Why Most Marriages Don’t Last! Part 4


Take care of your marriage

 

Tend your marriage as you would a lovely well-kept garden.  Make your marriage a top priority. Take care and tend it as you do everything else that is important in your life. Take a look around your home it is a reflection of how you feel.  For example; If you leave your clothes lying all over the place and hang them up whenever you want to guess what? You tend to be selfish and insensitive and don’t really care about your shared environment. You are also being inconsiderate to your spouse when this becomes a habit. Guess what? If you had guests would you treat them differently. Start being more attentive, considerate, respectful and thoughtful towards one another.

 

Preventative maintenance is the key. Each marriage is different and each marriage is what you both make it. If you want to make it better and if you want to improve start improving you. Stop neglecting yourself and only fixing yourself up for everyone else or when you go to work, go out or attend worship. Men are visual and so are women. Change for the better not the worst! Do you take care of yourself like you did when you were dating? We are older; NO! Still no excuse. Age like a fine antique. Or do you just throw yourself together now because after all you are married to him or her so what! You should take care of your self to the degree you did when you came together or better. Strive to become the “BEST YOU” at any age.
 

Marriage can be a wonderful experience of growing with the one you love it can last for a lifetime. Keep an exciting synergy between you. When you truly invest yourself in your marriage it becomes a priority. Keep GOD as the CENTER of your marriage. PRAY, read and study The WORD together this will enhance your marriage. After all you did make a vow to HIM as well. Make it a point to get better not bitter. You truly can continually refine your relationship.

True Love lasts through forever
 

Make it a point to keep your marriage and your spouse happiness a priority. You can still enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. But don’t let everyone else but your spouse know what is going on with you and how you are feeling about you or them! Share with one another intimately. Have some fun activities together. Plan to have a marriage date weekly. Keep your marriage exciting. Again, I cannot say this enough; Keep one another and your marriage a priority.

Continually Invite love into your marriage and actually love on one another.

True Love lasts through forever. Be kindly affectionate towards one another. Unexpected hugs go a long way. Every touch does not have to lead to intercourse. Encourage one another. Take time to let one another in on what is going on in your life. How you feel, how you hurt and how you together want to keep love alive. Major in the Victories of life and minor in the disappointments. Life is Precious! CELEBRATE your marriage often. Be friends, lovers and partners. You both should desire what is best for one another. In a good healthy marriage you want one another to be the “Best You” you can be with one another by your side. You increasingly become One! This is true when GOD IS in the center of your marriage. You want and desire your marriage to last “until death do part.” Your vows remain important.

Happiness is a conscious choice. Commitment & fidelity is a choice. You can’t make them happy. However, you surely can greatly contribute to them becoming happier. Creating an intimate, loving, caring, warm, transparent, stable, secure and mutually inviting environment together helps tremendously. Here both of you can continue to grow and flourish together and make a beautiful fragrant bouquet that says “I LOVE YOU!” Now and through FOREVER!

ENJOY one another and KEEP Your “I DO” real!

Learning The Art of “Being Still” Part 3

God wants us to learn the art of “Being Still”dreamstimefree_3428891[1]God is absolutely awesome!  He wants all of us to  receive the precious gift of His Holy Spirit,  who is His Comforter.   Once we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts, His Holy Spirit internally resides within us.  His now abiding Holy Spirit  becomes  our Spiritual Teacher. God is a Spirit of Truth. It is our daily choice to observe, learn, listen and take heed.

Know the benefits of the Blood of Jesus

“How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offer Himself unblemished to GOD, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the LIVING GOD! For this reason Christ is the mediator of a New Covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance-now that He has died as a ransom to set them free from…” HEBREWS 9

 

 

There is so much more I cannot tell it all. So  You must begin to diligently seek the Lord for yourself. Spend time daily in His Word.   Taste and see  in His Word for yourself that the Lord is GOOD!   Did you know there truly is cleansing power in “The Blood?”   Take some time and learn to “BE STILL”.

 

Life is quite interesting. It really can make one ask  at times, “How did we get here?”  To know   one must believe His Word.  You see it is not,  nor has it ever been popular to really “Believe” in God.   The idea is still quite abstract to many.   There are consequences for living as a true believer.  Your spiritual eyes must be open to discern the spiritual warfare that is about you.  His  disciples were, misunderstood, rejected, abandoned,  and  treated horrendously on many occasions.   We as believers are really supposed to be  faithful modern-day disciples.

 

The masses have always ignored what God has to say,  from Genesis to Revelation.  The scriptures record over and over that man did what was right in his own eyes.”  Or simply went along with whatever was trendy or popular.   When you decide to “stand up” for what is right  many  will sit on the fence……..  It was one of Jesus disciples that betrayed Him.  Have you ever thought about where were all those people Jesus helped, and healed when they crucified Him? Look all around, we are in a crisis.  Look at the scandalous political race for the President of the United States.  The news, the economy, immorality,  the world  at large in which we live has reached  catastrophic   proportions on many levels.   Crisis always brings about a change.   “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof the world and them that dwell therein…” Yet in the midst of it all God has a way of getting our attention and showing us ALL He can use who and whomever He pleases to bring about “CHANGE!”

 

 

Throughout His Word you will find spiritual warfare involving, nations, countries, families, relationships,  personality conflicts, false teachers, misunderstandings, manipulation, sexual sins, slander, you name it and it’s there. If you are looking for a case history to profile  or  evaluate it’s there.  God did a  marvelous thing when He allowed man to record His Story. His splendid, spectacular, awe-inspiring Word is the Greatest Story ever recorded.  God’s Word is priceless!  He has also given us the Promise that “He would never leave nor forsake us.”   We can always & forever TRUST GOD!!!

 “…Thine is the KINGDOM & The GLORY!”  For LORD YOU are “GLORIOUS!  For YOUR KINGDOM will reign FOREVER!

In life, God genuinely makes all the difference in the world!  Getting to know God helps you  to incredibly  cope with what has gone on, is going on and is to come. It is in HIM that one can rest and find comfort and “BE STILL” even within the most difficult situations.  But I must warn  you it is not always an easy thing to do.  Stay alert!  God is near.

Wherever you are or whatever your situation good or bad know it can change at anytime.  We are living in some very interesting times.  Year in and year out, know that  “Jesus is the reason for the season” whether you are a believer or not!  Know that wherever you are Jesus knows.  You can call on Him 24/7 anytime, anywhere and in every situation.

When you accept Him as your Savior, Lord and Shepherd, He will and can take you through this valley of the shadow of death.  Whenever  necessary He will lead you to the still  peaceful waters.  This is a special place of contentment in His presence.  God wants  to lead us on the righteous path that leads to eternal life with Him.    He gives us the freedom to choose. The peace of God does surpass the understanding of man. Know  some  things will not be understood on this side of Heaven. But always keep in mind absolutely nothing that comes your way gets by Him.  “It is in Him we move and live and have our being.”  God is always speaking we just have to get better at listening. This is why discipline  becomes so very important.

Be encouraged!  We can “do all things through  Christ  that strengthens me.”   But first we must trust Him and surrender our will to Him. Oh taste and see  that the Lord is good.   Today begin your life  to live each day to please the Lord.   His TRUTH is everlasting  throughout all generations and yes; “BE STILL” and know that He is the Great “I AM” who always was, has been and always will be.  He is worthy of  all the praise.  Everyday; “To GOD be the Glory!”

Learning The Art Of “Being Still” Part 2

 

Couple on the Beach

 

Part 2

 

Triune God

“Be still and know that I am God!” The  Proverbs candidly informs us that understanding comes from  the Lord. He is  the awesome  omniscient, omnipresent and  omnipotent God.  Above Him is no other. There is an art to being still. Know that He is a majestic  triune God. The Father, Son and His Holy Spirit are all  in one.

 

His Word is alive. We should  approach His Word humbly and interactively with respect.   His Word  is distinctly  different.  It is like no other book.     As we navigate through its amazing  passages we find it exudes a plethora of  spiritual wisdom. It ignites  and enlightens our innermost being.  We must solicit His Holy Spirit to open our understanding.

 

Godly understanding is a companion of spiritual wisdom.  God does not want us ignorant. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom”  Humbly and sincerely ask  Him to open your understanding as you journey through  His Word.   Be sure to read comprehensively  with the intent to  glean  and apply its intended messages to your daily life. The Lord alone knows exactly what we all need.

 

The Art Of “Being Still!”

 

Rest in PEACE

Be Still  Daily Praise Him.

God’s  marvelous Word is not of man’s interpretation.  It requires assistance from His Holy Spirit to open our spiritual  understanding.

 

Life Presents Challenges

Adorn  yourself daily with  the Armor of God. Whenever  life presents  inevitable  challenges and bombards you on every side His Word helps us to be prepared. If you are not prepared  they will take you under.  Each day take time  to draw even nearer to the Lord and polish up your spiritual armor.  Put into practice  all that you learn.  Be willing  to be attentive, conscientious,  focused and  ready to hear.  Be open to conviction and enthusiastically listen from the deepest depth of your being. It is His Truth that keeps your loins protected and your mind sharp!

 

God’s Spirit transforms us from the inside out. It is also  in His presence where you  internally re-energize,. You become more aware as your mental telepathy is  tuned in to Him.  Your  inner  peace resonates  and  becomes amplified.  Your God-given joy and  encouragement  is fortified. Remember, grace and peace is multiplied by the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

You can hear from God wherever you are

Keep in mind, the Word of God is “Quick and powerful meaning it is alive,  active!  Hebrews  8 tells us that God really will  “put His laws in your minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people…”  You can hear from  This is not something that man can inhibit unless you allow it.  Keep your focus upon the Lord.  Hebrews also goes on to say that this is  the  “New Covenant…”  Life was not meant to be an aimlessly ephemeral,   simple transient   excursion.

 

 

Christianity is a daily Lifestyle

The people of God  down through the generations have gone  through some things.  This is why Praise and Worship was meant to be a daily lifestyle. Worship keeps us connected to who we are and for whom we were created.    To “lift up Holy  hands,” inside, outside, whenever or wherever.  His Church assembles together large or small, or when “two are three are gathered in My name…”  He is in the midst. Jesus should be praised, thanked, edified  and  magnified.  Everyday; “To GOD Be the GLORY!”

 

His Covenant is a promised  agreement.  In your leisure take the time to see how throughout the lives of His people God was always meant to be their  “Central Theme.”  The  many preparations, numerous  offerings and sacrifices  that were made in the Old Testament were mere reminders of  the sins of the people and the need to be mindful of God and His principles daily.    God always leaves a remnant of His people .  Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior through which all was spoken into existence, who is Holy, sinless, blameless, once and for all sacrificed His life for us so we could live life differently.

 

Fruit of His Spirit

This is why it is vitally important and so relevant  to know Him and what He has done for all  of us!  God  is not a respecter of persons.”  As a believer it is significantly important to know that you have a place with Him that is specifically meant for you within His body,  His Church  not made by hands.  His nurturing presence is readily available where ever you are and His plenteous manna accessible ripening the Fruit of His Spirit within your life.   Just   know with confidence, no one can take it from you.   Know Him personally, who He is and what you believe,  put your faith and trust in God.

 

Make is a priority to spend some time each day with the Lord in His Word.  God wants to make a difference in your life everyday.

See Part 3

For Part 1 (Click link below)

http://deborrah-k.com/category/counseling-issues/page/3/

Just To Know Him

Just To Know Him

Song By Charles Jenkins & Fellowship Chicago



My Redeemer

Sent to a rugged cross to set me free.

My Saviour

Bared my sins, just to rescue me

My Replacement

Took my place so I wouldn’t have to die

My Provider

Now I have an ever lasting life

 

My Redeemer

Sent to a rugged cross to set me free.

My Saviour

Bared my sins, just to rescue me

My Replacement

Took my place so I wouldn’t have to die

My Provider

Now I have an ever lasting life

 

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

 

Risen Saviour

Rose from the dead so I could rise again

Awesome Ruler

Crucified just to call me friend

Hope Of Glory

One day I will get to see His face

I Am Grateful

He loved me enough to gladly take my place

 

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

 

Oh how he cares for you

Cares for me

Oh how he cares for you

Cares for me

Oh how he cares for you

Cares for me

Oh how he cares for you

Cares for me

 

I don’t know why and I can’t explain it

But the victory’s already won

By the Father’s only son

 

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

Just to know Him

Just to know Him

Jesus Christ the son of the living God

 

Listen To Song

Just To Know Him (Live) [feat. Byron Cage]

Book Giveaway – Read Exerpts from “Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married” – Enter Giveaway

Holy Matrimony Picture

Chapter 1 – Marriage Who’s Idea Is It anyway?

Marriage is for two mature responsible adults. One male and one female. Or one man and one woman created by God. It was God’s idea from the beginning of time that man and woman co-habit in a loving monogamous relationship. God formed Adam out of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. He placed man in the Garden of Eden to work and care for it. He even gave man instructions. “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die”. Genesis 1: 16-17 NIV

It was God who decided that the man He created should not be alone. “The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2: 18 NIV. God decided that Adam needed a companion. He caused Adam to sleep deeply and extracted one of his rib bones. From this he made woman. She became bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. Woman came out of man. She came from his side. Someone for him to love and cherish to be close to his side.

Why all the historical religious stuff? Remember anything can be religious. This is a profound spiritual truth! God is the exclusive Creator of mankind. Man and Woman came from God. Not apes. No big bang! Not evolution! Who made the first car? Who made the first stoplight? Who made the first TV? Who invented computers? Give credit where it is due! GOD made man and woman. God’s design for marriage has not …..

Chapter 2 – Why Should I Submit To You?

When we submit we yield to the power or will of another. Submission is a humble compliant act. It is not an inferior position. It is a position in which we can learn integrity. What is integrity? Webster defines integrity as; an unimpaired condition; soundness. Adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. Completeness.

It is only with God can one ultimately find completeness. The marital relationship is when two become one. When they leave and cleave spiritually the two should become one flesh. Notice that our physical body has two arms, two hands, two eyes, two ears, two legs and two feet. These body parts are designed to work as a team.

For example; to advance forward one foot has to step out first (unless you want to hop). Does this mean one is more important than the other? No! A symphonic cadence develops when two walk together in love.

The Bible tells us that the wife should submit to the husband in all things. This establishes our walking order. But don’t just stop there. It also tells the husband to love the wife as ……

Chapter 3 – Why Don’t You Listen?

Did you know listening is an art? We must learn to value what each other has to say. When your partner is talking don’t mentally construct your response or rebuttal. Consciously attempt to clear your mind. Sincerely, actively and tentatively listen to what your partner is saying. Let it be your goal to attentively comprehend what they are trying to relate to you. Make it a goal to be intimately interested in what your spouse says to you.

Few people really listen to one another. Why? Because we are often so busy trying to relay our own inner self. Instead of actually listening we are often mentally constructing what we want to relay. Learn to really value what the other is trying to transmit. Even when we think we know what they are going to say. Even if it seems trivially unimportant. Allow them the freedom to express themselves. Think of it as a time to exercise patience.

To love means to hear. When we attentively listen we’re saying you matter. I value what you are saying. You are important to me! The next time you engage in a conversation with your spouse…

Chapter 4 – That’s Your Responsibility

Marriage is a partnership. It is meant to be a relationship where two imperfect individuals come together that share a common bond of love. This bond is ideally meant to last “to death us do part”, for a lifetime. Many people never anticipate what it’s really like to live with someone.

Marriage is more than spending a few days together or a week or two. It should last a lifetime. Often initially the infatuation is so strong the two of you almost feel invincible. Often the couple is oblivious to the reality of it all. Thinking that their feelings will make up for their differences. Yes, differences you will have, but that’s normal. It is how you decide to resolve those differences that are important. When reality sets in they realize “I didn’t think about this or that”. Who does what? When and how often?
You wake up one morning and wonder……..

Chapter 5 – What About Sex and Intimacy ?

Intimacy is an important ingredient in a strong fulfilling marriage. Intimacy involves transparency. There is no true intimacy without being truthful with one another. It involves growing to the point you can allow your intimate personal defenses to rest. You are able to allow your spouse to inhabit the depth of your being. Together you intimately caress the intangible you. You together grow to the point you are freely able to become vulnerable. The walls come down. A pathway to the heart is established.

Marriage should consist of an ever increasing, warm endearing closeness. After all your spouse should be closer to you than anyone else. Remember the two shall be one flesh.

Don’t confuse intimacy with sex. Many people have sexual relationships and never experience intimacy. Life’s lessons can be…..

Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny.

In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage.

Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself …….

Chapter 7 – The Down Side Of Life And Marriage

God can direct you in your marital relationship. The adversity He allows is to help us build integrity. From this day forward make a sincere attempt to improve your relationship with your spouse. Take a moment and see where you are. Is your relationship headed in the right direction? Ask your self do you really want your relationship to ……

Chapter 8 – Do You Have A Temperature?

Each of us has a unique inborn Temperament. Our temperament determines how we react to people places and things. It is given to us by God. It is also the determining factor in how well we handle stresses and the pressures of life. I would like to share with you some information in regards to temperament. I have personally experienced the benefits of understanding temperament. Just know that each of us has a part in the puzzle of life. Spiritually speaking we are all members of the body of Christ and each of us has a place within the body. Yet we are all uniquely different. “God is not a respecter of persons.”

The idea of temperament is not new. GOD has placed in each one of us a unique temperament. Our environment is made up of the things we smell, see, hear and learn. Our mind is similar to a computer. It keeps a detailed record of all our life events. We are a by product of the things we take in. They help shape our personality. Our personality is a mask we develop to protect us in the world.

There are there basic components to our temperament. Inclusion; to the degree we like or do not like to relate to others. Control; how we establish a satisfactory relationship with others in respect to control and power. Affection; the need to maintain a level of love and affection with others.
There are many variations of temperaments. No two are alike. But ….

Chapter 9 – Two Is A Couple Three Is A Crowd

Each and every marriage is different. I have said before the formula that works for me may not work for you. Just like what looks good on you may not be well suited for me. We were not created as I always say to be “Cookie Cutter Christians”. Life would we be quite boring if we were all alike. We need to learn to respect our unique differences. Sharing our life experiences shines light on the darkness.

The foundational principles we should apply in marriage are ordained by God. Love, truth, mutual respect, fidelity, and commitment should be woven into the fabric of your marital relationship.

A God given soul mate is a precious jewel. Since 55-60% of marriages end in divorce it’s important that you don’t let anything or anyone come between you. After 33 years of marriage I still remember our late Pastor Rev. Ruth Johnson telling us that marriage was a circle. That we should not let any one come between us.

God must be in the center of your marriage! Your committed relationship with Him will fill the void in the center of the circle. The Holy Spirit will teach, lead and guide you how to love your partner. Begin to divorce proof your marriage. In order for your marriage to weather the storms of life God must be at the helm. Think of marriage as an unending circle with God invisibly and ever present in the center.

I vividly remember our pastor explaining the significance of the wedding ring. How it represented a circle. How we should not let anyone else in the circle. You see a circle is complete it has no …..

Chapter 10 – Till Death Do Us Part

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! Making a sincere commitment to your marriage is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. When God made Adam He made him both male and female. He took Eve out of Adam to be by his side. God is so wonderfully awesome! It was His intention to provide Adam with a compatible helpmeet to satisfy together their desires for companionship.

Marriage is the ultimate partnership where two together can spiritually, physically and emotionally have there needs mutually met.

God has ordained marriage. Each marriage is a unique covenant agreement. God intends for your marriage to…

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Be sure to enter the Goodreads Book Giveaway for Holy Matrimony:Now That We’re Married 4/11 – 5/11/16

Kindle Countdown – I Confess That I Am Judgmental!

All too often the Scripture is quoted yet its imperial magnificent brilliance to enhance and enlighten our lives is overlooked. In the case of “judging” we need to ponder this subject and all its facets. It is often said we are not to judge. Whether you realize it or not we all make judgments daily often without thinking. You/we in fact judge when determining if something is so. As we continue on the path of godly spiritual learning we can acquire discernment. We become better equipped to navigate through this “Valley of the Shadow of Death.”

Time is of the essence for much of our world is out of control. We should seek to learn how to better judge with righteous judgment for the benefit of all concerned.

When you call me judgmental are you not being judgmental? After all, you have also just judged me as being judgmental. WOW! Think and ponder upon this for a moment. Just perhaps we can balance things out by first examining our own motives before we reach a conclusion.

Self-examination is an ongoing part of spiritual growth. It is our attitudes that often need adjusting. Keeping in mind to judge means to analyze or evaluate as well as condemn or avenge. However, whenever we do judge one another it should not be done in a retributive manner but done constructively.

This e-book will enable you to broaden your perspective on the subject of judging.

Pick up a copy of “I Confess That I Am Judgmental” during the Kindle Countdown promotion starting 9/23 – 9/30 for
$ .99

Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 5

Marriage & Addiction

Monkeys
Part 5

How drugs affect our bodies and your marriage?

Drug abuse continues to escalate and take its casualties all over the world! Drugs change the natural chemistry of the human body! Drugs for some are necessary therapeutic medicinal healing aids to facilitate improving ones health! For millions of people they help to sustain a certain quality of life. Diabetes, heart disease, cancer, infections, viruses, broken bones, sprains, pain and arthritis are just a few of the plethora of ailments that are usually controlled by drugs. In these cases they are usually necessary and beneficial!

Doctors treat many illnesses, diseases and conditions with medical drugs every day! Drugs may be swallowed, injected, inhaled or sniffed! There are legitimate as well as illegitimate uses for drugs! One can become addicted in both cases. The use of drugs illegally is far more dangerous. When one has a spouse who engages in drugs it is much harder to establish intimacy! Their need for drugs is more important than their need to be emotionally available!

It is not wise to use drugs that are not personally prescribed for you nor those purchased illegally! Drugs alter the chemistry of the brain and make you feel different. A physician takes into consideration your current health status, your weight and symptoms when prescribing a prescription! The more you use drugs the more your brain chemistry becomes altered!

When a person becomes addicted they are out of control! The drug or behavior of choice now has taken over and the desire to “fix” the way they are feeling takes priority over everything! They will quite often do whatever is necessary just to “feel good!” This is why it is so important to be under the care of a trained physician who knows how to properly prescribe the proper medication to address any physical or mental ailment! Even under the care of a qualified doctor one can still become chemically dependent and addicted to drugs!

Pain is real! The addict is in pain and has lost their ability to cope with reality unless they are under the influence. They have developed an unhealthy habit and desire to experience a level of pleasure and/or the need to escape from reality. Life can be difficult and often people are thrust in to situations and terrible living conditions that are unbearable. Childhood trauma and cumulative issues not dealt with fester and cause emotional pain. People often carry many unresolved issues into their relationships… This can forbid them from being transparent. The marriage then often suffers from neglect and lack of intimacy! The spouse with the addiction is often emotionally unavailable. It is important to seek help!

To some marriage is a game rather than a sacred union. Recently there was a man in the Sacramento area who was arrested for participating in numerous marriage unions! He also arranged as many 39 bogus marriages for others for which he profited for a fee at the expense of others unhappiness! It is important to take time to get to know who you are marrying… This man’s selfish deceptive actions hurt many people. He had no intention of making a virtuous commitment. It is evident that he had an unhealthy addiction to the idea of marriage.

Trust can be shattered like a glass vase! Leaving one traumatized! Trust can erode when one is not attentive to the needs of their spouse creating an abyss. Marriage is about coming together and building a great partnership! It can be tedious regaining trust again but it is possible! It is always important to be honest about your pain and how you are feeling! Disillusioned by a break in trust usually leaves the spouse empty and needy. Which also makes them vulnerable… Building or establishing an ongoing relationship with the Lord will build a stronger foundation that will help to keep you anchored! God is available 24/7! God is true to His Word! “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight!” Proverbs 3.

Sexual addiction is quite threatening to a marriage! It is an intimacy problem. Millions of people in the U S suffer from sexual addictions. The person with a sexual addiction has a hard time connecting to and making a monogamous commitment. They are caught up in a vicious cycle of having their own needs met at any cost. The spouse’s needs are usually ignored and neglected due to the spouses self-indulgence. Addiction that is not addressed will not just go away. Restoration is a choice; it takes a lot of work but it is possible!

Godly counsel and much time spent in fervent prayer are needed along with a necessary redemptive confrontation. The confrontation means I care enough to “speak the Truth in Love!” Confrontation brings the issues to the forefront! It is important that the issues are then addressed immediately! Keep it real! If you or your spouse has an addiction of any kind; Please DO NOT delay seeking help! The longer you wait the harder it is to make the necessary lifestyle and environment changes! A couple that has a strong marriage bond can be a great mentor and encouragement! You have vowed to be there for one another for better or for worse…? Take care of yourself and make it a point to look your best! If you are reading this and you are single. Start dealing with your issues now before you commit to marry! It is important to know that a good strong marriage is built on TRUST! If necessary recommit to your vows and start anew! Now let’s get busy moving forward building better, stronger, satisfying, trusting enduring marriages! Be encouraged A great marriage (without) is truly still possible!

Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 4

Marriage & Addiction
Monkeys
Part 4

Causes of Addiction

When you feel good your brain releases a neurotransmitter that reaches a receptor and tells you to feel good… The limbic system is the center where our feelings originate. It is activated by our brains. Drugs that affect the brain are called psycho active because they are mood altering. This is why one refers to being under the influence as being “high!” However after prolonged use the brain chemistry becomes altered and adjusts, it gradually takes more in order to achieve a “high!” The more one uses, the more they begin to crave, the more they use! Guess what? This is the road to Addiction! So now we have a vicious self-destructive cycle!

Addiction affects not only the mind but the body and spirit as well! Addiction takes on many forms. When addiction involves, overeating, caffeine, nicotine, gambling, promiscuity, shopping, workaholic, cultish, religion, exercise and hobbies society has a tendency to accept them a tad more. An addiction can also be of a sexual nature. There are serious consequences when one becomes addicted! The addiction itself is a symptom of an underlying unresolved issue. Which is really “A plea for help!”

Emotional pain that is suppressed and has not been properly addressed is often the root cause. One who has low self-esteem lacking coping skill will sometimes turn to drugs. Someone who has been abused or molested will turn to drugs. Domestic violence can cause someone to turn to drugs. Someone who has been abandoned will turn to drugs. Someone who is grieving a loss or grieving may turn to drugs. One who may have been injured in a fall or accident and is prescribed pain medication can also become addicted! They often use the injury to rationalize the addiction. There is a plethora of reasons for addiction…

Finding better ways to cope is crucial. One must come out of denial and take ownership of their behavior. When an addiction becomes full-blown it affects everyone involved. For instance cigarette smoke impacts others as they breathe in the secondary smoke. It also results in low birth weight in babies whose mother’s continue to smoke. It has now become clear that cigarette smoking causes cancer therefore smoking has been banned in many public buildings, restaurants and places… After many years of smoking cigarettes it can result in health complications as well as cancer that can eventually cause death. What is so very interesting the number of people who continue to smoke anyway knowing that smoking is not good for their health! This is also due to the fact that smoking has been socially accepted to a large degree making it easier for the addiction to persist!

Drugs usually make us feel good! This in itself makes it hard for the addict to simply just say “NO”! Feelings dictate their behavior and due to their lack of self-discipline they usually succumb! The addictive drug user seeks the euphoria that the drugs or smoking provides over all else at the expense of their health and wellbeing. Momentarily they are able to escape and numb their inner pain.

Addiction affects, mind, body and soul. The reasons why people become addicted are complex, vast and each individual is different. Addiction is being out of control and accompanied with compulsive behaviors. Next we will discuss; some of the ways drugs affect you body!

Part 5

Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 3

Marriage & Addiction

Monkeys

Part 3

Marriage & Addiction

Step 3 Regular Usage

When addiction progresses it requires a regular fix. The substance abuser will now use others in their attempt to satisfy their addiction. This often leads to a multiplicity of dysfunction on many levels. Satisfying the addiction is often done in secrecy as well as with others. The frequency in which they do so has now escalated and impedes on their day-to-day life. The addiction can still go undetected because they cleverly camouflage or conceal their addiction of choice! As one looks closely the signs are all there. A spouse may not be aware because they can appear normal to a degree. A multiplicity of excuses is rendered when they are questioned? Deception comes along with addiction it can destroy your marriage and other relationships as well

Truth and intimacy are important components in building a good strong marriage!

Step 4 full-blown

Day in and day out the addiction has now taken over. The addict will now do whatever to satisfy his or her obsession that has completely taken control. Their life cycle is getting, using, doing drugs, alcohol or whatever the addiction is… They are now compulsively spiraling increasingly downhill… For many it takes hitting rock bottom before they will admit they need help!

They have indulged themselves to the point that their brain chemistry has changed! To attempt to stop means that they will go through a period of painful withdrawal! The high that they used to receive is now an insatiable voracious uncontrollable craving! A mere ferocious “monkey on their back!” They cannot feel normal unless they are under the influence or indulging in the activity! Their family, friends, job, talents, resources are all being destroyed by their inability to control their compulsive need for a fix!

How interesting that they so paradoxically “Need a fix!” What really needs to be fixed is their deep cavernous inner pain… Addiction is a vicious cycle. If your spouse is in any of these stages it is important to confront them in love. Redemptive confrontation is a way to begin to address whatever the addiction is. If not confronted your love one’s life will spiral out of control if in fact that is not the case already.

Marriage is a wonderful relationship God has created for us to learn how to properly relate to our spouses. It is the ultimate monogamous sacred co-worker relationship! It is through a committed marriage with God as the center one can learn how to overcome their weaknesses. Addiction is a weakness. Drugs, alcohol, illicit sex, pornography or whatever … are all used to help them feel good! However as an addict they have no boundaries and they are constantly seeking more ways to alleviate their uncontrollable desires. This only drives them deeper into despair and uncertainty. Marriage was wonderfully designed by God so we could get some of our needs met. There are some needs that can only be met by God!

A spouse can facilitate the cycle of dysfunctional addiction being broken!!

An intervention is necessary! Once the addiction has been confronted it is important to seek healthier ways to cope. Remember there are many forms of addiction! It can be an addiction to just about anything! Remember; Addiction is a plea for help! There are healthier ways to fill that inner void! There is absolutely nothing in your life that God is not aware of! He Loves you! He wants you to reach out to Him!

Developing a genuine intimate personal relationship with the Lord will help you begin to better cope! Here one must be careful as well! There are those who develop an addiction to religion. They become very religious which also creates a void! It becomes just another escape! This is not the same thing as having a personal relationship with the Lord! It is important to spend time in His Word getting to know Him through His Word! Here you can discover what life is really all about!

One must seek to discover who they are without the addiction! Now that it is out in the open the addiction is exposed! This is what the road to recovery is all about. One must begin to monitor their feelings to see what triggers their desires. What is the root cause of them losing themselves into addiction? How do I begin to move from the addiction being the center of my life? God does have a better way! There is a way out of addiction. Focusing now on your spouse’s strengths is very important! God wants to be the center of your life. “Jesus came that you might have life and has it to the full.” John 10.

Next we will discuss some of the causes of addiction!
See Part 4

Marriage and Addiction Relief Part 2

Marriage & Addiction

Monkeys

Part 2

Steps To Drug Addiction

Addiction is not a behavior or goal that a person usually sets out to acquire intentionally. Addiction happens when there is an unhealthy dependency formed upon a substance, activity or habit which is gradually developed over a period of time. This time varies for each individual. Addiction is considered a disease by many in the medical profession. Some have a predisposition to being addicted that makes them more susceptible! One then usually seeks to cope with their inner pain depending upon an eternal source, eventually resulting in a dependency on it for an unhealthy comfort. Unknowingly they often compulsively indulge themselves without restraint and become seduced! More and more they gradually enter a world of escape!

Step 1 Experimentation

The first step into addiction is when someone experiments and there becomes a gradual progression. For some it becomes a beloved affair and they readily fall into dependence upon a particular substance or activity! Alcohol and pot are usually where they start? It has been said that cocaine is quite deceptive and after one try many become “hooked!” One will never quite experience that first climactic high! However they will incessantly try again and again to achieve the euphoric exhilarating high! Some have even declared that they have “fallen in love” with rock cocaine only after the very first use!

Addiction can happen faster for a teen because they have not yet developed strong restraints. Their brain and nervous system is still developing. Therefore they can fall into alcoholism, pot smoking, drugs or pornography easier than an adult!

If you don’t experiment; Guess what? You won’t get hooked! Often when someone tries drugs and don’t like them they will not continue. They don’t like how they feel when under the influence.

Food is a hard addiction to overcome because it is vitally necessary to sustain one’s
life. Therefore they must learn how to get their addiction under control and live with it daily! Be encouraged! It is possible to master any addiction!

Step 2 Occasional usage

This is when drugs or alcohol are used in social settings! They allow themselves to be influenced by their peers and opt to go along with the group. There are some users who stay here and do not go on to daily use. There are some who only use alcohol and drugs on the weekend and don’t consider themselves to have an addiction.

Addiction is so widespread in this 21st century that just about everyone has been impacted to some degree. It crosses all socioeconomic boundaries and is in all colors, races and cultures! This is true both inside and outside of God’s Church! Addiction within marriage can go undetected. It really is important to be transparent with your spouse in order to build a safe intimate marriage. It is also important to educate yourself about addiction. It is important to pray for your spouse relative, friend, coworker or love one!

A treatment program can be very expensive. Later on we will discuss outpatient, in patient, and residential programs. Know that having a personal relationship with the Lord makes or can make all the difference in the world! He can work through Christian and non Christians to help you through the recovery process… Keep in mind doctors and therapist treat and practice; God heals!

Next we will discuss advanced steps in addiction

Part 3

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