Holy Matrimony – Chapter 2 – Why Should I Submit To You ?
When we submit we yield to the power or will of another. Submission is a humble compliant act. It is not an inferior position. It is a position in which we can learn integrity. What is integrity? Webster defines integrity as; an unimpaired condition; soundness. Adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values. Completeness.
It is only with God can one ultimately find completeness. The marital relationship is when two become one. When they leave and cleave spiritually the two should become one flesh. Notice that our physical body has two arms, two hands, two eyes, two ears, two legs and two feet. These body parts are designed to work as a team.
For example; to advance forward one foot has to step out first (unless you want to hop). Does this mean one is
more important than the other? No! A symphonic cadence develops when two walk together in love.
The Bible tells us that the wife should submit to the husband in all things. This establishes our walking order. But don’t just stop there. It also tells the husband to love the wife as Christ loved the church. How much did Christ love the Church? He loved the Church so much that He gave His life for it. We must relinquish our inclination to fragment the scripture to suit our purpose. The truth in scripture when applied properly is extremely powerful. The husband must be subject to God to love His wife as Christ loved the Church. But let’s not confuse love with what you do or do not give me. Remember those “intoxicating affections” I told you about? Love is not about what you do or do not feel. It is not about what you get. Learn to think beyond your feelings. Love is not about domination and control. Two equal partners, yet each should readily yield to one
another for the sake of the marriage. Love is giving. Giving to one another in every way spiritually, emotionally and yes physically. This love is a Godly love. This love helps to correct and mold our character. It gives us the opportunity to practice meekness. Remember meekness is power under control. It is also a desirable trait for successful marriage. Godly loves helps us develop integrity!
Let’s go back a bit in time to Genesis. When God created the heavens and earth He decided He would create man to care for His creation. He realized that man needed a helpmeet. He took Eve out of Adam. God explained to Adam what not to do. But Adam chose instead to listen to Eve even though He already knew what the Lord had said. Never listen to anyone over what God says; even your spouse! Just think if Adam would have submitted to what the Lord had told him not to do. It would have possibly saved us all from the inclination we have towards sin? I have learned that “GOD ALWAYS HAS MY BEST INTEREST AT HEART” We do not have to continue to be mislead. Don’t we time after time do this anyway? We allow something or someone to lead us in the wrong direction. God’s Word is designed to protect us. We can sometime be our own worst enemy! When we learn to listen to God we can save ourselves from much unwarranted misery. The point is God really knows what is best. Why do we continue to question His WORD? We must learn to trust that He really knows what’s best. When either of you know that something is not right, don’t support it. DO the right
thing! It would save you both a lot of time and heartaches. God has ordained marriage. God would not ask us to do anything that we are not able to do. Remember we “can do all things through Christ that strengthens me”. We in ourselves can accomplish very little. Doing things our way puts everything else at risk. Short term gratification will not yield long time satisfaction! It is within the confines of marriage with God’s help we are able to establish a relationship that should mirror the love Christ has for His bride the Church.
Can you truly say to yourself you are practicing submission? How about giving it a try? I know, submission means being weak! No it’s really about being meek. Meekness is power under control. This world is clicking like a time bomb. No one knows when it’s going to go off. So we live as though….oh well! September 11, 2001 was just a glimpse of the destruction that is coming in the end! The chances of that happening again is far fetched; don’t fool yourself! We really need to begin living as though Jesus is coming back at any given moment. He is you know? We will spend eternity somewhere. Heaven or Hell? Or do we think we can just wait to the last minute and do some sort of crash course in righteous living. Don’t take the chance. What’s righteous living? Living out right God’s principles before we meet Him face to face. I think it’s better now rather than to wait until the last minute. Don’t you?
On September the 11th 2001, there was a horrific terrorists attack forged against the United States. A well thought out plan was executed. Terrorists internally infiltrated the United States. They seized commercial aircrafts and maliciously turned them into human suicide bombs. Flying into the Pentagon and the World Trade Towers. Killing thousands and physically, emotionally and spiritually wounding many. Leaving family, friends and co-workers devastated in a state of utter shock! Just think America is supposedly the safest liberal place on earth. With all of our defense we were not able to circumvent such an attack.
Although the attack was sadistically bizarre its message should be apparent. This should be a time for those of us who have been graciously spared to begin honoring our commitments to God and our spouses and family. You see the blood is still running warm in our veins. Those who died in Christ will be eternally with Him! We who remain should let the lives of those that were lost encourage us to pursue living life to its fullest. The terrorists in their distorted minds were mere implements in the hand of the enemy. We who know better must stand for God’s principles. We must implement them in our lives, our homes and in this world. Just know that many terrorists are lurking in the shadows. Scripture tells us that the enemy; “comes to steal kill and destroy.” Just know “Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly”! John 10:10 KJV.
I trust God knows what is best. He tells us to submit. Do you think He knows what is best? I realize that we have fewer marital relationships where submission is actually modeled. It’s still not an excuse. The terrorists were willing to die for and unjust cause. I am sure in their insane distortion they justified their actions. They glorified in a vain less futile death submitting their souls to eternal torment. Let’s put faith into action we must trust God’s WORD. “Without faith it is impossible to please the LORD!” The truth really will set you free. God is a spirit of truth. Why not submit?
I would submit if he or she would just not…… God never tells us to submit to anything that goes against His
For example if your spouse has a substance abuse problem or physically abuses you more than likely they will
behave improperly from time to time. When some one is operating in the carnal mode just know they are not being directed by God. That’s why it is called “being under the influence”. Guess who is doing the influencing? Do you think God wants you to get in a car with someone driving under the influence? God never directs us to walk in the flesh. He clearly tells us to be villigantly sober. There is an unholy spirit in operation when one is under the influence. Believe me no matter how docile or loving it may appear drunkenness is not of God! Be realistic! It is a window for chaos!
Do you think God wants you to be physically or emotionally abused? Your body is a temple. No one has the right to beat or abuse you. If and when necessary put some physical distance between you and them. Learn to draw healthy physical and emotional boundaries with those who do you harm. Let them know you love them but not their behavior. This let’s them know you mean business. It also let’s them know you will not tolerate their behavior. Pray that God breaks the stronghold of their addiction. The Lord has given us His Holy Spirit to lead, guide, direct and protect us!
Do you think God wants you to do anything that jeopardizes your physical or mental well being? It is really important to study the scriptures so you will know how to respond. Remember Timothy tells us to study for a reason. “So we can rightly divide His Word.” II Timothy 3:16. Rightly divide means to apply the principles therein appropriately. Not just to situations we want. In every situation! Submission does not mean to be a doormat.
If you have decided to submit there are some relational dynamics you need to establish. Begin by realizing, yes
we all have shortcomings. Not that this in any way excuses unfavorable behavior it just makes us realistic. Timing makes all the difference. When you are at your wits end it’s probably not the proper time to tell your spouse about all the things he/she does to irritate you. Exercise some control. Sort through your words before you speak. Remember the ole cliché “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Subliminal messages have power. Your mind is literally recording every transaction. You just cannot remember them all. Just know words have impact. Remember you can’t take words back. Think before you speak. Do you want to make a point? Or do you want to inflict a little pain because you
Start today by being more sensitive to your spouse. For instance there is a time when some women’s hormones rage. You know when we go through that monthly cycle or used to go through in some cases. Things that don’t normally bother her may seem magnified. She may jump down your throat for the slightest little thing. Don’t fuel one another’s impatient moments. Emotions can run high and at the drop of a hat she bursts into tears. Try not to personalize her hormonal mood swings. Or perhaps he’s on edge about work, middle age crisis or just having a bad day remember not to personalize his irrational behavior. The point I’m trying to make is we must realize that sometimes we fall short. Give one another a little room. This doesn’t excuse our behavior but it’s helpful when we are in tune with one another. When you sense the other is out of sort exercise an extra amount of patience. Allow each other the freedom not to walk on eggshells when you are going through a bad time. Give them a little room and a lot of patience. Begin to practice sincere empathy and patience when the other is going through. Wait until he/she has simmered down. Then lovingly tell them that they were a bit unbearable. Timing is the key! Learn to be sensitive to each other. Demonstrating love in the midst of criticism can be difficult. But the results are very beneficial to the relationship. Remember your intentions should not be to belittle. It is to put the other in check of their behavior; right?
Now you know it is virtually impossible to live without some sort of conflict. But when conflict comes we don’t
have to engage in an enormous all out war. Sometimes one or both spouses have come from volatile households. Unconsciously they fight to create that old familiar unhealthy habitat. Guess what high blood pressure, heart disease, over or under eating and addictions are all by products! Let’s try to reduce the tension level by implementing preventative measures such as sensitivity, understanding and patience. Start to live healthier before a Doctor tells you to do or die. Your overall well-being is important. Taking care of yourself enhances and lengthens your life and relationship. Marriage is an ever-growing relationship. A healthy marriage will ultimately produce a fertile environment where love abounds.
What do I do since my husband doesn’t believe in God? God recommends that wives not preach to their unbelieving husbands. When you decided to marry your husband were you aware he was not a Christian? Sorry but you should have…. Well, don’t be surprised that you are unequally yoked. Don’t beat yourself up too bad. But don’t expect your husband to readily buy into God’s principles of marriage. You married Him knowing he was not a believer. How or why do you expect him to behave like one? Your relationship may be a bit rocky but God is able! The life of a dedicated Christian woman speaks loud and clear. You must learn to be centered when you respond to a spouse who is not a believer. Pray for direction. “Walk in what you talk.” The most effective approach would be to emulate God’s principles in your own life!
Peter also encourages women to win their husbands over by their inner beauty which is unfading. This in no way means to neglect your outer appearance. Some people often confuse a woman exercising her femininity with sin. Women you don’t have to walk around looking like a milkmaid. There is nothing wrong with dressing stylishly. Be original develop your own style! Just use some guidelines. Don’t go to the extremes. For example don’t wear a blouse so low your navel is almost showing. Or a skirt so short where your thighs are exposed! Or a dress so tight and short you have to take itty-bitty steps to walk. (A little humor in life is good. Don’t take everything so seriously). Leave something to the imagination. Certain things should only be for the eyes of your mate. Your body is a temple!
Don’t dress for other people. Don’t give them that type of leverage over you. One day they want you to dress
this way. The next day that way. I personally wear what I like and what my husband likes. I know he truly loves me so he wouldn’t encourage me to wear something that would reflect distastefully. We are honest in our opinions to one another. In return we attempt to compliment one another in our dress. When I wear something that someone else disapproves of I don’t worry. Everyone’s entitled to an opinion. Just make sure you are comfortable in your attire.
I will always be thankful that my mother taught me that your style should have quality. I was her only daughter
and I can say from birth she adorned me appropriately and plentifully. She could work wonders with her sewing
machine. Just read the Old Testament. The adornments that they wore were intricately woven from exquisite fabrics. There were many nights she stayed awake and meticulously fabricated a vogue fashion especially for me! I thoroughly enjoy being a woman and all the adornments that goes along with it. God wants us to enjoy life. God has given us liberty. When you both are pleased with one another esthetically your unseen attraction deepens. Attraction is a part of marriage. Scripture says to adorn yourself with a quiet gentle spirit this is a gift from God. Tasteful jewelry adds a touch of class to your style. By the way pearls are okay. Just don’t cast them before swine!
Again to be submissive is to voluntarily cooperate with someone else. In the ideal since submission should be
mutual. You can totally discard the prehistoric caveman “I’m man you my woman” to do with as I please when I
please. God charges that the man love the woman as Christ loved the Church. When a man neglects his wife his prayers will be greatly hindered. Why should we submit? We should submit because God tells us to do so. God has truly made accessible to us all we need for righteous living. It is so simple we just choose to complicate the matter. He intended that the marriage relationship should provide a companion, a helpmeet. A good marriage takes time, fidelity, effort, love and a lot of hard work!
If you have not been committed to God’s design for your life start right now today! It is never too late to change. Seek His direction for the remainder of your journey. Life is truly a very eventful adventure. The Holy Spirit is our guide. Come off that broad road aimlessly roaming about. The sooner we realize that God really does know what is best for us the sooner we can travel together on that narrow road that leads to Him. Remember it’s important to take time to listen to one another!
SEVEN POINTS TO PONDER
1. Submission is not an inferior position.
2. It’s important to trust that God really knows what’s best for us.
3. Sensitivity is not a weakness.
4. A healthy marriage will provide a healthy living environment.
5. A good marriage takes time, effort and a lot of hard work.
6. When you are at your wits end; it’s probably not the best time to tell
your spouse about the things he/she does to irritate you.
7. We should submit because God tells us to!
NEXT:Chapter 3 – Why Don’t You Listen ?