Marriage: On the rocks or on “The ROCK” ?

August 26, 2009 by  
Filed under Marriage & Relationships

Alpine-Climbing1 

Marriage on the rocks or on “The ROCK”

 Is your marriage on the rocks?  Have you done,  or did  all that you think that you could do and you still are not happy?   Do  you   live under the same roof  and barely speak or to say the least,  your communication is just not happening? 
 
Is your physical  relationship  few, far and in between or basically  just  nonexistent?   Or on the other hand is your  physical  relationship  all you have going on?  But you both are just going through the motions?  Do you jump at the opportunity to spend time apart and  or enjoy the company of everyone else accept one another?  
 
When  you  get angry do you often resort to  disrespectful  name calling , foul language and go as far as far as  physical blows?  Are  you so  tired of fussing and fighting and now you just want to go your separate ways?   Do either or both of   you just drink  yourself  under the table because you just can not take life without being under the influence of something in order to function?   If yes to two or more  of these questions your marriage is on the rocks!  You are not just having a bad day,  you are relating in a very bad way.

Did you get up early on Sunday morning,  get all decked up or dressed down depending where you are going or what Sunday it is and go to Church?  Once you got there did you teach Sunday School,  sing in the choir,  participate on the praise or dance team, serve on the Deacon Board, Ushers  Board, Mother’s Board, serve on the welcoming committee, lead the morning  altar prayer,  give an offering  or pay your tithes or sit in the pulpit or the front row or any other row?  (I know that was a run on sentence.)  But just be patient.  Did you listen to a  great sermon,  a good sermon, a so so sermon or was  it just rhetoric or just disguised gossip or plain messy?  Or did you just  stay at home and turn on your television  and  flip through the wide assortment of religious selections and pick someone?    Yet you cannot take the time to have a decent conversation with your own spouse?
 
I am sure that I left out some scenarios.  My point is to get you thinking?  You do not have to confirm any of the above to anyone else.  I just want you to consider making some changes.  If you don’t  your relationship will just get worst.  The number of marriages ending in divorce is constantly rising.  Did you know that 55-60% of marriages end in divorce?  Each time you remarry the percentage of it working out rises as well.   It almost  sounds like a disease  now,  when you say you  are a  monogamous  “ heterosexual  couple.”   We are becoming a rare breed. This should not be!

Take some time and think about  where you are.  Call a truce momentarily and say “time out.”   Don’t wait  until someone gets sick, dies, or has an affair.  Remember those vows you made to one another!  At what point did they just become words? If you look around  you will see that the  overall quality factor in relationships is constantly dwindling.  Don’t let your relationship just be one big roller coaster ride.  This does not have to be. Nor is it healthy.  Keeping the lines of  communication  open is very important in relationships  Couples are changing partners as if they were a new pair of shoes.  They try on this one and that one and….  It does not matter if you are rich or poor, what color you are, where you live or if you are a star or unknown….

This is ironically interesting because there are so many gadgets to communicate and stay in touch now than ever before .  You can  call or text anyone just about anywhere in the world 24/7.   But  still many live right  under the same roof and cannot even talk to one another.  Don’t let pride continue to widen the gap in your relationship.  Don’t keep living in an unhealthy environment.   Things won’t just get better.  You must make your relationship a priority.  Take some time when you are not angry and  set aside a block of time  to spend some quality time with your spouse and get your relationship  off the rocks and move it to “The ROCK”.

 What has happened ?  When did things begin to shift?  Where  is all the love that brought you together?    True  Love  lasts forever.  People use the word love so loosely.  Since the world offers so many alternatives and loop holes it is easy to just say.  “I’m  done.”    Next person please.  If that is the case perhaps it was just what I call   intoxicating affections!  A good marriage takes work.  At  the heart of a good marriage is compassion, care and communication!   A good marriage in time continues to improve and  becomes  refined. You work at everything else so why not start with your marriage?

Start  by asking your spouse to write down 5-7 things that they would like to see different in your relationship.    You do the same.  Set a time  frame  maybe 30 minutes or so, for  a little discussion.   Then   exchange   your list with one another.   See if you can immediately cross off  any of  those things listed immediately.  For  the next 5-7 days see if you can implement one of those changes each day?   Just think you can rise to the occasion at work and do whatever is necessary?   Yet your marriage has become an option?   After a  week  see if your communication is beginning to improve?
 

Do you want your home to be a boxing ring and each spouse just stays in the corner?  Or do you want it to be a place of gratification and contentment?  It is possible.  But is won’t just happen.  Life is too short to live the majority of it unhappy.  This may seem like a simple exercise;  but it really is the little things that go unattended  that  begins to build the walls that eventually come between you.  My point is to become conscious of  your spouse’s feelings.  Becoming more sensitive and thoughtful will help to shift some of the tension and break down the walls that have begun to come between you.  Think about it?  Can you think of a simple way to show them you love them  “just because?”    You don’t  have to wait until a birthday or a holiday or …  Do something totally unexpected, today! 

 

Pray for your spouse and also ask the Lord to show you where you need to change.  When you got married you made a vow to the Lord as well.  But all too often God is left out of the equation.   This  really is  what gets your marriage on the rocks.  You  slowly  begin to set aside His principles.  The proper way to point the finger is when more fingers are pointing  back  at you…  In order to move your relationship from on the rocks to The ROCK you must begin to embrace God’s principles.  He is a solid foundation.  There is a wonderful illustration that teaches us that when you build your house on The ROCK  it can withstand the pressures of  life.   Mathew 7 tells us “There fore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built His house on The ROCK.  The rain came down , the streams  arose, and the winds blew and beat against that house , but it did not fall,  because it has its foundation on The ROCK.”     

 Marriage was meant to bring one man and one woman  together who are committed to one another.    Begin  now, to allow the Lord and His principles back   in your relationship.  This will also help restore or build trust and  intimacy.  Don’t  continue to allow conflict, pride, guilt, unhappiness  and shame to be the bridge between you and your spouse.  Remember, at the heart of any good relationship is compassion, care and communication!  To move towards building a lasting relationship it is important to connect emotionally, intimately and physically with one another.    In a marriage that is built upon The ROCK   you can  become stronger,  loving, responsible,  mutually satisfied, secure   individuals that encourage one another to be the best they can be!



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