Holy Matrimony – Chapter 6 – When You Have Been Married Before

God really intended for marriage to last for a lifetime. The scriptures clearly tells us “what God has joined together let not man put asunder”! Asunder; means to not let anything pull you apart or separate you. Why do we so very often fail to seek God’s advice when seeking a mate? We instead allow our feelings and emotions to often guide us in a direction that leads to a futile destiny. In our haste for companionship we can often make commitments that really should not be. Many often marry on the rebound. Loneliness and/or rejection can compel one to enter into a relationship too soon! Hurt and pain can hurl you into a relationship to escape rejection and loneliness. Swept away and blinded by an over whelming sometimes even sensual infatuation we fall heart first into marriage. Many will fall prey to what I choose to call temporary or “intoxicating affections”. Its symptoms merely mimic true love! All too often once the blinders come off you find yourself saying “what have I done?”

I am eternally grateful that God has allowed us to pledge our love only to one another the first time in marriage. To grow together and truly realize what a covenant relationship really means. I know personally that marriage is the most rewarding and fulfilling relationship that God has designed for a man and woman. I am also thankful that between us is an entourage of siblings. From this we were able to decide certain things that we did or did not want in our relationship. A good marriage takes a lot of work and mutual respect. Love is a gift from God! I realize that there are many who have not been as fortunate. I also realize I have an obligation to express and share the benefits of commitment with whosoever will listen. I don’t mean this in a condescending manner. I firmly believe we must boldly and unashameably proclaim what God has ordained. So bear with me as I attempt to share with you what I have learned through sharing, caring, observations, relatives, talking to friends, acquaintances, and via counseling. My motives are to root out, tear down, build and to plant Godly principles that will help you foster a healthy marriage. Hopefully and prayerfully this will be your last time!

Good friends don’t always make good marriage partners. But marriage partners should learn to be best friends! This can take place gradually over a period of time, a month, year, and sometimes years. Whatever you do don’t jump from one frying pan to the next. It is human to err. If you have jumped into a relationship, pause, take some time and make sure your expectations of marriage are realistic this time. Although your first marriage did not work out there are some things that you learned. You now know it takes time to get to know someone. You have already made the commitment again so you do have a responsibility. Living with someone is not the same as dating. Don’t think “he/she is going to change”. Many people enter into relationships thinking “I am going to change this person”. The person has to want to change! The truth is we can only change ourselves. Since we married young we basically grew up together. Actually our families have known one another since early childhood. Growing up in urban San Francisco was quite an experience. My Mother kept me close to her and occupied with dolls. I regularly participated in after school gifted program activities, music lessons across the street from Golden Gate Park, and a lot of time in Church! My husband who I did not know at the time was involved in the same things. Oops! Except definitely not the dolls! He graduated from high school at 16 years of age! He has always been ahead of his time and matured very early. Fortunately we
both have independent personalities that blend. What’s good for the relationship takes priority. Getting married younger for some can be devastating. It usually is not the norm. I believe it has worked because we genuinely respect one another. Remember we are not “Cookie Cutter Christians” This recipe has worked for me. Seek God’s guidance for the one that suits you. He will direct you what to and what not to use in building your marriage. I just want to share some tidbits that might nurture your relationships. A good marriage is about a healthy relationship. Remember over 60 % of marriages result in divorce. Loneliness can cause you to look for someone to complete you. Maturity is essential in developing a healthy relationship. Marriage is a partnership.

If you have been married before it’s really a good idea to allow some time to elapse before you fall “heart first”
again. Give yourself some emotional space to heal. Allow yourself to unload the excess baggage from your previous relationship. Although difficult you must learn to take time to be alone! If you have taken the plunge already try harder this time. Commit to making this relationship work! If you are reading this I’m sure you’re looking for some answers or encouragement. Remember your commitment you have made. It was not only to your spouse but to God as well. Face the fact you have broken one vow. Confess! Repent! I know you were just too young? You did not really know what you were doing? The person pretended to be someone else? They were already married? They were really terrible…….. This time decide to really implement “for better or worst…… to death us do part”. Divorce should not be an option when entering into marriage.

Your first marriage was a mistake. Or was it? Have you or did you resolve things before you jumped “heart first” into another relationship? Do both of you a favor, be sure you’re not on the rebound. Everyone is different. There are a lot of unhappy married people. Remember you can do bad by yourself. Don’t let outside pressures such as your age, maternal clock, parents, friends, and etc. cause you to act impulsively. Remember whatever you do don’t enter a relationship thinking that you are going to change this person! Notice it did not work the first time around.

Exercise maturity by not allowing previous garbage to become current news. Break the cycle instead of recycling old habits. Remember what destroyed your last relationship? Turn those experiences into wisdom by learning from them. Were you too controlling? Did you want everything to center around you? Were you so very insecure that you smothered your spouse? Did your families conflict? Did you listen to everybody else except your spouse? Are you really ready to trust someone? Don’t repeat the same behavior. Practice makes permanent. Now that you have changed partners you must change your behavior. You’ll end up at the same place if you don’t. Don’t let issues go unattended. Take time to listen. I mean really listen to what your mate or potential mate is saying. If you are not sure ask them to help you understand what they are saying. Repeat what you think you understood back to them when in doubt! Effective communication is crucial in a successful
marriage. Try to make it a point to nip things in the bud! Deal with issues before they become cancerous. Make it a priority to take regular inventory.

One of the biggest problems in second marriages is contrasting and comparing previous spouses. Well so and
so did it this way. So and so liked this or that! So what! The two of you will have to make a conscious effort not to do this. Everyone is different. Your current relationship just becomes a triangle instead of a couple. You, your spouse and your ex united by ongoing regrets. Your ex becomes an invisible partner of your current marriage. If they were so great why did you not stay with them? If they were so terrible why did you remarry someone with the same traits? A reality check is necessary when moving forward. Focusing on the past relationship can lead to a dead end. A definite no no! Learning from the past invites freedom when you don’t repeat the same mistakes. The past hurts that crop up from time to time must be dealt with. But keep them in perspective. Try very hard not to project old hurts onto the new relationship. Each and every marriage is different.

Blended families have unique dynamics to deal with. If children are involved you have an added responsibility. It is far better that the couple be united. Raising your own children is hard enough. Raising someone else’s is a real challenge. It is unreasonable to think everything is just going to work out. In order for things to gel together you must have a plan. Don’t allow the children to pit you one against the other. Yours and mine attitude already shows division. Consider looking at all the children from the perspective that they all belong to GOD. Perhaps this will help you to deal with them in a just way. The two of you are just temporarily charged with their care. Since you have come together your children are a viable component of this newly or oldly formed family. The children’s emotional well-being should always be a priority. Yes, there will be adverse behaviors. Adjustments are often difficult as the other spouse may seem like and intruder.

Remember the children must have somewhere to project their hurt! Emotional outbursts and disrespectful moments are coming. Be prepared to respond with patience and vigor. You must be consistent in order to stabilize your environment. You must know and understand they are also hurting. You have found someone to love. But they feel they have lost something! Their family even if it was very dysfunctional has been disrupted. They will need time to adjust. If you have been married for some time and you did not allow them time, do it now! Back off a bit. Although painful face the fact you messed up! Now don’t just dwell there forever. Just know you need to empathize with your children. Perhaps working together will help relieve some of the emotional pain. There are always consequences for the choices we make.

Many children learn to suppress how they are really feeling. They are taught it’s bad to express anger. This is unfortunate because we feel joy as well as anger. It is how we express our feelings that we need to work on. Our feelings need to be validated. I am not saying this excuses any irrational behavior! Your anger and discontentment caused you to divorce, right? Their anger may manifest in their attitude in the home/school environment. They may lash out at you. They may say hurtful things to you. Try not to take it so personally, again know that they are really hurting themselves. Sometimes you may have to bite the bullet and let them get the hurtful feelings out. Allow them to freely express how they feel in a respectful manner. They may even runaway. Let them know you love them. Release them and let them know you are the cause of their conflicting feelings to some degree. Comfort them in their pain. Children will resist but structure and consistency makes them feel your concern. Define and develop healthy boundaries that reinforce your love and help them to feel
safe. After all you married because you wanted someone to love?

Parents can all too often be caught up in their own pain issues. Perhaps the non-custodial parent chooses to break all ties. The parent left with the responsibility can often become resentful. You may feel bad about your own personal feelings. You may also feel justified in your position. But again you must not let this control or dictate your behavior. Just know that the other parent is not getting away with anything! It just appears that way. They will pay dearly for neglecting their responsibility. You just do your part. Please don’t talk negatively about the parent that is absent. I know this is hard. The child is often a reminder of the spouse or mate that has moved on. Talking negatively about the absent parent really only creates further problems. It will often only backfire. They will become the sugar daddy or mommy! You are the tyrant that always tells them what
they can’t do!

Please remember that every time you discipline your child you must exercise patience. When punished too
harshly the child will only begin to resent you. There is a difference when discipline is effectively applied. The
results can be devastating for the child who is punished harshly. They may feel unwanted and unloved. This can make them needy. Craving for attention they can turn to a wrong source. The absent parent becomes a welcomed resolve. Why? You are the one who represents the bearer of bad tidings. Although the absent parent may be very irresponsible that is merely your opinion in the eyes of the child. Your harsh punishment could be the reason they left you from the child’s perspective. Harsh punishment provokes rebellion.

I believe strongly in the parent’s responsibility to discipline. My children will attest to the fact we were quite strict. I also believed in applying the rod of correction. But not to beat the life out of them. It was used to instill our parental rights of authority. I did not and do not believe in name calling or slapping a kid upside his/her head. You only instill fear and resentment. It is hard enough when you have two parents to discipline children. My hat is off to single parents and blended families. They have quite a chore on their hands. It is not an easy task when two natural parents are raising a child. Just know second and third time around marriages present greater challenges and consequences that you may have not anticipated.

Each step-parent should first develop a relationship with each child before they attempt to discipline them. Don’t assume that since you are the new parent you automatically have the right to discipline someone else’s child. You need to develop a foundation of love first. Just because you are older does not mean you are always right. Being a step parent does not automatically give you authority. Taking time to develop a relationship with the child will pay off in the long run. There must be a transitional period of time for you and the child. You are and should be the adult. Don’t allow children to press your buttons. You must learn to be consistent, firm and patient. The child will only rebel and resent you otherwise. Allow them time to get to know you. Proper discipline is applied with consistency, patience, love and concern. Domination is applied with brutal force.

Immaturity will cause you to get into tit for tat arguments with a child. Don’t get pulled in. Don’t relate to them on their level. Model maturity by being a patient responsible adult yourself! Whenever you don’t respond properly let them know your behavior was wrong. Try and treat them the way you would have liked to have been treated as a child. This will help you earn their respect. This is very important for the well-being of your home environment. Keep focused! Children will try you. They can push buttons you didn’t know you had. They will see and zoom in on any differences you display between them. Wait a second or two before you respond to them. Take control by being in the driver’s seat. Exercise and develop your patience. A lot of love, patience and genuine concern is required to develop a healthy home environment. Just know that child will grow up very soon and your interactions with them will be at the forefront of their memory! They are also in need of respect. I like to think of children as little people! Remember they do grow up. Perhaps you are/will be a parent that always sees your children even when they are 50 years old as a child?

Although this may be a bit hard to swallow just know they realize that your first relationship didn’t work. It’s
a normal response for them to want both of their natural parents together. They will often seek ways to hinder your relationship. What they really want is your attention. They are really hurting and honestly don’t know why. Their life has just gone through a drastic change. You have disrupted their turf. Their home life has drastically changed. Each child needs has varying degrees. Begin to monitor their behavior. What’s going on when they are sad or happy? How they respond or do not respond under pressure? You want to make sure that they don’t become depressed. We all have shortcomings. Be honest with them. Cinderella was a fairytale. Let’s keep it that way. Don’t be a wicked step-parent. Remember you were once a child. Remember children are just little people!

I personally believe that parenting develops in phases. The relationship changes with maturity. When our children become adults we should respect them as adults. They have earned their right to make mistakes. Release any overbearing control you have on them. They will begin to respect and honor you out of love and not fear! You should always counsel them as a loving yet firm parent. Encouraging them to seek God’s direction for their life is always most helpful.

Perhaps once a month you could have a family pow wow? Anger welcomed but no disrespectful language or physical violence. I just think it’s better to know what they are contemplating. Out of control behavior is a sure sign some need is not being met. Check yourself. Do you display some out of control behavior yourself? Yes, as parents we aren’t always right? Perhaps they are really acting out in school. Too many parents don’t take the time to get to know their children. Talk to them about their day? Perhaps they are having a great deal of peer pressure? Remember, the time you put in now will help you develop a good foundation with them. Contrary to popular belief it is not a good idea for “a child to be seen and not heard.” One thing they need to know is that they matter and that you are there for them. Deal with anger. Try to circumvent it by nipping it in the bud. Don’t let it fester. Years and years of suppressed anger is the root cause of depression and many addictions. If you have an addiction proceed with caution. You are setting them up for a warped sense of what’s right or normal! Your actions speak louder than words. Be honest! Let them know you have a problem that you need to deal with. If you have had an addiction police yourself. You may tend to be a bit overbearing. Make sure they know you love them not just in word but in deed and action!

Make sure you take time as a family to share enjoyable activities. When we were raising our children it was very important that we have frequent family times. For years we spent many hours on the freeway traveling back and forth commuting to Church. The children would play highway games and sing. Music and singing were regular activities. We would regularly take them shopping and out to dinner. They participated in sports, karate, ballet, jazz, tap dance and music lessons. We would all spend time together working in the back yard. Today they still kid one another as to who did or did not do what! Perhaps sometimes maybe we would just watch and in home movie. We did not drop them off at a babysitter every chance we got. Taking children on frequent outings helps them to learn how to behave in public when it’s a regular routine. Let them know that every time they go out you don’t have to buy them something. Letting them enjoy activities just for them is a real treat, when you participate along with them. I have played many games of Sorry, Scrabble, Trouble, Candyland, Chutes & Ladders, skeet ball and hockey at Scandia to amuse them. We also played backyard baseball, kickball, volleyball and two squares. Just remember your children are different individuals. Please don’t regularly compare them to one another. I recommend you not letting others compare them to one another in front of one another as well! Encourage them often. Remember! Contrary to the old wise fable, they should be heard and seen! The time you spend with them as children will make them responsible, secure well rounded adults.

Each family unit has a unique set of dynamics. Learning to respect the individuality of each child is very important. Developing a loving, open yet firm parental relationship with them is crucial. Rigidity without love will result in rebellion. Be flexible. Parents should be parents not friends. It’s okay to be friendly! Much too often when a parent has an addiction the lines are grayed. The other parent allows the children to become their all and all. Don’t share all your spouses’ shortcomings with your children. Please whatever you do DO NOT PLAY FAVORITES WITH YOUR CHILDREN! Don’t put that kind of pressure on them! If you have been doing ANY OF THE ABOVE I suggest you stop! Later on in life it will be difficult for them to establish healthy adult relationships with one another. Keep and/or enlist good healthy boundaries with your children. Children need boundaries in order to feel secure. When they become adults they will respect and appreciate you that much more. You’ll also have a lot less headaches in the “Terrible Teens”. I personally think 13-17 is the hardest time during a child’s stages of development.

Please lay off the physical discipline. Yes, I do mean the old fashioned whipping. No, I do not agree with Freud. But I know that physical encounters beyond 13 begats anger. Anger that is not dealt with gets suppressed. At this stage in the game if you have not established a level of discipline with them you are in trouble. They may not try to hit you, but they will hit someone. Rest assuredly, it’s going to find its way to be acted out in some unhealthy way. Many parents exercise physical punishment to near adult hood. Personally I see it as control and domination! Well you know my mother or father would slap me upside my head. They would get a switch or extension cord and beat me until I couldn’t sit down. So what’s the problem? Well that’s the problem! That was abuse! You may not want to hear this but all too often I hear people say my Mom use to do this. My Dad use to do that. But if you listen long enough you will hear that it really did not resolve or correct their behavior
problem. Angry children become angry adults. I am not against discipline. But I don’t condone or support harsh
punishment. Did you know children are not criminals? Begin breaking the cultural cycle of dysfunction. This is
why we have so many angry violent adults right now! A world full of dynamites sticks just waiting for some one
to rub them the wrong way. By the way this is definitely a way to increase our prison and mental institutions ever increasing population. Children need discipline not abuse. You do not have to agree with me. But please check yourself before you hit on a 13+ child. Do you want to dominate them or discipline them?

Circus animals are rigorously trained often by repeated physical punishment. Children need discipline and good boundaries. I do recommend minimal use of physical restraints. Please give them consistent guidelines. Whenever children don’t behave responsibly allowing them to experience a consequence is most helpful. Let them know that they have chosen to relinquish their privileges. This shows them that by choice they have elected to forfeit a privilege. By the way this type of discipline takes time. But just know this time goes by faster than you think. Children are here today and adults tomorrow. Eventually they’ll get the message, unless they have severe learning disabilities. In that event I recommend soliciting the assistance of an educated therapist for evaluation. When they choose to disobey they loose something. This allows them to feel a
consequence for their behavior. Allow them to grow up knowing that they have the right to say “No!” Or no way
Jose! Let’s be real! Yes there are some adults who take advantage of children! They intimidate them into silence. Let your children know their rights! They have a right not to let anyone touch them. If they are uncomfortable about something encourage them to tell you. This will help them to grow up to be disciplined strong willed adults.

A strong personality is necessary to navigate in this world. There are untrustworthy adults that they will have to reckon with. They need the freedom to know how to express themselves in all and any situations. Yes, it is necessary that they learn to be respectful. Self discipline is essential to keeping the principles of God in tact in your life! The two together will produce a healthy strong well rounded adult! Teaching our children Karate was a real benefit. You are taught how to properly defend yourself. This will also give you confidence. You are also taught that you can walk away not out of fear but because you have self-control! Self-control is a virtue! It is also a fruit of the Spirit!

Children usually feel an enormous amount of guilt when divorce occurs. They feel personally responsible although they may not admit it. Make it clear that the adults are responsible. Take responsibility and be honest. Let them know the two of you could not work out your differences. After all, it’s the truth! Keep your problems between the two of you. They don’t have to know every little detail. Allow them to have a relationship with both parents. When you decided to sleep with their parent you also chose their parent. This is why God also says “no sex outside of marriage!” Did you know most people don’t even think about the fact that you give a part of your self away when you come together with someone? You bond with them. Better yet your personalities blended together = your children in most cases! Oh the pain of consequences!

When or if you have embarked upon marriage and you have nearly grown or grown children you must be cautious. Your children have watched your behavior over the years. The majority of their behavior is established by what we model. The world of course has its influence as well. When you model respect for your spouse this will be helpful. A lot of times they have come to depend on you as a friend rather than a parent. This leads to them having ambivalent emotions. They want you to be happy, but they also are quite used to having you by yourself. Your new spouse can seem like an intruder. Again you cannot change past behaviors. To the degree you are aware of what’s going on it will arm you to respond differently. God does want you
to be happy. You will have to lean on Him for directions in establishing a restful abode. Hard as it may seem you have made a commitment to your spouse. I believe your vows said something like “forsaking all others”.
If you are marrying or have remarried for the second time. God is forgiving. Make sure you have repented.

Then start by moving on from this day forward trusting His leadership. Past mistakes don’t have to become future failures. It’s never too late to do the right thing. You can glean from past errors valuable lessons. This will circumvent the deterioration of your new marital quest. Allow each other a time to grieve over previous relationships. Learn to relinquish cancerous behaviors. Learn to love. God’s true love last forever. Do not buy into “intoxicating affections” that don’t last. Don’t hastily fly the coop at the first sign of trouble. Deal with it!
By now you should know better? Right!

I truly believe God is a healer. He is the wonderful ultimate resource for restoration. It is through the pains of life we are moved towards the arms of God for solace. Working through the pain requires embracing truth. God created us in His image. He has given us countless examples where healing took place. The friends of one man had so much faith in Jesus’ ability to heal; they tore a hole in the roof of the home where He was speaking. They lowered him into the room just so Jesus could heal Him. The woman who was bowed down for eighteen (18) years is another example. This woman had spent all her money on doctors. The widow whose son had died and Jesus touched the briar (coffin) and he came back to life. The legion of demons He cast out of the man in the Gadarenes living among the tombs. These are just a few. I believe that Jesus can heal any relationship. But, you must first exercise the measure of faith that He has given you. Acknowledge your
relationship’s need for healing or restoration.

Trust is a big factor in establishing your relationship. You cannot truly have an intimate relationship without trust! The two of you need to consciously develop a trusting relationship. Trust is essential for a healthy marriage. If you haven’t been able to trust in the past make and effort to start now! Perhaps trust was broken very early on in your life? Proceed to work through any hang ups you might have in this area. If trust has been broken in your marriage begin the restoration process. Forgive one another and recommit! You will never be able to move forward to a fulfilling relationship otherwise. All that baggage gets in the way whether you know it or not. Take time to share your feelings with one another. Being vulnerable does not mean you’re weak. Genuinely share your concerns with one another before God. Share your likes, dislikes, fears, desires, habits, insecurities and aspirations. Invite the Lord in the midst to help you restore or develop trust. Commit yourself before him sincerely to one another. Learn to be candidly honest. Trust and honesty go hand in hand. The
two together will fortify your marriage. A trusting marriage will provide security. Humility is a precious characteristic in the eyes of God.

You cannot change the past. But you do have the power to reshape yourself in the future. Try looking from this
perspective. Past mistakes, habits and problems have brought you to this point. I always use the example of a
cake. When you mix all the ingredients together you put a little of this and a little that. You mix it up, blend it together and put it in the pan. Insert the pan(s) into a pre heated oven. Twenty-five minutes later or so your cake is ready. You let it cool and then you frost it. Now you’re ready to take a bite. Boy this cake is great! If you were to change any of the ingredients it would not taste the same. Well if you could change the past perhaps you wouldn’t be here today? Everything that has happened has brought you to this point. I know everything that has happened has not been just wonderful. However, all of your life’s ingredients have brought you to this very point! You can’t change the past anyway. But you can reflect on it to help you navigate through the future. All we have is now and the future. Just know truth and honesty are crucial ingredients you
definitely need in marriage. Preheat it with commitment. Bake your marriage in the warmth of understanding. Let things cool down and dress it up with some tasty frosting whipped with lots of Love!

The big difference between a Christian and a sinner is we have a Savior. A precious Savior that has ALL POWER! He is a constant companion who has the antidote to all life’s problem. All you have to do is cry out to Him. He’ll supply the strength you need if you are sincere! But you must humbly yield to His direction to properly navigate through life’s many obstacles. You really don’t have a valid excuse to continue to live in the dark. You always have the freedom of choice. You can and will continue in the same cycle of dysfunction if you don’t make some changes. Don’t just sit back and think about making changes. Do something! God can deliver you from the cycle of dysfunction. Burying your head in the sand only delays the inevitable. If you keep it buried long enough you will certainly bury yourself in misery! Remember its okay to look at other couples. Glean from them lessons that will enhance your marriage. But, never try to be like anyone else. Just look about the gallery of life and see the many variations of relationships. Your relationship is unique. You are a work of art in progress. Don’t look to the world as a standard. God’s children are peculiar. Look to Him!

The divorce rate is in excess of 55 – 60% in the state of California. Divorce has become so casual that we now
have “no fault” divorces. The truth is it is someone’s fault. If you have been married before you know this. The world continuously finds ways to provide loopholes. Give your marriage everything you’ve got. This time commit to stick to your commitment. For preventative measures this time here is what God says about divorce:

“It has been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto
you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit
adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” Matthew 5: 31-32 KJV.

Marriage is an awesome commitment. It can be an indescribable enjoyable relationship when God is in the
center. It is the very institution He created to provide His children a lifetime companion. God has created us in His image. No one knows better than God what is best for you! Your spouse should be the closest thing to you next to GOD! Take time and digest God’s Word. In His Word you will find the key to life. Jesus said “I am the way the Truth and the Life!”

Commit to making your relationship last. Continue to nurture and tend it like a beautiful flower garden. Constantly pull up the weeds life yields before they overtake your relationship. Discard them in the garbage bin. Feed and fertilize your marriage and plant tender seeds of love and tender care. Wash and water it down with the WORD of God. It really does have saving cleansing power! Your physical, healthy, wealthy and emotional sanity are at stake! Get it right this time! God does want you to be happy. Did you know to be blessed means to be happy? But you must be realistic life brings adversity; there is and will be a downside to marriage!

SEVEN THINGS TO PONDER

1. Marriage partners should learn to be best friends.
2. Make sure your marriage expectations are realistic.
3. Try harder this time. Commit to make it last.
4. Deal with issues before they become cancerous.
5. Never try to be like anyone else.
6. Know what God has to say about divorce.
7. Let this be your last marriage. Get it right this TIME

NEXT: Chapter 7 – The Downside Of Life And Marriage