some! Don’t waste time, let it pass you by or live in regrets! Each day is a precious gift from the Lord!
If you are single please seriously think about waiting until…! You are valuable and deserve to be loved and respected by someone who is totally committed to you! Please make sure that you take the time to nurture yourself and deal with any unresolved issues! It is natural to desire and want a spouse! To want someone to grow with you! Compromising who you are is not necessary! Trust and emotional intimacy play a major role in a great marriage!
No need to fret over what has already happened! It is important to be mindful if you have been used or abused! Take some time to regenerate and emotionally restore and strengthen yourself! Set some guidelines and goals keeping in mind that you merit a good relationship! Take this time to grow closer to the Lord! Spend some time in His Word! After all He created you! Know that all His Word is true! He has promised to “supply all your needs…” Communication and transparency is a major component of a great marriage! It is important that you share common core values with your potential spouse! Be discerning and in the meantime guard your heart! It may take some time but it will be well worth waiting for your lover and spouse!
If you are already married ENJOY! Celebrate your marriage!