Every woman does not want to have children Part 1

Every woman does not want children!

What Is Love ?
Part 1

What does it mean to be a woman? Does it mean that you want to have a career, get married, buy a home and have children? Or does it mean that you want to get married, get an apartment and have children? Perhaps it means that you want to get a job, stay single, purchase a home or a condo, or just get an apartment and don’t want to have any children? Or maybe you will just have pets instead? You also have an option to not get married at all nor have pets? Oh my we have so many options! The point is we all are so very different!

I realize that every woman does not want to have children.

Women are anatomically different from their male counterpart and usually are feminine in their demeanor. Women have marvelous innate intrinsic abilities and the possible potential to do or become almost anything.

To be a woman means that you are a one of a kind unique female. Your characteristics are generally lady like? However there are some women who tend to be a bit more masculine.

Depending on how you have been socialized you may have a tendency to have more dominant masculine traits than normal. If you have been raised mostly with brothers, or by your Dad, or predominately in the company of males this tends to make you a bit stronger emotionally as well. Just because you don’t cry about the least little things or wear your emotions on your sleeve does not mean that you do not care or don’t have feelings. Just because you are stronger this still does not make you the same as a man.

By the way what is normal?

God made Adam from the dust of the ground. God then made and formed Eve from the rib bone that He took out of Adam’s side. Biblically speaking this is the normal origins of mankind! It helps to know about our origins. If you believe otherwise: oh well! We come in all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures and ethniciities. God made women to be distinctly different from men. Our bodies are even endowed differently. Women have curves and breasts of all sizes and shapes. Men have a chest which is usually flat and often hairy. Our sexual organs are made differently as well. We are equal in our intellectual potential, academic abilities and yes there is a tendency for women to be more emotional in general.

As long as I can remember back in the day, for the most part it was a life goal for girls to want to get married to a husband and have a family. Remember “Leave it to Beaver,” “Happy Days,” “The Donna Reed Show,” or “Bill Cosby Show?” What about “Julia” she was a nurse and a single mom.

Today they often portray a new normal family alternative lifestyle or is it really?

My how family life has changed! Today we have a lot more single parent homes and divorced parents trying to co parent. A lot of their unresolved issues continue to take the forefront.. Life can and will present many challenges. It is really essentially important to keep God in the center of your marriage and family; married or single.

The reality is having a family with children is not a goal for every woman today. There are many options and not every woman wants children. Remember we are all different.

In this 21st century it is becoming increasingly difficult to be in favor of God’s natural design exclusively for man and woman without being considered condemnatory. I have no problem with “free choice?” But when you claim to be a believer your choices should differ. We are supposed to subscribe to biblical principles for life & living married or single. We who believe the Word of God have rights too and should be able to freely say thus says the Lord!

Yes, you can just choose to do however you please but there are always consequences.

If you decide that you want another woman for a spouse or if you are a man and want another man for a husband; I must tell you that you are going against godly principles. This is not about hate but about loving the Truth of God’s Word. Remember the original design? I am simply Pro Marriage God’s Way. At some point we all will have to answer to God for our choices.

You have the freedom to not have children. Just because you decide that you do not want to have children does not mean that you are wrong or less than a woman. This is your personal choice and it is your right.

See Part 2

Why I Wrote “The Enchanting Legends Of Shiloh Mansion”

July 23, 2014 by  
Filed under Home & Family, Teen Culture

I’m often asked “Why I wrote The Enchanting Legends Of Shiloh Mansion: The Young King“.

In answer to that question, it appears to me that our society seems to be gravitating towards the dark side in every facet of life. We see it in our movies, television programs, music, etc. Boundaries have been crossed. Godly principles are systematically being abandoned, and biblical truths are being ignored. We seem to be embracing and glorifying that which is not of God. Pandora’s box has lost it’s lid, and everything is now out of the box.

We see a growing fascination with vampires, witches, wizards, and the like – which are so prevalent in a lot of teen novels these days. Families and youth in particular, need an alternative. A book that has the supernatural and high tech themes, but none of these elements.

God has impressed upon my heart a desire to share that He truly does make a difference in our lives. He has given me the heart of a child who eagerly desires to share the truth of His Word! I want our families, and particularly our youth to know that His omnipotent power supercedes any other power or principality. Here in The Enchanting Legends one can become familiar with the true source of ultimate power, the most awesome, extraordinary, luminous universal power, our Creator and Maker, the Great I AM, the God Most High!

The Enchanting Legends Of Shiloh Mansion provides an alternative to vampires, witches, warlocks, etc. They are entertaining and educational. They include mystery, drama, super heroes, time travel, history, secret portals, smart teens, hi-tech gadgetry, and special powers that come from “The Light, for God is Light and in Him there is no darkness“. They depict a modern day family who still holds to biblical principles, and responsible youth who are true role models for families and youth of today.

Christian fiction is an excellent way to learn biblical truths and be entertained. Although the characters in The Enchanting Legends are imaginary, the principles they embrace are real.

My desire is that your faith will be strengthened, refueled, inspired, encouraged, renewed, activated, or discovered.

A Few IMPORTANT Lessons I Have Learned Along The WAY – Part 1

Years ago when I took my counseling internship, I took it in an office in the comfortable ritzy suburbs. The other portion in the homeless shelters with torn apart families, separated couples, displaced veterans, hurting people some traumatized with a multiplicity of issues and with battered and abused women. One of the shelters was in the suburbs right behind both a Mercedes Benz and Cadillac luxury car dealerships located in a vacated armory. One was located way out of the way, down across by and over on the other side of the railroad tracks in the city. One located amidst a commercial business park. What was so interesting only in the case of extreme emergency could the residents stay in the shelters during the day. They had to be out rain or shine first thing in the morning. In the suburbs they could not linger anywhere near or close to the luxury dealerships. They of course did not want their potential customers disturbed in any way by the homeless…

There was such a contrast in the various environments but not really in the overall personality dynamics. Hurting people exist in every walk of life no matter how much one might have or does not have! At the time my counseling supervisor was not too enthused about coming to the shelter at first… To be honest my home church at the time was not very receptive as well. They did not really want a lot of the homeless being brought there for counseling. No concern for worry because I went to them and eventually they set me up with a nice quaint little office… Initially the university wondered if maybe, or perhaps the environment would be a bit too harsh and…

It was here I learned the significant value of healthy boundaries as well as “One Spot” therapy! Which is a onetime counseling session. One spot simply means that when a person knows that they may have perhaps one opportunity to talk to you, and will probably not see you again. Once open they will say to you what has been stored up for years! I have heard the unimaginable… I learned to really trust the Lord during my many volunteer hours. It helped me to appreciate the value of not assuming or if you do to be readily willing to release any stereotypes. I learned here the true meaning of “ministry beyond the walls.” There is much spiritual warfare that takes place when you reach out to help those who are tormented and in much pain. There are times that anger may be projected upon you! Sometimes caring means not reacting but responding patiently… I also accompanied several clients (this is what they called the residents) on occasion along with a guard, who were 5150 sectioned to the hospital to help relieve a client who at times experienced extreme anxiety and sometimes considered volatile. 5150 Meaning they had been put under involuntary mandatory psychiatric confinement for observation for 72 hours to determine their mental state!

It is here I also learned that I naturally empathize. My concern literally drained me. My growing trust in God helped immensely and sharpened my discernment. Healthy boundaries are necessary! I learned that through my trust in God; it was what kept me safe. I was not fearful but cautious. I so had to depend on the Lord for direction in a totally non spiritual environment! Gradually the doors opened more and more… Although I was learning the required psychology and sharpening my skills on the art of counseling, I learned that it took God in my life to really help me help them. There is a huge difference between Christian and secular counseling!

The Lord had blessed us greatly at the time, my husband and I had a successful Professional IT Consulting Corp with many Professional Consultants… We Also had four children in college and one in Middle school at one time… We together have traveled extensively around the world, my husband was also a Minister of Music… we both had also been in Church all of our lives and I had worked in just about every department… We both had been raised in the city and had moved to the suburbs now for quite some time … We still continued to commute back to attend worship services and… This all served to give me a wide range of exposure to numerous varied facets of life! I knew the Lord’s call on my life at an early age and Ministry in Pastoral Counseling was my continued path of discovery…

It is important to KEEP in mind, God really does know what is going on. If you are sincerely interested in the counselee or whoever it is He will and can make a bridge between you and the counselee. Yet, you are only a small part of the healing process. There were a lot of politics that took place in the shelter. Some of the residents became territorial. I settled disputes between the staff and residents. I counseled and prayed with both staff and residents. Together we planned transitional strategies, the staff worked many arduous hours and hard long days. This further helped me with the counselees that lived safely tucked away in their own various homes as well! I learned that nothing anywhere in this world that anyone does, or says gets by the Lord! There is absolutely nothing that happens that He is not aware of! What matters most is our intimate personal relationship with the LORD! GOD KNOWS EXACTLY where each of us are or where we are are lacking…

Ultimately TRUE inner HEALING comes from GOD!

I was required to study many of the psychology theories and its founding fathers. There is much knowledge here. But, there are many concepts and theories in psychology that go against Christian principles. For example at the time I had to study the DSM-IV > Which is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders. It is what is known as the “Psychiatric Bible. It serves to broaden one’s knowledge on clinical language and facilitates diagnosis. Which may require psychotropic interventions… One refers here, in order to professionally label or should I say make a clinical diagnosis. This can at times I believe somewhat hinder one seeing the uniqueness of the individual and often rules out the spiritual element of their character… The DSM-IV actually contains a plethora of information on hundreds of possible mental disorders! A Psychiatrist is both a Medical Doctor MD who is a specialist in mental disorders they can prescribe medications that Psychologists cannot.

As a Pastoral Counselor/Minister, I was required to have a relative understanding of the process… We as well in our practicum had lessons on evaluating many of the characters in the Bible as well and seeing how they could have possibly been perceived? KNOW most of the time they would have been unfavorable labeled by this criteria… Most would be thought of as a bit strange and some with mental disabilities or severely depressed…. .I had to know about secular counseling methods to a degree, but my interest was in the spiritual aspect and how it serves to bring about “wholeness!” God can fill the void in one’s life like no other! I saw it time after time in the shelter. I also realized that many do not subscribe, respect, nor care to prescribe to this belief, nor believe in the Bible!

There is a constant change in the world as to what is right? For one, I can remember when homosexuality was considered taboo! Now, it is no longer considered by the American Medical Profession to be abnormal? We are able to see the results of what massive societal pressure can do. Now it has “come out of the closet” Now since it is so prevalent within our society it is now known and supported as “an alternative lifestyle.” This is quite interesting because, if you do not agree you can be considered to be homophobic if you are not somewhat supportive? If that is your choice, it’s your choice. But I believe all the Bible and I do not believe that it should be considered the same as Marriage which was designed by God! God’s view has not changed! Marriage in the eyes of God is HOLY MATRIMONY! Marriage in the eyes of God is sacred! What I find interesting that now many want to have the same rights and privileges as marriage because of their sexual preference! I personally find this disturbing. If this is your choice call it what it is “an alternative relationship” of the same sex. If you are not in agreement you can be considered judgmental and uncaring and…. I am “PRO MARRIAGE” GOD’S WAY! I also believe that this compromises our Christian Values however I realize that we all must answer to the Lord for our choices… We have come a long way… But have we really? Just something to really think about!

It is important to know that a lot of the original research for evaluations in psychology did not include taking into consideration the cultural differences of many People of Color. So where you might be just being polite, patient and considerate it may be perceived as being distant somewhat aloof and unconcerned, or passive… Where you might be disciplined and exercising self control, you may be thought of as mechanical…. If you speak confidently and fearlessly you could be considered delusional or arrogant! If you talk about God too much you may also be a considered a religious fanatic…This is a result of labeling and racial profiling…

On another note; I also find it quite interesting the mass shooting that took place a while back on the military base at Fort Hood in Texas. Where a military trained Psychiatrist Nidal Hasan massacred many of his fellow soldiers! They were in a soldier readiness facility where the troops being deployed to both Iraq & Afghanistan received their last medical checkups? What about the World Trade Center bombings where so many lives were taken? Have you noticed the many senseless shootings and incidents regarding guns in our schools that have since occurred? Need I remind you of the bombings at the Boston marathon where so many were hurt? All this has caused much fear and insecurity to dismantle our normal systems of life. Terrorism comes in many forms. The spiritual warfare has heightened! We must daily seek refuge in the Lord. It is important to spend time daily in His Word. The Lord can and will impart His Peace to you!

The recent acquittal in the Trayvon Martin case has caused many raised eyebrows! How can a grown man who was told not to get out out a vehicle; do so anyway, then shoot and kill an unarmed seventeen year old teenage boy with a gun that he should not have been carrying on neighborhood watch and be found not guilty? He had a choice he could have secured his car by locking the doors and keeping the windows closed until “help” came! Just perhaps Trayvon Martin would still be living?This is sheer madness no wonder so many are outraged! The lines of justice have once again been blurred.

Stress management is important and needed regardless of who you are. No matter what station one reaches in life balance is always key! Extensive training does not mean that you are immune to anxiety, impulsive behavior and pressure! In my counseling practicum I was required to study and know to a degree what others believe that are non Christians. There are many many religions… The beliefs of many differ greatly! This is also why the spiritual side needs to be addressed as to what do you believe about life, living, and how you value life! How you embrace and practice your beliefs are a huge factor in one’s behavior.

Our true security rests within our relationship with the LORD! I personally BELIEVE that GOD is the GIVER and SUSTAINER of life and we do not have a right to take anyone’s life just because…

Please continue on to Part 2

LOVE, LIFE, SANCTIFICATION, And GOD’S PURPOSE

GOD IS THE GIVER AND SUSTAINER OF LIFE!

GOD is LOVE! GOD is the GIVER of LIFE! We are SANCTIFIED by HIS PRECIOUS HOLY SPIRIT! HE has a PURPOSE and PLAN for each of HIS children! I implore and entreat you to seek HIS WORD and allow HIM to define what LIFE is ALL about for you! It is only in Him you will find the TRUE meaning of LIFE! He is “THE REASON FOR EVERY SEASON!” LIFE, begins in heaven our earthly transition commences in the womb! Conception is defined as the “process of becoming pregnant or beginning! An unborn baby has “The RIGHT to LIFE!” I BELIEVE ALL HIS WORD! What and who do you believe!

THE LORD’S WORD is so POWERFUL! If one would only seriously listen and accept HIS definitions to LOVE, LIFE, SANCTIFICATION and HIS PURPOSE! We would be in such a better place worldwide! If you ever wondered where you were before being here on earth, or who you belong to listen to the Prophet Jeremiah. “Before I FORMED you in the womb I KNEW you; Before you were BORN I SANCTIFIED you; I ORDAINED you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1

In the wonderful Book of Jeremiah the LORD confirms where life begins! Take a moment and ponder and camp on this thought! Before you were in your Mother’s womb the LORD knew you! Long before you were ever conceived! From the very beginning the enemy has tried to redefine and discount the validity of God and His WORD!

LOVE
When you think on love what comes to mind? Quite often many think about what makes them feel good. What you do or do not do for them, many have an erroneous idea of what love truly means. Love often means in this case supporting wrong. Letting me do and say to you whatever I want to do. For many often that erroneous love turns to verbal, physical and emotional abuse!

God instills His Love within us. When a baby is born it readily needs to be nurtured and loved! Remember “GOD is LOVE,” GOD is eternal HIS LOVE LASTS FOREVER! In HIS WORD you will see the manifestation of His Love all throughout His WORD! GOD IS THE ULTIMATE FATHER! Whenever you think on terms of loving someone think about what God has to say and what He does! He never supports them in ANYTHING that goes against HIS WORD. No different from NOW in Corinth the people had become mixed up about LOVE! Many were confused spiritually blind and very carnal… What does GOD say about LOVE ?

In I Corinthians Paul describes true LOVE!

“LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE DOES NOT delight in evil but REJOICES IN TRUTH. It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS preserves. LOVE NEVER FAILS!

LIFE
GOD is the GIVER and Sustainer of Life! In the very beginning God said “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness… So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female, He created them.” He gave them HIS breath of life! It is through this union of man and woman coming together that He designed more life to come forth! We were created for GOD’S GLORY!

SANCTIFICATION
Sanctification is the process of when one who grows in the DIVINE Grace and Knowledge of the LORD, due to accepting Jesus Christ as LORD! You are set apart for GOD! As a believer, a Christian, a child of God we should embrace the sanctity of life! It is a fundamental principle of God’s WORD! There is an incredible story in the Bible, when Mary was pregnant with Jesus. John the Baptist leaped in the womb of his mother Elizabeth just being in the presence of JESUS who was still in the womb of His mother Mary. Listen to what the Word says :

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb I PRAISE YOU because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes SAW my unformed body. ALL the days ordained for me were written in YOUR BOOK before one of them came to be…” Psalms 139

Abortion is not of God!! It is the way of the world! Abortion is not only about death it is about LIFE! GOD is the GIVER and SUSTAINER of LIFE! “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may HAVE LIFE, and have it more abundantly…” John 10 JESUS is the GOOD SHEPHERD ! He came and laid down HIS life so we could have a rich full balanced life!

What has been done cannot be undone! But you can start wherever you are going forth in the LORD! Know HIS WORD for yourself! Women who have had abortions are in need of inner healing. God is a loving forgiving God! Great is HIS LOVE for us! Repentance opens the door for restoration! Open your heart to the Lord. When you really give your heart to Him! He will fill that void. Don’t continue to use sex, manipulation or anything else to get your way. Begin to seek Him above all else and learn His WAY! I assure you In Him you will find the “security and significance” that is only found in Him! In Him you will find your purpose! Great is GOD’S FAITHFULNESS!

Abortion goes against the WORD of the Lord! It is easier to think of a precious baby, an unborn infant as a mere fetus in order to justify abortion. Remember, the baby feels and what you eat and drink they do too!“The TRUTH sets you FREE!” Remember GOD knows the TRUTH! So let’s be TRUTHFUL ABORTION is murder! If you believe it or not it’s so! What we say, think or do, does not change or alter what GOD has said is so. We are finite and GOD is OMNISICIENT meaning ALL KNOWING. If only we would listen to Him? Man continues as from the very beginning to be deceived by the devil. GOD IS A GOD OF LIGHT!!! Many discount, pervert and attempt to redefine what GOD has said in order to justify and manipulate getting their own way! The scriptures tells you that in the long run it never works! We are accountable to God for what we do or do not do!

God has a plan for each of His children from the very beginning and life is about discovering Him and living out that PURPOSE. Purpose is what gives life meaning! We on the other hand have to accept JESUS CHRIST as our personal SAVIOR to SAVE us from being overcome by the wickedness and the darkness that wants to dim and extinguish the LIGHT that the LORD wants to shine through us! God not only creates life, HE Blesses it! JESUS went through many things for us! HIS PROMISES ARE ALL TRUE! It ALL continues to work out for our GOOD when HE is in control of our LIVES!!!

Here is a story about an unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas who is 21 weeks old still in his mother’s womb: Baby Samuel’s Mom, Julie Armas is an obstetrics nurse who was told that her child has Spina Bifida! Spina Bifida is a very serious debilitating birth defect that causes a split spine. It causes the spinal cord to stick out; if not repaired it can cause a plethora of problems… His Doctor, Dr. Bruner is the operating surgeon. Keep in mind Samuel’s mom Julie had already suffered through two previous miscarriages!

It is during a C-section a small incision is made in order to do the surgery! As the surgery was completing baby Samuel reaches his little hand out and grasps the finger of the amazing Dr. Bruner! Dr. Bruner says that this was the most emotional moment of his life! He was stunned and immobilized! This is what is going on in this photograph above! Samuel’s mother Julie cried tears of Joy for days! Samuel was born completely healthy and the surgery was 100% successful! The picture speaks for itself! God is AWESOME!!!

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The Beauty Of Laughter!

October 16, 2011 by  
Filed under Health & Diet, Home & Family

Laughter is such a wonderful bravura expression! When it comes from deep within it can help to release inner tensions. The ventromedial prefrontal cortex is activated by laughter and produces endorphins in the brain after responding to a rewarding activity according to modern neurophysiology! Laughter can be medicine for the soul!

Life can get quite serious. There are times when you may not be able to see far down the road. When that is the case take it day by day! Think about something simple you could do in the moment, now, today, to bring a ray of sunshine your way and share it with someone else! Don’t let a moment or season in time define your entire life! Find something in all of it to make you laugh!

Did you know that when someone is going through, or grieving that one of the best things that you can do is allow them to freely express themselves. Let them have a good cry and then wait for an appropriate moment to make them laugh! Tell them a simple funny story or bring to mind an amusing event they experienced in memory of their love one. If you don’t know one, simply encourage them to share one! Humor lets them release inner tension as well as emotional pain and stress! It can also serve to put them at ease and help them relax!

JOY is a part of the Fruit of the Spirit! There is an overwhelming inner cheerfulness that brings contentment from knowing the Lord! How interesting Nehemiah tells us “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the Joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8

Some people are super ticklish and just the thought of being tickled can make them laugh hysterically! This type of laughter can be contagious uncontrollably infectious! Joy and humor cause laughter! Laughter is a universal language!

Gelotology is the study of laughter! There is much documented research going on to study and analyze the validity of laughter! How does it impact one’s mental state?

There is humor therapy, laughter therapy as well as laughter meditation! The ability to laugh naturally can lift one from depression. Focusing on a pleasant situation and allowing yourself the freedom to respond. Telling a joke or watching comedy. Notice how children roar during a good cartoon as well as adults!

According to the American Cancer Society, laughter has been use throughout history to bring about healing! “Humor has been used in medicine throughout recorded history. One of the earliest mentions of the health benefits of humor is in the book of Proverbs in the Bible. As early as the thirteenth century, some surgeons used humor to distract patients from the pain of surgery. Humor was also widely used and studied by the medical community in the early twentieth century. In more modern times, the most famous story of humor therapy involved Norman Cousins, then editor of the Saturday Review . According to the story, Mr. Cousins cured himself of an unknown illness with a self-invented regimen of laughter and vitamins.”

Sometimes you can laugh so hard that it can bring tears to your eyes! Norman Cousins suffered from arthritis! Through love, using mega doses of vitamin C, faith, hope and humor he improved his condition! He actually watched the Marx Brother old classic films. He actually said, “I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” he reported. “When the pain-killing effect of the laughter wore off, we would switch on the motion picture projector again and not infrequently, it would lead to another pain-free interval.”

Like crying over spilled milk! You can’t put it back in the glass. Well let me see you could try… But it really is better if you just pour another one! Well what if it was your last glass. WELL! Hurry GO get a paper towel and wipe it up, now squeeze the milk back into your glass! Ha! Ha! Ha! We can not undo what has been done! But we can always TRY AGAIN!

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say again: REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to ALL. The LORD is near. DO NOT be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your request to GOD. And the PEACE of GOD, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in CHRIST JESUS…” Philippians 4.

How much would laughter cost if we really could bottle it up and then pour it in a glass? It really is priceless!

The Journey of Life – A Promising Writer and Poet

February 13, 2011 by  
Filed under Home & Family, Teen Culture

I recently attended a “Marvelous” poetry reading! The Library in Lincoln sponsored a “VOICES OF LINCOLN POETRY CONTEST!” It is an annual affair! There was a very good mixture of poems from a plethora of categories. There were poems about mysteries, to make you laugh, about people in the news, about relationships and poems to make you think? There were poets of all ages from (10) ten to (90) ninety. There is something special when all ages, cultures and colors are able to come together and share…

It was a beautiful afternoon and truly a delightful treat!

I want to share with you one poem in particular! Sharing this means a lot to me because;This poem was written by my grandson; Julian M. Ogans II. Writing is becoming a growing passion for him. I/we are so very proud of him and believe that he is on the right road to discovering his life purpose(s)… He is an editor for his school newspaper! Here he writes an ongoing column as well… This poem was selected for the “DREAMS & FANTASIES” category! He was quite encouraged and well received by all ages. Presenting…


The Journey Of Life By Julian M. Ogans II

I hike my way up the mountain of self-confidence
Fighting through the bitter cold blizzards of brutal honesty
Wondering what awaits at the top

But very quickly do I lose sight of the trail and fall down into the river of disappointment
The water reflecting nothing more than my past sins

I slowly drift into a cavern of darkness
The pitch black enveloping me in a dark cloth
Suffocating me with the toxic smell of failure

Whispers from my past slowly invade my mind
Growing louder and louder echoing inside my head
A ray of hope cut through the darkness
But it didn’t reach me
For a dark hand pulled me under the water
And drowned me in self pity

I open my mouth to scream, but the black water rushed down my throat
Choking me with all my fears
I gave into my self pity and allowed it to pull me into its deep dark depths where all my broken dreams lie
Each one shattered into a thousand pieces

The gravity of my self-doubt pushed me further down towards the bottom
While carnivorous nightmares ate away at my body and feasted on all emotions

They tore away my eyes, preventing me from seeing any sign of hope
Ripped away my ears, stopping me from hearing words of encouragement
And cut out my tongue so that I couldn’t scream for help

Little did I realize that not all of my forgotten dreams were broken
Blind, deaf, and muted to the world I grab on to one fragile dream
And use the one weapon that no man, monster, or rushing water can’t take away
My faith
My hands began to grow warm as the dream came to life and sent confidence shooting through my veins

I felt the water rise and part as it shot up in the air
Breaking a hole in the ceiling of the depressing cave
I felt a brilliant ray of hope come down from the sky
Restoring my vision, hearing and my voice!

I rose up from the ground and entered a valley of happiness
Where dreams grow on colossal trees of endless imagination
However, my days here are numbered in this land of prosperity
For I am just one soul, embarking on the journey of life!!

*His poem won first place in the Young Poets division!

BRAVO!!!

Mother

mom1MOTHER DEFINED

M = To keep your MIND on Jesus! “The Lord will keep you in perfect peace if your mind is stayed on HIM!” Isaiah 26

O = To be OBEDIENT and committed to God and His WORD. “We ought to obey God rather than man” Acts 5

T = To be TRUTHFUL & trustworthy. “God is a Spirit; and they that worship Him must worship HIM in Spirit and Truth.” John 5

H = To be HONEST and honorable and honor God in your heart, life and home. “Strength and Honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” Psalm 31

E = To exercise Godliness! “But to refuse profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise thyself rather unto Godliness. For bodily exercise profiteth little… I Timothy 4

R = To know you have been declared RIGHTEOUS and are a member of the royal priesthood of God! “But ye are a chosen generation a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth the praises of Him who hath called you out of darkness into the marvelous LIGHT!” 1 Peter 2

To GOD Be The GLORY!

RELIABLE PEOPLE?

Bored ladyRELIABLE PEOPLE?

 

In this day and age it is becoming increasingly difficult to find reliable people.  This is an interesting, fascinating  21st century indeed! Commitment to promises  have become vague or they either are thrown into the sea of temporary amnesia.    Did I say that?  But I thought that you were supposed to…  You have heard the saying *“When the going gets rough, the tough gets going.”  These no doubt(s) are some difficult times.  But God knew way back when  from the very beginning what would be happening now!  This is why GOD is  so AWESOME!  In spite of what is going on if we just  continue  to look to Him,  He will and can see you through whatever comes your way.   For sure one thing remains the same; GOD STILL is, was and always WILL be RELIABLE!

 

Remember,* “When the going gets rough, the tough gets going.”

 

Those who you thought were reliable,  quite often;  you have now found out that was only in the moment.  In order to keep your head above water you have to stay focused.   It is so easy to agree to something when you are on the receiving end.  But when the rubber meets the road and things are not turning out the way they thought.  Be prepared.  When a person has not really invested themselves into something it is easy for them to just walk away.  You know and they know that you have put yourself out for them. You have invested time and money in them and they did not do their part.  But things just have not worked out like they thought ….  So what do you do?  How about having a pity party?  Do you bury your head in the sand like an ostrich?

 

No, instead you must look inward and  upward.  God really does know all and sees all!  You realize that they are much more concerned about how things appear rather than how they really are.   Commitment has become a fleeting virtue.  Nowadays people commit and say “I DO” until death us to do part.  But they “don’t.”   Actually  they initially mean  “I DO”;  but it’s really until  we do not feel the same way about one another  anymore!  Then  it’s time to move on… In order to survive in these tuff times you are  going to have to develop some tough skin to guard your heart!  Remember *”when the going gets rough, the tough gets going”… So now is the time to really get to going…

A good strong committed marriage is possible! But you must allow GOD HIS place! GOD is LOVE and HE wants HIS LOVE to continue to flourish within your marriage!

 Monkeys

One  must become resilient!    This will help  you to “bounce back” from,  protect and cushion you from any future  unforeseen bruises, bumps, disappointments and burns ahead. Some days may be harder than others but regardless of what is going on  it is important  to know;  God still has everything under His control!    Life is a test;  with God there is no failure.  This is why it is so very important to seek Him above  any and everything else.  Nourish your inner self  with the  delightful Fruit of  HIS SPIRIT!  His Fruit is  always ripe for the picking.  Self control, love and patience  are a part of His  viable life sustaining Fruit.  These are dependable  quality attributes  to nurture in oneself.  They also are reliable traits that will help you weather any unforeseen pandemonium that’s ahead!

 

Life has a way of presenting challenges.   When this happens many  readily abandon  Godly principles,  selfishly regress  and  result to doing what is best for them.  They lay aside what God has to say and do “what is right in their own eyes.”  This has been true from the very beginning.  There has been an ever increasing shift away from  God’s principles for  life and  living.   Now, high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and or impatience rules instead, they begin to operate in a survival mode.  

 

Many have resorted to simply compartmentalizing their spiritual life to a weekend pastime.  During the week they proceed living life and engulfing themselves in a secular worldly lifestyle where just about anything goes.  Laying aside  “thus says the Lord” and embracing  whatever feels right in the moment.  Operating in a survival mode embraces,  anesthetizing  and indulging in any type of self satisfying pleasure, fantasy or recreation that suits their fancy.   Come Sunday they “go to Church” not really realizing that we the people are the Church…

 

The world has lost the lid and “Pandora’s box” is wide open.   Denial has clouded and shrouded discretion and deceived many.    Caught up in a seductive whirlwind of curiosity,    many have found their place dipping and dabbling in all its self gratifying pleasures.    Many of which are quite often addicting pleasures.  Reliability and  valor  abandoned.  Have you ever heard the term “Pandora’s Box has lost its lid”?  Greek Mythology has taken on somewhat of a reality in this 21st century.  Ponder this for a moment,  according to Wikipedia;

“After Prometheus theft of the secret of fire Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create the woman Pandora as part of the punishment for mankind. Pandora was given many seductive gifts from Aphrodite, Hermes, Hera, Charites, and Horae (according to Works and Days). For fear of additional reprisals, Prometheus warned his brother Epimetheus not to accept any gifts from Zeus, but Epimetheus did not listen, and married Pandora. Pandora had been given a large jar and instruction by Zeus to keep it closed, but she had also been given the gift of curiosity, and ultimately opened it. When she opened it, all of the evils, ills, diseases, and burdensome labor that mankind had not known previously, escaped from the jar, but it is said, that at the very bottom of her box, there lay hope.”

There is no reason to think Pandora acted out of malice in opening the jar, for she was exercising her curiosity, and when she saw what was let out of it, she quickly closed it.

 Blue Skies

God never meant that life as “His child” to become drudgery.  Nor did He intend for us to be unhappy dissatisfied or wanting.  He did mean for us to be responsible and reliable and keep our commitments. As Hid children we should “forever becoming.”   Meaning continuously growing spiritually, emotionally, responsibly and…  Jesus came to point us to a better Way.  He came to clear the path to the “Narrow path” that leads to Him.  Although life takes its turns with Jesus Christ as your personal Savior you have an ever present Guide and Comforter.  His promise to “never leave or forsake you/us”  is TRUE!

 

Due to the lingering aftermath from the global recession many are still impacted directly or indirectly on many levels.  The rich, middle class, poor and in between…  The secure reliable future “nest egg” that was stored and supposedly safely tucked away in many cases was drastically dwindled.   That cash reserved for emergencies that has helped to offset the    climbing monthly budget, or taxes is gone.  The cost of gas, food, clothing and living expenses have skyrocketed. Although the price for gas has begun to decrease; it will never be as cheap as it once was!   Have you noticed how the portions or content sizes as well as the amount of ingredients have changed in a lot of items?  We get less for more.  Bargains are fewer.   Who would have ever thought?   It is very important to put or begin putting your TRUST in GOD. In HIM is where true security and significance lies.   For sure, one thing that remains the same GOD Still is, was and always WILL be RELIABLE! Draw closer to the HIM! Know that ultimately GOD has everything & everyone under HIS CONTROL!

 * It was Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969), the father of (U.S.) President John F. Kennedy who said it originally. It was however popularized by Billy Ocean’s song

 

Always Caring For MOM


Now that I am over fifty I can really look at things through my Mother’s eyes. My compassion has grown. It is such a gorgeous day. I know Mom would have loved the brilliant sunshine and stunning blue skies. Today we took her some beautiful flowers. My Mom always loved fresh flowers, she will always be alive in my heart. There are times that I miss her dearly; but I have peace knowing that she is resting and happily present with the Lord. She will always and forever be alive in my heart. There are times that I miss her dearly; but I have peace knowing that she is resting and happily present with the Lord. I can look back and be thankful of the times I spent with her.

In her later years my Mom gradually began to say what I now call a “slow goodbye”.

My Mother was a very strong willed woman. I was her only daughter among my many brothers. I will always remember how she reminded me that she prayed that the Lord would give her a daughter. It was actually just abreast a few months of her forth decade in life that I was born.

I believe that by this time she had a pretty good handle on being a parent since I was her ninth child and as I said before her first and only daughter.

My Father labored many hours away from home providing for our family. My Mother adorned me with all the girly trimmings for as long as I can remember. Frilly Priscilla curtains festooned my bedroom windows along with my white high standing white wrought iron bed. I think I wore pink nylon and organza dresses with embroidered flowers with matching bloomers and pink satin ribbons to adorn my hair seems like forever to Church. Let’s not forget to mention how I had to stay up while she pinned curled my hair with bobby pins on Saturdays for curls on Sunday. This was almost until I was thirteen years old. I eventually was able to turn in my white socks for cinnamon colored stockings.

My Mother was born in the early 1900’s and that was the thing to do way back then for a girl child. I was especially elated that she spent many hours laboring at her much ravished Singer Sewing machine fabricating me a plethora of uniquely designed everyday dresses. When school started there was one for each day of the week. She even made me a red plaid Dr. Kildare dress. I can remember her up and about sewing more nights than I remember her sleeping and resting. I now realize the many sacrifices she made for me. Coming from such humble beginnings makes you really appreciate the preciousness of time.

I have learned that time in fact, is really a precious priceless gift.

Years later on another occasion I can remember the day my husband asked her if he could marry me. Since we were so young I was a bit queasy as to how she would respond. He had graduated early from high school at sixteen. So I had chosen not to be present. My Mother was in her late 20’s when she married. Here I was a mere 17. I could only wonder what she would say. She had planned that I go on a college tour and………. But whatever my then, husband to be said to her, he won her over, from that moment on. It was at that time that they bonded. He became another son to her. We were engaged for one year. When our very own daughter was born she adorned her with the same delicately made pink embroidered dresses.

Each time one of my children were born (we had four more sons) she came to our home for an extended visit. We spent many nights just enjoying the company of one another. I always appreciated the way she respected and loved our children and my husband. I knew somewhat, but it was not really until her “Home going” celebration that I realized just how special her relationship was with my husband. My husband paid a tribute to her by playing one of her favorite hymns “His Eye Is On The Sparrow>” . It was at that moment he shared with the many guests that were present, that in over thirty years there had never been a cross word between them. I don’t know many son-in–laws that can say that! These are just a few of the many memories that I cherish to this day. There are so many many more.

Little did I know until much later on in life how those memories would get me through the changes, challenges and transitions that her life encountered. Age has a way of creeping up on you. It gradually robbed her of all her much adored independence, gifts, talents and strength that she profusely exuded. My Mom was always a strong figure in my life. I always felt as a child that she was so stern. This of course is understandable since I was her one and only daughter. She was a very intelligent an educated woman. She was well respected by her academic colleagues. It was when I was in Jr. High that she entered into teaching. She wore many hats as a wife, Mother, teacher and actively took on many roles and a list of responsibilities at her place of worship. She was an advisor and confidant to many pastors. Let’s not forget her excellence as a seamstress, gourmet cooking skills and passion for gardening!

I said all of this to give you a poignant illustration of what was. … I can remember her telling me how she was beginning to feel strange in this body of hers. That that person looking back at her in the mirror was beginning to be quite interesting. How her body just would not do the simple tasks as she wanted. After she retired and well into my adult years she continued to sew, cook and garden. But slowly and surely her strong physical stature begins to slightly so ever bow. I would drive up and spend the day with her often. I can remember her equilibrium suddenly changing and her many falls. Osteoporosis gradually began to take its toll on her ever shrinking frame. Her once tall and grand stance resembling a much shorter humbled bowing position. The many bruises on her arms and head. But thank God no fractures or broken bones! She would jokingly say her hard head now came in handy. But she remained determined. I can remember the garage door falling on her. I asked her “What were you thinking of? You don’t’ even drive!” Here our roles begin to reverse.

My Mom loved to write and faithfully would journal her daily thoughts and dissipating activities. Her memory filled cherished journals and her Elementary Primers are my most treasured remnants. It was in her journals I have her recorded memories of her much expressed LOVE for me, her long gone sister, brothers and parents. Who all went before her, of her many friends and acquaintances, my brothers and especially her loving relationship with me, my husband and our children.

My Mom as I said was articulate and had no problem expressing herself. in anyway. She could even discuss the sports statistics with my husband; as well as discuss God’s Word or any current or past News topic. Her home cluttered with memorabilia and a library of books along with an assortment of various nursery foliage inside and out. As time began to take its toll she asked me in a very cognizant moment to promise to allow her to stay in her own home until the Lord called her home. She did not want to loose that part of her independence. Her home was a place for any and all to come to and enjoy her wonderful cooking and company. I lived an hour away so she would come for weeks and stay and visit with my family. But no matter how much she enjoyed herself “there was no place like home“. My mother never learned to drive therefore she had to be chauffeured and transported. I spent many hours up and down the freeway taking her to the Dr, shopping and to run errands. I had a brother who lived right around the corner from her and one that actually lived with her. But since I was her only daughter that would not do. At times it was okay. I did not mind because that was time I looked forward to spending with her.

As time passed her health began to decline. Her physical condition began to deteriorate to the place that she sometimes lost control of her bodily liquids. Rendering the necessity of subscribing to adult disposable undergarments. This is what happens often when one reaches their later silver years, especially so after having bore eleven children. My adult son who lived fifteen minutes away would frequently drop off a supply for me from Costco and visit with her. He would also give me an update on her condition.

Gradually Mom had succumb to cocooning and not venturing outdoors much. Her many falls finally made her yield to a cane. I can remember taking her to the Dr. for therapy so they could assist and teach her how to use a much dreaded walker. They stressed how she should try to walk uprightly as much as posssible. I can still remember the day when I was taking her to the car and she suddenly began to fall. I immediately lowered myself under her to brace her impact with the driveway. It was then I knew that there would have to be more changes. Her eyesight began to dim and arthritis began to painfully embrace her hands. Then there was her eye surgery, and……. Sewing and needle work gradually had to be set aside. I can see in her journals the gradual shift in her once brilliant almost flawless penmanship. I can see etched on the pages fragments of broken words painfully scribed and thoughts left arrested in mid air.

After her series of mini strokes her posture changed again along with her hymn singing and speaking. Her voice used for the many altar prayers now quieted, and her singing voice now only emitting a brittle scratchy throaty noise. The walker now obsolete and the need for a much needed yet regretted wheelchair. Along with a shower and bath chair and all the other paraphernalia that are needed when one cannot easily attend to all of the personal hygiene necessities. I purchased a padded desk lap pad to try encouraging arts and simple crafts, along with a mini water fall to solicit a tranquil environment, with soft soothing music in the background. Her living room now begins to shift from her antique furniture to a padded sofa for her to look out the window at her once lovingly attended garden. Her bed room now housed a hospital bed that she just could not get used to, her physical position gradually shifting from flowered bed linen. Life and her many once enjoyed pastimes became a thing of the past. Her once strong frame. Only a mere silhouette and her limbs delicately extended on her now almost immobile body. Although often a somewhat slight questioning frown.

She would light up whenever I saw her. No longer was she able to call or I call and talk to her on the telephone. This is when her slow good bye became a reality.

Must my Mother come live with me? The doctors are now giving up on her she is now in her upper eighties. I can remember how impressed they were with her intelligence she could sail through all of their mental tests. She would tell them her name the date and current news. How many children she had and where she was; then names all the presidents of the United States. But now gradually the signs of Alzheimer’s had begun to replace her many cherished memories. The Drs. now recommended that she be placed in a home. My live in brother now getting more and more frustrated. Which was really his warranted fears seeing our Mom gradually disappearing. The visits now fewer by her many friends. She can no longer attend her much loved worship services. She no longer enjoyed the walks around the block as I pushed her in her wheel chair. So she was kept inside gradually becoming a prisoner in her much loved abode. All besides her family who knew her were able to remember her as she was. Although there were a few who could see that this once articulate poised woman was beginning to wear like a fine fabric. Her appetite had begun to diminish significantly as well. I got her a nifty bed table to straddle her lap. We would prop her up with pillows on each side. There were times when she just wouldn’t eat without assistance. How ironic after all those years of serving others. So it became a challenge to see what would suit her palette. Well we will just have to feed her. Yes again the Dr.’s have now given up hope.

But yet Mom is still holding on. She has really begun to say her slow goodbye.

I, along with much anxiety and ambivalence begin to go and look for a care home for Mom at my many brothers insistence. One closer to me so I could see her daily. I now know that some care homes are just dreadful. Some are seemingly peaceful on the surface. But I knew within moving her would only hasten her good bye. Her once strong voice was echoing in the corridors of my mind “There is no place like home.” I reluctantly wrote the much dreaded family letter to inform all of my brothers that this is where we are. What do we do? They have wanted me to put her in a home for sometime. A few had ideas but none came to fruition of course. My live in brother now hesitantly took care of her household finances. Since he never married or had children he opted to vacate his varied career. Therefore Mom was his occupation. He could do as he pleased and Mom had a family member there in the evenings. Whatever else she needed I would try to accommodate. He would always call me and let me know her status when I was away. Sometime it worked and sometime it didn’t. So what do you do? I just wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

Now again it is time to make more changes? My brother does not one someone in the house full time. What do I do? I am not able to care for her in our home. The Dr. says her care could run into the thousands and and …………… So what do I do? Mom must have known that that was one decision that I just could not make or did not want to make for her. That was one decision that I know she made with the Lord. So it was in her sleep, in her home late that night in January when my brother called and said; “Mom is gone.” I’m like, “gone where?” I suddenly remembered one day when she wanted to go back home.

She pointed out her window and told me she wanted to go home. “Mom you are home.” She wanted to see her “Papa.”

I took out a huge atlas I had purchased for her and showed her she was in California at home and Arkansas was very far away. She just looked away. Then it dawned on me. “Mom’s gone” my brother said again. I knew that Mom had starting leaving a little bit at a time. She was just trying to give everyone a chance to adjust. I knew now that she had made the transition. She had gone on to be with the Lord and all of her other relatives that she had been missing. She had slept away at home peacefully; just like she wanted. Now she was at rest with the Lord.

My Mom had finally said Good bye……..

There are many issues around taking care of an elderly parent or parents. Who does what and when? Just enjoy them as much as you can while they are here. Try and let them make their own decisions for as long as they can responsibly do so. Treat them with respect and dignity although they become childlike. In the last days of course you will have some regrets? If you patiently treat them the way you would want to be treated you will have peace knowing that you did all you could do to make them comfortable. Remember you never know how your latter days will be? But they will and can be overshadowed by the many many cherished memories! And yes of course you will always miss them. So shower them with LOVE while they are still on this side of HEAVEN!

Co-DEPENDENCY

Bridge

For the co-dependent it is necessary to realize that God is really not a respecter of persons. We are equal yet different as His children. Although scripture tells us “it is not by works that we are saved” a codependent can be manipulated into many activities. This is fueled by their need of approval. This often causes them to develop a surface relationship with God. Their busyness leaves little time to “be still” and find the freedom and rest only God can provide.

 

What is happening to our Christian families? Codependency has become a major dysfunction. Families are experiencing a famine in the area of healthy nurturing. Let’s begin to break generational cycles of codependency. Why is this necessary? A person who is co-dependent is trapped in a compulsive cycle of control. They are usually over achievers who are virtually motivated by their desire to be loved. They often have been subject to major rejection in their early childhood. In order to feel a sense of security they will over extend themselves in many activities in order to gain the approval of others. It is very difficult for a co-dependent to deal with someone who they can not control. They will often even appear submissive in order to gain control of someone. This behavior is really manipulation in order to dominate.

 

The boundaries of a co-dependent are usually blurred. The hurts of childhood abandonment and rejection fuel their need to control. They have a great need as well to be the center of attention. Unable to let go of the past they really feel empty and unloved. They are usually high maintenance people. Their constant need of approval is countered by resentment when not satisfied since they suffer from low self-esteem. As I have said before and will say again and again “your true security and significance can only be found in God”.

 

For the co-dependent it is necessary to realize that God is really not a respecter of persons. We are equal yet different as His children. Although scripture tells us “it is not by works that we are saved” a codependent can be manipulated into many activities. This is fueled by their need of approval. This often causes them to develop a surface relationship with God. Their busyness leaves little time to “be still” and find the freedom and rest only God can provide. Contrary to popular belief you are not required by God to participate in most man ordained auxiliaries especially at the expense of neglecting your family. Pastors as well as Christian workers who suffer from co-dependency must be careful not to be pre-occupied at the expense of not having some time for their own families. Your works should display your faith not someone else’s. Creating healthy boundaries are necessary. Spend some time developing your personal intimate relationship with God. Begin to implement His principles in your life. Grace and peace is multiplied when you increase your knowledge of GOD!

 

Consciously allow what God desires and requires of you to override your need to control and/ or gain the approval of others. Don’t be a people pleaser! God is not impressed by manipulation. Always examine your motives in the light of His WORD. Take charge by letting go, which is the opposite of controlling. Remember scripture says it is “the meek that will inherit the earth.” Meekness is not weakness it is power under control. Cycles are hard to break but with God even the impossible is possible.

 

The family system of a co-dependent usually has a powerful effect on their behavior dynamics. Often there is a scapegoat, a martyr and a hero in the co-dependent family. The scapegoat gives everyone something to focus on rather than deal with the real problem. The martyr sacrifices for everyone and feels sorry for themselves. The hero makes the family look good to outsiders. A multigenerational pattern of faulty unhealthy dynamics can appear as normal. Do you notice any generational patterns? Unconsciously the family will fight to keep these dynamics operating.

 

All families have an element of dysfunction. Destructive family dynamics have been in operation since the beginning of time. The story of Joseph tells how his Dad favored him over his brothers. Joseph’s father gave him a beautiful coat. This caused so much jealously between them that they designed a plan to destroy Joseph. His brothers called him a dreamer. Little did they know that the Lord had His hand on Joseph. God being in control worked this to good although their plans were evil. In the final analysis Joseph became the chief provider for his family as well as country. Eli was a priest. Although a servant of the Lord he had two sons who were outwardly rebellious. They disrespected not only the offerings but the people of God as well. I wonder how much time Eli spent nurturing his own sons?

 

Family secrets such as mental illness, incest, abuse and alcohol or drug addictions often go unaddressed in the co-dependent family. Denial becomes a survival dynamic for the family. This fosters an unhealthy physical as well as spiritual environment. Family secrets are often described as though one has a white elephant in the living room. Everyone just walks around it as though it doesn’t exist. Or they just avoid it altogether. Thinking it will just go away. It won’t! Christians need to take a stand and move to a higher level of functioning. We must learn to address the sin issues in our families and not continue to make excuses. Sin is anything that separates us from the Lord. God has promised to direct our paths when we put our trust in Him. We must learn to responsibly take responsibility.
Couple on the Beach
 

God in His Omniscience is well aware of the shortcomings of all of us. We must look at the unhealthy dynamics in our family of origin and consciously find ways to abandon the generational cycles. Don’t continue to sweep things under the rug. Learn to confront issues as they arise. It’s never to late! Start by not supporting or reinforcing any unfavorable behavior. The truth must be faced to break free and enjoy the present.

 

Sometimes it is necessary to pursue professional assistance to resolve family conflict. A conscientious therapist should be well informed about inappropriate behavior. They objectively are able to recognize that the faulty behavior presented is really a mask for an underlying unmet need. The co-dependent needs to find a positive channel to release inner tensions. A family intervention is useful in most situations. Then proceeding to establishing a way in which their unmet needs can be satisfied is recommended.

 

In a Therapy environment a healthy atmosphere is crucial. The equal safety of the client and the safety of the therapist should always be a priority. A committed Christian therapist knows the importance of establishing healthy boundaries. A congruent environment implies that the therapist is trustworthy, genuine, integrated, and openly honest. There are many cultural differences that can inhibit a fluent understanding of the client. Stereotype thinking must be abandoned. Each client must be viewed as an individual. Labeling often changes peoples perceptions of others. There is a substantial diversity among any given group of people.

 

Christian therapy although not new is often unwelcomed from anyone other than the pastor in some instances. Many pastors who may be well-versed in scripture may not be equipped in some areas of counseling. Many on the other hand or overwhelmed by their ministerial duties. There are some pastors who should not counsel, especailly if there is a history of infidelity… The sincere efforts of a Christian therapist although well meaning may be often misconstrued as out of line and unwelcomed.

 

The use of small cell groups can often be quite therapeutic and beneficial for the co-dependent as well as for managing other interpersonal problems. A conscientious facilitator will maintain order and model control. Confidentiality and free expression should be encouraged. Conflict arises when individuals become resistant to someone’s insight or opinions that have been communicated. Uncontrolled anger is not welcomed in a cell group. Establish boundaries. Keep the group spiritually based. Making use of regular Bible study and prayer are key elements for success.

 

Emerging from codependency is painful. The compulsion to rescue dependent people is really a form of bondage. God never intended for any of us to be slaves to sin. Self-control is a fruit of His Spirit. His resources are unlimited. The co-dependent person first must acknowledge their compulsion to control. They must work towards redirecting their inclination towards other control to self-control. To seek healthy ways to have their unmet needs fulfilled. To process dispelling dysfunctional cycles this is a must. Don’t allow pride to hinder your progress. It is an obstacle to your well-being. God also hates pride it is an abomination to Him. Confess any known sin and press forward. It takes courage and a lot of hard work. It is in our weakness that we can become strong through God’s awesome power. God has left the Comforter which is His Holy Spirit to lead teach and direct you. Never forget God loves you! Take control by taking control of yourself. Learn the benefits of meekness. Know that your body is the Temple where God’s Holy Spirit resides. It is so very important to learn how to trust God, daily embrace HIS principles and know that everywhere you are GOD is always a prayer away. The truth really will set you FREE!!!

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